A/N: This story will mainly be told in Elena's point of view unless stated otherwise. Enjoy.
"Stay here, I'll be right back," Stefan says while leaving me in the middle of the dance floor. He walks over the DJ in the corner, who is really just some tech guy from school with a computer, and slips him something. Stefan leans over, whispers in his ear while the guy starts typing on his computer. Stefan turns back and starts walking towards me. He stops and holds out his hand. A slow song starts to play over the speakers of the Grille and he flashes his smile at me.
"Slow song?" I ask, pointing to the ceiling where one of the speakers is.
"It'll give us a chance to talk," he shrugs. "Now, may I have this dance?" he smirks. I roll my eyes at him and place my hand in his. He smiles as he places my other hand on his shoulder, and his other hand on my waist.
"Very formal," I say, gesturing towards the dance position he chose.
"My mother always taught me to be proper while dancing with a lady," he smiles as we start to sway to the rhythm of the song.
"And my mother told me to never trust a man who can dance," I reply quickly, batting my eyelashes and slowly looking up at him. When our eyes meet, his have a flare behind them that seems dangerous and alluring.
"I'm hardly a man, Miss Gilbert," he says through somewhat of a growl.
"What is that supposed to mean, Mr. Salvatore?" I emphasize his last name.
"You will find out soon enough," he lowers his look away from me.
"You seem confident that I'll stick around after tonight," I say, becoming self-conscious that he'll want absolutely nothing to do with me after we go our separate ways.
"I'm a pretty confident guy," he brings my gaze back to his and smiles.
"Why?" I ask. His eyebrows draw together and he's clearly confused.
"Why what?" he replies readjusting his grip on my hand.
"Why are you talking to me? You've ignored me the first three years of high school and now you're itching to make conversation and dance with me. It doesn't make any sense," I explain as my words tumble out of my mouth, faster than expected.
"I noticed you last year and wanted to talk to you then," he says quietly. I notice that we've migrated to the middle of the dance floor; a circle of people move out of the way to watch us.
"Then why didn't you?" I whisper, keeping his eyes on mine.
"I'm not a good person. I don't deserve it," he says, a shadow casting over his eyes.
"You don't deserve what?" I ask, silently begging that he'll look back up at me.
"Nothing, I'm sorry I have to go," he says out of the blue, pulling his hand from mine and leaving me in the middle of the Grille, alone. I'm surrounded by people who have just witnessed this and I already feel my cheeks blushing over the embarrassment. I turn my head just in time to see him walking out of the Grille and slamming the door behind him.
I look around and see people staring from every direction. Many of them are laughing. I can't breathe. I'm trying to but nothing will enter. I start to panic and spin around to find Caroline. I spot her at a table on the other side of the room, staring at me with her sympathetic look. I stomp away from the crowd on the dance floor and make my way to her. I snatch my purse off of the table and sling it over my shoulder.
"This is why I don't go to parties," I spit at her before turning around, and practically running out of the Grille.
"Elena!" I hear her shout as the doors close. I don't want to talk right now; I don't want to be followed. I make a sharp turn and head for the sidewalk covered by trees so she won't see me. I cross my arms over my chest. I should've brought a jacket. My vision starts to blur as tears enter my eyes. I wipe them away and take a deep breath.
I will not be the laughing stock anymore. I won't be laughed at in school; I won't be laughed at in the confines of my own town. Something has to change, and it's going to.
Stefan's POV
I see her exit the Grille in a rush and start walking down the street. I'm sitting in my car, trying to get my thoughts together. I can't ruin her. I'm tempted to get out of my car and catch up with her, apologize for what I did, but I decide against it. I'm about to start my car and ask her if she needs a ride, when I tell myself that that isn't a good idea either. She's too good; too full of light. I'll be damned if I'm the one who puts that light out.
