Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters.
A/N: Hey guys, here's the next one. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks as always to all readers and big hugs to those who leave me a comment. It is very much appreciated. Love you all.
…..
He smiled in his sleep, rather enjoying the direction his dream was taking him, and not even noticing he was in an unfamiliar bed.
Ok, it was more of a pleasant memory than a dream, but he tried not to remember those things when he was awake. When he was asleep, he had no control, and even if he had, he'd be hard put to try to forget.
They were in the backseat of his car, following a particularly well played game. He was on the moon over his perfect performance on the court. It definitely seemed to affect her too.
He hadn't showered after the game. She'd told him not to bother.
And now she pressed urgent kisses to his neck, shoulders, and torso, causing him to close his eyes as the sensation took over.
Flashback/Dream
"Baby, you were on fire tonight," she said sexily between kisses.
"I'm on fire right now," he returned huskily as she circled his nipple ring with her tongue.
"Right how I want you," she teased, letting her teeth nibble ever so softly.
He groaned deeply and slipped his hand beneath her uniform top, unclasping her bra in one smooth, easy motion.
Then he slipped off her top, quickly followed by the bra, tossing it aside haphazardly. Taking in the beauty before him, he whispered hoarsely. "You're so fucking hot." His hands came up to cup both firm breasts as he said that.
She arched her back, allowing him better access, but it wasn't enough for him. He leaned her back even more so his fingers could travel up her thighs while his mouth replaced where his hands had previously been.
Making quick work of her delicate panties, he slipped his fingers inside her moist opening. He groaned again at how wet she was. She was ready for him, and she showed that all the more when she wrapped her long, beautiful legs around his waist and pulled him down atop her.
"Let's get rid of these," she whispered sensually of the basketball shorts he still wore.
He sat up only to slide them, as well as his boxers, off before she pulled him down again and her hand wrapped around his length.
His head lolled back in pleasure as she stroked him, but he could only take so much of that before he just had to press himself into her.
End of Flashback/Dream
He awoke with a start, his pounding head demanding attention over his pleasurable memory.
He groaned again, this time in pain, and he swore beneath his breath, which was pretty damn shallow. He cursed again at the erection that was still present. Damn it. Why did he always have to dream about her?
He knew the answer to that. He missed her, plain and simple. The fact he hadn't had sex for nearly six weeks now probably didn't help either, nor did being at the beach house yesterday where there were constant reminders of her all around.
His stomach turned and he sat up to wade off the nausea that threatened. Shit, his head felt like it had exploded in a million pieces. He'd really gone overboard with the alcohol yesterday.
As his eyes adjusted to the light, he took in his surroundings and was momentarily stumped. He was in a room he'd never seen before, but when he noticed the door, as well as Lucas sleeping on the floor, flashes of last night played out in his fuzzy brain.
Ahh, fuck, what had he done? He lay back down as more flashes fell upon him. Damn it, he knew he shouldn't have drank. His dad was going to hammer him for this.
But even worse than that was the vague recollection of hounding Haley. Again. Stupid, stupid alcohol, he thought, making him think he could just waltz into his rape victim's place of work and apologize. Like she really cared about his regrets? What the hell had he been thinking? Obviously he hadn't been. At least not clearly.
It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, given the foggy state of his mind.
He noticed Lucas stir in his sleep, and he glanced at the door, contemplating leaving through it so he wouldn't have to face the half brother he'd always shunned. But being that he was hung-over and, okay, lazy, he thought about it just a little too long. Lucas opened his eyes before he could put his plan in motion.
"Morning," the blond Scott said as he rose to a sitting position. "How you feeling this morning?"
"Like I drank cheap whiskey all fucking night," Nathan replied glumly.
Lucas chuckled at the response. "I doubt it was cheap, but you definitely had one, or ten, too many."
"Yeah," Nathan snorted in agreement. "How'd I get here?"
"You don't remember?"
"Vaguely."
So Luke went on to tell all that had happened at the café and afterward, some of which Nathan recalled, some of which was lost on him.
Nathan closed his eyes in disgust. He just knew he'd made an ass of himself last night. Fuck.
"Anyway," Luke said as he stood on his feet. "My mom's probably cooking breakfast so if you're hungry…"
"Pass," Nathan said, not only because the idea of food made him want to puke, but also because he didn't think he could face Karen after trashing her café. At one time he'd have found the humor in that, but now, not so much. She was just one more person he'd been a complete dick to. The list was getting longer and longer all the time, and it was beyond him why either Karen or Lucas would be nice to him after all he'd done.
