Octavia
There was something satisfying about crashing through trees and crunching over underbrush, not even bothering to find a trail but just blazing one of her own, braids flying behind her as she ran as fast as she could, pausing only occasionally to free a tendril of hair from a particularly determined branch.
Tears were still streaming down her face, but the slightly cool air felt good on her face, and she ran until she couldn't anymore, until she plunged from the forest and her feet suddenly seemed to meet the edge of the world, her arms wheeling to stop her from falling over. An incredible waterfall pounded down the nearby cliff face, and for a moment she just stared, awestruck at the sight.
She dropped her knees into the dirt, close enough to the precipice to feel dizzy, and just breathed in that slightly damp air, feeling droplets from the waterfall mingle with the tears on her cheeks.
The snap of a branch behind her pulled at her attention and she whirled her head, looking for Bellamy. But it was Lia who emerged from the thicket, and Octavia was sure she had broken that branch on purpose, just to announce her presence.
"What do you want?" Octavia snapped, turning her face back to the beautiful view.
"You are acting like a child," Lia told her, stopping a few feet away and just standing there.
Letting out a soft laugh without any real humour in it, Octavia turned her head again and looked at the way the girl disappeared up to her waist in the tall grass. "I'm the child?"
"Do you have no sense at all?" Lia countered with a question of her own. "You could have been mauled by a bear, captured by slavers, or tumbled over that cliff by now. In your culture, is it customary to behave so recklessly?"
Octavia gritted her teeth and said, "I have no culture."
Lia dropped down in the earth next to her, putting her hands on the ledge and leaning out over the roaring river below. Octavia thought about pushing her off, but she was probably too clever, and it would be Octavia herself who would plunge to her death.
Lia stared out into the abyss and asked, "Are you not afraid you might jump?"
Confused by her use of the word 'jump' and not 'fall,' Octavia frowned. "No. Why would I?"
Meeting her eyes, Lia leaned back on her knees and said, "We must go back."
"I'm not going anywhere," Octavia said, shaking her head. She tried to banish the thought of Bellamy that rose into her mind, the idea that his addiction had become stronger than his love for her- something that she never dreamed could happen. She breathed hard, trying to control her emotions, but she felt her heart breaking inside her chest and it was like a physical pain. Only her realisation that Lia hadn't answered her made her look up again.
"Your love will survive this," the girl said to her. "It is why I'm helping you."
Octavia pushed to her feet and she walked away from her, fists clenching in anger. When she felt she was a safe distance away she spun around and yelled, "Why the hell couldn't you have figured that out before?" She could hear her own voice, how it wavered dangerously.
Lia got to her feet as well but she remained stoic- always stoic. It was infuriating. Calmly she said, "I am sorry about Lincoln."
"Don't even say his name!" Octavia roared, and she wanted so badly to kill her, strangle her right there in the dirt or throw her over the cliff, but she knew she couldn't and it made her feel trapped and horrible. "You ruined everything."
Nodding her head, Lia repeated, "We must go back."
Octavia threw up her hands and paced, then suddenly whirled and stalked right up to the little girl, whose head barely reached her chest. "I hate you."
Again, Lia nodded, and Octavia let out a yell of pure frustration and actually held out her hands, fingers curled and tense, miming strangulation, betraying her deepest desires. She remembered how Echo had taught her to nurture her pain like a baby, but that baby was stirring inside her now, crying for its revenge.
"You deserve to die for what you did," Octavia snarled, dropping her hands with utter defeat, apologising to the child inside her and promising it that the time was still coming- they would make this right. One day.
Every day when she woke up she thought of one of Indra's lessons: A warrior doesn't mourn those she's lost until after the battle is done. She was waiting for when it would be safe to open the bottle of grief she held for Lincoln and let it spill out, but it was getting harder and harder to keep it sealed.
"I deserve to die for many things," Lia said quietly, pulling Octavia's attention to her and turning her head to gaze at the waterfall for a moment before looking back to Octavia. As if making a snap decision, she reached up with both of her hands and tugged at the stretchy cotton neckline of her shirt, pulling it down low and exposing the upper part of her chest.
All along her collarbones sat neat little vertical lines, perfect scars as though cut by the sharpest blade imaginable, spreading out from the centre of her chest and flaring out towards her shoulders. It looked like stitching in her skin.
"Each one is a kill," she told Octavia. There were so many- more than Octavia had ever seen on any warrior.
"Which one is Lincoln's?" she couldn't help but ask, her voice bitter and thick with grief. Lia didn't move for a long moment, and then she let go of the left side of her shirt and pointed to one of the lines on the outermost corner of her right collarbone. It looked more fresh than most of the others. Octavia stared at the line for a long moment, then swept her eyes over all the others once more before she glared at Lia and said, "I don't feel sorry for you."
Letting her shirt settle back into place, Lia met her gaze said, "And that is why you are stronger than your brother. More resilient. You have survived Lincoln's death for this long, and you will continue to survive it. One day, the hurt will be smaller."
Octavia dreaded that day, couldn't imagine it. But before either of them could say anything else, she heard Bellamy's voice cut through the peaceful forest as he called her name. She could hear the strain in his tone, the anguish and stress, but still she considered not going to him.