I look at my phone and see that it's almost nine thirty. It doesn't feel like that much time has passed since Caroline and I arrived at the Grille. But then again, time flies when you're having a good time and it goes slower than molasses when something happens that you want to forget. I walk up to my front door and reach in my purse only to find that I forgot my house key. I leave the porch and walk around to the garage and type in the code, hoping that the garage door leading to the house isn't locked. When I step in, I close the garage door and try the door. Thankfully, mom forgot to lock it tonight.
The only light that is on when I walk in is the kitchen light, meaning that my mom has gone to bed. I quickly dispose of my heels and carry them in my hand as I walk up the stairs.
"Hey, Jer" I say, walking by his room and seeing that he's still awake. I get nothing but a mumble from him as I enter my own room. I throw my heels in the closet and take off my clothes, leaving them on the floor. I walk to my dresser and pull out an oversized t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. Entering the bathroom, I flip on the light and work on taking my makeup off. When my face is clean, I finally recognize the girl in front of me. I take the contacts out of my eyes and put them in their case. I slip on my glasses, brush my teeth and head to bed.
I switch on the lamp beside my bed and grab my phone from my purse on the floor. I open my messages and there are thirty texts from Caroline. I don't take the time reading them all. I type a short response telling her that I got home fine and that I'll see her at school tomorrow. I take my glasses off and put them on the side table beneath my lamp. I pull the covers up to my chin and lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. I take a few deep breaths and try to rid my mind of what happened earlier tonight. I close my eyes and fall asleep in a matter of minutes.
I wake up to the sound of my blaring alarm and groan. I do not want to get up. It's the second day of school and I already want it to be finished. I throw the comforter off of me and swing my legs off the bed. I sit there, trying to wake up when a thought comes to mind. I felt good at that party, especially when everyone was looking at me. That was the highlight of my evening. I stand up and walk to my closet. Opening the door, I'm met with a bunch of clothes that belong to a girl who doesn't really care about what she looks like. I reach in the back and pull out a few big shopping bags. I close the closet door and set the bags on my bed.
These are all the clothes that Caroline has bought me that I would never wear. Caroline's dad is some big-shot business man that works in the city. She tells me he gets paid a lot, so she always insists on buying me clothes, that she picks out of course. I dump out the contents of each bag and am met with around thirty pieces of clothes. Jeans, shirts, dresses, skirts; of all different colors, styles, and brands. I look at the clock and see that I have about an hour and a half until I have to leave for school. I start picking through the pile of clothes trying to figure out which outfit would make a statement as the new and improved Elena.
When I finally choose my outfit, I return to the back of my closet and pull out a pair of ankle-high boots with a small heel that Caroline had bought me. They go perfectly with my outfit. I set them next to my bed and head to the bathroom to shower, do my hair and apply makeup.
I stand in front of the mirror deciding what to do with myself. I opt for loose curls and minimal makeup. I heat up the curling iron and pull out my makeup bag. I grab out my liquid eyeliner, stick eyeliner, mascara and clear lip gloss. I quickly apply a wing to each of my eyelids, drag the eyeliner over my water line, put mascara on my already long eyelashes, and blot my lips with the clear lips gloss. By the time I finished, my curling iron is hot and ready to go. It doesn't take that long to curl my hair, so by the time I'm finished, I still have forty-five minutes to spare. I grab a black thong and matching bra out of my dresser and slip into those. I walk back to my bed and pick up the pair of light pink skinny jeans and squeeze into them, I bend down and cuff the ankles. I grab the white tank top and slide that on, making sure I show just the right amount of cleavage, then I slip on a long-sleeved jean shirt- left unbuttoned, showing the tank top. I grab a pair of footsie socks from my dresser and slide those on before stepping in my boots.
I walk in front of my mirror and tussle my hair a bit. I examine my face and decide against contacts. I grab my black, square-framed glasses from my bedside table and slip them on. I look back at the mirror and realize that with the glasses, I can either look like a twelve-year old who pushes them up her nose ever five minutes, or, with the right facial expression, I can look like a hot school girl. Maybe I should wear my contacts. They make me look innocent, they let me blend in with the crowd. And blending in means no one's attention will be on me. I take them off and look in the mirror again. No one besides Caroline and my family has seen me in glasses.
