Bellamy

He couldn't relax until Clarke had returned from the commander's tent, and he eyed her with concern, having overheard some of the raised voices through the flimsy fabric walls, though he hadn't really been able to make sense of most of it.

"Wait here," he told Octavia, then he hurried to Clarke's side and fell into step beside her as she made a beeline as far away from that tent as she could without actually leaving the camp. "Are you okay?" he asked her softly.

Clarke shook her head, frowning a little, seeming almost confused. "I don't know."

Bellamy took her arm gently and slowed her down to a stop so he could look into her eyes. "What happened? I heard yelling."

She shook her head a little and said, "She wants an alliance."

He raised his eyebrows and couldn't help the wry smile that briefly spread across his lips. "I know I'm not a politician like you, but I didn't think shouting was part of offering an alliance."

But Clarke didn't smile- she just looked disturbed, deeply. Shaking her head again she said, "This is going to sound crazy, but…" Trailing off, she fell silent.

"But?" he prompted, frowning in concern.

She seemed to debate a moment longer about what she was going to say before she finally looked at him and said, "Lexa once told me that the way Grounders choose their leaders is by reincarnation."

"Okay," Bellamy said finally, when Clarke offered nothing more. "So what are you saying?" When she hesitated, he ran a hand through his hair and tried to think of how to express his doubt without mocking her, though he hadn't pegged her as a believer in superstition. "Clarke-"

"I know," she interrupted sharply, shaking her head. "I know, but you didn't see what I saw, Bellamy."

"Okay," he said gently. "So what did you see?"

Clarke opened and closed her mouth several times before answering, "She knew things… and the way she acted… and looked at me… it was like Lexa's eyes were staring out of her face." She shook her head and muttered, "I can't explain it."

"But she's not Lexa," he reminded her gently. "Lexa's dead, Clarke, you know that." He remembered how, after Finn died, she had lost it a little, and he was concerned that something similar might be happening now. Taking her hand gently in his, he pulled Clarke in close to him and wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin. "We'll figure it out," he promised her softly.

She relaxed into his arms for a moment, but then her nervous energy took over and she pushed back from him. "I'm telling you, she shouldn't have known those things," she insisted. "She shouldn't have felt that way."

"Hey," Bellamy said, taking her upper arms in his hands and giving them a gentle squeeze. He found her eyes and said, "I believe you. Okay? I believe you."

"No you don't," she answered with a frown. "I don't even believe it myself."

"Well… I trust you then," he countered, letting go of her.

She let out a long breath and shook her head. "It doesn't matter. We have until sunrise to make a decision about whether we'll agree to her alliance or not. She says she'll respect my decision no matter what it is."

Bellamy started to speak, then thought better of it as he glanced around the small camp. "We should talk about this in private."

Leading her back to where he'd left Octavia, his sister jumped up as they approached. "Well?"

"We've got a lot to talk about," he told her. Looking to the guards standing nearby he asked, "Is there somewhere we can sleep for the night?"

One of the warriors nodded. "The Commander has ordered a tent prepared for you," she said. "Follow me."

The lodgings they were given were basic but cosy, and three beds had been prepared, simple raised wooden slats covered with straw-filled mattresses and topped with enough furs to be comfortable. Inwardly Bellamy was relieved that they weren't given separate tents- he really didn't want either Clarke or Octavia out of his sight.

They were left alone, and almost immediately Octavia was at the flap of the tent, watching the people milling around outside. "Their tattoos are different, did you notice?" she asked. "And their clothes."

"No, I didn't notice," Bellamy admitted- they all just looked like Grounders to him.

"After you left I was talking with Eema's guards," Octavia said. "One of them told me their lands aren't that far from here. They've had people disappear into Raven Rock too." Her voice was filled with distaste as she said the name of that mountain.

Bellamy exchanged a glance with Clarke and then he walked over to Octavia and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze as he looked outside with her. He tried to see the people as she did- not as threats, but as an interesting culture.

"That girl there has coloured thread braided into her hair so it looks like it's on fire," she told him, trying to point to a young warrior without being obvious.

Bellamy smiled softly at her. "Well, maybe she can teach you a thing or two," he said warmly. "Maybe she can get you a new sword."

Octavia seemed to like that idea a lot as she said, "Maybe."

"Hey," Bellamy told her gently, drawing her full attention away from the bustling camp for a moment. "Me and Clarke have to talk about politics… do you want to stay, or do you want to go make friends?"

Octavia smiled wryly at him. "Politics? No thanks, Bell." Her eyes flickered to Clarke then back to him as she said, not even trying to be quiet, "Make sure she doesn't mess things up." Then she walked away.

"She hates me," Clarke said quietly, as Bellamy turned back toward her.

