The drive home is, in a word, awful.
It's as though the closer we get to home, the more panicked and frantic we seem to get. The very air in the car seems to get heavier and heavier, and although I hold Edward's hand the entirety of the trip - pulling it into my lap and clutching it between two of mine - I can't completely mask the sense of forboding with the sense of safety he emanates.
Charlie is the District Attorney, a lawyer to the bone - the man doesn't take things lightly. If there's some reason he requires a fairly urgent face-to-face meeting, chances are that we don't want to know what it's about.
As we pull up to the house, I feel like I may actually be suffocating. I can see Charlie's black SUV in the driveway and try not to gag. When we come to a stop, I fight the temptation to jump out the car and run away, dragging Edward somewhere pretty and safe, like the beachhouse we just left.
"Bella, it's fine," Edward coaxes from his seat, but I notice he's yet to climb out the car. "It's not like they're going to hurt us, or split us up. It's just a fucking conversation."
His cursing gives away the nerves he thinks he's been hiding from me, but hasn't. Sometimes, in his attempts to protect me from everything, he underestimates just how well I know him, and how easily I see through his defences. His well-intentioned ignorance would normally make me smile, but not today.
"Can you... can you just kiss me please?"
My words are needy, embarrassingly so, but I need a dose of the calming effect he gives now more than ever. He glances up to the house, noting that there is no one in sight, and then smiles, wrapping his hand around my neck and pulling my face to his. My fingers stroke his jaw reverently, in awe - as I always am - by how he makes me feel. The kiss holds no lust, it's all comfort and warmth and soft lips and his smell and everything I need in this exact moment. When he pulls away, I sigh, disappointed when reality sets back in.
With a sigh of his own he throws open his car door, and comes around to open mine when I show no intention of leaving the vehicle. He extends a hand for me and it's about the only thing that could draw me from the refuge of his car. I take it, linking my arm through his as well just to maximise our contact. We leave our crap in the car, forgotten under the strain of the moment as he slowly guides me into the house.
Grown up voices sound from the kitchen so Edward immediately begins moving that way. I pull on him, knowing that I don't have the strength to stop him, but he will anyway. When he does, I push my body into his, taking one last embrace before the deluge. His face rests on my shoulder and his steady breaths on my neck help me at least pretend that I can do this. He pulls away and then all but drags me into the room.
"Hey mom, dad, Charlie," he greets everyone as I incline myself behind him, hiding. Esme jumps out of her chair and runs over, embracing us both at once.
"Oh, I have missed you!" she cries, as though we'd been gone three months rather than three days. She pats down my arms as if she's doing an inventory of my limbs to make sure I'm still intact, and her eyes trail over her son in a similar fashion. "The house has been quiet as the dead without you two around!"
Considering that Emmett and Jasper have still been around, I struggle to believe that. Honestly, what with Edward and my tendency to keep to ourselves and speak in hushed tones, I would think things would be louder without us.
"Hi dad," I say weakly when I notice him over Esme's shoulder. He smiles gently under his moustache and waves, as if he's worried he'll scare me away.
His worries aren't that farfetched.
"Hey, baby girl," he replies, using his childhood nickname for me. I can't help but smile, just a tiny bit, as memories of fishing trips and ice cream and his awkward ways of expressing his love flood my mind for an instant. I cling to the warmth in my chest, trying to hold onto it as best I can.
Edward and I make our way over to the table, Esme flitting around the kitchen behind us. A few moments after we sit, she places a glass of iced tea in front of both of us and then takes her own seat.
"If you're hungry, you just let me know and I'll fix you something real quick, okay?"
We both nod, even though there's already a small platter of food on the table, and the idea of eating is completely off the agenda for the moment.
"So, what the hell is going on?" Edward asks, cutting through the pleasantries.
"Language, baby!" Esme chides, but he barely notices, his eyes fixed on my father and his, who both seem to be readying themselves for what's to come.
Abruptly, all the courage I'd tried to gather vanishes into thin air.