It's time for a change, Elena.
I put them back on, walk to the bathroom and grab the lip gloss off of the counter. I knock on Jeremy's door on his side of the bathroom and yell that he'll be late if he doesn't get up and shower. I leave the bathroom and grab my bag off of the chair in front of my desk, I throw the lip gloss in and take one last look at myself in the mirror. I smile and walk out of my room.
I told Caroline that I would drive myself to school today, so I grab my keys off of the table right inside the door and walk to the kitchen. I see my mom sitting at the breakfast bar, drinking a cup of coffee and staring out the window above the sink.
"I'm leaving. Make sure Jeremy's up. I yelled at him to wake up but I'm not sure he actually did. I love you. I'll see you tonight," I say quickly, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. She merely nods, she doesn't even look at me. I keep my eyes on her until I'm out the door. I walk to the driveway and slide into my white Infiniti G35.
It was the last thing he bought me. It was a late sixteenth birthday present that I got on my seventeenth birthday. He had worked so hard for this and even though I told him I didn't need it, he didn't stop until he could get it.
I immediately drag my mind away from sad memories and focus on getting to school. It's not too late, so I have time to stop by the café to grab a coffee.
When I get there, the place is empty, so I get my coffee in a matter of minutes without waiting in a line. I walk out of the café and hop in my car, knowing that I'll get to school at the prime time and everyone will be there. I don't know why, but before school everyone just hangs out around their cars. It would be so much better inside where there's air conditioning, and cover from the humid Virginia air.
I pull in the parking lot and see a spot open in between a large black truck and a Jeep. I quickly speed down the row and take the spot. I put the car in park and grab my phone from the cup holder. I quickly text Caroline and tell her that I'll meet her at the doors in front of the parking lot. She replies that she's on her way and I lock my phone. I slip it in my back pocket and shut my car off. I open the door and get out, I stand up and pull my pants up to accentuate my backside. I lean down to grab my bag, close the door and lock the car. I look around and see everyone leaning on the hoods of their cars or the bumpers. I put my bag on my shoulder, push my hair over my shoulder and start walking towards the doors. I put a little more sway in my walk than I normally do and see people's head start turning my way.
I smirk a little and wonder what the hell has gotten into me in the past day. Senior year has made me feel like a different person and it's only the second day. Maybe it's the fact that I'm fed up with being embarrassed all the time, or the fact that the guy I've had the biggest crush on since freshman year walked out on me and humiliated me in front of the whole senior class. I've been the same old boring Elena for too long.
I spot Caroline at the doors giving me a smirk and shaking her head. I shrug and she laughs as I let my eyes wander around the parking lot. My smile falters a little bit when I see him, but I make sure that I don't stop walking. I swallow and I keep my eyes on his and clench my jaw. I raise one of my eyebrows at him and walk right by. I make sure to strut a little harder just because of him and finally make it to Caroline. I smile at her and she smiles back.
"What an entrance, Miss Gilbert," she says as she loops her arm through mine.
"I try, Miss Forbes," I say and we laugh, entering the school and head for first period.
First through sixth period flies by and my time in the halls is a blast. Everyone knows the Elena that would wear jeans and t-shirts every day, so this comes as a surprise, to pretty much everyone. I mentally laugh as I walk to my locker, grab my history textbook and make my way to class.
I enter the classroom and there are only a few people sitting in their desks. The late bell doesn't ring for a few more minutes but I decide against finding Caroline and decide on taking my seat amongst the other students instead. Mr. Saltzman looks up and smiles.
"Elena," he says then goes back to reading whatever is on his desk.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Saltzman," I say and pull out a notebook, ready to actually pay attention and take notes. He looks up and scans my desk.
"Glad you're prepared today," he says and turns to his computer. I don't reply because I feel something in my stomach, like immediate nervousness. I don't need to turn around to know that he walked in through the back door. I start doodling on my notebook to keep myself distracted. He sits in the desk two rows away from mine, and greets the teacher.
