But I'm A–!
The Huntzbergers have a different reason not to want Logan and Rory together.
PS: 'But I'm a Gilmore!' redone.
Obs: Incest Alert. For reals. . . For Realsies.
Notes:
"Words" – regular conversation
'Words' – quotes and such, thoughts too
Scenario 15 – Come Down For A Dance
Lorelai has a couple of little secrets she never told anyone.
Ever since Rory told her mother she was dating Logan officially, the woman had been acting the weirdest she'd ever seen. Seriously, and this was Lorelai Gilmore, so it's saying something. But the girl was far too preoccupied with psyching herself up for dinner at the Huntzbergers. She read everything she could find on each member so she at least had context on them, but most of all, she tried not to throw up at the thought of meeting such esteemed people.
Mitchum Huntzberger himself! It was a dream come true! Maybe she'd even have a moment to tell him how much she admired his writing (his old stuff was still relevant! How cool was that?!) without sounding like a total creep. Or Doyle, you know.
Logan looked dashing as he came to pick her up, and he reassuringly told her everything was going to be okay, the focus would be on Honor and Josh, God help them both, so there was no reason for her to worry. She did anyway, but such was Rory Gilmore's usual mindset. They went to the Huntzberger home listening to an 80's rock radio station, which both confessed to enjoying very much.
The Huntzberger home was even more impressive and daunting than it looked in the few article photos she'd managed to find, but all the same, she straightened her back, smoothed down her dress and fluffed her hair, put on a smile and walked hand in hand with Logan to the main entrance.
Honor babbled incomprehensively at them, and even Logan looked confused as they entered. Rory hadn't known Logan long, but she sensed that he got along great with his sister, and if they weren't speaking the same language... Things could not be going well inside. She took a deep breath as she saw a gathering of unfamiliar heads.
... Plus a really, shockingly familiar dark haired head and OH MY GOD, that was her mom. Holy crap, THAT HEAD WAS LORELAI GILMORE'S. What was her mom's head doing at the Huntzbergers?!
"Mom?" – Rory whispered, frowning. The woman turned and, voilà, it was Lorelai. The woman smiled apologetically and got up. She looked Logan up and down and visibly winced.
"Hey babe" – she said softly, eyes glancing to the young couple's linked hands – "So, Logan Huntzberger"
"Yes. Miss Gilmore, hello, nice to see you again"
"Lorelai, please" – she said automatically, giving him a tight smile. Rory did not like where the evening was going, and she hadn't even been introduced to the Huntzbergers!
"So!" – the almighty Mitchum Huntzberger himself got up with a larger than life smile and walked up to the couple – "This is Rory! Why, she's just as lovely as you were at her age, Lor" – he complimented – "Hello, Rory, I'm Mitchum, it's very nice to meet you, you have no idea"
"Oh!" – she managed to gasp when he suddenly grabbed her in a hug. Jesus, none of the articles on the man said he was so touchy feely with people he didn't even know. Logan made a noise like an irritated cat but said nothing – "Yes, sir, nice to, er, nice to meet you"
"She's so tall!" – Mitchum mused to Lorelai, who shrugged.
"Well, dad's pretty tall, have you seen the man? And I'm not exactly a midget" – Rory didn't think she particularly liked the way the man's eyes travelled all. Over. Lorelai's figure. Ew. Seriously, ew. That was worse that the hug, and the hug was bad. It was– God, no.
"Yes, indeed. Now! Quick introductions. Rory, meet my father, Eli" – the much older man saluted her with his dead serious filled glass of whisky – "I think you know Honor, yes? That's her, and her little fiancée Josh– Oh please, Honor, of course I know, don't be ridiculous" – he rolled his eyes at the way his daughter stuttered and Josh shook nervously – "This is it, the whole family"
"Er, where's mom?" – Logan questioned hesitantly, looking around. Yeah, where was matriarch Shira, who'd come from a fairly middle class family but managed to ensnare and marry playboy Mitchum Huntzberger? Or so Rory had read in several gossipy pieces.
"Shira is not feeling well, I'm afraid" – Mitchum said evenly – "Now sit, sit, come now. No, not there" – he scolded briefly when the couple made to sit together – "Rory, sit with your mother, good girl. Logan, you can sit over there" – he directed his son to a lone table between the two couches where Lorelai and Rory and then Honor and Josh sat.
They remained in dead silence for a few minutes. Minutes, Rory counted in her head. Lorelai kept looking between Mitchum and Logan, Honor looked too scared to say anything (not to mention Josh, who was sweating bullets, poor guy), Eli drank (a lot, Rory had never seen someone drink so much at once), Logan wiggled in his seat, apparently uncomfortable, and Mitchum mostly stared at Rory. Yes, it was creepy, and yes, she wanted to tell him that his mommy was right there, and she didn't like creepy old men staring at her, thanks.
"Drinks!" – Mitchum finally said, or screamed – "Who wants drinks? I'll get everyone something to drink. Wait, no, you" – he pointed at a woman standing to the side, in a dark corner, appearing suddenly and making Rory start – "What does everyone want?"
"Dry martini, and keep 'em coming" – Lorelai quickly asked.
"I guess I'll have scotch" – Logan said with a confused frown.
"White wine, please" – Honor said, fanning herself. Josh nodded along.
"Just some more ice" – Eli morosely said. Mitchum turned to Rory expectantly.
"I, er, I guess some... Club soda?"
"Come now, Rory! You can ask for anything, anything at all, really!"
"Just... Club soda is fine, sir"
"Mitchum, please"
"... Right. So, club soda" – was he leering at her? She couldn't tell.
