CHAPTER II

"HELLO SANS!" Papyrus announced as he opened the door to see his brother's usually lazily smiling face.

Knowing he was going to be question for why his door was locked, it was always hard to keep his face from faultering in these awkward situations when he just got done harming himself. He could hardly look his brother in the eyes. Papyrus often wondered how Sans would react if he found out about his routine. He internally gaged and willed himself to take his mind off of it.

"Hey Papyrus, why was you door locked? You alright?" There was an emotion in Sans eyes that Papyrus read as.. sympathy? He must have heard about the fight he lost with the human today and how Undyne had had about enough of his failures.

But, there was no way he was going to let Sans know how down he was.

"OF COURSE, BROTHER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS ALRIGHT! WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?"

It made him feel horrible lying to his brother. He was the only thing that he had and he loved him more than anything, but he had to hide himself from him. He really was an awful brother, wasnt he?

Sans continued, " Well, bro. I heard about your fight with the human today." Sans walked past Papyrus let himself into the room, walking through it, then finally sat down on the edge of his brother bed.

"And I talked to Undyne..."

Oh, so he did know.

"We had a talk and she told me she said some pretty harsh things to you... Called you a failure? Something like that." Sans scanned Papyrus' face for any emotion other than the usual, but found nothing as he just stared blankly back.

"Anyway, she kinda feels bad about it, she said. She said it was a just in the moment kind of thing, i guess. She told me to tell you not to worry about it." Sans sighed.

"So, I was wondering if you were okay?" Sans looked at Papyrus, waiting for an answer. After a few moments his eyes uncomfortably shifted to the floor.

Papyrus felt sick to his imaginary stomach. Sans hadn't even made one pun, that meant he was being actually serious about this and he actually was worried. That was the last thing Papyrus needed. He was the one that worried about Sans and everything else! Not the other way around.

"YES, UNDYNE MAY HAVE SAID SOME UNPLEASANT THING TODAY... " Papyrus took a breath and looked at his bookshelf, he could look at his brother right now. He couldn't look at Sans while lying right to him.

He felt disgusting.

"BUT IM OKAY, I'M STILL STRONG"

Failure

"I TRIED MY BEST AND THATS ALL ANYONE CAN DO"

Weak

"I STILL HAVE MY FRIENDS AND YOU SANS AND I CAN STILL GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD, I JUST NEED TO GET STRONGER AND TRY HARDER!"

Worthless.

Unwanted.

Loser.

Sans took his eyes slowly off of the floor, his expression was something Papyrus could not read. The shorter skeleton closed his eyes for a moment then opened them back up with the same expression.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure. I care about you, Pap. I'm always here if you need me, you know that right?" Sans smiled.

"YES, I KNOW SANS, BUT IM FINE! THERE'S NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ME! I JUST NEED TO TRAIN MORE AND THEN UNDYNE WILL LET ME IN FOR SURE! IM NOT GIVING UP!" At the end of his speech he flashed Sans one of his award winning grins to seal the deal.

Papyrus didn't want to talk anymore. He just wanted to curl up and sleep. He didn't want to continue to lie to his brother's face, but it was the only way.

"Okay then." Sans sounded content with his answer. He lifted himself off of Pap's bed and went over to him, giving him a quick hug before going to exit his room.

"See you later then Papyrus, love you." He left and walked down the stairs and ploped himself on the couch.

Papyrus heard the TV click on as he headed back into his own room while he shut and locked the door once again while leaning against it and sinking to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest. He felt horrible. He lied to his brother once again, but it was for the greater good, wasnt it? He couldn't let his brother know how he really feels. Sans had depression issues for his own to take care of for himself, there was no why he could bother Sans with how he was feeling.

He didnt want anybody to know how he was feeling. He was suppose to be happy, he was suppose to be strong! How would anyone react if they knew that The Great Papyrus was falling apart at the seems?

Papyrus felt wetness on his face, he touched with with his hand...

Oh, he was crying again. He needed to calm down.

Luckily he knew just the way how.

Papyrus pulled up his pant leg and made sure to heal the old wounds first. He went to bring a hand to his leg and saw his dust on it and felt a little wave of panic and relief that Sans didnt notice. He had no idea how how would come up with an excuse as to why his door was locked and why he had his own dust on his hands.

That thought aside, he stood up from his spot on the floor and went over to retrieve his knife once more, then thinking that might not be enough for how he's feeling.

He went and opened his closet door to find the solid silver and red hammer that her had placed there months ago for his most truly despreate moments where he needed to comfort of pain.

Hammer in hand, he walked for to his computer desk and sat down in the office chair. Moving the keyboard, he placed his left fore-arm on the solid wood of the desk, then grabbed the item of destruction and wound back.

'BAM!'

With one impact his fore-arm was an exeedingly large fracture and Papyrus was hissing in enjoyment and pain.

He thought about yelling the moment it impacted, but he wasnt sure how loud Sans had the TV upand he didn't want to take a change on Sans trying to come in and finding the door locked again. That would just raise more questions.

Uncomfortable questions.

The pain was just enough to take his mind off of the guilt and failure. He knew he would never get into the Royal Guard, and he had just lied to his brother, He deserved this. He deserved this pain, and he was going to take all he could get.

After he aquired his fill, Papyrus healed the fracture in his bone. He was alarmed to see it had left a long scar on his arm.

It would most likely heal over time, but this meant long sleeve shirts and jackets for a while. That may raise some questions.

Everyone already surprised when Papyrus had stopped wearing his armour, he didn't want to have everyone constantly questioning his change in prefrences. It could get messy. It probably would lead to further lies.

But Papyrus didn't want to think about that right now.

He walked over to his closet, stripping off the T- shirt he was wearing, then threw on a heather grey hooded sweat-shirt. He walked over tiredly to he bed, but not before turning off the light, and curled up and thought about what he future held for him.

Tomorrow was his day off and him and Sans had planned to do something together, but he didnt know if he felt like it anymore. He did't really feel like doing anything anymore, to be honest. He was running on auto pilot.

He started to doze off, almost considering to get up and tell Sans goodnight, but then just shrugged it off. He had akwats told Sans goodnight, but right now he could look at his brother. He didn't want to have to repeat everything all over again tonight.

He could hear his brother downstairs, doing something in the kitchen. Hopefully, he wouldn't make a mess. Pap was mentally exhausted from everything.

Always doing things to make other people happy, but leaving his feelings inside.

Papyrus drifted off to sleep, still living in the memory where the hammer was smashing his arm.