"Elena," he says quietly. I keep my eyes on my notebook and shift so that I can put my elbow on my desk and turn away from him.
"Elena," he says louder as the rest of the class pours into the room and finds their seats. The late bell rings and a few people come in after it. I straighten in my desk since there are plenty of people between us and focus my attention on Mr. Saltzman. I can see that he's looking at me out of my peripheral and I wish he would stop.
What's the big freaking deal? Why is he trying to talk to me? It was one dance and it meant nothing. I just want him to go back to how he was twenty-four hours ago, ignoring me and I'll go back to staying in my fantasies.
Mr. Saltzman starts the lesson and I immediately start writing down anything that could be important, which is everything in this moment, so my mind doesn't wander to a different place. I'm constantly writing and by the end of class my hand is throbbing. Mr. Saltzman ends the lesson a few minutes before the bell rings, so we have time to pack up. I put my notebook and pen in my bag and get ready to run out of class. I text Caroline and tell her to not wait at my locker for me because I'm going straight to my car and heading home. Mr. Saltzman gave us a reading assignment, so I take my book with me anyway.
The bell rings and Mr. Saltzman says he'll see us tomorrow. I'm the first person out of my seat and quickly walks out of the classroom. I stick my hand in my bag as I reach the doors to find my car keys. I open the door with my hip and head towards my car.
"Elena!" I hear his voice over the chatter of the other people around me. I pick up my speed and make it halfway to my car when he catches up to me. "Elena, would you please just stop,"
I keep looking forward and when I reach my car, I unlock it, opening my door to throw my bag to the passenger seat. He rushes around the other side of the car so that my door is separating us. I'm about to shut the door when he reaches out and grabs it, stopping me from closing it.
"What is your problem?!" I snap, getting out of my car and standing tall. His eyes widen and he seems surprised by my tone.
"I wanted to apologize," he says, keeping eye contact with me. I smile and huff out a small breath of air.
"You don't need to. It was one dance; it meant nothing to me or you," I say and his eyebrows are drawn together. "So just forget about it," I tell him, my voice becoming quieter than when I first spoke. I start to get in my car and he grabs my arm. I take a deep breath and roll my eyes.
"I still want to apologize. I was an ass, I shouldn't have just left," he says and I look up at him.
"Fine, you got it out. Now let me go," I shake out of his grip and get in my car. I pull the door from his grasp and close it. I take a deep breath before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. I make myself sound so weak and innocent, but mom taught me to not take shit from people and know when to defend myself. It's not like I'm the helpless little girl that I make myself out to be.
My thoughts switch from Stefan to my mother. She used to be so strong and bright. Her personality shone wherever she went, throughout the entire room. She's been my role model ever since I can remember. But ever since that day, her fire died. Her fire died when he did. I clear my throat and blink until the tears that entered my eyes disappear.
When I get home, mom is still at work and Jeremy hasn't returned from school yet. I rush upstairs and strip out of the clothes and makeup. I find comfort in my big t-shirt and pajama shorts. I go to the kitchen and get something to eat. I make myself a cup of tea before heading back upstairs, opening my laptop to start a new show on Netflix.
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs so I hop out of bed and walk to my door. I see Jeremy treading up the stairs with his backpack.
"Hey," I say, turning his attention to me.
"Hey," he says quietly as he enters his room. I follow him and stand in his doorway.
"I never got to talk to you yesterday. How was your first day?" I ask, trying to have a real conversation with someone in my family.
"It was fine," he says as he puts on his headphones and turns on his Xbox.
I sniffle the tears that threaten to approach and walk back to my room. He blames me. Mom blames me. Hell, I blame me. It's my fault. It's my fault he's not here.
I shut my bedroom and bathroom door, making my way back to my bed. I don't let myself cry often. I want to be strong. I have to be strong for this whole family. But today is not one of those days to be strong. I sob. I haven't cried this hard since that day. I let myself be loud; I let myself whimper because I know that no one can hear me. And I know that no one would care enough to check on me even if they did hear.