"Ok, suit yourself, but if you change your mind, we're right out there," Luke said, pointing to the exit that didn't lead outside.
Nathan nodded his head, but he had no intention of going out there. And again he had to wonder why Lucas would be so pleasant toward him after he'd hounded him continuously for months, and especially after what he'd done to Haley.
He thought of asking him but thought better of it, and when the door closed, it was too late. Oh well, clearly Lucas was just a better guy than he was. Not that it took much when he himself probably ranked somewhere just above Damien West.
He sighed deeply, wishing he didn't feel like this. He'd already learned he wasn't prepared to die, and he fully believed he deserved to feel like crap, but he didn't know how he was supposed to live with himself every day.
If only he could turn back time, he'd be a better guy. But it was too late for that and he was just going to have to deal with what he'd become.
He turned when he heard a light tap on the outside door and watched as the handle turned and Haley poked her head in, his stomach clenching tightly as she did so.
…..
Haley took a deep breath before knocking lightly on the door, and slowly opened it and peeked inside.
Her heart raced when she spotted Nathan by himself in the room. No sign of Lucas. Another nervous breath followed, and then she swung the door open and let herself in as she'd done so many times before. She closed the door behind her before facing Nathan on shaky legs. "Hi," she said tentatively.
He bolted from the bed as soon as she came in. "Hey," he greeted back, his own tone apprehensive. "Sorry, I was just…Lucas is out there…I was…just leaving. Sorry," he repeated, assuming the worried expression she beheld was fear and surprise at finding him instead of Lucas.
"Actually, can you stay a while?" Haley requested, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "I was hoping we could talk."
"Talk?" he questioned. "Like you and me?" he added, unable to meet her eyes.
If her heart weren't practically beating out of her chest, she might have found his question comical. With only the two of them in the room, could she possibly mean anyone other than them? "Umm, yeah," she answered with a calm she didn't really feel. "If that's ok with you."
"Uh," he began, unsure as how to answer. Why would she want to talk to him? He was about to find out because, no matter what she had to say, good or bad, he, at least, owed her the chance to say it. "Yeah. Ok. If you want," he said, still unable to look at her.
"Ok. Good," she returned, but then was silent for several seconds.
Tension filled the small room as they both stood there uneasily without a word.
"Shall we sit?" she finally asked.
"Yeah, if you want," he answered nervously, and waited until she sat on the bed before he opted for the chair at Lucas' desk.
Another dragged out silence followed. He knew she had something to say, but was obviously having trouble coming out with it.
So he waited quietly until she was ready.
"So," she began again with a small chuckle. "You sure know how to clear a room."
"Yeah," he replied shamefully, automatically knowing she referred to the customers he'd all but chased out of the café. "Sorry about that."
She could kick herself for starting with that. Way to make him feel worse, she silently chided herself. "Don't be," she told him with another nervous laugh. "With some of the customers we get in there, sometimes I'd love to find a reason to make them leave. So, for that, I thank you."
He snorted in response, not having expected a thank you and having no idea how else to respond.
"Umm, I also haven't thanked you for saving my life that day in the boiler room," she went on. "I admit I've been a little nervous to face you."
He shrugged and kept his gaze down. "It was nothing," he said.
"I'd like to think my life is worth something," she replied.
'Way to go, dickhead," he rebuked himself. 'Tell her her life ain't worth shit. Idiot.' "No, I mean, it was just instinct. Anybody would have done the same."
"Not everyone's instincts are that quick," she returned. "And I'm definitely grateful that yours were."
He shrugged again. "It was the least I could do after…well, you know," he mumbled. "Besides, you were only in that position to protect Peyton, so I guess we're kinda even on that."
Following another long silence, Haley finally broached the real reason she wanted to talk to him. "Umm, last night you apologized to me," she said. "Can you tell me why?"
Now he looked at her, not because he was any less ashamed, but because he was confused by her question. "Why?" he repeated uncertainly. "Isn't it obvious?"
Once again pushing stray hairs behind her ears, she questioned. "For the rape you think you committed?"
"Did commit," he corrected with a snort. "Among other things."
"Ok, well guess what? I don't accept your apology."
He turned away again, a sorrowful sigh escaping his lips. "I didn't really expect you to," he admitted. "I know an apology doesn't make up for shit, but it's killing me, what I did, and I just thought you might want to know that."
"No, I mean I don't accept because I don't see you as my rapist," Haley said. "I don't blame you for what happened. God, if either of us should be sorry, it should be me. I'm the one who went and accused you…"
"Don't," he cut off sharply. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"Neither did you."
