Author's Note:
Thank you Guest for your review! I know the beginning is kind of slow, but I'm glad you stuck with the story! Thank you for reading, and I'm happy that you like Marie! :)
Big thank you to QueenOfTheHobbits for the story favorite, follow, and for the review! You're too kind! Thank you for taking the time to read each chapter!
Thank you KarupinLvr for the story favorite!
And thank you once again Straight Edge Queen for another review :)
And thanks Lilliesshadow for the follow!
Sorry for not updating at my usual pace. I've been so unbelievably busy lately with work, college, and everything else in between; I've barely had any free time this past week! This chapter uncovers a little more about Marie's psyche, I hope you all enjoy it!
TW: Abuse
Marie stood there in the lobby, still holding onto the paper as if her life depended on it. Her entire day had just made a complete 180; a moment ago she was getting excited for Easy's get together at the pub, now she was filled with confusion, anger, and sadness upon learning about her mother's death. Marie brought herself to fold up the letter and stuff it inside the cup of her bra so she wouldn't have to hold it any longer. The letter felt tainted with the news that it brought to her life. She knew Emilia would be coming down the steps any minute, instantly knowing that something was wrong.
"Are you okay?" She heard Vest say from behind her. She didn't turn to look at him.
Marie left the hotel, and decided to find someplace secluded so she could process the news and be alone. Since she was a child she hated to be comforted when she was upset or on the verge of tears. Someone hugging her or making any attempt to sooth her just made her more upset. Whenever Marie was feeling stressed or sad she would lock herself away so she could calm down. Now more than ever she needed to get away from everything.
She quickly made her way down the streets of Aldbourne, making sure not to run into any familiar faces. The last thing she needed was for someone to see her. She didn't want anyone to talk to her at this moment, even though she felt a little guilty for leaving Emilia at the hotel. She knew she was being antisocial but Marie didn't want to explain to any of them that her mother was killed, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to say the words without breaking down. And if there was one thing Marie couldn't stand, it was crying in front of people.
Marie's mother was an alcoholic that would inflict emotional, psychological and sometimes physical abuse on her. Her need to drink would transform her into a scary person that Marie resented for years; a person that would plague her childhood and damage her mindset on self-worth. Marie constantly tried to shield her siblings from the abuse, causing her to get the brunt of her mother's drunken fury. Her mother would leave for days at a time, leaving her father to take care of three children on his own. She had cheated on her father, breaking his heart, and then leaving him and her children to go live a free spirited life of constant adultery. She never kept in touch, but Marie didn't care. She never thought of her mother as a parent, she was just a woman that had given birth to her, that's it. Thinking about all the pain her mother put all of them through made Marie clench her fists as she walked down the street. Her father was going through enough as it was, and she knew that this would just make things worse.
He had asked Marie to forgive her, but she honestly didn't think she could ever bring herself to do so. This woman had made her question herself, her worth, and her esteem her entire life, and had hurt her siblings and her father. Even with her mother's passing, the anger remained.
Marie had been so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize she'd made it to the outer perimeter of Aldbourne. There was a fence that marked the point where soldiers couldn't pass. The Army was afraid of soldiers going AWOL during their relief period, but despite the repercussions Marie hopped the fence anyway. She walked heavily down the hill, leading to an edge of a small forest. It was the perfect spot for her to be alone and collect her thoughts. Marie sat under a tree, taking out the letter and holding it in her hands. She noticed that the sun was already getting low in the sky. Marie had been walking around longer than she expected, she couldn't believe it was already dusk.
Marie gazed down at the letter, feeling her hands start to tremble again. She could feel a pang of depression in her heart. Deep in her memory she knew there was a time years back when her mother did nurture and care for her. She longed to want to know that woman, but now she'd never have the chance. Guilt mixed into her already crowded feelings of conflicted emotions. She took a deep breath, resting her eyes as she tuned into the silence from where she was sitting. Being out of Aldbourne; out of the "organized" chaotic state that Easy Company was in put Marie's conflicted mind at ease for a moment. She wished she could stay out here, never having to face her friends and telling them what had happened.
Easy Company was still recovering from Carentan; they didn't need any more chaos in their lives at the moment. Since jumping into Normandy things have been difficult to grasp for Marie. She was certain that were the same for everyone else.
I could hide it, I'd rather them not worry. Marie thought, absentmindedly twirling a finger through her curled, blonde hair. It would be difficult to mask her emotions, especially in front of Emilia, Malarkey, and Muck. Those three were like mind readers when it came to Marie. She knew if she was gone too long that they'd start to worry, she knew she had to head back soon.
She slid the letter back into her bra, and stood up slowly. She started back, taking her sweet time, trying to delay the best she could. It was getting dark out at this point as the sun began to set. She'd managed to burn a few hours on her own, but she didn't feel any better about her mother's death. She swallowed her bitterness down, trying to calm her expression, practicing for when she'd have to face everyone. She had always kept a lid on her relationship with what her mother was like, and the thought of finally having to come clean made her feel queasy. But she sucked it up and headed toward the pub, knowing that if she didn't show up they'd suspect something.