But then again, who would care about someone who killed her own father.
Stefan's POV
I walk into my house and quickly change my clothes. I come downstairs and tell mom that I'm heading to the gym. I grab my gym bag from the garage and hop into my car. I feel like I'm at the gym in record time and I walk inside.
She's been on my mind all day and I don't understand why. I noticed her at the end of last year and felt something different than what I feel when I look at other girls. It's no secret that I'm sexually active, very sexually active. I smirk to myself at the thought. But when I saw her, I didn't have the desire to rip her clothes from her body. Well, yes I had that thought, but that wasn't the only thing that came to mind. She looked so sad, so broken. But even though she looked like that, she had a light inside of her, a good light. I shake my head and get rid of that thought. That's exactly why I can't ruin her. I put myself back on the dance floor with her.
I enter the gym and swipe my membership card, momentarily interrupting my thoughts. I take my bag to the locker room and leave it in a cubby. I walk towards the corner of the big room where the punching bags are kept. I see my trainer there, working with someone else since it's not our assigned day. I pull my black, fingerless gloves on and tighten the Velcro around my wrists. I stretch, then stand in front of a black punching bag. I throw a punch and when I pull my hand back, she flashes in my mind. I throw another one and a picture of her eyes comes to mind.
I looked in her eyes and felt like I could really see her. She's good—so good. I can see it in her eyes. I felt something in me that was foreign; something that I haven't felt many times before. She's broken, but she can be fixed. She's the good kind of broken. She's the kind of person who can get better; the kind of person who doesn't stay broken forever. This is why I can't have anything to do with her.
I throw my hand at the punching bag.
Me… Well, I'm the wrong kind of broken. I'm the kind of broken that can never be fixed. I'm broken beyond repair. All thanks to my fucked up childhood.
I punch the bag and my hand stings.
"Shit," I hiss under my breath. I look towards my trainer, Matt is his name, and he tilts his head. I shake my head, telling him "not today". I don't want talk, I want to lose myself in something, but working out isn't helping. I give up on the punching bag and move to the treadmill. I turn the speed up until I'm practically sprinting. I hear my feet pounding on the treadmill, but I'm so spaced out, I don't feel my legs. They don't start to hurt like they normally do so I keep going.
I run until the thought of her leaves my head and someone hits the stop button on the treadmill. I look over and Matt is looking at me with concerned eyes.
"Would you like to be able to walk tomorrow?" He asks and I step off the treadmill.
"What?" I say through heavy breathing, now realizing my tank is drenched in sweat.
"You're going to be sore as hell tomorrow with all that sprinting," he laughs at me and pats me on the back. I flinch. He notices and walks away.
I go back to the locker room and grab my phone from my bag. It's four thirty. I didn't think I had been running for so long. I put my bag on my shoulder and realize that the running didn't do shit. I still have this itching in me that needs to be scratched. I leave the locker room and head for the front doors. I swipe my card again, saying that I've signed out and head to my car. I throw my bag in the passenger seat and lay my head against the headrest. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.
I open my eyes and reach for my phone. I pull up a new message and type in her name. Meet me at our place in thirty. I exit out of the message and lock my phone, waiting for a reply. I turn my car on and hear the ding of my phone. I unlock it and open the message: "K."
I put my car in drive and whip out of the parking lot. This is all I know how to do. It's normal for humans. I do this because it's empty, nothing attached. Not like I deserve attachment anyway. This is all I want to do. I don't know anything else. I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white and press on the gas.
I walk downstairs for dinner and see a plate left out on the kitchen counter for me. Mom and Jeremy obviously ate without me. I'm not hungry, but I heat up the plate and take it to my room anyway, not wanting to upset mom.
It's six thirty and I'm ready to go to sleep. It was a long day. It started great and gradually got worse, but tomorrow will be a new day with a clean slate. I was taught from the time I could understand words that every day is a new chance and to not be affected of the events of the day before. I clear my head of today and close my eyes. I'm emotionally exhausted and don't really care if I fall asleep right now. I let my mind wander and his face appears.
