Forbidden – Chapter 8
Over the next few weeks, Maria only saw Georg once. True to his word, he brought the children to visit her at the Abbey, but hadn't stayed himself so their time together had been brief. A few whispered words and a squeeze of her hand was the only contact they'd shared. While disappointed, Maria knew this was how it was going to be from now on. No more stolen kisses in the shadows, no more secret rendezvous to make love - they'd ended it, completely this time. It broke her heart but that was just the way it had to be.
But Maria thoroughly enjoyed her time with the children. The Reverend Mother had given them permission to take meet in the Abbey gardens, much to the chagrin of Sister Berthe. However after only a few minutes, it was clear that the children were going to be too noisy for the quiet and serene Abbey so Maria took the children out for the day. They went up to the Untersberg and ran around, played hide and seek, climbed trees and sang some of their favourite songs. Maria had a wonderful time with them, and it made her miss them more when it was time for them to go home.
Afterwards, Maria was exhausted. She supposed it was because it had been almost a month since she was looking after the children everyday and so she was out of practice. Nonetheless, she had been surprised by the toll that only several hours with the children had taken on her. Over the few days that followed, Maria continued to feel exhausted and lethargic. It seemed quite unusual for her, as normally she was full of energy.
There was one possibility that could account for her extreme tiredness that crossed her mind. She cast her mind back and realized the last time she'd had a monthly cycle was several weeks before she'd begun sleeping with Georg. She hoped and prayed that it was just an unlucky coincidence and that her missed cycle was due to the stress she'd been under since returning to the Abbey. But soon after, nausea that lasted almost all day combined with the occasional vomiting first thing in the morning increased her suspicions. So by the time she knew that she'd missed a second monthly cycle, Maria was certain: she was pregnant.
Maria thought about contacting Georg about her pregnancy, but dismissed that idea quickly. He was due to marry the Baroness in a little over a week and if the scandal of Maria's relationship with him wasn't bad enough before, adding her unexpected pregnancy was definitely going to make it worse. She didn't want Georg to do something foolish out of obligation to her. They had ended their relationship for a reason and telling him about his child was just going to complicate matters further.
She spent days wondering what she was going to do: an unwed mother, no job, no security, and no home away from the Abbey – the entire situation terrified her. But Maria knew that no matter what, she wanted their baby. While she couldn't have Georg, their baby would be something for her to hold and cherish for the rest of her life, a reminder of him and their love together.
At night as she lay in her bed running her hands over her still flat stomach, Maria wondered just how long she could keep her secret for. She knew eventually, as her child grew inside her, she wouldn't be able to hide it any longer but hoped that it would be a while before anyone noticed.
However someone did notice and only days later, Maria was summoned to see the Reverend Mother.
The elderly nun greeted Maria warmly and Maria sunk down into a deep curtsy and kissed the Reverend Mother's hand.
"Sit down Maria," the Mother Abbess indicated to the chair on the other side of her desk as she herself took a seat. Maria sat.
"How are you, my child?" the older woman asked genuinely.
"I'm fine," replied Maria brightly.
But the Reverend Mother looked at her sharply, almost as if she didn't believe her response. "I'm only asking because you've seemed tired recently."
Maria was surprised that the Reverend Mother had noticed but was instantly on her guard. "Oh? I suppose I am, but no more than usual," Maria replied as casually as she could.
"I've also noticed you've skipped a lot of meals recently," the Reverend Mother stated bluntly.
Maria could feel her heart rate starting to rise as the Mother Abbes questioned her. She had skipped quite a lot of meals as the thought of eating or even looking at food made her feel physically sick.
"… and Sister Margaretta told me she heard you being sick the other morning."
"Oh…" Maria took a moment to try and come up with a plausible excuse, but all the while she could feel her face getting hot. "I, er… had a tummy upset the other day, that's all."
The older nun seemed concerned. "Are you sure Maria? Perhaps I should send for the doctor, just in case…"
A wave of cold washed over Maria's body. If she saw a doctor, he would know about her condition instantly, and she couldn't have that. "No!" Maria cried out, perhaps a little bit too loudly as the Reverend Mother jumped slightly in her seat. "Uh…" Maria tried to correct her manner. "I mean, no thank you Reverend Mother. Please don't go to any trouble. I'm fine really, just a passing sickness. Nothing to worry about, I assure you Mother."