"Alright," Charlie says after a long pause, and clears his throat. "So I've been working on your case myself, and I've tried as hard as I can to keep you two out of it, because I know what things have been like, and I don't want to make you suffer if I don't absolutely have to."
I can feel the gigantic 'but' looming before he even says it.
"Unfortunately," he continues, and it's taking every fibre of strength I have not to run out of the room. "You two are going to have to be involved in the prosecution process."
I feel like I've been punched in the gut and the way Edward's body tenses and his hand almost crushes mine assures me he's feeling similarly. I squeeze back and he releases his hold before he's able to actually hurt me. I'm glad, because he'd never forgive himself if he did.
The information isn't surprising in the least, but the reality of it crashes down on us like a ton of bricks.
"Do we have to see them?"
Edward's voice is near silent, dead even, and utterly terrifying. I can almost hear his mind ticking over, trying to figure out away to act out his anger and garner some kind of revenge for what they did to us. I lean further into him, just to remind myself that he's by my side, and not anywhere hear the men. He doesn't look at me, but his arm wraps around my shoulder, holding me close and belying the fear he's hiding behind his fury.
"No," Carlisle steps in quickly, and I assume he can sense his son's burgeoning rage.
"We're hoping that a video testimony will be enough to satisfy the jury," Charlie clarifies, "but you will have to answer some questions about what you went through, and give some proper details. I'm sorry, but there's really no other way to punish those bastards for what they did to you." His eyes flicker to Esme. "Please excuse my language."
Our parents say nothing, waiting for some kind of reaction from us. They get nothing. I tremble silently at Edward's side, and he's almost vibrating with the anger he so desperately needs to outlet.
"Is that everything?" Edward asks, his voice empty and spine-chilling. Charlie and Carlisle look a little perplexed by our lack of response.
"Uh, yeah," Charlie says awkwardly, rubbing his neck in an uncharacteristically insecure move. My father is the picture of stoicism and has an infallible pokerface, but Edward and my behaviour seems to have penetrated.
"Fucking great," Edward growls, and stands up, "just let me know when the date is and I'll be there."
I try to stand with him but he shakes his hand free of my own. I lean back, trying to meet his eyes but he won't look at me. The pain his rejection causes festers inside me, stinging at my fingertips and behind my eyes, and gets worse with every step he takes. When I hear the front door slam, I feel like I might be consumed by the acid that seems to be pulsing through my veins.
"Bella, sweetheart," Esme coos, and only then do I realise that my cheeks are covered in tears.
"I'm - I have to go," I manage to choke out and flee the room as quickly as possible, running through the backdoor to the only source of solace I can think of now that Edward is gone. I dart over to Checker's pen to see that he's not there, and breathing becomes even more difficult when I realise I'm entirely alone.
I run back inside, past our frightened looking parents and up the stairs, throwing the door to Emmett's room open with a loud bang that I barely notice. There's no one in this room either.
Where is Checker? Have they taken him away from me too?
"Checker!" I call, starting to panic now. I move up and down the hallway, calling his name.
"Checker? Checker!"
"Bella?"
I see Jasper's head poke through his bedroom door and my panic burgeons further.
"They took him!" I cry frantically. "Someone took Checker and Edward's gone and I'm on my own and someone took him! Who took him? Why?"
"Bella, you need to calm down!" Jasper says, taking a step towards me. I take a step back.
"NO! I need him and he's gone!"
I'm not sure who I'm referring to.
He darts back into his room for a moment and emerges holding a ball of golden fur that is looking at me with confused, sleepy eyes. Relief almost cripples me.
"Checker!" I call to him, my voice shaky. His little tail wags from his position in Jasper's arms. Jasper holds him out to me and I run over, scooping him up and holding him to me, nuzzling my face into his soft fur. I'm so overwhelmed with relief that my legs start to wobble, threatening to give out under me.
"Whoa there," Jasper murmurs, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me into his room. He seats me on his bed and for a moment I'm nervous, because I've never been in here before. It's a similar layout to Edward and my rooms, only the colouring and furniture pieces are different. I take a small comfort from that, and then some more from the puppy in my arms.
