But I'm A–!
The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.
PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.
Obs: To be on the safe side, be warned about step-incest content.
Notes:
"Words" – regular conversation
'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too
Scenario 11 – Lorelai Gilmore III, This is Your Life
Like father, like boyfriend in the giving news department.
Some things were universal.
The sky was blue, Kirk was slightly crazy, Luke Danes was crabby and nothing good ever came from her father appearing before her with a pained smile. Rory should've known better than to think that going to dine with Logan's family would be some quiet, tranquil affair. Her father there was a shock, but the way he smiled made her skin crawl. Jesus, what now.
"Christopher" – Shira, Logan's mother, said breathlessly as soon as she spotted the man. She got up and looked pretty dazed and out of it. Rory was kind of entranced.
"Hey, Shira. Rory, this is a surprise" – he said to his daughter.
"... Yes. What ah, what are you doing here?" – God, her mother wasn't coming to dinner too, was she? That would be way too much.
"Oh, hum, I needed to ah, talk to Shira, actually" – he gave the woman a pointed look – "You've been dodging my calls, and we need to talk"
... Where had Rory heard Christopher say that before? Or something very similar to that? She knew she remembered him– Oh crap. Oh no, no, no. No. Nope. She looked between him and Shira, who looked really uncomfortable.
"Christopher, really, this is not the place for this, please, my family–" – crap. It was. Crap.
"We need to talk" – he paused and looked around and sighed – "I'm sorry, everyone. I'm Christopher Hayden, hello" – he waved awkward as only he could manage – "And I need to borrow your mom for a little while, but she'll be right back" – he motioned for the blonde to follow him, and after a moment of hesitation, she followed suit without a word. They disappeared around a corner.
"Hey, how do you know him?" – Logan questioned quietly.
"... He's my dad" – Eli whirled his head to her.
"That man's your father?!" – he asked, sounding way too angry for Rory's comfort.
"Er, yes, he is"
"This is bad, this is bad" – Eli kept mumbling as he kept his scotch pretty close to his mouth. Honor looked at him with a freaked out expression, while Logan just frowned at him, apparently disturbed by his behavior.
Meanwhile, Rory could hear her dad and Shira having an apparently heated conversation in their little alcove. Last time she saw him going into someone's home and dragging a woman away from her family for a 'discussion'... Yeah. She did not want to even go there.
"What the hell are you even doing here?!" – everyone heard a man yell, and when Rory turned, she saw none other than Mitchum Huntzberger standing around with– Holy crap, Lindsay! That was Lindsay right there! Dean's Lindsay! Why– How– Wait, what?!
"Mitchum, please lower your voice" – Shira asked.
"I will do no such thing! What is this asshole doing here?! How dare you allow him into this house, Shira?!"
"Hey, don't talk to her like that" – Christopher defended the woman and boy, Rory did not want to see her dad getting his ass handed to him. Mitchum was not a small shrimp, he'd thump Christopher to the ground.
"She is my wife and thus I will speak to her in any manner I find appropriate, Hayden" – Mitchum spat angrily. He suddenly looked around and noticed the curious and even shocked audience and cleared his throat – "Good evening" – he said evenly.
"Dad?" – Honor asked slowly.
"Yes, hello, dear. Your mother and her friend and I need to have a little talk. Logan, I found this young lady outside, she asked to speak to you" – Logan cleared his throat, clearly nervous, and stood up after giving Rory an apologetic look.
"I'm so sorry about this, Ace" – he said gently, before walking up to Lindsay, who looked tired and upset.
As soon as Logan got near enough, she slapped him silly. ... Okay, a little more than just 'upset', then. He stood there looking stunned.
"You piece of shit!" – she hissed – "I can't believe you would–" – she looked straight at Rory and widened her eyes – "You have got to be kidding me!" – she cried out at the ceiling.
"Linds, can we go somewhere else to talk about this, please?"
"No, Logan!" – she slapped his hand off her arm – "We are going to have this discussion right here, right now" – even Mitchum, Shira and Christopher were dead silent staring at the young couple.
Rory loved movies, seriously, she did, but this was so insane! What was even going on?!
"Lindsay, please..." – Logan pleaded.
"God, I don't know why I even bothered! You clearly aren't interested in what's going right now, even if it has everything to do with you, you prick!"
"Wait, no, don't leave, let's talk about this, just not–"
"We either talk about this right here, right now, or next time we talk, we'll be in a court of law"
"Court of law?" – Mitchum questioned – "What is she talking about, Logan?" – his tone was not amused.
"Dad–"
"Yes, because as soon as my baby is out and I confirm paternity, I will sue your precious son for child support" – Lindsay said, and Rory blinked.
Baby...? Baby? Child– Child support?
"Oh God" – Shira whispered, looking about to faint.
"Are you okay?" – Christopher asked worriedly.
"Get your hands off my wife"
"She won't be much longer"
"Let's see you try to tear her from me"
"I don't think it's going to be too hard to do. Shira, tell him"
"Tell me what?" – everyone looked at Shira, who went red and touched. Her. Stomach.
