Forbidden – Chapter 5

The Reverend Mother of Nonnberg Abbey walked through the garden. She saw the sorrowful form of Maria sitting under a nearby tree. She looked utterly miserable. Upon Maria's return, the Mother Abbess had noticed almost instantly the change in her disposition: Maria was completely different from when she had left the Abbey two months before, and it worried the older nun greatly. Maria was no longer the high-spirited young woman who waltzed on her way to mass and whistled on the stairs. Now she was quiet, serene, and had an air of melancholy about her. Yet at the same time, Maria seemed happy to be back at the Abbey. It was confusing. The Reverend Mother stopped and watched Maria for several minutes before turning away.

As she walked back through the open courtyard, Sister Margaretta joined her.

"You seem quiet Reverend Mother," Sister Margaretta observed.

"I'm just thinking about Maria. I was watching her just now. She's been back here for two days. Has she spoken yet? Has she told you anything?"

The Sister shook her head. "She doesn't say a word, Reverend Mother, except in prayer."

"Poor child," the Mother Abbess remarked.

"It's strange," Sister Margaretta commented. "She seems happy to be back, and yet… unhappy."

The Reverend Mother nodded, knowing she'd observed the same thing too. "Perhaps I have been wrong in leaving her alone so long. Bring her to me, even if she's not yet ready."

"Yes, Reverend Mother," replied Sister Margaretta as the two nuns parted ways.

Around an hour later as the Mother Abbess was indoctrinating a new postulant, there was a knock at the door. As Sister Augusta escorted the new postulant out of the room, Sister Margaretta entered, followed by Maria.

At once Maria dropped to her knees in a deep curtsy and kissed the Mother Abbess's hand in a sign of reverence.

"You've been unhappy. I'm sorry," the older nun told Maria. "Reverend Mother," Maria whispered in reply.

"Why did they send you back to us?" the Reverend Mother asked Maria immediately. Maria looked uncomfortable.

"They didn't send me back. I-I left," she confessed.

At once the Reverend Mother knew that this was going to be a serious conversation. "Sit down Maria," she commanded. "Tell me what happened."

Maria closed here eyes, trying to compose herself. When she'd returned to the Abbey two nights ago, she knew questions would eventually be asked of her as to why she left the family and returned to the Abbey. Obviously she couldn't tell the Mother Abbess the truth.

"Were you frightened? Were they unkind to you?" the Reverend Mother asked, trying to probe for a reason for Maria's return.

"Oh no, not at all," Maria quickly confirmed.

"Then why?"

"Please don't ask me." Maria turned away. "I-it's complicated, I couldn't stay. I knew that here I'd be away from it all, I'd be safe."

"Maria, our Abbey is not to be used as an escape. What is it you can't face?" Maria only shook her head, not able to answer. The Reverend Mother looked at Maria closely, trying to work out why the young woman was so reluctant to talk to her about what or who was troubling her. But then it struck her.

"You being back here wouldn't have anything to do with Captain von Trapp announcing his engagement to Baroness Schraeder, would it?"

Maria looked up at her immediately then let out a defeated sigh. So it was done. They had announced their engagement. Part of Maria had been hoping for the past two days that somehow Georg would have found a way to stop the Baroness and her threats, and would have come back to the Abbey to take her home. But it wasn't the case. Georg had done what they'd agreed upon. No, what she'd insisted upon and now he was engaged to the Baroness.

Maria couldn't hold it back anymore. At once the tears began to flow and the Reverend Mother took her in her arms, holding her close, comforting her as the young woman wept in her arms.

After a few minutes, however, Maria's tears ceased and she dried her eyes with a handkerchief from her pocket. The Reverend Mother rose from where she knelt next to Maria and took her place on the other side of the desk.

"Maria, why do you find the news of the Captain's engagement so awful? You were sent to the family to be a governess for those seven children and to prepare them for a new mother. This is good news! The Captain has found a woman he loves that…"

"He doesn't love her," Maria immediately interrupted.

