A/N I thank all and any for those that reviewed. Much appreciated.
whitefyrefoxxy – Cliihanger is needed to keep the readers coming back. :D Sad, but true. X3 Works for me when I'm reading such an awesome story and it ends with a cliffhanger. XD
DreamingInThePast – Did it! :D Wrote it in first person! I is proud of myself. X3 And their reactions... not sure that everyone's going to love them. Ehh.. D: Maybe they were guilty, maybe not... We shall see. :3
DeathKnight KiraKira – Oh, cool! :D Liking the name. :3 How do I write so well...? From years of practice. XD And those are awesome names~! :D
Chibi-Onee-chan – And it's here! :D Much faster than normal. X3
Dina Sana – Here it is~! :D Much faster than last time. X3
CCaptain43 – It's needed if I want readers to come back. X3 Sure keeps me coming back to a story when it ends in a cliffhanger. :3
Undefined – Whoa, never got guest reviewers before. :o Almost feels nice. X3 And thank you, I try to come up with the best jokes. :D Well, not the best, but I try. :3
Yay~! :D I got seven reviews~! X3 Makes me so incredibly happy. X3
THIS WAS WRITTEN IN RECORD TIME~! :D You know, for me. XD I finished this five hours after I posted the last chapter. X3 Just wanted to wait until today to post it. :3
Not gonna lie... I cried when I wrote this. XD I mostly cried during Kayo's p.o.v. XD I hate myself so much for this, and you're probably gonna hate me, too, but it had to be done! DX I personally think I deserve a medal for writing in first person. XD
AAAAHHH! :D I was just reading over old reviews and someone said they love Shiko! Ah, that makes me so incredibly happy~! XD
But I'm gonna be truthful, I wrote this out with the same enthusiasm when I first started writing~! :D Those nights where I would write one chapter after another without stopping~! :D Ah, it felt good to have that feeling back. X3
But seriously, tell me how I did with the first person. :D I wanna know if I suck. XD
Disclaimer – I do not own Bleach.
Warning – Swearing, angst, hurt/comfort, and some very sad, sad stuff. :(
-:-
What the hell was going? What was that on the table. Were those... the forms—transfer forms? So... Zaraki Taicho really was considering on transferring me? No, he wasn't considering, he was fucking doing it! Why else would those forms be there?! What did I do? Was it because I... didn't give out, as that girl said? Frowning, I swallowed hard and continued to stare at the desk. My palms were growing wet, I wanted to wipe them on my shihakusho, but... I couldn't move.
Was this affecting me more than I thought it would...?
Well, maybe it was because... I had actually cared about... Kenpachi? It felt so weird, even now, calling him by his name. Since I was put into his division I had always called him Zaraki Taicho... or asshole or any degrading name. I would have smiled, if not for the situation. I could hear Kayo's breath quivering, like she was about to cry. Did she believe those rumours?
That's all they were... rumours.
Then why the hell did I believe them?! Sure, we've been... "together" for three years, but the first part of the "relationship"—ugh, it made me sick to say that word—was because Aina lusted after Zaraki Taicho like crazy and I was pretending to be his girlfriend to get her to back off, but... I never even tried to go any farther than talking to him and... kissing him.
My cheeks felt hot from embarrassment, keeping my eyes trained on the forms. Were they signed already?
All they needed were our signatures and then it would be done and over with. We'd be transferred... For some reason, that really made me... sad.
I growled inwardly. Why did it make me sad?! It was only another division, but... the eleventh division was my home... It was where I felt safer and felt more at home. Why the hell was Zaraki Taicho making me transfer?! Maybe if I explained to him—no! I wouldn't say shit to him!
Why the hell was he doing this?! I didn't do anything that would piss him off!
I noticed the Taichos hadn't said anything, feeling hesitant before I swallowed and slowly looked at them to see their reactions. But looking at their faces made the anger course through me faster. Indifference was all over their faces. Didn't they fucking care about us?! Hell, after everything we've been through...?!
Sure, yeah, I didn't really care what Kaori and Kayo did with their Taichos, but... that was because I was... happy with Zaraki Taicho.
God, that sounds so strange, even to me.
