Clarke used to love Christmas, it was always her favourite time of year, was. The city has its perks, the way it just seems to stop for half a second, a barely recognizable moment. The cut-throat nature of the people, who stand vulnerable while they whistle into the haze of traffic hoping to catch the attention of the shrewd little men driving cabs; it softens into the placid hubbub of crowds of family and friends who wait anxiously to grab that new, shiny red bike or that specific box of chocolates. A celebration, a festival for our saviour.
Ring. Ring.
She hears her phone on her bedside table but it's still too early to consider dragging herself into waking existence and this is the first day off she's had in a long time. She decides to let it ring, whoever it is can wait ...at least until 9 am.
"I'll never understand why you chose to get a phone, you never actually answer it. Well, in case you forgot, today we have a date - we're meant to go shopping in about an hour; seriously if you don't call me back in 30 minutes I'll be there to wake you myself."
Clarke groans as she hears her best friend's voice and reluctantly rolls over to pick up her phone. 8:43 am it reads and she lets out another muffled groan, locking her screen, she takes in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. This should be a good day.
"John!" she calls through the apartment, the sharp noise of something breaking is her only response. "Fuck, not again" she growls, storming out to find her son and neighbour surrounded by a cloud of smoke and broken glass.
"That. Was. So. Cool!" exclaims the youngster as his hand makes contact with his associate's "did you see that mum?" he asks, his eyes so full of life that they manage to wipe off the sour look on her face.
"No, unfortunately I didn't see that" she says trying her best to hold her irritation back "why don't you go back to the apartment and get cleaned up quickly while I talk to Raven here huh?" a broad smile spreads across his face as he realises his mother isn't upset and with a cheeky salute he vanishes through the doorway.
"You're not happy"
"Really? I wonder what gave that away." Clarke's eyes rage and she bites her tongue. Hard. "This can wait- go get ready we're going shopping, Octavia is going to kill me for being late and she'll be less mad if you're the reason I'm late." Clarke spits out and Raven smiles in return.
"Aye aye Captain, I'll get right to it" she drawls before saluting and turning to walk away- her cheek, Clarke glares in realization, matches John's.
Alone on the balcony of her neighbour's apartment, Clarke takes in the city. The figures that shuffle along on the side-walks and strut with long, purposeful strides seem almost amusing, their beaks nuzzled constantly into flapping copies of The Times and their beady eyes flickering towards the screens of their phones. She imagines herself in a few hours, slipped into the void of city life, strands of blonde hair tumbling incessantly into her line of vision as she, herself, shuffles past various buildings. She'd see her reflection, guided by her movements, in the clear glass windows and a very tired 6 year old would moan and whine as he pretended not to be able to keep up. She'd ignore him.
With an artist's eye she comes back into the moment and observes the freckled pattern of the frigid city, the loud colours of the vehicles that complain on the streets, pushing to speed up the slow stream of traffic, and the trodden-on snow that has melted into an undesirable brown in some places. Clarke relaxes into the familiar scene and her clenched fists loosen.
"Okay John go get Raven we need to leave be-"
"Octavia Blake in the building bitches" her best friend interrupts as she makes her way into the room "you know Clarke, you really need to learn how to use a phone"
"I know naught of what you speak of. I, Clarke Griffin, am completely capable of using your fancy modern telecommunication devices." She says haughtily earning a chuckle from the brunette who now slouched on the couch.
"Where's my favourite little man?"
"Octopus!" a shrill voice exclaims as the owner of it runs into the living room to attack the brunette on the couch with hugs and kisses "you know sometimes I wish you really were an octopus because then, I'd be able to hug you and you'd hug me back but like eight times more"
"John, never change. You are a precious little cinnamon roll. Too good, too pure, never change" she says placing a wet kiss on his cheek which is immediately wiped off a disgruntled face by small delicate hands.
"Alright Clarke, I'm done, let's get going" says Raven, as she walks into the apartment and smiles. She takes in the scene, plastered on Octavia's face is a shit-eating grin whilst John, slightly upset, tries to wipe smudged lipstick from his cheek.
"Okay now that we're all here, can we go?" Clarke says capturing the attention of the group, they nod in response, "okay good, John have you got something to keep you warm?" she asks as the group assembles outside her door and she turns the key.
"I never get cold. I have a fire burning deep inside of me that will never go out and will always keep me warm" he exclaims, hand on his heart and tiny eyes alight with humour.
