Chapter 11

"Telling the truth and making someone cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile."

Paolo Coelho

Kit, Derek and I have been discussing what we could the day of the home visit because quite frankly attempting to just sit and talk would blow our cover so very quickly. I mean Incy doesn't speak to me unless necessary. Iyzo, well she is afraid of me because she doesn't know me.

I just came back from work, while I was driving an idea came to me about what we could do that normal families do and it would reduce the awkwardness by at least 50%. So now I am on my way down to the gym to see Derek. Incy and Iyzo are probably already in bed by now, which meant it was also the perfect time to ask what the hell was his problem.

I opened the door to the gym and the first thing that catches my eye is Derek doing, what I call the show-off or overachiever pushup. Derek pushes up from the ground and claps before his hand hits the ground again. He continues this as I walk up to him and I am surprise he hasn't noticed I was in here, he has abnormally sharp ears.

I stop right in front of him and he looks up and pulls an earphone out of his ear. He gives me the "what do you want look" which basically summaries all the looks he has been giving me lately. Its a variation of annoyed or sarcastic looks that eventually leads to a bored one.

"Can I help you?" he finally asks, probably realizing I am just going to stare at him till he pays attention.

"Urm, yeah. I have an idea for the home visit." I move the pressure from my right foot to my left and back again in a matter of seconds.

He just stays silent and stares at me. I try to look at everywhere in the professional looking gym than at him.

"Okay, what is it?"

"Well I thought we would do like a "family" pool party. I mean it seems fun and I know Iyzo and Incy love the water. And it is a great distraction and its something a normal family would do." I gushed

"Thats great. I'll mention it to my dad and see what he thinks."

Derek goes back to his obnoxious pushups without and another word and I can't help but feel irritated.

There he goes again with this cold shoulder that I did nothing to deserve. Yes the teasing was annoying but at least I know why i was getting it.

"What the hell is your problem?" I said, the irritation was clear in my voice

He ignored me, didn't miss a beat. I didn't even deserve for him to look up? Was I that useless and meaningless to him? I understand disliking me because well there are many reasons to do so but at least have enough respect to respond when I speak. I may not be much to him but I have earned at least a little bit of respect from him.

Before I could realize what I was doing, I dropped my bag and got on my knees on the mat, and shoved Derek to his side with every ounce of energy and anger in me. He fell to his side as my eyes widened to finally realized that I just successfully manhandled Derek.

"What the hell is your problem Chloe?" He yelled as he sat up

As soon as he opened his mouth, my defensive side came back out before I had a chance to breathe.

"My problem? I don't have a problem. You're the problem! What the heck have I done to you to deserve being ignored and Isolated in the house?! Nothing! What have I done to deserve a cold shoulder? Nothing! So don't you dare ask me what my problem is when clearly you're the problem." I screamed

I watched Derek's eyes narrow very quickly and I knew I was about to get the response I asked for.

"Since you asked so nicely babe. Then let me explain why you, Chloe, are the problem in my life right. You are currently in the way of everything. You are the barrier between me and my kids. You are the barrier between me and a peace of mind and now, as you displayed tonight, you are also the barrier to me getting some time to think. For someone who claims to have a mind of her own, you sure do let other influence you very easily." Derek said, making air quotes when he said influenced.

He continued "Ms. Saunders, from the day I met you, when sober, was the day I could say I made up my mind about you. You're a little girl whose aunt has sheltered her from the big bad world, who has told how to think and what to think for so long you no longer recognized the difference between what is your idea and what is her idea. You live is this fake world that was created for you by your friends. But when I try to just show you that are capable of thinking for yourself, that you do not need to be so mentally dependent on others, I am the husband implanting thoughts into your head, trying to take over your life. You are not a little girl Chloe! Despite what your aunt tells you! You are a grown woman who is damn well capable of deciding where she wants to be or who someone means to her. But you know what though, Nate's right. You're not my slave or secretary, just my wife." He laughs bitterly, "But even that is this whole thing blows over you are free to go and do as you wish. My family and I will no longer be a burden you Saunders."

I can't breathe. Some of what he said seems so familiar….slave or secretary

Omgosh! How did he know Nate and the girls said that?

How? Why?

"I-I-I..you-u-" I started

"Quit trying Chloe. Save yourself the embarrassment." Derek said as he went over to the weights and started looking for the size he wants.

No.

I refuse to let him do this to me. I refuse to let him use me to mop the floor because he is angry/ I refuse to let him use me as a punching bag because he heard things he was not supposed to. Things that were not said by me, I am not going to pay for the words I did not speak.

I put my hands and held down the weights he had grabbed. He looked up at me for the second time.

"Chloe stop you're embarrassing yourself." He said

"No. since we are speaking our minds now. Let me give you are piece of mine and I assure you these are my thoughts alone so I want you to feel every word that comes out of my mouth." I say as my heart starts to race and I pray I don't start stuttering

" Derek you are a mega-altra asshole who is using his past as an excuse for why you do things. You think you should be in control of every situation and when you lack that control, it gets to you and its gets to you bad. You think you know everything,which, I'll be the first to tell you, you sure as hell do not. I cannot erase the fact that I met you, sadly, neither can you! I cannot take away what we did even if neither of us remember, I can't take away the pain that comes with knowing you endangered getting your daughters home because of a stupid mistake in Vegas. Stop trying to take the fact that you are angry with yourself out on me because I did not ask for this anymore than you did! I did not wish to meet an MMA player so I could do things I was hoping to save for someone who actually gave two shits about with you!

I took a deep breath and continued, ignoring Derek's widening eyes

"You see, where you fail as a human being is when you forget that you're not the only one affected by this. My life and future career on the line because of our stupid mistake. Key word there is our. This isn't just about you and you're girls, yes they're a big part but I am a person too. I deserve, at least, the acknowledgment that I am trying! I am trying to be a good wife to someone I don't know, to someone who doesn't care, I am trying not to lose myself while trying to save whatever career I could have in the industry. I am trying to at least not feel like a prisoner in this house where no one speaks to me and even cares to check up on me! Your sister would be a better husband than! You're life isn't the only being affected by this! And for your information, I am trying to grow on my own, you may not see it or don't care enough to look but I see the progress in myself so don't you sit on your judgmental high horse and tell me I don't have a mind of my own. I was raised by my aunt and a father who was barely there! She is all I had and all I still have! She may have raised in a way that sort of backfired in the end but she had great intentions! SHe cared enough about about me to try! You fail as a human to empathize. Feel something for once in your life Derek! Feel my pain of feeling like I am completely alone in what I do. Feel my pain of every time someone hears I am the girl whose mother died in one of the most deadliest crashes in America and see the looks of pity they give me and how they expect me to be sad and depressed all my life! I refuse to let that be my story Derek! I plain out refuse! You don't deserve to help me write that story, and you do not get to critcicized those who have helped me get where I am today. I may not be completely free but I am getting better. So tell me Derek again about how you are so perfect when you fail at the simplest thing in life? Being a human being. You are fail."

I stop and realize how fast my heart was beating then my eyes started to sting. I could feel the traitor tears getting ready to roll down my face and expose even more than I just did. I look at Derek with teary eyes and all I could see was shock. He was frozen in his seat.

I turned on my heel and ran out the gym doors as the tears ran down my face. I somehow made my way to my room. I hit the pillow and cried till my eyes were swollen

I don't know when I fell asleep.