For a second, I let myself pretend that I didn't talk to him, that nothing happened between us at all. I pretend that I'm still the girl with a crush and that he's the guy who wouldn't give me the light of day. I pretend that he didn't get my hopes up of us possibly being something more. I groan, throwing the comforter off of me. I reach over and grab my phone. I go through my contacts and press on Caroline's name.
"Hey, Lena," she says.
"Can you come over?" I ask, switching on the lamp by my bed.
"Sure, I'll be there soon," she says.
"Thanks, bye," I tell her, hanging up the phone.
Ten minutes later I hear Caroline let herself into my house and walk up the stairs. She enters my room and drops her purse on the floor. She smiles and flops down on the bed next to me.
"What's up," she says, crossing her legs in front of me.
"Tell me I'm not crazy," I ask her. She laughs and tosses her hair over her shoulder.
"You're not crazy," she says, placing her hands on my legs. "Why am I telling you that?"
"Because of him," I start, she gives me a puzzled look and I continue. "One minute, he doesn't talk to me-barely knows who I am, then the next minute he's talking to me and asking to dance. Why the sudden change? I know he's probably just trying to use me to get sex, but why now? And he could have any girl who would easily give it up to him." I ramble on.
"Sometimes things just happen, Elena. Things are one way this day and a different way on another. You're not crazy because a guy talked to you. And if he's smart, which I heard he is, he would be an idiot to use you. Maybe he's done with just being a one night stand with people. I don't know. But don't overthink it, Elena, you overthink everything. Just let whatever happens, happen. Go with the flow," she says, easing my nerves a little bit.
"Just go with the flow," I repeat her words and she smiles.
"Let's watch a movie," she says, grabbing my laptop and opening it. She keeps talking and I start to tune her out because I'm too busy thinking about a pair of green eyes that had me trapped from the beginning, wherever the beginning was.
Stefan's POV
We finish almost at the same time and I push her off of me, setting her down in the passenger's seat. I take off the condom and tie a not in the end, I throw it on the floor of my car and make a mental note to throw it in a trash can that's not my house. I look over at her and she's smiling, sitting on her knees with her shorts tossed on the ground and her shirt halfway up her body.
"How are you so good at that?" She asks through a husky voice. I shrug and release a small laugh. "You have a way about being so rough, that makes it so great. Even in a car," She laughs and moves to touch my arm and I pull away from her. I look at her with masked emotions and she lowers her hand immediately.
"You know not to," I warn her.
"Why not?" She asks and I brush her off. "Why don't you talk to me, Stefan? We've known each other for three years and been fucking since the beginning. Why can't you talk to me?" She asks me, her voice sounding desperate.
I don't talk because I would never share something so fucked up with someone else. That's why I don't talk to you; why I don't talk to anyone. My fucked up childhood deserves to stay a secret. No one needs to hear a story so cruel. I let my mind go back to what I remember the most and immediately regret it.
A kick to the ribs.
A punch to my face.
His stomach moving against my back.
I heave at the thought and am thankful that she's turned around so she won't see me almost throw up over the thought of my past. She turns back to me and tucks her hair behind her ear.
"Do you wanna go again or should I leave?" She asks. I pull up my gym shorts and turn the car on.
"Just go, Liv," I whisper looking straight forward. I can feel her eyes on me, but eventually she grabs her shorts and slides into them. She opens the door, and I see her look at me one last time before she shuts the door and gets in her car. I hear the roar of her engine as she starts her car and wait a few minutes before turning my head to make sure she left. The parking lot overlooks a small lake with a forest on the other side. I come here when I need to clear my head or get away from everyone.
I hit my steering wheel with my hands and lean my head back. I breathe and try to calm myself down. But right now, the lake can't calm me. Not while I remember Liv being on top of me with her blonde hair and blue eyes and all I could think about was a broken girl with a bright light shining behind her brown eyes.
A/N: Everything will come together as the story goes along, so I hope you stick around to find out.
As always, favorites, follow, and reviews are greatly appreciated.