"And I'll have some vodka, on the rocks with a twist" – the man said with a final look at the maid – "So, Rory! I hear you are a budding journalist!"
"I'm... Yes. I'm working on it"
"Very hard, from what Lorelai told me" – the woman winced, and boy, did Rory want to show her discomfort that easily too. She held on bravely, though – "It's so nice that's you're–" – he widened his eyes and clammed up. Eli snorted into his drink and kept drinking until the maid came back with ice, then resumed downing the whole thing.
"And Mitchum said you're, er, very smart, Logan!" – Lorelai commented with a nervous laugh. The blond guy blinked in surprise, and Rory had to concede that even for her mom, that was pretty off base.
"Yes, miss– I mean, Lorelai. I mean. Thank you, thank you, yes" – he shot his dad a look that was totally ignored.
"How long have you two been together?" – Eli asked, and hiccupped a couple of times. Mitchum and Lorelai suddenly appeared really, truly, disturbingly interested in the answer.
"Not long at all" – Logan smiled at Rory – "We kind of just got official today" – Lorelai made a sound like someone was insulting Donna Reed in front of her and she couldn't say anything about it. Mitchum looked grim as he accepted his drink and quickly had some of it.
"But you have been 'together' a while now?" – Eli pressed shamelessly. Rory blushed to the root of her hair, mortified by the line of questioning. Seriously, why was this necessary at all? In front of her mom, of all people!
Thankfully, she wasn't alone. Honor and Josh looked like they wanted to crawl under their seat, and Logan... Man, Logan looked about ready to explode.
"Granddad!" – he erupted, waving the maid with his scotch away – "What the hell!"
"Enough with the language, Logan" – Mitchum snapped – "And he– We do have a point with all of this"
"What point!" – Lorelai and Mitchum traded looks that Rory did. Not. Appreciate. At all. At all, man.
"Right, honey, I need to tell you something" – the woman said gently to her daughter. Well, the night was already bizarre, what's a little more?
"Okay...?"
"When I was younger... Well, when I was fifteen, you know I was dating your dad"
"Yeah...?"
"Well, I never really told you that I, hum, I wasn't completely exclusive with him. Or him with me, really, I mean, c'mon, we were hot fifteen year olds!" – she babbled.
"Mom?"
"Sorry. Hum, so, hum, I kind of had this thing with this older guy and that's kind of when I got pregnant"
"Oh God" – Rory gasped – "Mom, why are you–? Why are you telling me this HERE of all places?"
"Well, hun..." – her eyes flickered to Logan, and Rory started.
"Ew! No, mom!"
"I'm sorry!" – Lorelai begged.
"My boyfriend's dad? Mom!"
"Ew" – Honor said softly, frowning at her dad. The man just sighed.
"Lorelai, tell her everything. Band–aid, remember?"
"Right. Rip it right off" – she took a huge breath – "Ididn'tjusthaveyouIhadtwinsandLoganisyourtwinbrotherI'msorryI'msosorry!"
"... What?" – Rory looked back at Logan, who looked as puzzled as she felt.
"Oh, for God's sakes" – Eli snapped, slamming his glass on a nearby table – "You two are twins! There, I said it. Get me more ice" – he told the maid, though she was a little too busy trying to retrieve her jaw off the floor.
Rory's jaw was in similar state, though she was making no effort to get it back. Honor and Josh looked green around the edges, and Logan– Oh God, ew. EWWWWW.
"Mommy?" – Rory whimpered. Lorelai winced and awkwardly patted her shoulder.
"Sorry, babe. I meant to tell you so many times, but– I mean, Mitchum and I had a sort of agreement. We didn't think you two would ever meet! You don't exactly run in the same circles"
"You clearly underestimated the power of attraction between twins" – Eli piped up, looking very much on this side of drunk off his ass.
"Dad, please, I think they've had enough for now"
"What? It's only natural that they felt attracted to one another! It's unfortunate that they've probably banged, but–"
No one got much warning before Logan suddenly threw up all over the floor, though everyone instinctively pulled their feet up to escape the onslaught of bile.
A good fifteen minutes later, Mitchum, Lorelai, Eli, Honor, Josh and Rory were sitting around the Huntzberger massive dinner table, though only the elder ones looked okay to eat. Josh looked green enough that a maid had discreetly left a bucket beside him, Honor was sniffing and coughing every now and then, and Rory–
After Logan finished getting rid of everything he consumed in the last year of his life plus a lung, Mitchum ordered a butler to escort him to his room for a nice shower, change of clothes and rest. Rory took one look at the nearly unconscious Logan, his (her? Oh God, her) dad, and her (his? HIS?) mom and promptly fainted in Lorelai's arms. She came to quickly enough as the parents (God, ew) freaked out a little and after sidestepping all the vomit, she was led into the dining room.
"I don't think anyone has to tell you it's not okay for you to bang your brother anymore, right?" – Eli commented over the salad course. Lorelai wrinkled her nose and Mitchum sighed.
"Dad, stop saying 'bang'"
"I would say what I really have in mind, but I don't want to scare off my granddaughter"
Oh God.
Thankfully, a maid had also left a bucket beside Rory.
Needless to say, the subsequent family reunions were very, very, very awkward. No girl ever wants to say she'd seen her own twin brother's dick and that they'd–
Vomit buckets remained a welcomed staple at all Huntzberger family reunions from then on, with the twins wearing them out as they tried to remain as far away from the other as they could.
I'm not too sure about the ending, but. It is what it is. And thus ends my ideas for incest. Hopefully it's the final incest-y story in this series. =)