We fought regularly, but those were just stupid arguments. Even I could tell Zaraki Taicho was amused by them. But now... Did I piss him off without knowing it? I remembered he recently tried to tell me something but he always got pissed off and hit something nearby, usually some idiot that had been innocently walking by. Sure, it scared the hell out of me, but I didn't see anything wrong. Found it strange, but I didn't question it.
So he had just been trying to tell me he was sick and tired of everything and wanted to transfer me...?
It shouldn't have hurt me, since I was only the ninth seat, but hell...! I worked hard for that seat! I trained every day, I even got lessons from Ikkaku regularly, I got tips from Yumichika and Kusajishi fukutaicho! I worked... hard for it! It wasn't fair! Why the hell did I have to go to another division?! Why couldn't he?! Hell, I know that's stupid, seeing as he can't be transferred to another division since he was in charge of one, but... I just wanted to say anything to get my mind off of the fucking fact I was being transferred!
Gasping lightly my eyes grew slightly wide.
My eyes were starting to sting... Was it because I was going to cry or were they hurting because I hadn't blinked yet.
Just to make sure I blinked my eyes. It relieved the pressure, but they still hurt... and my throat hurt, too. Was I really trying to cry? That was stupid! I didn't cry! I rarely cried, at all! So why the hell was I trying to cry now?!
Stop it! Ugh, as if telling myself to stop would actually stop myself from crying.
My chest hurt... Why the hell did my chest hurt? For fuck... Three years and I still questioned my reactions whenever it involved the Taicho. I wanted to glare at him, yell at him, hell, even hit him! But I couldn't even drag my eyes towards him, I felt scared to. Hell, I was scared to look at him! Why the hell was I scared?!
Shit, this was affecting me way more than I thought it would.
I couldn't think of any other reason why he would transfer me. I don't remember doing anything... Was that it? Was it because I didn't take the next step in our relationship? My fingers curled into fists, my fingernails digging into my palms. It's not like if I clenched hard enough they would bleed, but... I needed to do something to release my anger!
From my peripheral vision I could see Kayo's eyes looking at each and every form, and I saw Kaori...
Oh, god...
Kaori looked so pissed off. It would've amused me, if we were not in this situation, since she didn't usually look so mad. But I couldn't do anything. I wonder what my friends were thinking about? I should've been able to see what their thoughts were on this. But I couldn't.
It was so quiet...
I could only hear laboured breathing in the room, which was coming from me, Kayo, and Kaori. I was breathing hard because I was getting pissed off! Kayo... I'm not sure, but it sounded like she was going to burst into tears. Kaori was because she was mad, too. I narrowed my eyes and curled my upper lip to bare my teeth.
Fine!
It was true?
I felt betrayed for some reason... and by Kuchiki Taicho by all people! I trusted the guy with my life, since he was stronger than me. Stronger than I'll ever be. Why was I being transferred? Did I do something I wasn't supposed to do? Was it because I teased him too much? Goddammit, what did I do? I stared at him with a desperate look on my face, which must have looked pretty pathetic. I never looked at him with such a stupid look on my face before.
But, it looked like he didn't care...
I narrowed my eyes and gritted my teeth when I saw the indifference on his face. Which shouldn't have gotten a reaction out of me, since he always looked like that. But during a time like this—I needed to see how he felt about all this! Did he not care about all of this? Didn't he care about anything? Didn't he want... to be with me...? Was this his way of telling me it was over?
That sounded so pathetic... Am I really that pathetic?
I clenched my hands into fists when he looked to the side and closed his eyes to stop staring at me. Did I really annoy him that much? To the point where he didn't want to even look at me?! Anger coursed through me, glaring at the man I had confessed to. To the man that I love!
I froze.
Love...? It should be loved, I thought to myself. If he was doing this then he obviously didn't give a flying fuck about me! I dragged my eyes from him and looked at the desk, staring at the three forms laying on the top. I wanted to go over there and see it, see if it was real, see if this was really happening. It couldn't be... The sixth division is the only place where I fit in! It was where I felt comfortable! It was my home.
I was eleventh seat, he couldn't do this... could he...? What am I thinking, of course he can do this. He was a Taicho, he had power in this city. He could do anything, hell, he was rich for crying out loud, he was the head of one of the most famous families! He could have any woman he wants and he chose me... I felt special, since he ignored so many advances from various women, but me...