"That hurt, too, will grow smaller," Lia told her, as if reading her mind. For a third time she said, "We must go back. He will need you for what is coming."
"The detox could kill him," Octavia said, her heart filling with dread as she looked toward the sound of Bellamy's voice, heard it growing closer. Maybe Lia was right, that she would ultimately survive Lincoln's death, but she wouldn't survive Bellamy's too. She knew she couldn't lose both of them.
"The drug will kill him faster," Lia said, once again pulling her from her thoughts. For a long moment both girls just looked at each other, and then Octavia turned away and walked back into the forest.
Bellamy slid from his horse the second he saw her and she could read him like a book, knew what he wanted despite the fact that he didn't approach her, kept his arms at his side. His eyes said everything, but he didn't move. Instead she went to him, ignoring Clarke's hesitant smile as she passed her horse.
Octavia threw her arms around Bellamy's neck, holding him close. She felt his long, shaky exhale of relief as she wrapped his arms around her in return. The two of them stayed that way for a long time, and from the sheer force of their desire to be alone, they excluded the other two until they were ready to let go.
He looked at her, searching her eyes, and she gave him a smile, knowing it was full of not just love but also the pain she felt, the grief and heartache. They shared more in that single look than any conversation could have provided. He apologised, she apologised, they forgave each other, and once again they were united.
Bellamy reached up and laid a hand on her cheek, nodding at her as though she'd spoken. "I'm going to take you home now," he said softly, gently, his deep voice thick with emotion.
Octavia nodded her head, but it was Clarke who ended the moment. Speaking up from her horse she said, "Not quite. First, detox. What just happened- that was way too close."
Octavia saw the apprehension and fear spring immediately into Bellamy's eyes, but she reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his, squeezing gently as she kept his attention on her. "I won't let anything happen to you, Bell," she said firmly. "I promise."
That old adage seemed to work- at least for now- and he drew in a deep breath, nodding. "Okay then… let's just get it over with."
Clarke unrolled a sheaf of paper and studied something on it. "According to Eema's map, there's a network of caves only four hours' ride from here- we can do it there."
"Clarke, we don't have a shock baton," Octavia protested.
She watched as Clarke gritted her teeth. "We'll have to do it without."
"No!" Octavia exclaimed, her hand tightening around her brother's. "No way. What if his heart stops?"
Letting out a long breath, Clarke shook her head slowly and looked to Bellamy. "Either we do this now, and risk it… or we don't do it, and risk that you won't make it to where there's a shock baton."
"Don't ask him," Octavia snapped, letting go of Bellamy to wring her hands in frustration. "He's obviously going to choose to be an idiot because he's scared he might hurt us."
Bellamy let out a soft laugh despite the dire situation. "Thanks, O."
"You know it's true," she said, rolling her eyes. Looking between him and Clarke for a moment she declared, "I'm making this decision. We're going back to Camp Jaha and detoxing him there where we have access to all your mom's equipment. Lia will guard the Red, and we're going. End of discussion."
She didn't even have to look at Bellamy to see his smile as she used the words he'd so often used on her. "Hey," he protested gently. "Seriously though, Clarke's right. With what just happened… we can't risk it."
"No, I'm right," she answered, looking at him so he would see she was dead serious. "We're not doing this until you're somewhere safe. The three of us can handle you, Bell. All you have to do is make sure not to kill me or Clarke." She intentionally left Lia out of that statement, and glanced at her to see if her words had stung, but Lia's expression was as infuriatingly impassive as ever. If she could just get a rise out of that girl, she might feel a whole lot better, but it seemed like an uphill battle.
But Bellamy's wasn't impassive at all. His eyes filled with horror as he said, "I could never-"
"I know," she cut him off. "So we're fine." Looking to Clarke she said, "Now give him some Red so we can leave."
Clarke got off her horse and went to Lia, who handed her the injector, careful not to allow the bag's contents anywhere near Bellamy's field of vision. Octavia waited as Clarke circled around to Bellamy and inserted the needle into his neck, monitoring his pulse as the drug flowed into his body.
They all waited in silence as Bellamy's eyes glazed over and he dropped to the ground, and Octavia had to avert her gaze at the revolting smile that spread across his lips. She watched the trees, pulling in deep breaths, until her brother was lucid again. It scared her, when he was on that drug- who was he?
Hastily Bellamy got back to his feet, and she felt guilty for the way his eyes stayed on the ground, as if they'd all caught him in a carnal act.
"Okay," she said, making her voice more enthusiastic than necessary. "So now that we know what's happening, let's hurry up and get the hell out of here." When nobody moved, what little patience she had ran out and she yelled, "Now!"
Bellamy got back on his horse, and Octavia and Lia mounted the extra ones. Octavia let Clarke take the lead, since she was the one with the map, and she breathed a sigh of relief when Clarke calculated aloud that the remainder of their journey to Camp Jaha would take just three days.
Before she could even stop the thought from forming in her mind, she was already thinking it. Only three days. What could possibly go wrong?