Octavia

She sat in the dirt just outside Alpha Station, her arms around her knees, pulling in deep breaths, listening to the wind in the trees, focusing on the warmth of the sun. She was trying to banish Bellamy's words from her mind, but they kept echoing back to her, again and again.

You're killing me! After everything I did for you… after you ruined everything! After you made me a prisoner in my own life and killed Mom!

It reminded her of the fight they'd had when they were still back at the dropship, when he'd told her that his life had ended the day she was born. She'd been so hurt by that too, even though she'd known he didn't really mean it, but part of her had thought that there was probably some tiny shred of truth to it. She felt the same way now.

Bellamy loved her- she had no doubt of that- but he had spent his formative years taking care of her, always putting himself second, never having a real life, and as much as he loved her she worried that he resented her, too.

With her deep breaths, she managed to push all that aside. She knew that, regardless of anything else, his words were brought on by his addiction, and his desperation. She knew she had to be there for him, and she wanted to be. She just had to be brave.

Drawing in one final breath, she let it out slowly and got to her feet, straightening up and heading back into the station and over to the medical bay. Bellamy looked asleep, and Clarke was standing nearby, watching him carefully. Octavia walked up beside her and asked apprehensively, "How is he?"

"Unconscious, for now," she answered, her voice stressed. "But he's irrational." She reached out and gave Octavia's arm a gentle squeeze and said, "I heard part of what he said to you before… you know that wasn't really him, right?"

"Yeah," Octavia said, not taking her eyes off her brother. "I know that."

"It'll be worse from here," Clarke said, gritting her teeth. "We all just have to get through it together."

"And at some point his heart will stop?" she asked uneasily.

Clarke nodded. "Probably… but we have a real defibrillator, even better than a shock baton, and medicine. We'll be able to save him."

Octavia swallowed and said softly, "But that doesn't really make it any less scary, does it?"

With a nod of agreement, Clarke let out a heavy sigh and promised, "I'll be back soon."

After watching Clarke go, Octavia hung back from the bed for a long time, just watching her brother's face. She wanted to smooth the creases of stress from his forehead, mop his brow, hold his hand, but she was scared of him.

It felt horrible, to be frightened of someone she loved so much, someone who'd raised her, cheered at her first steps, taught her to read, entertained her through hours of boredom and frustration, kept her safe through inspections, nursed her through sickness, held her while she cried, risked everything to show her a moonrise. He was someone who had been willing to kill for her, first on the Ark and then on the ground, and he was someone who had loved her through each moment of her life, good and bad, unconditionally.

Softly she said, "I want to help you." Bellamy didn't move. A bit louder, she told him, "I'm scared." He didn't stir. Finally she said, "I love you." Still nothing. She drew in a shaky breath, let it out slowly, and then she nodded her head, freshly determined.

She sat down in the chair by the door and just watched him, attuned to every twitch of his face, every bead of sweat that rolled down his cheek, every clenched muscle of his jaw. She would help him by staying close, by being there for whatever came next.

Hours passed with nothing. Clarke and Lia both drifted back into the room and out again, but Octavia didn't want to go anywhere. She couldn't leave him, not now- not when she knew things were going to get so much worse.

Finally he woke, letting out a gasp as he tried to jolt upright, halted only by the restraints on his wrists and ankles. Octavia jumped up from her chair, standing nearby but not going close enough that she would be putting herself at risk. Tentatively she asked, "Bell?"

His head ratcheted towards her and her heart sank as he gnashed his teeth at her, the white around his irises almost blood red, looking for all the world like he had no idea who she was. Despite how upsetting it was to see him like that, there was a bit of relief tied in with her horror- at least this meant he was moving through the process, and that he would eventually be cured.

Bellamy pulled against the restraints, trying so hard to get to her, and the sounds he made were disturbing- a mixture between muttering, sighing, screaming, and groaning.

Suddenly his body went slack and he started trembling, then shaking, his muscles tensing with spasms as he convulsed. She could hear the pain in his voice as he grunted, and then his eyes rolled back in his head and she saw white foam pouring from his lips.

Turning on her heel, she slammed the door open and screamed Clarke's name before hurrying to his side. "I'm right here, Bell, you're okay," she whispered.