"Except I did," he argued.
She shook her head, denying his claim. "You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
He shook his own head. "I wasn't some innocent bystander who just happened to be there," he said. "I went after you on purpose to get to Lucas. I thought I was getting one up on him, but in reality, you never would have slept with me that night if you hadn't been drugged."
"While that's very true," Haley returned. "Damien is the one who slipped me the ecstasy, not you. He planned it to be him so, in all honesty, I'm glad you foiled his plans on him, whatever your reasons."
"Well, I'm glad you are," Nathan said. "But me, I just feel like a dick."
"Which is one of the reasons I don't hold you responsible. I know that if you'd known about the ecstasy, you wouldn't have had sex with me."
"You don't know that."
"You're saying you would have anyway?"
"No, I'm saying you don't know me well enough to make that kind of assumption."
"Some things you just know."
"How?"
"Other than the fact that you're wracked with guilt, I also know because last night, I wasn't scared at all, and even now, alone in a bedroom with you, I'm still not."
"No?" he challenged. "You look kinda scared to me."
She shook her head. "Nervous to talk to you and what you'd have to say, is all. But I'm not afraid that you'll come after me or anything like that. I'm not afraid of you at all, and that's how I know for sure that you're not a rapist."
He sneered at the comment. "Probably helps knowing they're right out there," he said, indicating the door to the rest of the house. "Not to mention the exit like, ten feet away," he went on, now gesturing to the other door.
To his surprise, she rose from the bed and went to the far end of the room and crossed her arms over her chest. "Still not scared," she declared.
"Lucas and his mom are just a scream away," he pointed out. Her little gesture didn't prove anything.
"When you confronted me in the tutor center that day, if you remember, I was shaking like a leaf," she said. "And I was petrified when you came at me at the police station, and there were cops everywhere. In court there were policemen and guards and a bunch of other people, and I was still afraid to walk in there and face you. At school…"
"Ok, ok, I get it," he interrupted with a sigh. "I'm sorry I put you through all that."
"You actually don't get it if you're still apologizing."
"No, I get what you're saying," he said. "Just not sure why you're saying it."
"Because, like you, I spent so much time drowning in a sea of guilt that I almost forgot that, in one way or another, we're all Damien's victims. He wants us to be miserable, especially you, so if we waste time feeling bad about ourselves, or pointing fingers at each other, then, in a way, he wins. I don't know about you, but I really don't want him claiming even one small victory."
Nathan pondered that statement a long while before meeting Haley's gaze. "Yeah, that would suck," he said.
She couldn't help giggle at the simple comment. "It would," she returned agreeably. "And I say we simply cannot let that happen. I think every effort should be made to ensure he suffers for the rest of his miserable existence. Agreed?"
Nathan nodded. He couldn't agree more. He still couldn't believe he'd actually thought Damien a friend not so long ago. Was Damien that good an actor, or was he just an extremely bad judge of character? Considering the guy had fooled everyone, Nathan figured it was the first. "Agreed," he answered, feeling like the heavy weights he'd been carrying around lately were being lifted.
He never thought he'd see the day where he would start to feel better, but he did. Finally, he could begin to put things in perspective and see them as they were. He wasn't guilt-free—there were still things he wished he'd done differently, or hadn't done at all—but it finally started to sink in that he'd taken in far too much of the blame.
He hadn't drugged Haley, and no, he wouldn't have slept with her if he'd known someone else had slipped her something. He'd made mistakes, but he wasn't pure evil like he'd managed to convince himself these days.
He wasn't a rapist.
Yes, everyone had told him so countless times, but it took Haley, the rape victim herself, to drive it home. He knew in his heart that he never would have escaped this prison he'd built for himself if she hadn't come.
He'd considered himself guilty, but from her words and actions, she'd professed him innocent. Okay, maybe not pure innocent but on the issue of rape, yes. He couldn't be more grateful to her.
He knew it must have been difficult for her to come talk to him. He didn't know why she'd taken the time to do it, but he was glad she had, and he smiled his thanks to her.
She smiled back, her only regret that she hadn't listened to Luke, Brooke, and Rachel and done this sooner. She could actually see his burden being lifted. How easy it had been, like he'd just been waiting to hear these words from her before he could let himself off the hook. She'd had the power to change his thought process all along, but she'd been so stubborn and afraid. She could have stopped him from hurting himself had she done this from the very start.