"I hope you're happy with yourself Griffin" Raven mutters "you're raising an A-class nerd."
As the group made their way to the mall, with Clarke constantly fussing and Raven teasing mercilessly, the youngest of them, John, let his eyes wonder to the blur of buildings. Shops tucked themselves into every nook and foreign faces dashed in and out of their warmth. Snow lay dormant in crevices and occasionally his vision would pick out a single snowflake that weaved a web like pattern across itself. He stopped, briefly, absorbed by one such snowflake as it drifted to the ground.
"John" rang out the exasperated tone of his mother and he looked up to see three feminine profiles, whose eyes remained glued to him.
"Coming!" he yelled and jogged to catch up, the tip of his nose going numb from the cold. He wasn't cold though. He wasn't. Still, he welcomed the contrast of the heated cab as he clambered into it. Perching between his mother and Octavia, a wicked grin climbed onto his lips and Raven burst out into rambunctious hoots of laughter in the front seat. The cab driver's lips turned down at the corners and disappeared into his bushy moustache and his watery black eyes squinted into a scowl. Clarke shot razor-sharp daggers at the boy next to her and tried to lean towards the ventilation, while Octavia, always the drama-queen (although perhaps not in this situation) slapped her hands over her air-passages loudly and scrambled as far away from John as possible- trying to open the sealed window with her elbow, making distinct gagging noises.
"Better out than in" John grinned lazily and lounged back into the seat. Clarke worried for the state of her tongue as she bit into it harder and tasted the metallic regret of blood.
No one could get a word in edgewise over Raven's laughter and the ride to the mall dissolved into one bitter expression, one dramatic, and two joyous. Clarke wondered if a little girl would've done that. Probably, with Raven living next door.
The cab driver, practically threw them out when they arrived but waited grudgingly for his money before speeding off.
"Where are we going first?" Octavia asks directing the query to no one in particular. Her question was met by looks of disapproval "oh c'mon, just because it was my idea to come shopping doesn't mean that I had a schedule planned out. I never plan for anything, you should know that by now and I'm quite offended by the fact that you don't" she finishes smugly and tosses her head.
The blonde smiles and sighs "well if we go to Toys 'R' Us first then this one" she grabbed John by the collar and pulled him back to his place next to her before continuing "is bound to tire himself out and won't be a nuisance for the next 3 hours...either that or he'll find a toy that'll keep him occupied." John's face lights up upon hearing his mother mention the toy store that had already caught his eye. "Sound good?" everybody nodded, John rather viciously, and with that, he sprinted towards the bright fluorescent sign that read "Toys 'R' Us" with 3 women closely on his tail.
"Oh my goooooood" Raven whined as it had been an entire hour since they'd stepped through the entrance to the toys shop and still, they stood waiting for John to find something.
"Okay, done!" said the youngster with a smile that exposed his teeth, the type of teeth-still-growing smile that made his mother's heart melt into a puddle at her feet.
"I swear he smiles at me like that on purpose" Clarke hissed to Octavia who just shook her head in response and tucked a strand of coffee-coloured hair behind her right ear as she rolled her eyes.
"Sure when he does it it's cute and he gets out of trouble..." Raven murmered bitterly "but when I do it it's 'no Raven you can't just sabotage someone's wifi connection then threaten to sabotage their breaks because they undermined your ability as a mechanic' and suddenly I'm the bad guy" says the Latina mocking Clarkes "stern-voice" with a pout which is met by a chorus of awwhs from the others.
"Alright, that's a set of walkie-talkies, a tiara, NERF guns, LEGO and Nanoblocks. Will that be all?" asked the cashier looking at Clarke who in turn faced John. He nodded excitedly in response- his head bobbing rapidly.
She smiled "yes, that will be all thanks," and with that the cashier loaded all the new purchases into bags, Clarke presented her debit card and they were out.
"Hey Johnny boy, why did you buy a tiara?" asked Octavia pushing the trolley he was sat in. He brought her face down to his mouth with cold hands and whispered something unidentifiable into her ear. Whatever it was earned him a smile and curious, mildly worried looks form Clarke and Raven.
They proceeded through the mall as soft Christmas carols played from the loudspeakers and the smell of cinnamon, pine and peppermint candies plagued the air. Clarke closed her eyes and allowed herself to take it all in; she could hear the cheerful conversations and feel the positive vibes that radiated off of every individual in the mall. Christmas is a good time she tries to convince herself; she will learn to love it again, if not for John then for herself.
