A few more days passed by that were pretty uneventful. I overslept yesterday and woke up to the entire camp high on Jobi nuts. Needless to say, I spent most of the day helping Raven and Finn babysit a bunch of high teenagers.

"You're the most beautiful broom in a broom closet full of brooms." Raven had said to Conner while I helped Finn stop a girl from crying. I was glad he was on his feet again, but the dynamic between he, Raven and I was beginning to get awkward. It was as clear as day that Finn had feelings for me, and that those feelings were starting to affect his relationship with Raven. I didn't know how many times I could tell him I wasn't interested, but he still didn't seem to back off.

While we were busy calming down the camp, Octavia had taken the opportunity to set Lincoln free. She thought she was being sneaky about it, but I knew all along that that was what she was up to and I let her go. I'd meet up with Lincoln soon and discuss how to get Bellamy back, but I knew that having Octavia free him was an important developmental point in their relationship. Lincoln and Octavia had to get back together, they were meant for each other.

"Still no sign of the boyfriend, huh?" Murphy said, startling me. I turned around and glared at him.

"Shut up." I muttered. I grasped onto the locket that was dangling around my neck. I never took off the locket that Bellamy had given me on our first date. It became almost like an appendage that I'd never remove because I couldn't live without it. Every night before bed I'd open it to look at the picture of Bellamy and I. It was the only picture we had together and I'd cherish it forever.

"Just trying to make conversation, princess." He said, putting his hands up in the air and smirking.

"Don't call me that." I snapped. Murphy wiped the sweat off of his brow and walked away, leaving me to stand at the gate alone, staring out into the woods.

"So tomorrow's Unity Day." Finn said as he came up behind me. The last thing I wanted to think about was Unity Day. Exactly a year ago I was having the time of my life at the annual Unity Day masquerade ball with Bellamy. Now he could be dead and I couldn't help but blame myself.

"I know you hate it." I murmured.

"How do you-" He paused and then shook his head, "right you've lived this life before."

I wrapped Bellamy's jacket around myself and leaned against the frame of the gate, still looking for a sign out there that Bellamy was coming home.

"You should get some sleep." He suggested. He was right, but I hadn't slept well in days. Octavia and I weren't really talking, Bellamy was gone, and I'd lost hope. I was just going through the motions, trying to learn how to live without the people I love.

"I'll try." I mumbled. Finn gently rested his hand on my shoulder, but then pulled away when he felt my body stiffen.

"Clarke?" He asked hesitantly. I looked at him over my shoulder. He looked sad and confused, like there was a barrier between us that he desperately wanted to tear down.

"I've been thinking a lot lately about what you said the night in the truck. I need to know what happened between us in the other lifetime." He said. I licked my lips and closed my eyes. I'd been dreading this conversation, but he deserved an explanation.

"Okay, follow me." I said quietly, as I lead him towards my tent. Everyone was asleep except for the guards posted on the walls. They were all exhausted from the jobi nuts.

I opened the tent flap and allowed Finn to come inside. He took a seat on the mess of furs, glancing nervously around the room. It felt weird to have someone other than Bellamy in here, but it was the only place we could talk privately.

"So," He said as I took a seat next to him, leaving a few inches between us. I folded my hands in my lap and stared straight ahead. Several of Bellamy's things were still sitting on the bin across from us, exactly where he'd left them. I couldn't bring myself to move his things. When they were still sprawled out around the tent, it felt like he was still there.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, trying to focus on Finn.

"Were we together? Because I can't get my mind off of you. Whenever you're around I just-"

"Finn, please stop."

"No, Clarke. You need to hear this. I have feelings for you. I know I shouldn't, but I do and maybe if you can tell me what was supposed to happen between us then I can move on." He said, his eyes begging me for answers. I ran my fingers through my hair and gave in.

"I didn't know about Raven the first time. When I saw you, you surprised me. Being with you was always an adventure and I'd never been able to let loose like that before. You helped break down my serious exterior and allow myself to have some fun every once in awhile. One night when we thought the Ark was lost for good, you got upset and said that we were alone. I told you that you weren't alone, and then you kissed me." I explained. Finn nodded, staying quiet but gripping the furs tightly in his hands.

"Did we-" He asked, referring to us having sex.