But she couldn't change that now. She could only focus on what she could do in this moment.
"Good," she said firmly. "And you know the best way to really stick it to him, don't you?"
"Besides the half dozen girls who've come forward against him?" Nathan questioned, still unable to grasp that he'd actually hung out with the guy during all those times and never once suspected he was anything more than an arrogant jock, much like himself. "I don't think he's going anywhere anytime soon."
"Oh, I see, and a long prison sentence is enough for you?" Haley asked in surprise. "I kinda had you pegged as the type of guy who'd want to stick the knife in as far as it can possibly go, and then a little more."
His turn to be surprised, he quirked an eyebrow at her. "And I had you pegged as the type of girl who'd be totally against that."
She scoffed at his comment. "What gave you that impression?"
"The fact you're standing here, for one."
"Ok, and for two?"
He shrugged his shoulders, not really having a second reason. He couldn't say why he'd thought that way. He just had. Apparently he thought wrong a lot lately.
"Alright, you're kind of right," she gave him. "But it highly depends on the situation; what the person's done and how they feel about it. I'm sorry, but what Damien did, to all of us, is unforgiveable, and I don't feel like he deserves any mercy or pity or compassion."
"Why you sorry?" he asked, truly wondering why she'd apologize for feeling that way. "You're right. He doesn't deserve any of that."
"I'm not sorry, really," she said. "It's just, I know he was your friend and…"
"Obviously he was never that," Nathan denied with a shake of his head. "And even if he was, you don't have to be sorry for anything. You're allowed to feel whatever you feel."
"Thank you. And what I feel is that I want Damien to hurt as much as he possibly can."
Nathan sent her his famous Scott smirk. He never would have expected such talk from this girl. Again, he couldn't say why. "You want me to pay off some inmates to beat the hell out of him, cuz I'm actually already thinking of doing that."
"I'm sure you are," she replied with a chuckle, finding herself enjoying his sense of humor. Although, considering this was Nathan Scott, he probably wasn't kidding. "Ahh, as tempting as that may sound, I had something a little less physical in mind," she said. "Something that would hit him much harder than a beating that'll heal in a few weeks."
"Not if I can help it, it won't," he replied, tongue in cheek.
"Haha, but no, not that."
"What then?" he asked curiously.
"You and Peyton, together and happy," she answered softly. "He would totally hate that."
With that he looked away again. "Yeah, probably," he admitted. "But I don't know. I don't think we should be dragging her into this. She's been through enough."
"Hate to tell you this," Haley returned. "But she's already in it. Everything Damien did was because he couldn't stand you having everything he thought he was entitled to, and that very much includes Peyton."
"I know," Nathan acknowledged. "Everything happened cuz he had a beef with me, so how can I expect her to just want to be with me after that?"
Haley realized with those words that he felt just as responsible for what happened to Peyton as he did for what happened to her. Geez, no wonder the poor guy was struggling. Taking on that kind of guilt was no light burden. "You say that as though she doesn't already want to be with you," she countered. "Listen, Nathan," she continued, intent on quashing all his feelings of shame. They didn't belong to him. "Peyton loves you and she knows none of what happened was your fault."
"But still…"
"I don't know if anyone's told you, but she's not handling things too well, and the reason for that is because she needs you. Without you, she'll never heal from this. She'll never be able to put it behind her."
"She will," he argued. "Peyton's strong. She doesn't need anyone saving her. She can do it on her own, and I think she's better off without me."
"You're wrong," Haley argued. "Not about her being strong, but she's only human and, therefore, she can't do everything by herself. I like to think of myself as a strong person too, but, I have to tell you, if it hadn't been for Lucas at my side these past months, I would have completely crumbled."
He seemed to think about that a long time, but didn't come back with any type of response, so Haley went on. "Do you know how much she's struggling? She's freezing everyone out."
"She does that," Nathan explained.
She nodded her head, knowing that to be true in the months she'd known Peyton. But he seemed to think this situation was as per her usual so she was going to have to make him see that it wasn't. "But she usually comes out of it pretty quickly. It's been over a month, and counting."
He didn't answer that, knowing full well Peyton's silences didn't generally last that long. Haley could see on his face that he knew too much time had passed for this to be considered normal Peyton behavior, so again, she pressed.
"She doesn't talk to anyone. Not even Brooke or her parents. Everyone keeps trying to get through to her, but so far the only thing that's snapped her out of her depression was when she found out you were in the hospital and that you might need her."