"Okay that's about..." Clarke's nose crinkled at the bridge slightly as she concluded "a fifth of the shopping we have to do- and it only took us 3 hours, not bad team" Clarke said as she mentally patted herself on the back. You're not a dog she reminded herself quickly.
"Can we get food now?" asked the other two women who looked ragged with exhaustion.
Clarke rolled her eyes "how is it that" pausing for effect, she let her eyes zip skyward, "I've been doing most of the walking and shopping but you're the ones that are tired and hungry?"
"Hey" Raven protested "doing nothing requires a shed load of work."
"Whatever you say lazy, let's just get to the food court." Clarke replied and the rest stood -John sat up in his trolley and pointed vigorously towards the signs of many fast food joints.
"Ready?"
Octavia nods "Sir, Yes sir!"
"Charge!" he cried and they were off before Clarke could even begin to come to terms with what was happening.
"So John, you never did answer Octavia's question as to why you bought a tiara." Clarke said before popping the chip she was eyeing into her mouth with satisfied hum.
"Yeah John, you never did do that, why don't you tell us now, I need the bathroom" Raven stood abruptly and slinked off.
"Well," the little boy started off with a nervous quiver to his voice -Octavia poked his side, urging him to go on "I got the tiara because I want to give it to my mum because I think that she needs a reminder that she is a princess and not the type of princess that's a damsel in distress but the kind of princess like Mulan that defies all odds and don't need no man or woman, so if you could wear this tiara for the rest of this shopping trip and whenever you feel low that would be pretty great" he finished off the rapid stream of words by releasing a breath that he had no idea he was holding and strode over to place the tiara on his mum's head -proceeding to clamber onto the table. "Ladies and gentlemen" he called in attempt to gain the attention of the food court. "This isn't working" he murmured desperately. Octavia looked at him in pity as her phone vibrated against her leg.
"Tell him to speak into the phone, I've connected my phone to the mall's sound system" Raven said as she answered, a smile evident in her voice.
Octavia handed him the phone and he smiled in relief "Ladies and gentlemen, hi" he said as heads turned to face him and he smiled again- giving a small wave "um my name is John and this is my mum Clarke Griffin" he said pointing at the flustered blonde that had tears welling up in her eyes "and um I just really love her a lot" he continued and a chorus of awwhs and some cheers met his childish voice as it projected across the building "see, she's very pretty and she always makes me feel like the luckiest little boy in the world so today because I wanted to make her feel special and show her my gratitude for being such a great mum, I got her a tiara because she's a princess and I love her a lot and yeah" he finished off and the spectators erupted into cheers for the little boy and his mother.
"Oh my god John" Clarke said a little breathless, letting her tears fall and sweeping him off the table to envelop him in her arms -showering his face with kisses "I love you so much, it's us against the world, as long as we have each other we'll be fine" she said placing a final kiss on his cheek. He returned it with a grin as large as Jupiter.
"You know what I love best about this time of year?" Raven said as she returned to the duo having a moment.
"What?"
"All the ugly sweaters that people have to wear to keep their parents or grandparents happy" Raven answered with a good natured sneer.
"Is there anyone in particular you're referring to?" Clarke asked optimistically- her eyes gleaming in anticipation.
Raven chuckled "yeah, there was this one girl just outside Foot Locker oh my god" she said before breaking out into a fit of giggles, Clarke rolled her eyes.
"Well then why don't we go find her? I mean Foot Locker is on the way to the next shop we're going to so might as well" Octavia cut in, lifting John and placing him back into his spot in the trolley before they sped off in the direction Raven had come from, with the others struggling to keep up.
They were all trying to recover from the laughing fit they had had and John was pouting with his arms crossed over his chest and brows furrowed. "It's not funny. Hmph" he said causing them to break out into laughter once more.
"We're not laughing at you little man" Raven said a little breathless "we're just" before she could finish her sentence she leant forward onto her knees and turned back to laughing.
4 years ago
Clarke didn't like the idea of having to take John to see his father, especially since she personally didn't feel comfortable around his corporate environments. Every time she walks into one of these buildings, the corruption smacks her in the face and makes her feel sick to her stomach... Or maybe that's just the thought of seeing the father of her child.
