Octavia

She'd been right about one thing- three days had passed, and other than the time they'd stumbled onto the remnants of that destroyed village, nothing had gone wrong. No one had died or even been injured, no one had been attacked, and everyone had been relatively civil to one another. Maybe too civil, Octavia thought, glancing forward at her brother and Clarke as they rode together, the flanks of their horses almost touching. Every once in a while they would lock eyes and she saw the tiniest of smiles curl across their lips.

It wasn't that she was against their relationship- she wasn't, not really. But she was worried about how it had come about… Clarke was obviously suffering from serious trauma, and Bellamy too considering what he'd been through. And now her brother was hooked on a drug so destructive that it was slowly killing him. Clarke, meanwhile, was the one who injected him every few hours with the thing his body craved most. It was not the healthiest of beginnings.

In the Sky Box, there had been drug addicts. So she didn't know a lot, but she knew enough. She hoped what Clarke and Bellamy were building was something that could outlast all this, but it was hard to imagine them in the camp, being together. What would that look like? Even she and Lincoln had had problems inside Camp Jaha as a couple, and she'd always thought of her relationship as being so solid.

A small smile crossed her lips as she suddenly realised that hers and Lincoln's beginnings were no less strange than Bellamy and Clarke's. After all, sometimes it was the most difficult situations that bonded people.

Octavia looked down at the reins in her hand, frowning. What if this did last? Was she ready to let her brother go? He would never leave her completely, but if he and Clarke fell in love, she knew that Clarke would become more and more important to him every day. The jealous part of her didn't want that to be true, but she knew it was. Bellamy had been the centre of her world for sixteen years, and yet when she'd fallen for Lincoln, her priorities had shifted abruptly. That's just what love did.

"Are you okay?" Clarke asked suddenly from beside Octavia, making her jump. She hadn't realised that the older girl had paused her horse to wait for her, falling into step beside her.

"I'm fine," Octavia said, not liking being surprised. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just let out a huge sigh," Clarke said, looking at her quizzically.

"I did?" Octavia shrugged. "Well I'm fine."

Giving her a nod, Clarke didn't ask any further questions, and for a few minutes they rode together in silence. Finally Clarke said, "I can't believe how soon we're going to be there… it still doesn't feel real. I haven't even thought about what I'm going to say to my mom."

Octavia glanced sideways at her. "You'll know when you see her."

"I hope so."

"When we stop to give Bellamy his Red, we should train a little more," Octavia said. Unlike everyone else, she was in no hurry to return to camp. She could picture vividly just how she and Lincoln had left their tent, and she was dreading seeing it again. The more they delayed, the better.

But Clarke just shook her head. "No, we should push on, get there before nightfall."

Disappointed but resigned, Octavia nodded and said, "Okay."

"When we're back there, though, you'll train me?" Clarke asked her.

Her words drew a smile back to Octavia's lips. "So you are enjoying it."

"Yeah, I am," she answered, returning the smile. "I really am. It's nice not to feel helpless."

"Now we just need to find someone for you to practice on," Octavia said with a nod. "Not just me… I mean someone you actually have to fight. Someone who could hurt you if you don't stick up for yourself. That's the only way to know."

Clarke's smile seemed to disappear from her lips for the briefest of moments, but then she forced it back into place and said, "Great."

The next few hours passed in silence, and it was time to stop for Bellamy's dose of Red. Lia brought out the last of their food, and Bellamy walked to the other side of the clearing while Clarke prepared his dose. "This will be the last one, hopefully," she murmured softly to Octavia as she slid a vial into the injector. "We'll be back soon."

Octavia nodded, sitting down on the ground and eating, watching Clarke go to Bellamy and speak softly to him before the two of them walked into the forest together.

"Perhaps I should follow them," Lia said.

"Why would you do that?" Octavia asked. She was secretly grateful that the two of them always went off alone to get it done- she knew it wasn't Bellamy's fault, but it made her feel scared and sick in the pit of her stomach, watching him succumb to that drug over and over.