After several minutes of walking, she was now standing outside the pub. Outside in the dark and quiet streets of Aldbourne, the atmosphere inside the pub was a flurry of life. The lights from inside shown out the window, illuminating a small path on the pavement. The cheerful voices carried far in the wind, all the way down the street. Marie stood outside the window, hugging herself as she peered inside. She didn't want to go inside and down everyone's high spirits, but she forced herself to step in anyway. She placed a thin smile on her face to hide her sadness. She could see that everyone had already gotten a head start on drinking, most were already tipsy. They all gathered around a group of tables, while others played pool. Marie watched from a distance, discomfort creeping its way back into her mind.
"Where the hell have you been?" She heard Emilia's voice say sharply out of nowhere, abruptly interrupting her thoughts. Marie turned to see Emilia, looking extra stunning, crossing her arms with her eyebrows raised.
"I'm sorry, I just wasn't feeling well. I just needed some fresh air." Marie lied.
"You could've told me. You took off without even telling me! You disappeared and now you're an hour late showing up!"
"I know, I'm sorry-" Marie stammered.
Emilia smiled, winking at Marie to signify that she was joking. She tapped her friend on the shoulder, and led her to the noisy table. Marie slid into a seat between Joe Toye and George Luz. Emilia nudged Marie with her elbow to get her to look in Malarkey's direction, but Marie didn't care to be set up for Em's usual 'match-maker' antics.
"You look beautiful." Muck greeted her. She mumbled a thank you, feeling numb to compliments. She placed her hands in her lap, feeling continuously morose. The letter's edges poked and prodded her uncomfortably in her bra, but she didn't reach for it. Muck frowned at her sullenness, but he didn't say a word.
"Here." Malarkey handed her a glass, filled to the brim of some dark liquor. Marie stared at the drink like it was an old enemy. This is what caused her mother to transform into the monster that she'd come to know.
"She don't drink, Malark." Guarnere remarked from the pool table, taking a deep drag of a cigarette.
"C'mon, Hun. That stuff ain't free." Toye pressured in a teasing manner.
"I don't know how you can't." Nixon chuckled, picking up her glass and taking a long sip from it. He set it back down in front of her, the men laughing as if it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. Marie continued to glare at the liquor, transfixed.
"Are you going to try it, or are you just going to stare at it all night." Luz whispered to her.
"I don't think I should."
"C'mon, enjoy yourself! Live a little." Luz clapped her on the back.
"Don't pressure her, Luz." Lip warned, who was also standing by the pool table. Marie glanced around, noticing Christenson and Perconte messing with a gramophone.
"In a little bit, Luz." She told him, getting up and making her way over to Perconte and Christenson.
"Want to help us pick out a song, Hun?" Perconte greeted. "Pat here has a horrible music taste, I'm sure you'd pick a winner." He teased.
"Shut it, Frank." Christenson smiled, giving him a shove. Marie glanced through their choices, happy to have a distraction. She picked up a Glenn Miller record.
"How about Tuxedo Junction?" Marie asked. She'd always loved that song, mostly for the joyful memories it produced.
Perconte laughed. "No! We need something livelier, something to really dance to."
Marie continued to go through the records, surprised that the Army was able to supply them with American records. She picked up another one and showed it to Christenson and Perconte. Both men made a face.
"What's wrong with Pistol Packin' Mama?" Marie frowned.
"Maybe your music taste was better, Pat." Perconte said to Christenson
"Fine! Then here!" Marie held up an Andrew Sisters record. "We can listen to Rum and Coca-Cola, it seems appropriate."
"Now you're talkin'." Perconte laughed. She put the record on and left, noticing that some of the men were already starting to dance poorly. It looked like they were mocking the song. She could see the some of the guys begging Em to dance, but she laughed and shook her head.
Marie watched, mildly amused, but the lingering depression still hung over her head. Finally Nix dragged Em on the floor, he jokingly was serious during the dance, but neither could hold their laughter in. Marie made her way over to the pool table, wishing that the pub provided darts too. She was never very good at playing pool. She leaned against the table, next to Guarnere, Lip, Bull and Martin. They all smirked at Nix and Emilia.
"You think she'll dance with me if I ask her?" Guarnere ventured aloud.
"You're going to have to get in line with the rest of the company." Bull chuckled, taking the cigar out of his mouth.
Marie wished Tab was here so he could dance with Emilia. Marie knew that he was the one that she really wanted to dance with. Seeing those two together might just pull her out of her sour state.
"You should wait for a slow dance opportunity." Martin commented, taking a shot with his pool stick.
"Hun." Guarnere barked.
"Hm?"
"Do you think Em will dance with me?"