"What? He doesn't love her?" she asked. "I don't understand…" the Mother Abbess narrowed her eyes in confusion, but then looked over at Maria her emotions clearly displayed on her face. Suddenly the all the pieces were falling into place.

"Are you in love with him?" the older nun asked Maria directly. Maria looked down at her hands and nodded.

"Does he know you feel that way about him?" the Reverend Mother asked. Maria nodded again. Yes, Georg knows how much I loved him. "I see," the Reverend Mother said. She paused for a moment before continuing her questioning. "And does he return your feelings?" she asked. Maria was about to nod in reply, but something stopped her. Maria knew that telling the Reverend Mother about Georg's feelings towards her would only bring more questions from the older nun. So instead of nodding, Maria said nothing but just stared into her hand folded in her lap.

The Reverend Mother looked at Maria concerned, wondering why the young woman hadn't replied to her question. It was clear something else was going on. She wondered perhaps if Maria was frightened of letting herself fall in love, especially since she had been sent to the family on God's errand. "Maria, the love of a man and a woman is holy," the Reverend Mother tried to council. "If this man loves you then you must go back and find out."

Maria felt her blood run cold. Going back was not an option. "No, Reverend Mother, please don't make me go back."

"But if you're in love with this man and if he feels the same about you too then surely…?"

"No!" Maria exclaimed, jumping up out of her seat and striding over to the other side of the room. "It doesn't matter how he feels about me. The Baroness has laid her claim to him, he's accepted her, and that's all there is to it."

The Reverend Mother knew that Maria wasn't telling her the whole story but the more she tried to extract information from her, the more Maria closed down until she wouldn't say another word. Finally, after deciding she wasn't going to get any more information from Maria, the Reverend Mother dismissed her.

As Maria stood and moved to the door, she stopped in front of the cross of Christ. Now she'd lost Georg forever, the only thing Maria had left was the Abbey and the path she'd been following before she'd gone to the von Trapp villa. Perhaps the Lord would forgive her for entering into a forbidden relationship with a man not her husband, and allow her to return to His service? "Reverend Mother," Maria said as she looked at the cross. "I'm ready at this moment to take my vows, please help me."

The Reverend Mother approached Maria and put her hand on her arm. "No Maria, I don't feel you are ready for that. Just as I had concerns about your future here at the Abbey before you went to the von Trapps, I still have my doubts. And now after learning about your feelings for the Captain, I need to be sure you aren't wanting to take your vows for the wrong reasons."

"But…" Maria began to protest.

"Maria, you are always welcome to stay here at the Abbey for as long as you want. Take your time, think about it, and we'll talk more about taking your vows in a few months time."

XxXxXxXx

The days following that were long but Maria tried to engross herself back into the Abbey life as much as possible. It was quiet and still at the Abbey, and her days were filled with prayer, going to mass and working in the Abbey gardens. The disciplined life of the Sisters was a harsh change from the fun and free life she'd been living while at the villa. She missed the children terribly. She missed kissing them goodnight; she missed the amount of the noise they made in the mornings telling each other to be quiet and most of all, she missed hearing them sing.

Maria had thought about escaping the Abbey for a day to go to the Untersberg, but she didn't want to take the chance of bumping into the children if they'd decided to go up there for a picnic as they quite often did. She desperately wanted to see them again, but she knew it would be too hard, and there would also be the possibility that one of them may ask too many questions about why she left.

She kept to herself and for the first week or so, didn't even leave the Abbey, not even to go into town with the other postulants for their weekly outing. Before going to the villa, she used to always look forward to the outing, as it used to be a chance of escaping the Abbey to wander about the streets of Salzburg. But now she didn't wish to risk running into any of the von Trapps, especially Georg.

The whole town was a buzz with the news of his upcoming wedding to the Baroness. It was all everyone talked about. Each Thursday after they'd been in town, the other postulants could be found discussing how they'd heard how the Baroness had invited over 500 guests to the wedding, or that she had ordered a specialists Viennese dressmaker to design her an intricate wedding gown, or even how the couple were going to be married in the grand cathedral in Mondsee, rather than at the Abbey, plus many other details surrounding the wedding.