He looked down, shame washing over him once more, though he couldn't say he was surprised. She always worried about him. "She's always been there for me," he said softly. "Whether it was my dad on my case, or basketball, or school, or my mom trying to kill herself, she's always had my back," he said. "Even when we were broken up," he added before sighing deeply. "I've never really done so good at returning the favor."
"So well," Haley couldn't help correct.
"What?"
"Nevermind. It's not important," she said. "And I don't believe you've not been there for Peyton. I seem to recall you asking that Lucas and I keep an eye on her on the anniversary of her mother's death."
"That's not being there myself, is it?" he scoffed. "That's getting you guys to do it."
"You two were broken up so it still counts. Also, when Brooke had that big allergic reaction and had to go to the hospital, you were there comforting Peyton all night, even though Brooke's your friend too. Those are just a few things that I know about in the last couple of months," Haley said. "I'm fairly certain there are more instances before I got to know Peyton."
"Not many," Nathan returned with a frown. "Seriously, anything I might have done for Peyton doesn't equal to everything she's done for me."
"What? Are you keeping score?" Haley asked him. "Because I doubt Peyton is."
"No, I just…I don't know. She just hasn't been able to count on me that much."
"If that's true, then do something about it. Change it," Haley said. "Be there for her now, while she really needs you."
"Thing is she doesn't want my help," Nathan said with a sneer. "She wants to help me."
"So, let her. What's wrong with the both of you leaning on each other?"
He didn't answer and so she took a deep breath and went on. "Listen I don't know where you get the idea that she doesn't need you, but you couldn't be more wrong. She has so much sorrow buried deep inside right now that no one can reach her. Like I said earlier, the only thing that's been able to shake her near trance is the mention of you. You're obviously the only one who could get through to her, but you're letting your stupid ego get in the way, and to me, that is so pathetic and…"
"Hey, whoa," Nathan protested in shock. "What the hell? Why you getting all pissy?" It was almost like dealing with Peyton for a second, her mood had shifted so fast.
"Because Peyton's my friend and you're the only one who can help her and, even though you can admit how much she's done for you and how little you've done the same for her, you still won't do it. You claim to love her and yet totally flake on her when she needs you most. That's why I'm getting all pissy!"
"You don't get it," he returned. "She never would have been in that position if it weren't for me," he snapped. "I was supposed to meet her in the boiler room, but I was late."
"Oh boohoo, you were late. That's your excuse?"
Okay, maybe it was more like dealing with Rachel. "It's the truth."
"Right," Haley replied sharply. "Because surely Damien wasn't just biding his time and waiting for an opportunity to present itself and, of course, he wouldn't have found another place or time to strike if that one had passed him by."
He stared at her a second before admitting he hadn't even thought of that.
"He's a sick and deranged human being, Nathan. If not that day in the boiler room, he would have found another way, another day."
"Yeah, I guess."
She seemed to calm with his admission and she went on in a softer tone. "Listen, we all have regrets. Things we wish we'd done differently. You wish you'd made it to boiler room sooner, that you'd thought better of sleeping with me," she said. "I wish I'd noticed sooner that the can Damien gave me was open. I wish I'd had my facts straight before accusing you of rape. Lucas wishes he'd never left that party. I can only imagine Mouth wishes he'd never had the party in the first place. I know the other Rivercourt guys wish they'd been paying more attention. Rachel probably wishes the same thing. Brooke likely wishes she'd have said something about what a royal creep she thought Damien was all along." She took a deep breath before going on. "I could go on and on," she said. "But what's the point? We can't change what's done so what is drowning in guilt gonna do besides make us utterly miserable? Do you really want to live that way? Or do you want to be able to go to Peyton and say 'this time it's my turn to stand by you'?
He took a second to answer, but then said, "It would be nice to do that for a change."
"Then do it. Why should we do all the suffering while Damien sits in a cozy jail cell?"
"It's not that cozy," Nathan replied, knowing better.
"Whatever. You know what I mean."
"Yeah. She's doing real bad, huh?"
"She's doing badly, yes."
He threw her a strange look but ignored the correction for the second time.
"And the way I see it," Haley continued. "She's been through enough without losing her boyfriend too."
"I wasn't trying to add to her pain."
"I know," Haley said. "You thought letting her go was the right thing to do, but now that you know better, you can go be the guy she needs you to be," she added very Brooke-like. "I believe together, you'll be able to pull yourselves out of this. At least that's how it is with Lucas and me. If he'd left me alone, I'd still be a mess."