Clarke and Lia both hurried in and saw what was happening. Lia hung back, waiting in case she was needed, while Clarke's eyes immediately went to the monitor to check Bellamy's heart rate.

"He's okay," she assured both of them, standing close to Octavia and watching Bellamy's face. It felt like forever before he finally stopped shaking, and then his eyes snapped open again as his body stilled. Octavia and Clarke hastily stepped back together, and not a moment too soon. Bellamy lunged at them- at least, as best he could, considering he was restrained- and his teeth snapped closed right where Octavia's arm had just been.

She exchanged a glance with Clarke and said, trying to lighten the mood, "Okay… so that's progress, right?"

Clarke laughed softly, shaking her head. "Technically, yes."

Bellamy kept gnashing his teeth, kept trying to get at them, and together they leaned back against the wall, waiting, watching him.

"It this what is meant to happen?" Lia asked after a while.

"I've only done this once," Clarke told her. She asked Octavia, "Did my mom help any of the other Reapers, after… everything?"

She nodded. "Yeah, but it's not like I was part of it, so I don't know any details."

Clarke let out a sigh. "This is what I've seen before. So far, so good."

Lia was eyeing Bellamy carefully as he continued to attack them, and after a short time she shook her head, looking at Octavia. "Even your love will not save him now- he is too far gone."

"We just have to wait until the drug is completely out of his system," Clarke said. "And make sure that if his heart stops, we can restart it."

"You can do that?" Lia asked with surprise. "Your technology is very impressive."

"It's not just the technology," Octavia told her firmly. "It's Clarke. She's a healer- a really good one." She caught Clarke's smile and rolled her eyes. "Shut up," she said, but she was smiling too.

Octavia watched as Clarke went to Bellamy's IV pole and removed the empty bag, replacing it with a fresh one and adjusting the drip rate. The whole time, Bellamy was trying to get at her, trying to kill her probably, or at least attack. For now, the restraints held.

Octavia was about to suggest that they revert to their shifts, rather than having three people standing there staring at him, but before she could, Bellamy's eyes rolled back in his head and his body started convulsing again, the foam slipping out from his lips and oozing down his chin.

Then he laid still.

"Okay, this is it," Clarke said, her voice edged with fear as she moved quickly, switching the defibrillator on and grabbing the paddles, squeezing gel onto them and rubbing them together for a moment before placing them on Bellamy's chest.

Clarke had instructed Octavia on the machine's use, so once the paddles were in place and Clarke ordered them charged, she flipped the switch quickly and they listened to the low whine of the charge building up. Lia was watching them with absolute fascination, and Octavia grabbed her arm, yanking her well away from the bed so she wouldn't be close to touching Bellamy when Clarke shocked him.

Once the machine was ready, Clarke yelled, "Now!" and Octavia hit the button that would deliver the charge. She was holding her breath, and she didn't realise it, but she was squeezing Lia's arm like a vice as she watched her brother's body tense up and then relax.

There was about two seconds of absolute tension as Clarke lifted the paddles off him, and then he gasped, his eyes flying open again. His eyes were still red, but Octavia didn't care- he was alive. She let go of Lia and ran to Clarke, throwing her arms around the older girl and holding her close, feeling like crying, but grinning instead. Behind them, Bellamy resumed his snapping and snarling, but she didn't care- he was alive.

Finally she let go of Clarke, let her go and check his vitals, make sure everything was really stabilised, and when Clarke nodded her head with satisfaction Octavia breathed the biggest sigh of relief of her entire life.

"You brought him back from the dead," Lia said suddenly from beside her, and her eyes were huge, her mouth slightly parted. It was the most emotion Octavia had ever seen on her face.

"I told you," she said to the little girl, drawing her attention. "Clarke's a badass healer. We do that a few more times, and Bellamy will be good as new." She glanced at Lia's arm and saw bruises in the shapes of her own fingers, so she added, "Sorry about that."

She frowned suddenly in annoyance at the fact that she had apologised to Lincoln's murderer. But somehow, in that moment, Lia was just a little girl, full of wonder at something she'd never seen before. Octavia put some distance between them, focusing on her brother again, who was still trying very hard to escape his restraints and kill them all.

Staying a safe distance away but leaning down to his eye level, she couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as she told him, "You are going to make it."