Knowing that Maria had been the governess for the von Trapp children, the other postulants would constantly pester her for details about what the Baroness was like, or whether the Captain was just as handsome as they'd heard. But each time they'd ask their questions, Maria would politely discourage them, then go and sit by herself in the garden.

Maria had no interest in hearing about the wedding plans for each whisper she heard was like a knife through her heart. She wanted to be the one to be marrying her Captain, not the Baroness, and if circumstances were different, she would have had the diamond ring Georg had bought her on her finger and been delighting in making wedding plans of her own.

Instead, she was alone at the Abbey, and she missed him terribly.

While Maria could keep herself busy during the day, the nights were the hardest. Trapped alone in her tiny, cold cell of a room, not much bigger than her bathroom ensuite at the villa, she'd think about Georg. As she lay awake in her small, rock hard bed, she would remember the wonderful, warm sensation of snuggling in his arms as they lay together in his large, soft luxurious bed in his master suite. She'd wrap her arms tightly around herself and try and fill her head with thoughts of the man she loved, before finally, she'd drift off to sleep.

XxXxXxXx

The following week, as the other postulants were preparing to go into town for their weekly outing, Sister Margaretta came and found her.

"Maria, I think you should go with them," the older nun told Maria.

"No, I don't want to." Maria shook her head and protested. "Sister, please don't make me go."

Sister Margaretta smiled. "Maria, I can't imagine why you haven't wanted to go with the other postulants. Going into town used to be your favourite activity, apart from going up the mountain, that is. You've seemed so sad recently, I'm sure the outing will do you good."

Because she didn't want to reveal the true reason for not wanting to go into town, Maria reluctantly agreed to go. And despite her initial reservations, Maria was surprised to find how much she enjoyed herself. After the first hour of scanning each street corner for any signs of Georg or the children, she forgot about her worries of running into any of the von Trapps and began to have fun. The postulants went to the bakery for cinnamon buns, then to the marketplace before finishing at the ice-cream palour.

Finally as the day was coming to an end, she followed the other postulants as they began to make their way up the hill and back to the Abbey. Maria listened half-heartedly as they chatted merrily about the day's events as they walked, and she became so distracted by their conversation that she almost didn't see him. It was only that they had to stop and wait for some passing traffic that she spotted him waiting on the other side of the road.

Georg.

Maria's heart skipped a beat. Even though he was still a distance away, she would have known him anywhere. His aristocratic visage, the straight and erect way he stood, the way he had his hat tilted slightly to the side and even the way the fingers on his left hand wiggled in nervous agitation while he waited. Oh, he was so handsome!

He was standing outside an exclusive boutique and it didn't take a genius to work out that he was most likely waiting for the Baroness. From her position on the other side of the street, Maria just stood and observed him as he checked his watch, sighed in annoyance then began to pace the sidewalk outside the boutique.

He hadn't seen her standing there, but that didn't surprise Maria. He probably wouldn't have been expecting to run into her, and besides, Maria was somewhat disguised wearing her heavy black boots, her calf-length black postulants dress and her nun's wimple.

But, as if he sensed she was near, he suddenly looked up in her direction. Their eyes met and Maria held her breath as she gazed at her lover on the other side of the street. He smiled and his lips curled, as if he was about to call out, before he made to begin to cross the street and walk over to her. But just then, the door of the boutique flew open and out stormed the Baroness. She strode purposefully up to Georg and took his arm. But when she noticed that he didn't even glance in her direction, but was instead looking out across the street; she turned her head to follow his gaze.

At once she saw Maria and a scowl came across her face. She pulled Georg's arm then said something harshly into his ear. He glanced down at her, his expression solemn and stern, but then he nodded after a second or two of her berated him. Immediately the Baroness began to pull him in the other direction. But Georg didn't go straightaway with her; instead he turned and gazed back at Maria with a look of regret on his face. He shook his head sadly before he let himself be escorted away by the Baroness. Then he was gone.