I hated him when I first met him, which was no secret. But after that little escapade with being stuck together... Did I not matter anymore? I furrowed my eyebrows and looked back at Byakuya, seeing that his eyes remained close, looking so damn composed it was pissing me off. Why the hell did he have to look like that all the time? Why couldn't he show his damn emotions?!
Now that I thought about it... not showing his emotions pissed me off the most! And I worked the hardest trying to get him to show how he feels! Why the hell does he have to do this? The eleventh seat wasn't a high seat, but I... I worked so hard for it, I thought pitifully.
I even found out my zanpakuto's name! Sure, she didn't have an amazing release like Kuchiki Taicho, it was pretty much a gun that shot kido at my enemy. But, the eleventh seat was mine. How would I even get a seat that high in another division? I didn't work all that much, I tried fighting, I was kinda good at kido, but I couldn't do that much...! I furrowed my eyebrows. Why was he doing this...?
God, how would my father feel that I'm being demote—
I froze, my eyes growing wide. Holy shit, I was being demoted! Being transferred meant I was being demoted, didn't it?! I was being transferred to another division and being demoted! It wasn't fucking fair! Why the hell all of this?! Why couldn't he just... demote me instead of transferrin—no! I wouldn't accept being demoted, either. I didn't want to be transferred! How long ago did we come in here...?
It feels like a long time ago, but it must have been five or seven minutes at least. No one moved or said a word, we were all being too quiet. It was quiet... Too quiet for me to feel comfortable... I looked at the other two Taichos, feeling the sides of my mouth curl downwards. Hitsugaya Taicho was staring ahead seriously, not showing what he was feeling. Zaraki Taicho looked ahead with a frown, also not showing how he was feeling.
Why the hell couldn't they fucking show what they're feeling?!
God, that pissed me off to no end. I had to suffer it enough by being with Byaku-No... Kuchiki Taicho... and I had to try so damn hard to try and guess what he was thinking about. Whenever he didn't show what he was feeling it angered me, annoyed me to no end, but I was happy with him despite it all.
I turned my head slightly to stare at Riko and Kayo, frowning when I saw my small friend.
It looked like she was about to cry, and the look on Riko's face was absolutely livid. It almost frightened me, whenever she had that look on her face, but compared to this... situation, I could care less. I was more concerned with the paperwork on the desk than her reaction. What the hell did we even do? What? Did they all decide to get together and say they didn't give a crap about us...? That they tired of us?
Did they think they were so special?
I curled my upper lip and narrowed his eyes. Well, they weren't! If Kuchiki Taicho didn't care anymore what the hell was the use of even listening to him anymore?! He wasn't going to be my Taicho anymore, anyway!
It must be my fault.
That's why Toshiro is doing this... isn't it? I must have made him mad somehow... But what did I do? I couldn't think of what I did. Was it really because of my insecurity...? I know it made him mad sometimes, but to do this...? My lip quivered as I furrowed my eyebrows, staring intently at the forms as if they would disappear. What did I do, Toshiro? I didn't do anything...
Was that it? Because I didn't do anything about my insecurity?
I looked at him with wide, desperate eyes, trying to question him without saying anything. Usually when such a look crossed my face he tried to chase away all my doubts, but he... he wasn't reacting to my stare. He only stared ahead with a hard look in his eyes. Please, Toshiro! Answer me! What did I do?! Please! I won't do it anymore!
My heart sank when he ignored my stare and turned his head to look at the forms...
I clenched my hands in front of me, my heart beating rapidly when I realized this wasn't a dream and it was really happening. It was happening! I felt... devastated... betrayed... hopeless...
I was a hopeless person, wasn't I? My insecurity grabbed a hold of me, making me take a hesitant step back as I stared at Hitsugaya Taicho with such a... sad look on my face. He glanced at me and quickly looked away once more with a pained look on his face. I was pathetic, wasn't I? I couldn't breath properly. I felt like I was crying, but I knew I wasn't. It felt like my chest was hurting, though I didn't know why. I must have done something to anger him. I was worthless... wasn't I?
Look at me, Toshiro!
Please!