Clarke despises taking elevators because there's always the chance of it being too crowded meaning she'd end up pressed up against some greasy git of a man that manages "accidently" presses his hand against one of two places on her body but she got lucky. It turns out she arrived just before rush hour and the elevators were practically empty. She held on to her son's gloved hand and gave it a firm squeeze as they ascended to the top floor.
Ding.
The elevator came to a stop and its doors slid open welcoming a brunette with long spiraling curls, an inconsistent mat of too many of them to be exact and from the second John saw her hair he was enraptured.
A gasp fell from the small boys mouth which caused the brunette to shift her attention to below the blonde's waist and she noticed him ,however, before she could bend down to acknowledge him the blonde broke the silence "going down or up?"
The brunette stood there looking at her blankly until she asked again "going down or up?"
"Oh right, down but you're going up so we can start with you and then I can just go back down." She said with a smile playing at her lips and a twinkle in her olive-coloured eyes, the smile was returned politely by the blonde.
"Thank you" she said and the other girl raised her eyebrows in recognition of the gratification.
"Pretty hair" John whispered reminding the two women that they weren't alone, and the brunette bent down to his level with a genuine smile plastered on her face.
"Hey little buddy" she said giving him a small wave and Clarke chuckled.
"You know, he could have been talking about my hair"
The brunette looked up at her, still smiling "nah, my hair tends to attract many toddlers, it's how I get them into my van. Much easier than ice cream" she winked earning a quiet laugh from the blonde.
She reverted her attention back to the small boy with long hair and blue eyes who held out his hands and a horror-struck look gripped Clarke's face as she realized what was about to happen. No no no-
"owww…whatcha got there buddy?" the other woman said as the toddler pulled on her hair. She skillfully masked pain with a picture perfect smile.
"Pretty hair" he repeated, preceding a gleeful laugh as he tugged on the handful of hair once more.
The brunette looked back up at the worried blonde who mouthed the words "I'm sorry"
Shaking her head she mouthed back "it's okay". Just as John was about to tug on her hair again the bell on the elevator distracted him.
Ding.
The elevator came to a stop and John pouted as he took his hands out of her hair and the doors slid open.
"Have a good day pretty hair" the small boy said with an endearing grin and a wave- his mother gave her a kind smile and she returned it with a nod.
"Have a good one" she said as the elevator doors closed and she walked quickly into her child's father's office.
The group's laughter had finally died down and to say the look on John's face was disapproving would be an understatement. "Are you ladies done?" he asked monotonously.
The three friends smiled at him and continued their journey through the mall. It was fairly peaceful with some light conversation until Raven pointed out the girl in the hideous sweater she'd seen earlier. The three ladies were tired out from laughing so much earlier on but it seemed like John had been holding this back for a long time because the sound that came out of his mouth could not have been human. Clarke, Raven and Octavia were left wide-eyed as the boy laughed and pointed. None of them expected that when they walked past the girl he'd say anything, but he did.
"Oh my god mum look at it, it's atrocious" he said pointing towards the girl in the sweater.
"Atrocious?" asked Raven "I'm like 4 times his age and he uses bigger words than I do."
A woman came up behind Clarke and said "ma'am um could you please control your child" through gritted teeth.
Clarke smiled "excuse me but do you have kids?" and the woman shook her head "okay good then you of all people should not be telling me about what to do with my child." She spat out and walked towards the girl in the sweater giving an apologetic smile. "I'm really sorry my" she started off and the girl raised one of her brows "yeah I'm really sorry that" she continued and looked at John who feigned being hurt as he braced himself for his mother's betrayal, ignoring him and went on "I'm sorry my child pointed out that your sweater is- actually no I agree that sweater is horrendous" she said with a small laugh that she covered up with a cough.
The brunette's mouth opened and closed as she searched for the right words to say under the circumstances. "That's big talk coming from someone wearing a tiara" she shot back, arrogance evident on her face.
Clarke scoffed, with an amused smile playing on her lips "I'll have you know that I am wearing this crown because I've been announced a princess, you should consider yourself lucky for even having the chance to talk to me."
The brunette cocked her head to the side before bowing and getting down on one knee "well, excuse me then Your Highness, how completely and utterly rude of me, I should know a princess when I see one, how may I be of service to you?" she deadpanned before letting a giggle slip.
Clarke chuckled lightly and said "you should consider acting; you almost had me for a second there"
The girl stood up and looked at her "thank you" she smiled "Princess-"
"Clarke" she interrupted and the brunette gave a sly nod.