Jasper sits himself on the bed beside me, maintaining a safe distance.
"Bella, I'm going to be honest," he confesses, a bit of embarrassment in his lovely accent, "I'm not sure what to do right now. Should I go get my mom and Carlisle? Where's Edward?"
The question completely shatters me.
"I don't know," I murmur through a sob that shakes my shoulders and nearly forces me to double over with the sheer force of it. "He left me."
"Oh, sweetie," he sighs, and reminds me so much of his mother. He awkwardly extends his arm around my shoulder and after a moment's hesitation, I lean into his side. We sit like this while I sob and comb my fingers through a confused-looking Checker's soft fur.
"Can I do anything?" he asks lowly, when my body stops shaking and the tears start to ebb.
"Can you -" I stumble over the request, coughing against my dry throat, "can you call Alice? Ask her to come get me please?"
"Of course I can, precious." He slowly removes his arm from around me and reaches for his phone. I tune out the conversation, spoken in low tones, focusing my attention on my puppy, smiling when he looks at me as though he can tell I'm sad, and it makes him sad too.
"I'm ok, baby," I assure him, patting his little head. He licks my hand, and I like to think he can understand me.
"She'll be here in eleven minutes," Jasper informs me when he hangs up, and I can't help but laugh weakly at Alice's specific time estimate.
"Do you need anything before she comes?" he asks, and I'm moved by how sweet he's being to me. He hardly knows me, short of being the crazy girl who's completely disrupted his family's lives, and who was running up and down his hall screaming for a puppy she thought had been stolen from her less than an hour before.
"No, but thanks," I smile at him, trying to thank him nonverbally as well. "I should probably go pack up some stuff."
"Yeah... you're welcome, Bella." He smiles back and it reminds me of Edward, so I quickly set the puppy down on his bed and leave the room before I end up revealing just how crazy I am... yet again.
Once I'm in my room, I yank a large bag out of the closet and set it down on the bed. I return to the open double doors, looking at my clothes and completely unsure as to what to do next. What will I need? How long will I be gone? Will I come back?
Will he come back?
I pull a top off the hanger, and I hate it. I hate it so much, so I throw it over my shoulder on the floor. My eyes fall on a dress, one I know well, but I hate it too, so I throw it. The pattern continues, until I'm on the floor, sobbing once more, in a nest made up of most of my clothing.
"Bella!"
Alice's voice. I can't meet her eyes.
"Oh, Bella," she says, and I can hear her approaching, but I don't look up. Instead, I look at the pile I'm seated in, wishing I had a pair of scissors so I could cut up all this shit. All this crap I used to love so much but it all means nothing now. I'll never get back the person I was, and all this fabric is just a sour reminder of that.
I hate it so much.
"Bella, you've got to get up," she breathes, reaching her small arms out to me.
"Why?" I sob.
"Come on, sweetie, please get up for me."
I just shake my head, completely despondent.
"Jasper!" she calls loudly, and I flinch at the sound. A moment later, I hear more footfalls and suddenly I'm being lifted and set down on my bed. I watch as Alice puts things in the bag I'd set out, and then she and Jasper clean up the mess I made. I want to tell them to throw it all away, to burn it, but I can't muster my voice.
Eventually, they finish their task. Alice comes over to me, and makes a point of making eye contact.
"Are you ready to go, Bella?"
I nod slowly, because I don't want to be here. I don't know where she's taking me, and honestly, I don't care.
"Can you get up?"
I think about it, trying to will my body into action, and then shake my head. My limbs feel weighted, and I'm so tired.
"Jas?" she questions, and then I'm being lifted again. I tuck my head into his chest so I don't have to see what's going on. He walks me down the stairs, I can feel it, and then I'm hit by sunlight, which makes me flinch closer to him. I'm completely powerless, unable to do anything for myself.
It disgusts me.
But nothing makes me more distressed than the sound of an engine cutting off and the furious voice I hear a second later.
"Bella? Jasper? What the fuck did you do to her?"