The Reverend Mother scrutinized her for a few moments while she contemplated Maria's explanation. "Well, Maria, I do hope that it all it is…" Maria let out the breath she'd been holding, "but I had perhaps thought…?" The Reverend Mother stopped.
Maria felt her face starting to flush red again. "Yes?" Maria asked, wanting to know, yet not wanting to know what the Reverend Mother had suspected. The Reverend Mother didn't reply straight away but stood and walked around the other side of her desk and sat down in the seat next to Maria.
"Maria," she paused and looked down for a moment, almost like she was trying to find the words to say. Finally, she raised her head and looked Maria directly in the eye. "Please, correct me if I'm wrong, and I do hope and pray that I am wrong, but I suspect that you're with child."
Maria sat stunned and shocked that the elderly nun had guessed her secret. She felt the stinging of tears welling up in her eyes, but she blinked them back. For a brief second Maria contemplated lying to the Reverend Mother, denying the fact that she was pregnant but she knew that even if she did so now, in several months time the evidence of her condition would present itself, no matter how many lies she told.
Slowly Maria nodded her head in confirmation. The Reverend Mother gasped in shock, as her greatest fears for Maria were realized. "Oh my dear girl!"
The two of them sat in silence for what seemed like eternity. Finally, the Reverend Mother spoke. "Does Captain von Trapp know you're carrying his child?"
Maria shook her head. "No, he doesn't," she replied before a question crossed her mind. "But how did you know…?"
"That he is the father of your child?" the Reverend Mother finished for her. Maria nodded. "Maria, I watched the two of you together several weeks ago when he came to see you here at the Abbey. When you came back to the Abbey, you told me you were in love with the Captain. But I had no idea until I saw the two of you together with my own eyes that not only were you in love with him, but you were also his lover."
"How? You saw him kiss me?" Maria asked, cringing inwardly at knowing they'd been seen.
"Yes I did. The way he kissed and touched you… they were the kisses and touches of lovers, not passing acquaintances." The Reverend Mother's tone had a certain level of sadness and regret in it.
Seeing the hurt and dismay in the older woman's eyes, Maria let out a defeated sigh. "You're disappointed in me," she stated, fixing her eyes on her hands folded in her lap.
The Reverend Mother stood and walked around her office, pausing at the large window behind her desk. Not even turning around, she replied. "Disappointed doesn't even being to describe how I feel about what you've done. But you're a grown woman and you've made choices, and now you have to deal with the consequences of those choices."
Maria continued to stare down at her hands, feeling the weight of the older woman's words on her shoulders.
"But," the Mother Abbess continued turning to face Maria once again, her expression severe. "The person I am most disappointed with is Captain von Trapp. I had always thought the Captain to be a fine and brave man, yet he stole your virtue and innocence when he took you into his bed, then he tossed you aside by sending you back here, and now he's due to marry another woman. It is disgraceful!" she spat. "You were under his care and protection as governess to his children, but where is this care and protection now? Impregnating you with his child and then leaving you alone without any promise of a commitment."
"It isn't like that," Maria cried instantly. "He'd marry me in a heartbeat if I'd let him." She let out a low laugh.
The Reverend Mother was taken back. "Maria, I don't understand. Has the Captain made an offer of marriage to you?"
"Several, but I've refused him every time," Maria told her with a deep sigh.
The Reverend Mother came and sat down next to Maria once again. "Maria, I really don't understand what is going on. You say the Captain wants to marry you, is in love with you, but yet is marrying another woman. Why?" Maria didn't answer, but only shook her head sadly. "There's something else going on, isn't there?" the older nun asked almost to herself as she thought out aloud. "Something the two of you were arguing about that day the Captain visited the Abbey?"
The Reverend Mother had seen that too? Maria thought. She bit down on her lip, closed her eyes slightly and shook her head. She knew that she'd have to tell the Reverend Mother everything about the Baroness and her threats and what really happened on the night of the party.
"Yes, there is," said Maria softly, her eyes still closed. "The Baroness…" she began but her words failed her. Maria swallowed and began again. "The Baroness has been threatening Georg, no blackmailing him into marrying her."
"Blackmailing? What does she have over him that makes her think she can do that?" the Abbess asked in bewilderment.
Maria breathed in deeply before confessing to the Abbess. "Well, the Baroness caught us, uh… in bed together on the night of the party," Maria stammered. The Reverend Mother's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped out aloud. "And she has threatening expose us and tell everyone about what we were doing together unless he marries her, and I come back here." Maria stopped and took another deep breath, almost pleading for the Reverend Mother to understand. "Of course we couldn't let her do that because the scandal would be too much to bear, especially for the children, so we both agreed to her demands."
