A/N: Huge thanks to the readers of my story! Piles of gratitude to those who've commented, followed and fav'd. Re: the comment about Carth. This is the Carth I knew from the first time I played KotOR, actually it's more accurate to say from the first time I heard his voice. I'm very pleased you like him, I do too.
Loads of thanks again to you all, and again thanks for reading.

Rochelle

Chapter 15

Loose Ends

"It is the loose ends with which men hang themselves."

- ZeldaFitzgerald

"Hell yeah Traviata," Canderous answered, favoring her with a smile.

"No way Carth," Mission responded with a glare.

"Way Mission. You're not going. That's the end of it," Carth said with a tone that made it final.

Zalbaar growled that wherever Carth was going, so was he.

"Well, I was just telling you we would be leaving, Canderous. I didn't expect you to volunteer to come along, it's going to be very dangerous," Traviata replied. The entire group, except for Bastilla, was gathered in the main hold where Carth and Traviata had found them on their return.

Carth had started to talk to Mission about having her stay at the enclave until her transport arrived to take her to the Admiral's. He'd agreed to let her stay with them while it was safe there at the Enclave. There was no way he was allowing her to accompany them on this suicide mission though.

"I'm a Mandalorian, we live for danger. Besides, I haven't had this much fun since the war when we faced Revan. Now there was a worthy adversary," Canderous replied, a hint of sadness in his eyes and tone.

"You mean the war you lost," Carth tossed over his shoulder, halfway listening to the conversation going on behind him.

"That's so unfair. I could be a big help. Traviata herself has said how she's never seen anyone code so fast in her life. You may need that. Besides, I know how to handle myself," Mission said to Carth.

"Yeah, you would be a great help, kid. You're still not going, and look, you built this utility droid-"

"I'm not a frakin' kid and his name's, T3-M4," Mission put in tartly. The droid warbled and beeped cheerfully in response.

"You'll always be a kid to me, kid. Anyway, the point is you made him from nothing but spare parts around the ship. You need to be learning and building on the knowledge you already have," Carth said, gesturing to the small droid in the corner of the room.

"You had us outnumbered five to one. You had more ships, more troops, more supplies and the Jedi on your side. And we still made the Republic tremble before we fell!" Canderous retorted, speaking louder so Carth would hear him.

"Yeah, I'll always be a kid to you because you're so old," Mission paused, trying to regain her temper. "Listen Carth, I can do that when we're finished. I want to see this through with you and Traviata. I love the Republic too. I won't get in the way and I won't leave the ship unless-" Mission started, her voice rising.

"I said no, kid," Carth said gruffly, rolling his eyes at Canderous, moving where his back was no longer to him and Traviata.

Zalbaar roared his agreement with Carth.

"Stay out of it, Zalbaar, he doesn't know what you're saying anyway," Mission said tightly, her head tails twitching.

"You understand him?" Carth asked, casting her a sideways glance.

"In a general way," Mission responded. "I'm not staying here alone with these creepy Jedi. You can't do that to me."

"Fine, I'll make sure your ride is here before we leave," Carth answered his attention on Canderous speaking quietly now to Traviata, leaning in closer to her; Carth's face hardened at the sight.

"No! I want to go with you," Mission shot back.

"That's some story, Canderous. A basilisk war droid," she paused. "You know you don't have to convince me you'd be helpful, it's Carth you need to talk to. It's my understanding it will be a Republic operation, so he's the one in command, not me," Traviata said.

"Carth, are you listening to me?" Mission demanded loudly, tugging on his jacket.

"Oh believe me, I could be very helpful. I'd rather talk to you," Canderous replied, his eyes taking in Traviata's form. "Besides, Fleet will do whatever you tell him to."

"No, I'm not listening, save your breath. Get this through your head, you're not going kid," Carth said with steel in his voice, his eyes still watching Canderous.

"Canderous, you're so wrong and you really should stop. You're making him mad and me uncomfortable," Traviata warned, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"Hey, I'm just trying to get my chance with you. You're one hell of a woman; I'd swear you were Mandalorian if I didn't know better. I mean you haven't even gotten to know me yet, it's not my fault you met him first. You just don't know what you're missing," Canderous replied, running a finger along her cheek, his hand moving to her waist.

Traviata stepped back from the contact. "What the hell Canderous? Great, now you've done it. Carth and I are-" the rest of her words were lost in what happened next.