Tears welled up in my eyes when he refused to even so much as glance my way. My breathing must have been getting on everyone's nerves, because as soon as a sob was let out everyone winced and closed their eyes. What did I do? Why weren't they looking at us? What did we do, Toshiro?! What did I do?! Please, answer me! Please?! Another sob was let out, though I wasn't crying... Or was I? I couldn't feel anything trickling down my face, so I had to guess I wasn't crying.
Yet...
I knew I was going to cry. Just not in front of everyone. Not in front of Toshiro... Not in front of Hitsugaya Taicho... If those were what I thought they were on the table, then he... he wouldn't be my Taicho anymore...
It hurt me to think that! It hurt! Why did it hurt?! I didn't understand my feelings! Why were you hurting me, Toshiro?! No, no! Hitsugaya Taicho, he doesn't care about me! I can't call him Toshiro anymore!
Another sob left my mouth. Oh, god, I was breathing erratically.
He couldn't do this, could he...? I was his twelfth seat... I was the twelfth seat of the tenth division... I wasn't being demoted... was I? No, being transferred to another division meant I was being demoted. I shook my head lightly, as if trying to deny what was happening. Why was—I gasped lightly when I felt something touched my shoulder, turning my head to the left slightly to see Riko was staring at me with a hard look on her face. Why did she look like that, what was she thinking ab—? I gasped lightly.
She was going to sign it?
Why?!
I looked to the right when I felt Kaori touch other shoulder, since I was standing in the middle of them. She had the same look in her eyes as Riko, though she looked... so much angrier. She was going to sign it, too? I furrowed my eyebrows. Please don't look like that, Kaori. That look doesn't suit you, I wanted to say. Except... I was scared to speak out loud. It was so quiet in the room.
I didn't like it.
I may be quiet all the time, but that didn't mean I liked the silence. I liked hearing people talk and joke amongst themselves, even Renta and Seika... Oh, god... I was leaving my friends behind, as well. How were they going to take it? I couldn't think about them at the moment. It was sunny outside... there were no clouds, it was peaceful...
Except in this room.
I could feel so much tension in the room it was frightening. I slowly dragged my gaze back to the forms, feeling the hands of my friends leave my shoulders, though they left their comforting aura. Should I sign it... too? What if I didn't want to? What if I wanted to stay? I glanced at Hitsugaya Taicho, seeing that he still wasn't looking at me. Did he not care about me? I blinked rapidly when I felt my eyes sting, feeling a little relieved when the tears didn't spill over. Should I sign the form, too?
He was doing all this because he didn't care about me... right?
I swallowed and stood straight. Fine... I will respect his decision. I pressed my lips tightly together, narrowing my eyes and clenching my hands into fists, trying to gain courage and confidence. Toshiro... no... Hitsugaya Taicho, I just want you to know... that my time with you was the happiest times of my life. I had been talked down to when I had been with my "family," I was so insecure and scared of everyone I ever met...
But you... you gained my trust and made me... love you...
Tears welling in my eyes, I took a deep breath and straightened. Both Riko and Kaori must have sensed my courage, because small wry smile crossed their faces before they were wiped off. Taking a deep, quivering breath I blinked to get rid of the tears, all three of us taking a step forward.
Hitsugaya, Byakuya, and Kenpachi tensed when the women walked forward, all three quickly glancing at them. They refused to look at them as they walked forward, staying silent as they stopped and looked down at the forms. Their eyes read the words, all tense. Their hands shook before each other lifted one hand and grabbed the brushes near the forms. Hitsugaya made a pained look when he saw the expression on Kayo's face, though he didn't know why she looked like that. Byakuya stared at the redhead, frowning slightly when he saw the angered look in her eyes, though it was to be expected. Kenpachi frowned when he saw the woman sign the form, her eyes narrowed and her mouth in a firm frown.
After signing the forms, the women dropped the brushes, staring at the forms intently, as if expecting it to disappear.
They stepped back, turning and heading towards the door. Hitsugaya blinked in confusion before stepping forward, reaching out to grab Kayo's wrist.
"Kay-"
He widened his eyes when his wrist was caught by Zaraki's soon-to-be former subordinate, seeing her glaring down at him before she pushed him away.
"Stay the fuck away from her!" She snarled, glaring down at him.