Maria closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry. Then a moment later, one of the postulants tapped her on the shoulder. For a second Maria had forgotten she was supposed to be walking back to the Abbey with them. After looking one last time in the direction that Georg walked off in, she reluctantly followed the other postulants back to the Abbey.

XxXxXxXx

For the rest of the day, Maria wandered about the Abbey like she was in a dream. While she had initially been reluctant to go to town because she was worried about bumping into him, seeing Georg again that afternoon, even just for an instant, was wonderful. It brought out all sorts of emotions in her about him that she'd been trying to suppress since she'd returned to the Abbey.

However, seeing Georg with the Baroness almost broke her heart. He'd looked utterly miserable as the Baroness led him away and Maria knew he was as devastated as she was that they weren't able to be together anymore. Now after seeing him again that day, she missed him so much that it hurt right down inside her, a deep burning ache in the pit of her stomach.

But she tried to distract herself from thinking about Georg until she was back in her room that night. As she undressed out of her nun's habit and into her thick, floor-length nightgown, Maria thought about the ways in which she missed him. She missed how he held her, she missed how he kissed her, she missed how he'd talk quietly to her, whispering words of love and adoration in her ear as they basked together in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

As she lay down on her bed, she closed her eyes, remembering their many nights of passion together. She thought about how much she wanted to have him make love to her again, to have his hands touch her body, to have his lips caress her breasts, to have his mouth between her legs. Maria let out a deep sigh as she thought of Georg, but she hadn't realized how much her fantasies of him were arousing her until she suddenly became aware of her own hands brushing slightly over her breasts through the thick nightgown she was wearing.

Immediately, her eyes flew open. Part of her felt mortified about what she was about to do, there at the Abbey of all places! It seemed somewhat scandalous to be fantasizing about a man and pleasuring herself while she did so, and yet it was Georg who had taught her that she was a passionate and sensual woman and that she shouldn't be afraid of her own sexuality. He'd taught her many things in bed, not only how to please him but how to please herself, and how to embrace and fulfill her desires.

She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath. Fingers trembling slightly, one by one she began to undo the buttons of her nightgown, imagining that it was not her fingers working on the garment but Georg's. She thought of how he'd place a kiss on her bare skin as each button become undone. She moved her fingers slowly over her skin, imagining the sensation of the slight bristle of his beard ticking her chest, as he'd nuzzle his face against her body.

She got to the last button and slowly slipped her arms out of the gown. Tossing the garment aside, Maria relished in the electrifying and arousing sensation of lying naked in her bed. Imagining Georg was there next to her, she moved her hands over breasts gently: first the left then the right, gently massaging and teasing them like Georg had done many times before. She squeezed and pinched each nipple until they were hard and erect, pretending that Georg was sucking and arousing them with his mouth. She rolled her head back on her pillow and moaned softly, relishing in the sensation.

One hand still on her breast, Maria moved the other hand slowly down her body to where she felt the pulsing throb of desire burning. Imagining and wanting Georg more, she slipped her hand between her legs. She was already completely aroused and her fingers glided effortlessly over her most sensitive spot. She let out a contented sigh as she let the sensation of pleasure fill her. She thought of how often Georg would touch her there, moving his fingers gently back and forth, and Maria arched her back and groaned in delight as she slowly did the same. Maria then imagined the way Georg would move between her legs to make love to her with his mouth, bringing her closer and closer to her climax. She clutched the bed sheets beside her as she fantasized about her lover; pleasuring herself with her fingertips, massaging and teasing her center faster and faster until her body seemed to explode into ecstasy.

"Oh Georg," she breathed as she rode wave after waves of pleasure, her body shuddering until she was practically dizzy.

Finally spent and stated, Maria slipped her thick nightgown back on before she succumbed to sleep imagining Georg's arms around her.

A/N: So ok, I went there with Maria…. Please don't hate me. I've love reviews, good or bad. Thanks!