Less than a second later Carth's fist made solid contact with the Mandalorian's jaw; Canderous slowly wiped the blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.

The previously noisy room went silent as everyone froze in shock.

"Carth-" Traviata started, the look he sent her silencing anything she was going to say. She held up both of her hands to him, indicating she'd back off.

Traviata knew this had been coming since their first meeting at the cantina. Though it was flattering to think it was completely about the interest Canderous had in her, she knew it had more to do with the Mandalorian war and Canderous' inability to not bring it up.

Canderous returned the blow with a gut shot causing Carth to stager back slightly. A glint in his eyes, Canderous was enjoying the confrontation, and he hoped it didn't end too quickly.

Then it was on.

Both skilled and long time veterans of hand to hand combat, the fight was equally matched. The pair exchanged blow for blow, sending each other crashing into furniture, and throwing each other across the room.

Traviata walked to the nearby passageway, motioning to Mission to follow her, stepping back quickly as Canderous charged Carth, ramming him against the bulkhead to her left. Traviata grimaced at the sound of impact when Canderous delivered several punches to his jaw.

The Commander responded with a fierce headbutt then a knee to the Mandalorian's gut, sending him flying back to the floor.

Stepping forward Carth yanked him up by his collar and then a left, right, left punch to the chin.

They were bloody, staggering, and had angry red welts covering both their faces.

Carth didn't know how the Mandalorian was still standing, himself either for that matter. Well, standing was a bit generous, they were both more hunched over and gasping for air at this point.

Traviata walked over to Carth's side. "Finished?"

He was bent over, leaning on his knees, his breath coming fast. His swollen eyes met hers and he nodded.

He stood upright, grimacing at the action. "You can come with us Canderous, but know this; I will kill you if you touch her again," Carth said, stopping for air, using the side of his hand to wipe the blood away from the corner of his mouth. "And keep your frakin' mouth shut about the war when you're around me on this search."

Canderous straightened up himself, his arm holding his side, he nodded his head once. "You're a worthy opponent, Carth. And I haven't found many of those," he paused taking in a few gulps of air.

Traviata put an arm around Carth's waist, urging him toward his quarters, before Canderous said something that would reignite his anger. "Come on, you guys have destroyed enough furniture for one day."

"It was my turn..." Carth mumbled under his breath.

"Nice," she shot back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean – let's go," Carth replied. His brain trying to function amidst the fuzziness. He needed to be alone while he recovered, simple fact.

Carth let part of his weight droop onto Traviata, feeling nauseous, dizzy and extreme pain all over his body. The adrenaline had worn off and he could now feel the full force of his injuries. The last thing he wanted to do was to pass out in front of Canderous.

"Slowly," Traviata said, helping him onto the bed. Her eyes scanned his body looking for any permanent damage.

He groaned as she helped him take off his jacket, "Just leave it."

"Maybe I should get a scanner, or get you over to the sick bay. We could always stop back by the med center in the Enclave," Traviata offered, hating to see him suffer. Carth had been there with her less than a few hours earlier, getting her leg healed.

"I'm fine. I just want to rest for a bit," Carth said with a sharp intake of breath as he lay on the bed, grimacing as he shifted his weight.

"You have a puzzling definition of fine, Commander. Was it worth it?" Traviata asked, knowing what his answer would be.

She lingered by the bed, placing a hand lightly on his arm. She wondered if she'd have the ability to heal; she hadn't tried before now. Traviata closed her eyes, reaching out with the Force to first try to feel Carth's injuries.

"Puzzling? I kicked that Mandalorian's ass. Hell yeah, it was worth it," Carth said, satisfaction in his voice. It was so much more gratifying than a fire fight.

Traviata felt the swollen torn muscles, tendons and tissue in his body. He also had two broken fingers on his right hand. She directed her efforts in mending the affected areas.

"I'd wanted to do that since I met that Mandalorian bastard. Besides, it's the only way he'd leave you alone and follow orders on the mission," Carth answered, yawning. "It was a win-win situation."

"I'd never tell him, but he'll be a strong team member, especially if things get rough, and I've no doubt they will," Carth said sleepily.

Traviata lifted her hand opening her eyes; she gazed at the man's form before her. He still had a light red tinge under his right eye that had taken a tremendous beating, but the rest of face was completely back to normal. She gently bent over him, taking his right hand in hers, examining it. It was completely fine now. She smiled to herself, he was nearly asleep. She wondered if it was a side effect of the healing. She placed his hand on his chest and was surprised when he grabbed hold of hers.