"Yes we did." I admitted, the words tasting sour as they came out of my mouth.

"But Raven came down the next day and I ended it. She found out and her heart was broken, but she still tried to make it work. You didn't seem to want to make it work because you wanted me." I stuttered. Finn inched closer to me and my body became tense again. Something about him touching me made me uncomfortable now. It was hard to describe, but it was the truth.

"You-You loved me." I whispered, looking into his blue eyes. Finn reached up to touch my cheek and I closed my eyes letting the tears fall. His touch felt so wrong.

"Finn...don't." I whimpered, reaching up to pull his hand away from me. His fingers curled as he set his hand back down at his side.

"Did you love me?" He asked. I tried to blink back the tears and I knew he wanted to wipe them away, but he didn't touch me again.

"Yes. I loved you." I admitted.

"Do you still love me?" He asked, his eyes slightly hopeful.

I shook my head, "No, I love Bellamy. I'm in love with Bellamy."

Finn stood up to leave, but stopped in front of the tent flap. My breath hitched as he turned on his heels, came back to me, and cupped my face. I froze in place, confused by what he was trying to do.

"I need to know. God, Clarke. I have all of these intense feelings for you, feelings probably from that other lifetime that I just don't understand." He gasped. I tried to scoot away but his hold on me was strong.

"Finn, don't do this." I whimpered. He rested his forehead against mine and my whole body felt numb. I was shaking in his grasp, wanting nothing more than for him to release me. Finally, when he noticed that I was crying, he let me go and stormed out of my tent. I hugged myself, crying into the sleeves of Bellamy's jacket until I fell asleep in a pool of my own tears.

When I woke up the next morning, the Unity Day celebrations were in full swing. A crowd was gathered around the monitor, watching the chancellor give his annual Unity Day speech while Jasper and Monty were in their tent making Monty's famous moonshine. I stood on the door to the drop ship, watching everyone relax and take a day to just enjoy being on the ground.

Today was an important day for me in regards to getting Bellamy back. If everything went according to plan, I could meet up with Lincoln and get him to schedule a meeting with Anya. I could talk to her about peace and about letting Bellamy go. The only problem was that last time she had grounders positioned in the trees with arrows. Bellamy had saved my life that day, but he wasn't here to do that again. This could kill me.

Unlike the first time, Finn was standing by the monitor with Raven. Although he was next to her, he wouldn't stop looking at me. I shook my head and walked away, but I caught Raven's jealous glance out of the corner of my eye and it broke my heart. Raven Reyes deserved way better.

"WOOO! YEAH! Monty strikes again! Hey! Call this batch Unity Juice, who's thirsty?" Jasper exclaimed as he ran out of his tent with keg sized container over his head. He had his goggles over his eyes and a huge smile across his face. I missed this Jasper and I felt horrible about Maya, but at least I had a chance to make things right now. I chuckled as I followed the group to the middle of camp. I could use a drink after everything that's happened.

"Happy Unity Day!" Jasper said to me as he poured me a glass of moonshine.

I sighed, lifting my cup to him, "Happy Unity Day."

The day was a blur other than Octavia running off again and Finn heading out after her. I knew that they were going to talk to Lincoln about a meeting with Anya and it was only a matter of time before they returned. I passed the time by playing drinking games with Sterling, Murphy, Fox and their friends. It was nice to let loose and forget about my responsibilites for a moment.

Murphy and Sterling were impressed by my skills at this game. We'd been playing for hours and no one was able to beat me yet.

"Well what do you know? Her highness can actually party?" Sterling joked. I winked at him as I set my cup down and tried to balance the coin on my nose. Just when it was about to fall, I saw Finn catch it in his palm.

My partying was over, now it was time to get Bellamy back.

"I need you to come with me and I can't tell you why, okay?" Finn said as he hastily pulled me towards the edge of camp.

"I know where this is going. You spoke to Lincoln." I said. Finn groaned, remembering that I knew everything that was about to happen. He rested his hand on my arm and I instantly shook him off.

"Hey, don't." I snapped. He rolled his eyes and stepped back from me.

"I've set up a meeting with the grounders." He told me. I crossed my arms and looked at him warily. I knew he did this with Lincoln, but I was still nervous to go without Bellamy as my backup.