"He knows it is his last dose," Lia explained with a shrug. "He may panic. I will follow them and make sure he doesn't hurt her." Before Octavia could say anything either way, she rose to her feet and disappeared into the trees.

She pulled out one of her and Clarke's sticks- really missing her sword now- and started sparring with a tree, pretending it was a warrior attacking. She lunged, parried, attacked and defended for what seemed like a very long time.

Peering in the direction the others had gone, Octavia looked for any sign that they might be on their way back, but the trees were silent and still. She felt her curiosity pass into annoyance, and then into concern, as she waited and waited.

Where were they? What was going on? Had Bellamy lost it, tried to fight for control of the Red, hurt Clarke, or run away?

Finally she couldn't stand it anymore and she secured the horses before charging into the trees, keeping her footsteps light, holding her stick close to her side in case she might need it.

It didn't take long to find them. She heard them before she saw them, heard the sound of crying and recognised Clarke's voice. Her heart leapt in her throat and she started running towards them, not even caring about being quiet anymore as she burst out of the brush.

The first person she saw was Lia, standing near where Clarke was kneeling in the dirt. Clarke's eyes were red and she was swallowing her tears, obviously trying to calm down. She was cradling her left wrist in her other hand, gently opening and closing the fingers.

Octavia saw her brother across the small clearing, slumped against a tree, totally unconscious, a blue tuft in the hollow of his neck. She hurried over to him, but Lia was next to her instantly, her little hand clasped around Octavia's arm. "Do not revive him," she warned.

"What happened?" Octavia demanded, jerking her arm away and looking at Clarke. She knelt next to Bellamy and laid her hand against his cheek, relaxing a little as she felt the warmth of his skin, the soft breath against her palm. She glanced back at Clarke. "Did he break your wrist?"

"I don't think so," she answered. Dejectedly she added, "He took the whole dose."

Octavia sucked in a breath and shook her head. "Here, let me," she said. She stood and went to Clarke, dropping to her knees in front of her. She cradled Clarke's wrist in her hand and watched her face carefully as she very gingerly manipulated her wrist front and back, then side to side. Clarke cringed a little, but she didn't seem to be in immense pain, despite the bruising and redness that wringed her wrist. "Probably just twisted it badly," Octavia said gently.

"He didn't mean to," Clarke said, holding her arm against her chest.

"I know," Octavia said gently, squeezing her shoulder. "Don't worry, he'll be back to normal before we know it."

"We should move," Lia spoke up. "If you still wish to get to your camp by sunset, we must keep moving."

Octavia left Clarke's side and returned to her brother, crouching next to him and watching his face. To a casual observer he might have looked serene, but she could see that he was tormented, maybe having nightmares- unconscious but not sleeping peacefully. "What about him?" she asked Lia.

"I will bring his horse and we will lift him up," she said. "We should keep him sedated until he is safely inside your camp."

"No way," Octavia said firmly. "We're not walking him through the gates like this."

She felt Clarke's hand on her and she expected her to protest, but Clarke just said, "We'll make sure we wake him up before we get to the gates."

"Thanks," Octavia said genuinely, smiling at her. Together they waited with Bellamy, each of them kneeling on opposite sides of him. It seemed like Clarke wanted to say something, but she was hesitant. "What is it?" Octavia asked after a short silence. "A warrior speaks her mind, if her mind is true."

Clarke let out a long breath and said, "I'm just worried."

"About going home?"

Again, Clarke sighed. "About everything… about going home, about Bellamy. What if I can't pull it off? What if-" She broke off, falling silent.

Octavia was looking at her brother's face as softly she said, "What if he dies?"

"I'm sorry," Clarke said, equally soft. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Yes you should," Octavia said firmly. Their eyes met and she said, "We've both been thinking it. Even he's been thinking it."

"I'll get it done," Clarke said. "I promise."