"Carth and I are what?" the Commander asked groggily, his eyes now open.

"What?" Traviata asked, wondering if he'd been dreaming.

"You were starting to tell Canderous something earlier. You said Carth and I are- I'm curious what the rest of that sentence would have been," Carth explained, exerting great effort to keep awake for her answer.

"Oh, that. I'm not sure what I was going to say exactly. I'm not precisely certain what you'd call us," Traviata replied, feeling suddenly drained herself. It would be important to remember that using the Force to heal someone had its draw backs. At least until she became more adept at it.

"Get some sleep, we can talk about it later," What label to put on their relationship she had no real clue. Traviata knew she didn't want to picture a life without him in it. What did you call that? She was in love with him, she acknowledged to herself. The implications of that rocked her. She gently extracted her hand from his, noticing hers was shaking slightly. She made her way quickly to the door, looking back at Carth.

"Yeah, well that's something I've got to fix, I want you to know," Carth closed his eyes, thinking of her words, unable to fight his fatigue any longer. The Commander finally felt he had a future; he was going to do everything possible to protect that. He'd make sure that she had an extremely precise answer for that question the next time it was asked, was his thought as he drifted off to sleep.

The cargo bay door slid open with a wave of Traviata's hand; Carth walked the supplies up the ramp, guiding the repulsorlift trolley. The Commander had spent the last several weeks putting everyone through their paces, treating the crew and the mission as if it was a typical military assignment. He'd insisted on certifying everyone in the positions he'd assigned them to. He had them practicing everything from basic maneuvers to weapons and systems drills.

"Ok, that's good," Traviata said, over a headset, starting to unload the truck. "I still don't understand what your issue is with it."

"Seriously?" he snorted derisively. "Frak. What's so hard to understand, Viata? She tried to kill you and she thought she'd killed her Master, and in response turned to the dark side. I don't understand why you don't have an issue with it. Bring her on this mission? No way in hell," Carth answered. Thumbing off the headset he came around the lift powering it down to help her unload the supplies. Carth had insisted they stock up on everything from weaponry to enough food to last them a year. He'd prepared them as much as possible; he wasn't satisfied but considering the circumstances it was the best he could do.

Traviata sat down the crate of rations. "I've explained this to you, it seems like a million times now, Carth," she said, her patience strained. "First, she didn't mean to actually kill her Master. Second, when she returned to the Enclave to find her Master alive and well-"

"That's another thing that bugs the crap out of me that the Council has done," Carth said, continuing to shuffle containers onto the floor. "Why the hell did the Jedi leave her there for so long without letting her know that her Master was alive? They just left her there to stew in her juices. Taking a bad situation and making it worse."

"It was to teach her about the dangers of the dark side. It was a painful lesson for Juhani, but one she needed to learn given her fierce personality. Much as I learned an important lesson that night with the chair, Carth," she explained, continuing to unload the crates.

"Oh that's thin - come on Traviata," he pointed out, pausing in his task, he held onto the crate, fixing her with a stare. Traviata carefully avoided his gaze, busily continuing her task.

"You're comparing what happened with the chair to trying to kill a Jedi Master and then embracing the dark side? Ridiculous," he paused giving her a chance to respond. When she just kept working, he continued. "You know I'm right. I will say though that I believe the Council isn't blameless in it," Carth added.

"The Council thought that the best way for her to really learn the lesson," Traviata looked at Carth, their job now completed.

"The Council," Carth scoffed, coming closer to Traviata. "So in their great wisdom they send out this Jedi with you as a reminder to you of how easily you can slip over to the other side. And because they think she'll benefit from being around you and on this assignment?"

"Yes," Traviata replied.

"Yeah, that's intelligent. Makes as much sense as shaving a wookie, if you ask me. We're going off chasing the dark lord of the Sith. You're having vicious nightmares every night of Revan and Malak. Who knows when you'll have another vision and what that'll do to you? Then you have Bastilla, who is so full of arrogance and pride that she'd make most holovid stars look humble," Carth fumed, a hand on his hip, gesturing with his other.

"You're not even really trained, Viata. Though your skills are amazing," he paused, his eyes holding hers.

"You really are very impressive in all that you do, I mean that," he added. Everyday he saw more evidence of her advanced abilities and power, unfortunately it was coupled with what he'd say was a case of severe PTSD, except her symptoms had more to do with Sith Lord's experiences plaguing her mind, not her own.