"I think we can do better than the first time around." He said honestly. I glanced over at all of my people. Finn and I didn't agree with a lot of things, but maybe he was right about this.

"Okay, I'll go but I'm bringing back up-"

"No, way. We're not bringing guns. Those weren't the terms, and if we're going to do this, we've gotta give it a fair shot." He argued. I bit my lip and looked away, knowing that I'd have to lie to him again.

"Okay, okay. I'll get my pack and I'll meet you at the gate." I said. Finn sighed in relief and headed off in the other direction.

I made my way towards Miller who was drinking with Monroe and Harper.

"I need to talk to you." I said to him. He set his cup down and followed me off to the side.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Finn set up a meeting with the grounders." I told him. Miller's face fell, instantly furious with Finn.

"He did what?" Miller gasped.

"Look, I trust Lincoln and I think this might help us get Bellamy back, but I need you to follow me as back up." I said.

"Does Finn know about this?" Miller asked.

"Finn doesn't need to know." I said. Miller nodded and started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm.

"And Miller?" I began. He cocked his head to the side, "Bring guns."

Finn and I met at the front gate after I finished talking to Miller. I knew he would go and get Jasper and Raven to follow us as well, so I grabbed a packet of Jobi nuts to make him a path.

"Ahh!" Finn gasped, clutching his side. My doctor instincts kicked in, so I made my way over to him, lifting up his shirt. We both stared at each other for a moment, my hand on his skin, until I shook my head and broke our gaze.

"We need to keep moving." I said. Finn sighed and walked ahead of me, giving me the opportunity to drop the trail for Miller.

We arrived at the bridge by the morning. Octavia was already there, pacing back and forth, waiting for Lincoln. When she saw me, she gave me a faint smile, unsure of how to be with me. She had a right to be angry with me, but I just wanted our relationship to go back to the way it was.

There was movement in the trees and my nerves got the best of me, causing me to reach for my knife. Finn took my hand instead, squeezing it to try and make me feel better. I looked to my side to see Miller, Raven, and Jasper in the woods below; Raven looked pissed.

Lincoln came running out of the trees towards Octavia. Her face lit up when she saw him, sending her off sprinting in his direction until they collided and he scooped her up in his arms. I was so happy for them. They belonged together. Lincoln locked eyes with me, letting me know that he understood how I felt.

Before I could say anything to him, I heard Anya's horses in the distance. She arrived at the other end of the bridge with two of her guards. They each had weapons, which I had predicted, and they did not look happy to see me. I tried to walk forward, but Finn followed. So Lincoln stretched his arm across Finn to block him.

"She goes alone." Lincoln said. Finn nodded, releasing my hand. I watched as Anya dismounted off of her horse. All I wanted was for her to remember what happened the last time. Maybe if she did we could get to Lexa sooner and stop the Mountain before it was too late.

I made my way across the bridge, each step feeling like an eternity before I met her in the middle of the bridge. I extended my hand for her to shake, but she just looked at it and scoffed.

"We made a deal, Clarke. What is this about?" She asked.

"I think we got off to a rough start, but we want to find a way to live together, in peace." I said. She was quiet for a moment, taking in everything I said.

"I understand...You started a war that you don't know how to end." She replied.

I shook my head, "No, we didn't start anything. You attacked us for no reason, you speared Murphy, and took Bellamy."

"You're invaders. Your ship landed in our territory." She snapped.

"We didn't mean to, we were supposed to land on the other side of the Mountain but-"

"Did you mean to capture one of our own and torture him? Or send a group of your men out to scout our woods at night?" She asked. I glanced back at Lincoln, who gave me a supportive gaze. I never wanted any of this to happen. I didn't mean for Lincoln to get tortured or for Murphy to lead a group out near the grounders' camp.

"These are all acts of war, Clarke." Anya added.

"I see your point, that's why we need to put an end to all of this." I said. Anya raised her head and nodded, giving me hope that maybe we could get Bellamy back.

"Lincoln said there are more of you coming down, warriors." Anya said.

"The guard, yes. But also farmers, doctors, engineers. We can help each other, but not if we're at war, and not if you have one of us captive." I said.

Anya crossed her arms, "Can you promise that these new arrivals won't attack us? That they will honor the terms that we set?"

I desperately wanted to say yes, but at this point in time, there was no telling what the chancellor or the guard would want to do once they get down here.