Turning she went back to stomping towards the door, Kaori and Kayo following her. Hitsugaya frowned before stepping forward again, trying to grab Kayo's wrist to stop her. He felt desperate when it was Kuchiki's subordinate that grabbed him, preventing him from touching Kayo again.
"Kayo, what are you doing?!" Hitsugaya asked, widening his eyes when she turned to stare at him with tear-filled eyes.
"...I'm sorry that I made you mad, Hitsugaya Taicho," Kayo said, letting a heart-wrenching smile cross her face. "I won't... make you mad anymore."
"What?" Hitsugaya asked quietly, his eyes remaining wide. "W-Why are you apologizing, Kayo? There's no reason for you to be-"
"Well, you're breaking up with us, aren't you?!" Riko snarled, turning to glare at the three Taichos.
They widened their eyes in shock. Kenpachi stepped forward. "What the hell are you-"
"Stay away!" Riko snarled, glaring up at the man with so much anger in her eyes it made him stop and stare at her with wide eyes. "Don't bother talking to us, going near us, or even looking at us!" She screamed, causing the three to stop when they noticed she was shaking from so much anger... and something else.
"Bye, Kuchiki Taicho!" Kaori scoffed, glaring at the man. "For good!"
She grabbed Kayo, making Hitsugaya widen his eyes when she continued apologizing to him. He rushed forward, about to grab her when she grabbed his wrist. He stopped breathing, staring at Kayo's eyes, seeing her staring up at him with tears running down her face. There was so much... hurt in her eyes it made him feel as if the ground opened up beneath him. Another smile crossed her face, one that made his eyes burn.
"I'm sorry, Hitsugaya Taicho," Kayo murmured, removing her hand and moving back.
He wanted to reach out for her... he wanted to grab her and tell her she was wrong about whatever conclusion she came up with... but his limbs weren't letting him. He couldn't talk. He only watched with wide eyes as she turned with a sob, running towards the door and down the hallway when it opened. Riko stomped down the hallway, with Kaori on her heels, both chasing their friend.
Inside the office, Kenpachi stared wide-eyed after the woman. Did she... just "break up" with him? Byakuya stayed where he was, the same look of shock on his face. Kaori...
The three Taichos stayed where they were in silence.
Until Kenpachi roared. "FUCK!" He yelled, turning and kicking the desk over in anger, breathing harshly before he continued kicking the desk until it was in pieces.
Hitsugaya didn't stop him, staring at the door with wide eyes.
"...Kayo?"
Outside, Kayo ran down the street with tears running freely down her face, sobbing quietly to herself. Kaori ran after her, calling for her, feeling shocked when her eyes were stinging. Finally reaching her she grabbed her arm, almost jumping when Kayo turned and wrapped her arms around her, letting shudders wrack through her body as she let go and sobbed loudly. Furrowing her eyebrows she wrapped her arms around one of her longest friends, frowning when Riko stomped by them both.
Reaching out, Kaori grabbed her arm and pulled her towards them, wrapping her arms around her, as well.
Riko frowned. "Let go." She said tightly.
"No,"
"Let go!"
"No!"
"I said-"
"And I said no!" Kaori yelled, holding her tightly, clenching her teeth tightly when she felt herself let go and just let the tears start trailing down her face.
She breathed harshly, starting to sob, as well. Riko frowned, her head resting on Kaori's shoulder, hiding her face from her friend. She blinked, furrowing her eyebrows, now breathing erratically, as well, before the tears spilled over. She didn't wrap her arms around her friends, closing her eyes tightly and just cried silently as she rested her head on Kaori, all three women shaking as they sobbed. They were glad no one was walking down the street to see them, all three feeling their chests hurt.
Kayo gasped harshly a couple times. "M-My chest... hurts!" She wailed, shaking too much.
"M-Mine, too," Kaori said, her eyes closed tightly as she shook.
"...Me, too," Riko murmured, giving up and wrapping her arms around her friends, pulling them towards her, gritting her teeth as she felt frustration from the thought of crying. She ignored the fact their sobbing grew louder when she hugged them, since she rarely hugged them. "And I don't even know why!" She growled, her eyes shut tightly.
No one responded, continuing to cry their hearts out.
The weather mocked their emotions.
It was too sunny.
Too warm.
Too... cheerful.
Thoughts?
January 31, 2013