"It scares me for you though. The last thing you need is to go off on this mission, much less saddled with her and all the rest," he said heavily. "They ask too much of you, treat you as if you're an experienced Jedi Master. It's completely wrong to put you in this situation, in so many ways."

"Do we have to continue to rehash this? There's no choice, not for them, not for me," Traviata pointed out.

"I'm not in agreement with that, but since I'm the only one who sees it that way..." he paused letting go a breath, his brow puckering as he continued. "Viata, I'm going to do my best to protect you, if you'll let me. From the Jedi, the Sith and from yourself," he informed her, placing a hand on each of her arms. "I have this terrible feeling you could get lost. That some horrible fate could await you and I don't want that to happen."

"You said you would find me once, when I told you I feared that same thing," Traviata replied, placing a hand on Carth's chest. "And I believe that-"

"Good," Carth said running a hand across her hair. "I want to help you, but you have to let me. That's why I don't want Juhani on this mission," Carth added.

Traviata caressed the side of his face. "I know you're just looking out for me," she took in a deep breath. "I get what you're saying Carth," her eyes held his intently.

"Please though, try to understand my point of view. She slipped Carth, and she is truly sorry. Everyone deserves a chance at redemption. This is her opportunity for that. Can't you just forgive her?" Traviata asked, her eyes pleading with him.

"For trying to kill you? No. She's dangerous and unstable, the last thing we need on board. No way she's going," his eyes glittering again with anger, steel in his voice, his hands back on his hips.

It seemed sometimes to him as if Traviata had a death wish. The chances she was willing to take at times were needless, including this latest endeavor of hers to help rehabilitate Juhani while hunting down a dark sith lord and the source of his power. It made no logical sense at all; the Cathar was nothing but a liability.

"I want this for her, Carth, she needs it, I need it. Please. I'm asking you to do this for me," Traviata persisted, placing her hands on his arms.

Carth had a lot of anger in him, not that he didn't have good reason for it. That was specifically with Revan, Malak, and Saul though. He'd let it poison him into not trusting or forgiving anyone. If he didn't let some of it go, she was afraid it would eat away his considerable compassion and heart. He didn't know it, but she wanted Juhani there as much for him as for anyone. If she could show him that people had the ability to turn around and change their path, maybe he'd let go of some of his hate.

There was a long silence.

"Please," Traviata implored.

Carth's face was immobile except for a muscle that twitched in his jaw. The image of Juhani attacking Traviata while he was immobilized ran through his mind, further entrenching his stance. Then he looked down at Traviata, it was easier to tell her no when she was fighting with him instead of begging. Her eyes were bright, hopeful, entreating him to agree. He swore under his breath, taking a step back, trying to create some distance so he could think clearly. Her touch always muddied the waters in his head, her begging didn't help that one bit.

"You're not fighting fair," he noted. He couldn't tell her no, but he'd make sure he got something out of it in return. He scratched at his jaw considering his options.

"Okay. Alright, she can go. Conditionally-" Carth started, Traviata wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him tightly to her. He returned the embrace, but then held her away from him so that he could see her eyes. "I said conditionally, you might want to hear what the conditions are before you start hugging on me."

Traviata nodded, "I'm partial to hugging on you anyway, well most of the time. When you're not acting like a hairless wookie."

"This is serious," he reprimanded. "The conditions, you're not even curious?" Carth asked, his eyes narrowed slightly. "I want your word you'll abide by them."

"It's okay, anything," she responded with a smile.

"Anything?" Carth paused, this was too easy.

"Yes. What is it?" Traviata asked guardedly. She'd initially imagined limitations on Juhani but he had something else up his sleeve.

"Okay, good," Carth responded. "I'm not sure what it might be yet. I'll let you know; it will be situational. No way to know in advance, but what I want is your agreement to follow my instructions," Carth informed her blandly, his face impossible to read.

Traviata's eyes narrowed. "So basically what you're saying is that I'm going to have to go along with what you dictate in any given circumstance? Is that right?"

"Regarding the mission? Yes. You're still under my command, so I'm really not asking for anything more than you following orders," Carth countered. "That's your duty anyway, not an option for a soldier."