"Princess Clarke, it has a ring to it, if you hadn't offended my sweater earlier I might've become your loyal servant"
"Is that so?" Clarke asked with an eyebrow raised "because if I know anything about monarchy, regardless of what the Princess says, you have to serve her- or you face some dire consequences" her voice dropped into a low and husky tone.
"True, but I could just overthrow you and claim the crown for myself, then you'd have to serve me" she replied taking a step closer, causing Clarke's breath to hitch in her throat.
This is not a normal exchange. This is not how two strangers speak to each other, in a public environment of all places, could this be one of the store's policies? Flirt with every customer because if it was, then she was damn good at it. The brunette held a fixed gaze on the blonde, a smirk evident on her lips, almost as if she could read her thoughts.
"Oh my god Clarke" Raven started and the moment ended "for the sake of the innocent could you learn to keep it in your pants?" she said a little too loudly and when Clarke turned around to look for the girl, she was gone.
"Is it just me or did she have really pretty hair?" John asked bringing Clarke back down to reality.
"Lexa, you're not wearing the sweater" Anya, her sister, commented as she walked out of her room.
Lexa groaned "do I really have to?" she earned a look from Anya and muttered something quietly to herself as she retreated into her room to fetch the awful thing.
Every once in a while the two go to visit their mother – it's necessary they wear the sweaters their mother got them about two Christmases ago in order to keep the peace. They're both not fans of the sweaters but
Anya would rather wear it and be done with it for another year whereas Lexa tries to get herself out of it every single year.
The garment that Lexa emerges in is loud and ugly, traditional colours twist into the seemingly random pattern gregariously and the flecks of green on the muddy brown base remind the girls unavoidably of vomit. A badly knitted reindeer that looks far to dog-like for comfort, stares out of the bust with uneven red eyes that match his nose, but would scare the living day-lights out of most children. On the back of her mother's masterpiece Lexa can feel the weight of the reindeer's tail as it emerges like some ungodly toothbrush from the sweater and she feels the urge to rip it off. Anya's sweater is nearly as bad, but at least the snowman looks relatively cheery and the red wool that he rests on doesn't look like sick.
"Ready?" Anya asked her younger sister as she walked into the common area to which she received a nod in response.
The two took off. The car ride there was mostly silent; it wasn't awkward though; it was a comfortable silence with the radio humming in the background as the signal weakened the further away they got from the city.
"Why're we stopping?" Lexa asked as the car came to a stop and she took in her surroundings "this is not mum's house"
Anya smiled "nothing gets by you huh? I need to get something for mum real quick, please come with?" she said holding her hands together and Lexa rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the car and the tip of her nose started numbing from the cold.
"Let's go"
They walked until Anya disappeared and left Lexa alone outside a Foot Locker and as she observed the faces of people walking past she realized that she left her hideous sweater on. Great. "Where are you?" Lexa spoke into her phone
"What do you mean where am I? The real question is where you are" Anya said back and Lexa pulled a face. It was so typical of her sister to step into a shopping centre for something small and end up sidetracked.
Lexa stood in place, desperately waiting for her sister to come back. Although she hated being left alone in the middle of a shopping mall, she couldn't help but take it as an opportunity to observe. People bounded around in groups ranging in size and stepped out of stores with translucent plastic bags that carried what must be triple the recommended weight. Kids were strapped into trolleys or held sternly by an adults side and teenagers roamed freely often with a brooding pout that seemed to go hand in hand with hormones and acne.
A family of two caught her eye a little way away and she focused on the girl who held a cookie easily as big as her head, with a fantastic Christmas-grin and two auburn pigtails that her father gently brushed crumbs out of as he knelt in front of her.
That's when she recognised the Latina that walked by earlier, except she was with two other women and a young boy. She knew the boy instantly; she'd never forget those piercing blue eyes. About four years ago he ended up playing tug of war with her hair in an elevator. They seemed to be enjoying each others' company on what she assumed was a shopping trip. Never in a million years did she expect the little boy to approach her and express his feelings towards the sweater she'd forgotten she was wearing.
Anya walked back to the spot where she'd left Lexa and witnessed the exchange between Lexa and the familiar blonde, she smiled to herself. One of the blonde's friends came up to her and ended the moment between the two.
Anya watched as her sister approached her with her cheeks flushing a bright pink. "So, are you still mad that I left you alone?"
Her sister looked at her and smiled "her name is Clarke and yes I still hate you." She jabbed playfully and proceeded to the exit of the building.