Oh, c'mon. No, this was not happening.
"Shira?!" – Mitchum exclaimed.
"I'm pregnant. It– It's probably Christopher's"
"Holy–" – Honor stopped herself mid–way – "Wait, so mom, you're– Which, ew, and you– What's your name?"
"Lindsay" – the younger blonde replied quietly.
"Okay, so you're pregnant too? With– Logan's kid?"
"Yes"
"... So I'm going to be a big sister again AND an aunt in a few months? This sucks, seriously"
"And she's getting a divorce" – Christopher announced forcefully.
"You don't know that it's really yours" – Mitchum furiously said.
"Oh, please, like you two ever even screw" – husband and wife traded looks – "What? Shira, you told me–"
"I... Might have exaggerated a little"
"We have a perfectly healthy sex life, thank you"
"... Wait, so it really could be his?" – Christopher pointed at Shira's stomach.
"Yes, I suppose"
"This just gets better and better" – Eli mumbled – "A possible fruit of infidelity and a bastard great grandchild" – he mockingly raised his glass – "To you, young Huntzbergers, screwing up" – he gave everyone the fakest grin had ever seen in her life, and downed his drink – "Well, I'm starving, so you people can stay here and discuss your affairs, but I am going to eat now. Honor, Josh? Not much to do with you, will you come along?"
"Oh, yes, I guess, grandpa" – Honor said, getting up – "Rory, are you hungry?"
"Wait, Ace" – Logan, who'd been mostly stunned and frozen, said pleadingly.
"You're not serious, Logan" – Eli interrupted anything Rory couldn't said – "The girl's father is your mother's lover and possible father of her unborn child as well, I mean really"
"And she did have sex with my ex husband while we were still together" – Lindsay piped up.
Okay, now every eye was on Rory. Great.
"Seriously?" – Logan asked, stunned.
"I don't want to talk about this" – Rory said quietly.
"Okay, and now the girl is... God, this is confusing. Logan's baby's mother's ex's lover. Is that right?" – Eli sarcastically asked Honor and Josh, who nodded vaguely – "Well, no matter. Come along too, girl, you should eat something. Let's leave them to their little chat, I'm sure it'll be a long one"
"Grandpa" – Logan snapped.
"What, are you really continuing your little relationship with her? It's most inappropriate, Logan, really, even for you"
"Oh, trust me, this is so over" – Rory said, getting up too – "You know what, Logan? We're done. Honestly, this whole family drama is a little much, even for me" – she turned to her father – "Dad, seriously?"
"Kiddo..."
"Just... If this kid's yours, please don't give it another ridiculous name. Gigi was bad enough" – she whirled around and smiled pleasantly at Eli – "Thank you, mister Huntzberger, I think I'll accept your kind offer and have dinner before I leave" – the old man snorted and nodded in what Rory interpreted as respect.
"Very well, girl. We have some lovely lamb tonight, from what I understand"
"I love lamb"
As Rory walked away to dine with Eli, Honor and Josh, she heard Lindsay screaming her head off at a defensive Logan, and Christopher and Mitchum yelling increasingly louder at one another about Shira, the baby, cheating, sex and– Yeah, she stopped listening as focused on how lovely the house interior was.
The lamb was pretty good, and Rory enjoyed talking to Honor, who was so dryly hilarious, Josh, who was shy but cutely witty, and Eli, who was deadpan, polite and very attentive to her, mentioning how he had been close friends with her great grandparents, in particular Charles.
While they waited for dessert, and man, the dinner was amazing, seriously, Lindsay sat down beside Rory and tiredly sat. She looked around sheepishly.
"I'm sorry, but I'm starving" – Eli tsked but ordered a maid to grab her something to eat.
"How far along are you?" – Honor asked after a few awkward silent beats.
"Seven weeks"
"Congratulations" – Rory said sincerely, and Lindsay looked at her and smiled a little.
"Thank you, Rory. And really, thank you"
"For what?"
"If you hadn't come along and screwed Dean, I might've been pregnant with HIS kid, can you imagine? I'd rather have Logan's kid, at least he's not as big an asshole as Dean was"
"Well, can't argue you with you there" – they grinned at each other – "Sorry for sleeping with him anyway"
"You're forgiven"
"And you're welcome"
"How was the lamb?"
"Incredible"
Rory could faintly heard screaming and stuff breaking back in the living room, but hey. She was sitting with her recent ex's sister, almost brother–in–law, grandfather and baby momma and had a large piece of decadent chocolate pie in front of her.
Life could be worse. And hey, life was never terrible when you had such amazing dessert in front of you.
At least her mom would get a kick out of the entire thing, and Rory was already thinking of writing a short story or even a short play on it. Maybe she'd even do an entire series, because she had no doubt that Christopher/Shira/Mitchum and Logan/Lindsay would give any two bit writer plenty of space to go absolutely insane.
She'd talk to Eli, Honor and Lindsay later. She was sure they would help her in her endeavor.
Ah. A second piece of pie.
Life was good.
'Cause hey, what's more fun than Rory being ambushed by her dad AND new boyfriend?