He had Paul to thank for that. When Carth had told him about what had happened at the Temple the Admiral had classified the mission top secret highest priority. He'd spoken to the Council and informed them that it was now a Republic military mission. The Council had no choice really but to go along with it considering the circumstances. That gave him some power, but with limitations as far as the Jedi went. It was basically the same mission parameters as on the Spire.

"I understand that, but this is a different kind of mission, Carth. One in which I'm going to have to use the Force and reach out and see where it guides me. The Force does as it wills; I have no choice but to follow it if we want to find Malak. It will require taking some risks, stepping out in faith, doing things that may not always seem to make sense. You may not always agree-"

It came to her with crystal clarity at that instant. "That's why you're doing this. You want control," Traviata continued. "You involved the military, getting command of the mission. That means Bastilla has to answer for her actions somewhat, but not completely. Zaalbar would take a blaster bolt for you. Canderous will do whatever it takes to stay on board, just for a chance to die in a great battle. That just leaves me. Methodical and clever."

Carth returned her stare, his best poker face in place.

"Sometimes I forget just how cunning you are," she paused. "You ask a lot. I want conditions on your conditions," Traviata said, her arms crossing in front of her.

"No way. That's the offer. It's not a negotiation, take it or leave it. Right now," Carth's voice firm, a hand on his hip.

"Damn it, Carth," she fumed. Her eyes scanned his face, he was serious. "Now who's not fighting fair?"

He shrugged and then tapped his watch. "You're out of time. What's your decision?"

He did what he was so good at, it was partly why he was the best Commander in the Fleet. He took a bad situation and turned it in such a way that he'd come out on top, leaving him in a better position than he'd started in.

"Well, I don't seem to have much choice," she said with an accusing glare.

"Sure you do. You can do the sensible thing and leave her here where she belongs," Carth shot back. "She's the Council's problem, not yours."

They stared at each other for a moment, both angry and firm in their opinions. "No. The thing that seems right, that seems logical, isn't always the best path to take. Why does everything have to be black and white with you? I wish you could learn to see the frakin' gray area just a little sometimes," Traviata snapped.

"That gray area is what gets people into trouble. Trouble is the place you run head first into at every opportunity, seemingly without a thought. That's the place I want to help keep you out of," Carth explained.

"And for the record, you could try to give me just a little damn help with that every once in a while," he stormed. "Just a little, Traviata."

"That gray area is what gives us compassion and forgiveness and understanding," Traviata started, pausing.

"That gray area is where good people transition into monsters like Revan and Malak. I will not stand idly by and let that happen to you," Carth cut in, his anger rising.

"You're so frakin' obsessed with that. Do you know how it makes me feel to hear you say that? That you think I'm capable of becoming like Revan and Malak? You're so certain everyone is going to turn on you like they did. I'm not them! That's not going to happen to me," Traviata yelled, her patience evaporated.

"That's an arrogant and dangerous statement to make, it's not like you to say something like that," Carth pointed out soberly. "Everyone has the potential for great evil, including you and me as well."

"Viata, at night, I hear you. The cockpit's not far from your quarters- you dream about them, Revan and Malak. Sometimes you mumble but more often you cry out in agony, tossing and turning. Those are the times I wake you. I know for a fact that your nightmares are getting worse and more frequent," Carth noted. He and Traviata were basically sharing his quarters, except he slept in the pilot's seat most of the time, or wherever he fell asleep working.

"If I'm obsessed then I'm not the only one," Carth finished.

"That's not the same, I don't have a choice. It just happens. You choose to hold on to your hate-" Traviata put in.

"That's right, I do. Revan, Malak, Saul they took everything from me!" Carth interrupted, yelling. "You think I'm going to just let that stand?"

"You have to let some of that hate go or it will-" Traviata offered before her words were cut off.

"Like hell I do. I only wish I could have killed Revan myself. I'll have to settle for Malak and Saul," Carth raged, nostrils flaring. "They decimated my home world, killing my wife and I still have no idea what happened to Dustil," Carth stopped abruptly, his voice and features filled with pain and shock at the admission.

"Dustil?" Traviata asked. That was the first time he'd mentioned that name; there was more to his story than what he'd shared. Whoever Dustil was, they were clearly part of his loss, pain, and anger.

"Carth, who's Dustil?" Traviata asked, placing a light hand over his.

"Never mind. I didn't mean to - I don't want to talk about it," Carth replied woodenly, shaking off her hand, his face turned to stone.

"We're as mission ready as we can get. We dust off at 0600," he added, before storming away down the gang plank.