"No she doesn't," he assured her. "But she does speak her mind- always has. Developing a verbal filter wasn't exactly a priority when the only people she knew were me and our mother." Secretly he was proud of Octavia- not for insulting Clarke, of course, but for growing up to be such a candid person. He knew it would serve her well, keep her sensible- safe. He didn't really care if she offended people, as long as she stayed alive.

Clarke gave him a brief smile, crossing her arms over her chest. "So what are we going to do about this offer?"

"Well, if you're looking for my two cents, I vote no," Bellamy said frankly.

Clarke seemed surprised at his certainty but all she said was, "Why?"

Heaving a long breath, he shrugged and answered, "Because I'm sick of it, Clarke. I liked it better when it was just us- making our own rules, figuring out our place in this world. Ever since we tried to make alliances- and I'm not just talking about the Grounders, I'm talking about Mount Weather, even about Camp Jaha- it's just made everything harder. I want our people- what's left of the hundred- to be safe."

"So do I," she answered with a long sigh. "But there are less than fifty of our people left, Bellamy… that's not a society. That's not even a village. Even if we counted all our people, there are still too few to stand alone. We need help."

He couldn't argue with that, but he still didn't like the idea of allying with this new commander- they didn't even know her, and she was already trying to draw them into a war, already playing tricks with Clarke's mind. He let out a long breath, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Okay, you're right about that, but look how things turned out with Lexa… not to mention the queen. Now there's going to be a war, and if we join up with this new commander, how many more of our people are going to die?"

Clarke seemed to hesitate, and he saw the emotions chase themselves across her eyes- fear, uncertainty, grief. Stepping close to her, he tucked his fingers under her chin and raised her face up to meet his gaze. "Look, Clarke," he said, his voice soft. "I just want you and Octavia to be safe. We've lost so much… I can't stand the idea of risking even more. I can't lose you, and Octavia's already lost Lincoln. When we finally stop running… she's going to crash, and crash hard. I need to be there to help her through that, but I need you to be there too." He searched her eyes, wondering if he was conveying just how strongly he meant those words. "I vote no," he said finally. "I vote we tell her thanks but no thanks, and just go home."

"And if I decide to accept the alliance?" she asked him.

He let out his breath but he nodded. "Then I'll support you."

Finally she smiled, and she stepped a little closer to him, curling her fingers into his palm. He squeezed her hand, returning her smile, but he couldn't help but be preoccupied with his worry- he didn't trust Eema, and if she had ulterior motives, then all the good intentions in the world wouldn't help them. And if Clarke had a fatal flaw, it was definitely an overabundance of good intentions. "Look, Clarke," he said gently. "I know you feel guilty about what happened to Lexa, and that you want to make things better. But if what happened to Echo wasn't my fault… then there's no way what happened to Lexa was your fault."

He saw her frown, open her mouth to protest, but then she fell silent and just shook her head. He could read her easily; he knew what she was thinking, that it was hard for her to cut her losses now, give up on a chance at redemption.

"I know you wish the alliance with the Ice Nation had held because of the medicine they could have given us," he said gently. "But we both know that sometimes offers of peace are too good to be true. We've learned that the hard way more than once, and I don't want to see that happen again."

"But the things that we've done…" She trailed off, then tried again, "Something has to come out of this, Bellamy. Something good."

Squeezing her hand, he reminded her softly, "Something good already has."

Clarke's eyes met his and a smile sprung to her lips, but then it faded as fast as it had come and she was shaking her head again. "We've lost so much though."

He nodded, understanding her need to be serious and not romantic. Solemnly he said, "There's no limit on loss, Clarke. We can always lose more. We should quit while we're ahead… forgive ourselves and start fresh." Even as he said it he thought of his own sins, his own guilt, and knew it was easier said than done. But then again, when it was Clarke who forgave him, he always believed her. He told her, "If it's forgiveness you need, you know I'll give that to you. Just... please let me take you home."

She looked into his eyes for a moment and then her brow furrowed as she said, "There is still you to worry about- the faster we detox you, the better. I don't like how much of that drug you're having, not when it causes heart damage. That attack you had in the forest earlier could be just the beginning."

"Well I'll try not to run unless absolutely necessary," he assured her, giving her a wry smile, wanting to chase away the fear in her face.

"I'm serious, Bellamy," she insisted.

His smile only grew as he said, "You always are." Squeezing her hand again he added, "Look, now that those scouts are off our backs, maybe we can stop somewhere and get it done." Even as he said it, he felt the dread rise up in his chest- he was scared of detoxing, scared of what it was going to feel like, whether he'd survive it, what he might do to the people he loved. But he tried to push that aside, tried to focus on one problem at a time. "Let's figure out what we're going to do about this alliance first, and then we'll worry about me."

Clarke seemed reluctant to switch gears back to that bigger problem, but she let out a breath and said, "How can I even make this decision? My Mom and the others from the Ark- they never saw me as their leader. They certainly won't now, when I've been gone for so long."