The Reverend Mother was silent, trying to take in everything that Maria had just told her. "My child, I cannot condone what you and Captain von Trapp were doing together out of wedlock, but I also cannot condone what this Baroness is doing either. Why didn't the Captain stand up to her and refuse her demands?"
"That's what we are arguing about that day here at the Abbey. He wanted to stand up to her, refuse to bow to her demands, but I wouldn't let him," Maria tried to explain. "Many times he's tried to convince me to marry him and go back home with him, but I've refused him each time. The Baroness was very clear with her threats and demands, and I don't want those children being brought into this scandal: I love them too much for that, and I can't risk their future happiness."
"But what about your happiness Maria? If you love this man and he loves you, regardless of the unorthodox circumstances, you should be together, especially since he wants to marry you."
"I know," replied Maria quietly. "We should be together and I want to marry him more than anything else but it's impossible."
"So the Captain is going to commit to a loveless marriage while you're left to bring up your child alone?"
"I know what this means, for both of us. It was incredibly difficult to make this decision and Georg and I have discussed it time and time again, and even argued about it. But we've never going to be able to be together, not unless the Baroness suddenly decides to have a change of heart, which I don't believe she will."
"Maria, there must be another option other than this decision that both of you have committed yourselves to."
"But there isn't another option," protested Maria. The Reverend Mother tried several times to continue to try and convince her at least to consider other possibilities, but Maria seemed so firm on the subject that the Reverend Mother knew that discussing it further would be useless.
"But what about your unborn child?" the Abbess asked. "You'll have another person to think about in this situation now. Have you thought about how you'll support and raise this child?" Maria shook her head. "And what about Captain von Trapp? Doesn't he have a right to know about his baby?"
"I suppose so," replied Maria sadly. "But telling him will only complicate matters. What could he really do about it now?"
"I'm sure that the Captain could give you money to provide for you and your child."
"No, I don't want his money," Maria said very definitely before adding quietly, "or his pity."
There was a long silence. "Maria, I really do recommend you tell the Captain about your child."
Maria immediately protested. "No Reverend Mother. I've thought about it a great deal over the past week and I've already decided. I'm not going to tell him."
"Maria…"
"Please Reverend Mother, respect my decision. Promise me you won't tell him."
The Reverend Mother looked at her closely for a few months before she reluctantly agreed. "All right. But Maria, I meant what I said when you returned to the Abbey. You will always have a home here for as long as you want it. I'll do everything in my power to help you through this."
"Thank you Reverend Mother," Maria replied before giving the older nun a hug.
XxXxXxXxXx
Over the next few days, the Reverend Mother thought about Maria. She had been horrified to have her suspicions confirmed that Maria and Captain von Trapp were indeed lovers and then how their forbidden union had created a child. But she had been even more appalled to learn how this Baroness Schraeder was holding both of them to ransom by demanding the Captain marry her while Maria was banished to the Abbey.
She prayed for Maria and the predicament she now found herself in: Maria, left alone to bring a baby into the world. It didn't feel right that the young woman was keeping the secret of her child from the Captain. She wanted to respect Maria's wishes to not tell the Captain about his baby, yet as each day past, she noticed Maria acting more and more morose as the Captain's wedding day approached. The Reverend Mother knew that the love between a man and a woman was holy and she wanted to do everything in her power to see Maria reunited with the man she loved. The Mother Abbess then knew what she had to do and she hastily made a telephone call.
XxXxXxXxXx
Georg parked the car outside the Abbey and went to ring the bell at the front gate. He'd been surprised the previous evening to receive a telephone call from the Reverend Mother. She had been very cryptic on the phone, not telling him specifically what she wanted, only that she wished to see him to offer him spiritual council before his wedding. Georg was skeptical about her motives and suspected that she really wished to speak to him about Maria.
He hadn't been back to the Abbey in about a month and had been missing Maria terribly. Their last sexual encounter at his apartment in town had been incredible. To feel her body in his arms again, to touch her, to kiss her, to taste her and to make love to her was something of dreams and fantasies. But the cold hard reality of the situation with Elsa was brought to light with one short telephone call. Their decision to end their relationship and cut all ties from each other was entirely necessary. But it didn't stop him thinking about her or dreaming of her at night. Maria consumed his thoughts day and night and he tried desperately to forget that in only a few short days when he married, she would be out of his grasp forever.