Octavia smiled at her and then on impulse she reached out, pulling Clarke into her arms as she said, "I know you will."

For a moment Clarke did nothing, but then Octavia felt her arms slip around her back and hold her tight. "I'm sorry for everything," Clarke whispered.

Octavia was surprised at just how much those simple words meant to her. She let out a long breath and then she pulled back, looking into Clarke's eyes and nodding her head. They both smiled at each other, and Octavia found that despite her anger at Clarke, there could still be room in her heart for forgiveness.

It wasn't much longer before Lia returned with Bellamy's horse, and together the three of them struggled to lift him up onto the animal's back and then bind him to it. Octavia watched him for a moment, making sure he wouldn't fall, and then the rest of them mounted their own horses.

"Will it wear off by the time we get to camp?" Octavia asked apprehensively.

"I don't know," Clarke answered. "I hope so."

After that sobering exchange, they rode in silence for the next few hours. Octavia noticed that around about the time the land started to incline, the trees began to look more and more familiar.

"This is the hill that overlooks camp," Clarke spoke up, and she seemed nervous.

"We need to wake him up now," Octavia said immediately, sliding off her horse before anyone could protest. She grabbed the ropes and started untying them. Clarke appeared at her side, and together they slipped off his bindings and eased him down to the ground.

Lia appeared next to them, frowning. "We do not know what state he will be in," she warned.

"We're not going back with him like this," Octavia snapped.

"Would you rather bring a Reaper to your camp?" Lia retorted.

"Let's just keep his hands and feet tied, just in case," Clarke said, clearly trying to compromise. Octavia grudgingly nodded her head in agreement, and even Lia seemed to reluctantly accept that plan. Once they had let the girl secure Bellamy tightly, Octavia pulled the dart from his neck. Both she and Clarke stayed close.

A few tense moments passed, and then his eyes sprung open as he gasped for air, staring up through the trees at the darkening sky. When he turned his head toward them, Octavia smiled at him and said, "Hey Bell… are you okay?"

He nodded, still breathing hard, his eyes a bit cloudy with grogginess, but otherwise he seemed lucid. He struggled to sit up and it was all she could do not to untie him, but she wanted to make sure he wouldn't be a threat first, that he wouldn't give Lia any other reason to subdue him.

"What happened?" he asked, his eyes darting between her and Clarke. Octavia remembered how the darts could steal memories from directly before they were placed, and she wondered if maybe that wouldn't actually be a blessing. If he knew he'd hurt Clarke, he'd feel terrible, and in her opinion he'd spent enough time feeling terrible.

Lia spoke up and said, "I darted you."

Immediately the colour drained from Bellamy's face and his eyes were back on Octavia and Clarke, looking them over carefully. "What did I do?"

"Don't worry about that," Octavia told him gently, smoothing her hand over his curls, trying to soothe him.

"O, what did I do? Did I hurt you?" he asked urgently. When she shook her head his eyes slid to Clarke and he said, "I hurt you." He sounded so devastated.

Clarke answered gently, "I'm fine," but Octavia knew that was as bad as saying yes.

"We're home," she told her brother, drawing his attention back. "Camp Jaha's just past these trees. I'm going to untie you, okay?"

He seemed to hesitate, closing his eyes for a moment, but then he nodded. "Okay, yeah… I feel okay." With confusion he asked Clarke, "Did you give me Red before? I feel like you did… but I feel a bit different."

Octavia met Clarke's eyes and willed her to tell a white lie to spare his feelings- he had enough reasons to be guilty. Clarke gave her a brief smile and then turned her eyes to meet Bellamy's. She nodded her head. "I gave you your last dose a few hours ago."

He seemed doubtful, not saying anything for a long moment, but then finally he nodded. "Okay then… let's get me untied so we can all go home."

Octavia started working on the ropes, and she was surprised to intercept a grateful look from her brother to Lia, though she couldn't imagine why. She filed that information away for later, knowing it wasn't important right now.