"But Lexa did," Bellamy pointed out. "And Eema does."

"Yes, but if I'm being asked to make a decision about joining a war or not, that needs to be a decision made by more than one person."

"The Council," Bellamy said, nodding slowly. He let out his breath. "Look, maybe you're right, but they're not exactly just over the next hill. She wants an answer by morning, right? It'll take days to get to Camp Jaha and back."

Clarke hesitated, frowning in thought. Finally she said, "Well, then I'll give her an answer by morning… I'll tell her I need to speak to our people. I'll tell her we're in no way allying ourselves with the Ice Nation, but that I can't make the decision to join the war until I speak to my people. If the Council votes to become part of her coalition, then we'll meet her on the frontlines. But if we vote not to, we'll stay put."

"And what about the camp?" Bellamy asked uncertainly, suddenly realising that this was bigger than one decision, or even one war. "After Mount Weather, when the alliance died, they didn't try to kill us or even make us move, but now that Lexa's gone, that might change. She was Trikru, we're on Trikru land, and if we refuse to join the coalition…" He trailed off, leaving that thought unspoken.

"The Ice Nation offered us land," Clarke said, and she sounded bitter.

"The Ice Nation tortured you and turned me into a Reaper," he reminded her, bluntly. "Any land they would have given us would have had way too many strings attached to it."

Clarke seemed unable to argue with that point, so she just nodded her head. "I'll talk to her, say I need to speak with the Council, and see what she says."

"And if she refuses? If she insists on a yes or no answer, right now?"

Clarke hesitated only a moment before shaking her head. "If she forces me to give her a definitive answer, then that answer has to be no. I won't rush into anything."

"Good," Bellamy said, the admiration obvious in his voice. He'd known she would make the right choice, given the time and support to do it. She was a good leader. "Hey, it's going to be okay, you know that right?" he asked her.

She met his eyes and the trepidation there made him cringe inwardly. "How can I know that?" she asked softly. "So much has gone wrong, Bellamy. And so much can still go wrong."

"I know," he said gently, wrapping an arm around her. "But we're going to figure it out, Clarke- together." She pulled him close, turning her head into his shoulder and letting out a long breath, full of stress. He held her, wishing he could take her tension away. "Too bad we don't have that hot spring now," he joked lightly.

He heard her laugh quietly and then she was looking up at him, her blue eyes soft for the first time since she'd left the commander's tent. "Yeah," she said tenderly.

Bellamy smiled down at her, and then he leaned in and kissed her because it was clearly what she wanted, what they both wanted. The moment his lips touched hers he felt her body go a soft as her eyes had been, which fluttered closed as she threaded her fingers into his hair and kissed him back. Again, with her tongue came the electric jolt that made their whole bodies tingle in unison.

It was easy, with the beds so close- too easy. He took a step backward and she followed him, keeping their lips together until he felt the edge of the nearest bed against the inside of his knee. He wrapped his arms more tightly around Clarke, turning them both around and lifting her, laying her down on the bed, covering her body with his as he found her lips again.

He trailed kisses across the curve of her jaw and down her neck, hearing her let out a soft sigh. He couldn't help but smile a little, his hand trailing under her shirt and stroking the soft skin of her stomach, curling his fingertips over her ribs. Clarke shivered and pulled in a breath and he met her gaze, saw the dusky haze in her eyes as she watched him. He stroked the thumb of his free hand over her cheek and then she leaned up, one hand tightening into his curls to pull him closer. Her other hand slid under his shirt as she caught his lips with hers, and she pressed her palm against his chest as she drank him in.

Suddenly she froze, pulling back abruptly. "Stop," she said sharply.

He stilled his hands, wanting very much to do anything except stop, but he just said, "Okay."

They were both breathing hard as she frowned. "Your heart is pounding," she told him, sounding worried. "If running across that field set off an attack, then this could be a lot worse."

He seriously debated taking that risk anyway, but finally he gave up and rolled over onto his back, wrapping an arm around her and tucking against his side. She laid her head on his chest and continued listening to his heartbeat. Placing her hand on his forearm, she tapped her fingertips against his skin in the tempo of his heartbeat. It was so erratic that it made him nervous, so he closed his fingers around hers, stilling the rhythm. She met his gaze and said, "Sorry."

"It's okay," he said gently. He raised his hand to tuck a tendril of hair behind her ear as he reached down, pulling one of the furs up over them. "This is good too."

Rubbing a hand gently and slowly over Clarke's back, he felt her gradually relax, and then he watched as her eyelids grew heavy, and then finally fluttered closed. Her breathing evened out into sleep and Bellamy let out a long breath of his own, wishing he could join her. But as much as he tried, he just couldn't unwind.