But the Reverend Mother's telephone call gave him some hope that perhaps Maria had changed her mind and wanted to come home to him.
The Reverend Mother welcomed him into her office and gestured him to take a seat. "Captain von Trapp, thank you for taking the time to see me. You must be a very busy man with your wedding only a few days away."
"Not at all," Georg replied pleasantly. "I have nothing to do with any of the preparations, thankfully. The entire thing is a circus really, and I've been glad to not really be a part of it. I only have to turn up on the day."
The Reverend Mother looked at him strangely. "Yes of course," she replied somewhat uncomfortably.
There was an awkward pause while Georg tried to discern what was going through her mind. He decided to cut to the chase. "Reverend Mother, I assume that you didn't ask me here to discuss my upcoming wedding."
"No, sir. I did not," she replied slightly stiffly. She placed her hands on the desk in front of her and learnt forward. "I asked you here to talk about Maria."
Georg nodded. "Yes, I figured as much," he replied. "Tell me, how is she?"
The Reverend Mother studied him for a moment before speaking. "Captain, I am not going to waste time telling you that Maria is fine because she is not. Let me be frank: Maria is pregnant with your child."
At once Georg felt like he'd been hit square in the chest. He stared back at her openmouthed in shock and disbelief. Whatever he'd been expecting the Reverend Mother to say, this was not it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. Then recovering from the blow of her announcement, his first thought was that he wanted to see Maria. "May I see her?" he asked.
"No, sir. You may not," the Reverend Mother replied firmly.
"No?" Georg was astounded. "Reverend Mother please, I must see her. I'm sure Maria would want me to…"
"The answer is no, Captain. And I can tell you for certain: Maria does not want to see you at all. "
"Doesn't want to see me? I don't understand."
"Maria begged me not to tell you about the baby. In fact, she doesn't even know I telephoned you, and I'm sure she'd be furious if she knew I broke my promise and told you anyway."
"But why wouldn't she want me to know?" Georg asked almost to himself, scratching his chin in thought. But then it came to him. "She's trying to be noble isn't she?"
"She is," replied the Reverend Mother. "She told me that you knowing about your child would only complicate matters further."
"But you obviously disagreed?"
"Yes, I did. I felt you had a right to know that she was carrying your child, despite my obvious anger and disappointment at both of you for getting yourselves in this unfortunate and sinful situation."
Georg paused and thought for a moment. "How much has Maria told you?" he asked.
"Everything. How the two of you were lovers, then how this Baroness Schrader caught you both together before blackmailing you into marrying her."
"I see." Georg slumped back into his chair and clasped his hands together. "So you understand…"
"No, sir. I do not," the Reverend Mother snapped at him. "I do not understand how a man as honourable as you are could possibly take a young woman like Maria into your bed out of wedlock, and then leave her alone while you bowed to the demands of another woman by marrying her."
"Reverend Mother, Maria and I agreed…"
"Just because you agreed on this course of action, doesn't mean it is the right course of action," the Reverend Mother exclaimed, her voice shrill. "I had always believed you to be a brave man, but the way you've acted by avoiding the responsibility of your actions of sleeping with Maria then agreeing to marry the Baroness is nothing short of cowardly."
"Cowardly?" Georg was astounded at her accusation. "Reverend Mother, I assure you I am trying to protect Maria and my children from scandal…"
"And yet by doing so, you've abandoned the person who needs your protection the most." The Reverend Mother's words stung Georg. Everything the Abbess said was the truth: he had abandoned Maria. "Do you love Maria?" she asked him directly.
"Yes I do, very much," replied Georg truthfully.
"Then you owe it to her, and you owe it to your unborn child to fix this and to make it right."
Georg regarded her for a moment before standing up and pacing the length of the office. He spun back around to face the old nun. "You do realise your timing is impeccable, don't you? I'm due to marry in two days."
"Would you have preferred I tell you about this two days after your wedding than two days before?" the Reverend Mother asked him rather sarcastically, her eyebrows raised.
Georg sat down again and sighed. "No of course not. Telling me now was the right thing to do." He paused for several moments, fiddling with his signet ring as he thought. "Reverend Mother, I love Maria more than anything and I do want to fix things. Will you help me?"
The elderly nun smiled. "Of course, Captain."
A/N: Sorry I haven't gotten around to thanking everyone personally for their reviews, but I do appreciate each review very much. Please keep them coming!