"Why would I agree to an alliance that your people can break the moment they get here?" Anya asked.

"If you fire the first shot, those people coming down here won't bother negotiating. Our technology...They will wipe you out." I said. She nodded, seeming to understand but still not wavering. This was getting nowhere.

Anya smirked, "They wouldn't be the first to try."

"Please, what can I do to get Bellamy back?" I asked, growing more and more desperate by the minute.

"We made a deal, Clarke. If you can't honor that deal, how am I supposed to trust that you will honor this one?"

I was about to respond when I heard Jasper fire the first shot.

"CLARKE RUN!" Jasper shouted at me.

A grounder with an arrow fell out of the trees, landing on the ground. I knew that Anya was about to go for her knife, so I grabbed her arm and twisted it back, stalling her just long enough for Miller to notice and take a shot at her arm.

"Clarke get down!" Finn screamed as he ran for me. I ducked just in time for an arrow to graze my head and land on the ground in front of me. Finn lifted me up, carrying me off of the bridge as more arrows flew around us. Lincoln jumped in front of Octavia, taking an arrow for her.

"Lincoln!" I shouted as Finn pulled me away.

"I'll figure something else out I promise! I won't let him die" He gasped, clutching his side.

"Octavia go!" He ordered.

"No!" She argued.

"Octavia, go now!" He demanded.

Octavia hugged him and then ran off behind us into the forest. We ran for what felt like days but was only minutes. Raven, Miller, and Jasper met up with us, running ahead. We ran without stopping until we finally made it back to the drop ship.

"I told you no guns!" Finn screamed at me.

"I told you we couldn't trust the grounders, I was right!" I fought back.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were up to?" Raven asked Finn.

"I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your guns!"

"You're lucky she brought that. They came there to kill us, Finn!" Miller yelled.

"You don't know that! Jasper fired the first shot!" Finn screamed.

"You ruined everything…" Octavia said to Jasper, before she stormed off.

"I saved you! You're welcome…" Jasper called out after her. I watched as he sulked off after her.

"Well if we weren't at war already we sure as hell are now. Looks like we aren't getting your boyfriend back." Finn snapped. I wanted to lunge at him, but Miller held me back.

"Let's go." Raven said through clenched teeth. Finn shook his head at me before Raven pulled him back towards camp.

I stood alone with Miller, both us us trying to catch our breath.

"Don't listen to him. We'll get Bellamy back." Miller finally said. I nodded hesitantly and leaned against him, needing someone to support me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. We gazed up at the stars and I couldn't help but wonder if Bellamy was looking at them too. Was he afraid? Did he miss me too?

We stayed like that for awhile until I headed back inside for my tent and fell asleep.

"SOMEONE GET CLARKE!" Octavia shouted from outside of my tent. I'd slept through most of the day, so it was dark outside when I finally found them. Octavia, Derek, Conner, and Murphy were hauling someone back into the drop ship. I assumed it was Atom since I knew he'd gone out on a hunting expedition earlier that day. Maybe he'd gotten hurt?

About twenty other teens followed them into the drop ship, so I had to push past them to see what was going on.

"Octavia! I told you to leave me outside." He coughed, his voice very hoarse and rigid. I finally made it to the front of the crowd, and what was before me made me fall to my knees.

"Bellamy?" I cried, rushing over to hold him. His eyes were swollen shut, but when he heard my voice he panicked.

"Clarke, stay back! Get everyone the hell away from me!" He gasped. I ignored him, taking his bloody hands in mine and examining how his fingernails had been torn off. His clothes were tattered, his hair was clumped together due to the dry blood throughout it, and he was covered head to toe in open wounds, scabs, bruises, and dead skin. I'd never seen him in so much pain ever before.

"Bellamy…" I cried, pulling him in for a hug. He tried to squirm out of my grasp, and I couldn't help but feel like he didn't want me. Was he angry with me for what happened?

"Clarke...I tried to tell them to leave me outside. The grounders dropped me off outside of camp. They gave me the virus. I'm the weapon." He whimpered. I glanced around the room at the terrified faces surrounding me. I slowly pulled away from him, looking at all of his blood covering my hands. Bellamy tumbled onto his side, puking up blood everywhere.

What had I done?