Clarke
Their first day's ride was uneventful and largely silent, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Clarke felt the tension thick in the air all around them, but she had no idea how to break it. She knew she'd hurt Bellamy, as much as he might want to brush it off, and she also knew that Octavia well and truly hated her, or was at least very close to it. She didn't know how to fix that either. So she spent much of that first day's journey trying to think of ways to set things right, to smooth things over between herself and both Blakes- but she just couldn't.
When they finally found a decent place to camp, they all laid out their beds quietly, a fire was lit, and then Lia announced, "Bellamy. We should hunt."
Immediately she felt Bellamy's eyes on her and she looked at him. He raised his eyebrows at her and shrugged. "Something fresh would be nice."
"No way," Octavia said, glowering into the flames. "I'm not staying here alone with her."
"O…" Bellamy's voice was heavy with weariness. "Are you going to go hunting?"
"No," she snapped, glaring at him, her eyes sliding to Lia. "I don't want to be alone with her either."
"Well, I'm going," he declared, and Clarke wondered if what he really wanted was to get some time away from both of them. Lia might not have been particularly good company, but at least she was quiet.
Octavia gritted her teeth but then she just shrugged and pushed to her feet, stalking over to the four beds of furs and laying down on one of the middle ones. She pulled the blankets up over her head and said nothing else.
Clarke watched Bellamy draw in a deep breath and look down at the ground for a moment, and then he shook his head and went to the saddlebags, grabbing a knife and tucking it into his belt. He crossed over to Clarke and put an arm around her, pulling her close to his chest abruptly. The gesture surprised her, but she found herself immediately relaxing into his arms. She buried a small smile in his shoulder and brought a hand up to squeeze his back. "Stay safe," he whispered in her ear, brushing his lips against her cheek briefly before he turned and walked with Lia into the forest.
The smile still on her face, Clarke sat down in front of the fire. She had no sooner picked up a stick to poke at the wood when she heard Octavia's icy voice. "We should have left you there."
She hadn't even heard her move, but Octavia was now sitting up, cross-legged, on her bed, glaring at Clarke. Now she said, "We never should have come to get you."
Clarke looked back at the fire and she took a deep breath, watching the flames licking at the air for a moment before finally looking back to her. "Lincoln was my friend."
"Yeah, and he was my everything," Octavia countered, and the bitterness in her voice was thick and unforgiving. "And now he's dead. So now Bellamy is my everything. But you want to take him too, don't you?"
Clarke swallowed and looked back to the fire, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't escalate this. Finally she settled for, "Bellamy loves you. Nothing I could do would ever change that. But he can make his own choices, and he doesn't belong to you."
"Oh yes he does," she growled, finally getting to her feet, charging over. Clarke actually jumped up too, a bit nervous at the anger in the younger girl's stride.
Octavia stopped short as Clarke took a step back and her lip curled. "Are you scared of me? Are you scared of everything now, Clarke?"
Clarke felt her cheeks flush and she struggled to explain. "What I've been through-"
"What about what I've been through?" Octavia cut her off. "Or what Bellamy's been through? What we've all been through? You know what, Clarke? You already decided to walk away once. But this time you'll have to stand and face it- all those fears, all those terrible things. This time, you'll have to step up and take responsibility for the things you've done." She was right up in her face now, and Clarke could see the crackling energy, the rage in her eyes.
"I'm doing-"
"The best you can?" Octavia interrupted. "Yeah, I've heard that one before."
"Octavia, I didn't-"
"Mean to hurt anyone?" she cut her off again. It was infuriating. "You don't even know what hurt is."
Clarke sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, trying not to let her get to her- which was obviously exactly what she wanted. "You don't want to fight with me," she tried, keeping her voice calm.
"Yeah," Octavia snarled. "Actually, I do. You could use a good fight." She reached out and grabbed her jacket, hauling her forward a step until they were only inches apart. "Come on, Clarke, I know you- and this isn't you. This frightened little girl… it's not who you are. You're stronger than that."
Clarke shook her head, stepping away a little, turning back towards the fire, but again Octavia grabbed her jacket. This time she spun her around, pulled her towards her even closer, and then gave her a rough shove backward. Clarke fell, landing on the hard ground with a thump. Octavia stood over her, her expression unreadable. Embarrassed, Clarke scrambled to her feet- and now she was angry. She gave Octavia a shove, annoyed to find that the girl's feet were planted so firmly in the earth that she barely moved. "What the hell do you want from me?!" she yelled.
A slow smile spread over Octavia's lips and she said, "That. That's what I want."
Clarke shook her head and turned away. "I'm not going to do this."
"Why not?" Octavia asked, moving so fast that she'd planted herself between Clarke and the fire before she'd barely taken a step. Clarke changed direction and moved towards the beds instead, but again the girl was right in her face before she'd even gone anywhere.
"Octavia, stop," Clarke said, her anger bubbling more and more furiously in her chest. Every time she tried to move, Octavia would head her off, that frustrating and devious grin on her face. She was enjoying this far too much.
Finally Clarke couldn't stand it anymore and she grabbed Octavia by the shoulders, shoving her as far away from her as she could and then running- it was ridiculous because she didn't even know where she was going, but she just needed to get free of this harassment.