Clarke seemed nervous as they got Bellamy to his feet and started through the forest, leading their horses by the reins now, as they got closer. Octavia watched as Bellamy put his hand in the small of Clarke's back and inched her a step closer to him, saying softly to her, "We're all going in together." Those words seemed to soothe her, as the tightness of her shoulders evaporated.

Finally they could see more and more light filtering through the trees ahead, and Octavia felt her anxiety growing with each step she took. Without even realising she was doing it, she started to hang back from the group, holding tighter and tighter to her horse's reins.

"Hey, O," Bellamy said, suddenly beside her. "You okay?"

She shook her head. "There's nothing in there for me, Bell," she whispered, surprised to find tears filling her eyes.

"Yes there is," he said gently, pulling her close. "You've got me. You've always got me." She exhaled against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him and feeling him doing the same.

She clung to him, trying to get strength from him, trying to be brave, but it all seemed so hopeless. "Will you come with me?" she asked softly. "Will you come with me to our tent? Before detox?"

His hand threaded through her hair and she felt him let out a long, sympathetic breath. Gently he said, "Of course I will. We'll do it together."

She nodded, and she felt tears rolling down her cheeks. "Why did he have to die, Bell?" she choked out, the grief suddenly hitting her full-force.

He held her tightly and just let her cry for a long time. Clarke and Lia seemed to have vanished, and she knew they must have been waiting up ahead.

Finally she calmed down enough to pull back, looking into his eyes. She could see how much he felt for her, how badly he wished he could fix it. "It's okay, big brother," she said softly. "I'll get through this."

"You shouldn't have to," he protested.

Gently she said, "But I do. And I will."

They lost eye contact and he swallowed a little, seeming to hesitate. Finally looking back at her he said, "O… if anything happens… if the detox doesn't work and I don't make it-"

"Don't say that," she said, squeezing her eyes closed.

"If anything happens," he said, ignoring her protest. "I just want you to know that I'm proud of you. That Mom would be proud of you too. Okay?"

"You're not going to die," she said, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring at him. She knew she was being stubborn- obstinate, as her mother used to say- but she didn't care. She hated when he talked like that.

"Well, even if I don't… I still want you to know." He held her shoulders, looked into her eyes. "I'm really proud of you, O."

Finally she relented, looked at him, feeling herself soften a little. She thought of how much their lives had changed since landing on the dropship, how much they both had grown. "I'm proud of you too, Bell."

"Was that so hard?" he teased gently, squeezing her shoulder. "Come on… let's go home."

She nodded, and together they rejoined Clarke and Lia, neither of who remarked on their absence or her reddened eyes.

They didn't go much further before the ground started leveling out as they left the mountain behind. They walked in silence through the trees toward Camp Jaha, and as soon as they broke through the treeline, Octavia saw its familiar shape right away, looming ahead.

The large ring and caterpillar-like segments of Alpha Station lay in a big clearing made by their own landing, the electric fence they'd erected in their first days on Earth forming a perimeter around the whole thing. It was still light, more so now that they were out of the woods, and so there seemed to be no electricity on in the station, no artificial lights shining from the windows.

"It's too quiet," Bellamy said suddenly.

He was right. It was way too quiet- the only sound was the stirring of the wind. Instantly, all four of them were on edge.

"This way," Octavia said, leading them around the back of the structure and towards the place in the fence where the electricity was patchy, the place where she'd often snuck out, not wanting her movements to be noticed or regulated by the guards.

Her secret entrance was, as always, free of electricity, but this time there was no hum at all, even in the surrounding sections, and she realised that the whole fence was dead. "Something's wrong," she said.

Clarke was shaking her head, and she looked grim. "It's all wrong," she declared.

Octavia watched as Clarke and her brother exchanged the gravest look she had ever seen on their faces. Finally, Bellamy was the one to voice what they were all thinking. "No one's here," he said, his jaw tight. "They're gone."