"I dunno, go ask her." Marie shrugged.
"Play Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy!" Muck suggested. The record was changed into the lively tune, and more got up to dance to it. Marie was so caught up in observing everyone else having a good time that she didn't notice Malarkey was now standing beside her.
"Want to dance, Hun?" He asked.
"That a boy, Malark." Guarnere chimed.
"No, I'm not good at dancing." Marie muttered, shaking her head.
"Come on." He took her hand, trying to lead her to the now proclaimed dance floor. "I'll show you, it's about having fun anyway." Marie gave in, feeling self-conscious and stiff. "Get loose, here just do what everyone else is doing."
"Everyone's drunk." She chuckled.
The antics of everyone's flailing limbs and off beat rhythm made Marie genuinely smile. Malarkey was trying his best to make her laugh, and to her surprise it was working. The dancing commenced until the song was over, but Perconte replayed it. Marie was fully aware of Malarkey's hand entwined in hers, and his arm around her waist. He was close enough where she could see his light freckles on his face in detail. She blushed, averting her eyes from his grinning face down to their feet.
He stopped dancing a moment, his eyes downcast. She followed his stare down. The letter had come out, and was poking out of her dress. She bit her lip, releasing her grip on his hand to take it out. She cursed herself for not leaving it back in her hotel room.
"What's that?"
"It's nothing." She muttered, feeling even more flustered than before. All of the horrible feelings rushed back as the letter reminded her of her mother's death.
"What's wrong?" Malarkey asked her, now looking concerned.
Marie knew that she wouldn't be able to hide it from him any longer. She held out the letter to him, not looking at his face. She felt that if she did, she'd burst out into tears in the middle of the dance floor. She felt him take it and heard the rustling of the paper as he unfolded it.
"Oh, Marie…" She heard him gasp. She felt him gently pull her away from the crowd, outside of the pub. Some English women sauntered their way in, Marie could hear the whistles of approval before the doors closed.
"Are you okay?" Malarkey asked her.
Marie didn't answer, she was afraid of talking about it. Talking about it would only leave her reliving it.
"I really don't want to talk about it, Don. I just want to move on and not focus on it anymore than I already have." Marie replied coldly.
"But… that's your mother." Malarkey retorted.
"You don't understand." Marie forced her voice to remain even. "I think I'll call it a night." She started to walk away, in the direction of the hotel.
"Do you want to talk about it? Jesus, I mean-"
"Just drop it. She wasn't much of a mom."
"I'll walk you back." He insisted, catching up to her quick strides. "Why didn't you want to tell anyone?"
"Because… talking about it will only make me feel worse and…" She choked on the words a moment. They both stopped walking as she tried to explain. "It'll bring back all the terrible memories…" She placed her hand gently on his cheek. "Go enjoy yourself. This could be the last time the company will have of freedom before we're called out onto the field again."
He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, and lightly pulled her hand off his face. "How do you expect me to enjoy myself when I know you're mourning the loss of your mother?"
Marie sighed, understanding where he was coming from. If she were in his place she wouldn't want to leave him to go celebrate in a pub. She was grateful that he cared so much, but she didn't want to be comforted.
"I'm walking you back." He pressed. She knew that there was nothing she could do to stop him from coming along.
Malarkey escorted her all the way to Marie's room, the two of them now standing in front of the hotel door. She felt the mixed emotions coming back, knowing that she'd have to get in the room soon or she'd break down right in front of him. She didn't want to do that, it would only make him worry.
"Thank you, Don. Good night." Marie mumbled, unlocking and opening her door.
Malarkey didn't budge.
"You can return to the pub now."
"I don't know, I just…" He paused, scratching the back of his head. "It just doesn't feel right leaving you here all alone after what's happened."
"I'm going to be alright. I just need more time to myself. I wasn't exactly close to my mom, Malark, it won't take me too long to get over it."
"If you don't mind me asking, Marie…. what did she do to make you to make you so bitter?"
Marie thought about her mother striking her across the face. She'd done that a few times, sometimes right when Marie would come home from school. She'd called her useless, fat, and stupid. She knew that her mother was just being a bully, but he words stung and had haunted her for years. Her self-esteem had been shattered, even after her mother left to go live off with the men she had affairs with. But her mother's negativity was one of the reasons worked her ass off in school to get the Latin honor cum laude and graduate at the top of her class. She'd done it to prove her mother wrong.
The memories made anger and sadness rise to Marie's throat. She felt tears form in her eyes. One was already running down her cheek as she waited to find the right words to respond to Malarkey. She quickly wiped her watery eyes, careful not to smear her makeup.
"I'd rather not talk about it." Marie whispered. "I need to go to sleep now."
"Marie-"
"I'll be okay, I promise. I would just rather forget about it… about everything." With that being said, she closed her hotel door softly, leaving Malarkey still standing at the doorway. Part of her wanted to let him in, but she knew solitude was always the answer for her.