She plunged into the forest and saw the dim glow of bioluminescence up ahead, so she went that way only because it was the only direction she could see properly.
The forest was quiet, caught between day and night, the day creatures now sleeping but the night creatures not yet stirring. Clarke could hear nothing but her own footsteps as she crept closer and closer toward that pretty glow.
She emerged in a small clearing and could see a stump that had long since been burned by lightning. In the centre a whole radiant ecosystem had sprung up, delicate leaves unfurling from stems glowing brilliant green, and soft petals of things like flowers, blooming in brilliant yellows and blues.
Clarke had about three seconds to appreciate all that, before she was hit from behind. She fell down onto her stomach and immediately her hair was gathered up in a fist, her head pulled back a little, a cool blade pressed against her throat.
In the next moment the knife was gone and she was being hauled up by her arm. "You could have been killed," Octavia told her, sounding irritated.
"Oh really?" Clarke snapped her response. "By you?"
Octavia walked over to the stump and looked down at the little bioluminescent civilisation that had grown up inside it. Although the plants were pretty, their glow gave Octavia bit of a maniacal glint. "You know, I used to wonder where you were," she said finally, quietly. "Before I thought you were dead."
Clarke shook her head, looking at the ground, not answering. Tentatively she walked over to the stump and looked down at the shimmering garden too.
"I used to imagine you'd have joined up with a clan, like me," she continued, not seeming bothered by Clarke's closeness or silence. "Or I thought maybe you'd meet some hot guy-" She glanced, met Clarke's eyes for a moment, and then looked back down. "-or girl- who'd sweep you off your feet. That you'd get married and forget all about us." She let out a long breath as though she was disappointed that none of her daydreams had come true, and Clarke watched her face carefully, trying to figure out where she was going with this. Finally she got to the point. Looking at Clarke's face again, she just gazed at her for a long moment, then she said, "But I never thought I'd find you in some palace, being doted on by a queen, dressed in pretty gowns with your own little slave girl to feed you and clothe you and brush your hair."
Clarke's face burned; she knew Octavia couldn't have known half of that, but the fact that she could guess correctly made it even worse.
"I don't know why I was so surprised," Octavia continued. "From the moment we landed, Bellamy had you pegged. You were always one of the privileged, weren't you? Big quarters, the best rations, a bathtub, windows… hell, I bet you even had a TV. Life with the queen must have come easy to you."
"What do you want from me?" Clarke asked, gritting her teeth, forcing herself to keep eye contact. Octavia had a way of looking right through people, past the outside stuff to get at the soul- their true essence. And she never minded dispensing the brutal honesty of what she saw.
Now she said to Clarke, "You should have figured out how to fight. You should have found a warrior clan and spent every day in the dirt, learning. You ran away because you felt guilty, right? Helpless? Fine. But hiding from it, letting yourself be coddled and manipulated… that doesn't change anything. You're still the same person. You're still weak."
"My strengths aren't always like yours," Clarke snapped. "But that doesn't mean they're not there. I'm still alive, aren't I?"
"And now you want to be with my brother," Octavia said, as though Clarke hadn't spoken at all. She let out a snort of disdain.
"Yes," Clarke told her, sharply. "I do. I am."
Octavia searched her eyes for a moment, and then she gave her the smallest of smiles. "So in all that time you tagged around with Lexa, did she ever tell you what a second was?"
Confused, Clarke said, "Yes… Lexa was Anya's second. It's an apprentice, right? And the first is the mentor?"
"If you think I'm going to let you be with my brother when you can't even protect him, you're more deluded than I ever thought," Octavia told her, not saying whether she was right or wrong.
"Octavia, what are you-"
"You're right about one thing, Clarke," she said, her voice finally gentle. "You do have strength. But you suck at fighting- like, a lot. Lucky for you, skill can be taught. Strength of spirit, though- you have to be born with that. If you've got it, you've got it. And you do. It just has to be guided."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Clarke asked, her frustration only growing.
"First lesson," Octavia said, holding up a hand. "Never question me."
Clarke frowned at her, but Octavia was smiling.
"I'm going to make you my second, Clarke," Octavia told her. "I'm going to train you. You're going to learn to fight, to be a badass, and then you won't be afraid of anything ever again. Or, even if you are, you'll know how to get through it without running away. I can't let you do that again- it'll destroy him."
"So that's why you're doing this?" Clarke asked her, totally shocked by everything she was saying. She tried to read her, but the girl was an enigma.
Octavia shrugged. "Does it matter?" When she saw the look on Clarke's face she let out a long breath and allowed, "Maybe I'm doing it for Bell. Maybe I'm doing it for you. Or maybe I just need something to keep my mind off all the shit that's happened in the last few weeks. Tell me, Clarke- does it really matter? You don't want to be afraid anymore, right? If I can teach you how to slay your demons, that's going to benefit all three of us. Now- do you want to be my second, or not?"
Totally confused, Clarke just stared at her in disbelief. Then, finally, not knowing how on earth she was supposed to respond, she just said, "Okay."