Nathan nodded, a smile on his face, liking Haley's ideas for him and Peyton a whole lot better than what he'd had planned for them. Yes, others had told him basically the same thing, but it just stuck more coming from her. If she didn't blame him for everything, then maybe he could cut himself some slack. The gloomy future he'd envisioned without Peyton suddenly looked a whole lot brighter. "You're right," he said with conviction. "It's better for both of us if me and Peyton are together."
"Peyton and I," Haley countered.
"Oh, you two broke up too?" he questioned with a glint of amusement.
"Very funny," she replied, though yes, in a way, she and Peyton had broken up for a while. At least their newfound friendship had been sorely tried.
"And it really would stick it to Damien good," Nathan commented.
"Yes, it would."
"We actually are stronger together," Nathan told Haley. "A lot of people don't realize that about Peyton and I."
She let a few seconds pass before clearing her throat and making, yet another, correction. "Me and Peyton."
He eyed her again, a not so friendly look this time. "Seriously?" he shot out. And he'd likened this girl to Peyton, Brooke and Rachel? "Anyone ever tell you you're annoying?"
She laughed at his question. "As the youngest of six siblings, yes, quite often, actually."
"Okay, as long as you're aware," he returned with a chuckle himself.
She smiled back, but did apologize. "I'm sorry. As a tutor, sometimes I can't help myself. But you are not my pupil, so I will do my best to refrain from comment."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Anyway, we should get out there. Karen always cooks a mean breakfast, but if no one's there to stop him, Lucas will clear it all out."
"You go ahead," Nathan said. "I'm outta here."
"Skipping out on them?" Haley gasped. "I think not. Karen would be so offended."
"Yeah well, I don't really want to face them right now so…"
"Oh my God!" Haley shrieked. "Does everything with you have to be a fight?" she asked. "Just go out there, share a breakfast with the people who took you in and kept you from a jail cell last night so that Karen doesn't feel slighted that you left her house on an empty stomach, and after that you're free to go and you never have to step foot in this place again for as long as you live."
"You're pretty damn bossy too," he told her. "Look, I don't think anybody really wants me here."
"Well, you're about to find out, aren't you?" she said with a small nudge toward the door.
He shook his head. "I really can't…" he began to say, but when Karen opened the door and peeked in, he was cut off mid-sentence.
"Breakfast is …Oh, Haley, hi. When did you get here?" Karen asked.
"Few minutes ago. Did I hear something about breakfast?"
"You most certainly did. Will you be joining us this morning?"
"Hell yeah. Need you even ask?" she said as she scurried out to the kitchen.
"Nathan?" Karen inquired. "You hungry?"
He looked at Karen, and Lucas and Keith standing right outside the door. He vaguely recalled his uncle being there last night too. He didn't know what to say. They were inviting him to eat with them after everything he'd done. He should just beat it out of there, but Karen urged him to come to the table.
"Come on, I made plenty. I know how much growing boys can eat. But still, if you want some, you'll have to come now before Lucas devours it all."
As Lucas rolled his eyes, Nathan slowly followed Karen out, receiving a friendly pat on the back from Keith on his way by, along with a genuine smile from Lucas.
He couldn't believe these people were actually welcoming him into their home, let alone inviting him to eat with them. It didn't sit well with him at first, but they quickly put him at ease with their casual banter, and before long he began to relax.
It was still weird, but a good weird. He couldn't remember the last time he and his parents had shared a pleasant meal at the table.
But though he did relax some, he was mostly quiet, remarking only on how delicious the breakfast was. His own mom definitely didn't cook like this.
Hash browns and sausages. He smiled to himself, recalling his own failed attempt at this very breakfast he'd cooked up to serve Peyton in bed. Instead he'd caught the oven on fire. And then his attempt to make it up to her a few weeks later by buying it at a nearby restaurant, hadn't boded any better, since the food had turned out to be horrible. He made a mental note to order it from Karen's Café next time.
Because yes, it was delicious and, yes, there would be a next time.
Because he was going to make things right with Peyton. He would go to her and tell her what a huge mistake he'd made and he would get her back. It dawned on him that of all their many breakups, this was the first where he'd done the breaking up. And the last, he told himself.
He didn't speak again until Karen brought up the mess he'd created at the café the night before. "I'm sorry," he said earnestly. "If you send my parents an estimate, I'm sure they'll pay to get it cleaned up."
"I'm sure they would," Karen agreed. "But I was thinking that you would clean it."
"Me?"
"Yes, you," Karen answered. Clearly he wasn't used to cleaning up his own messes. Literally. "I think that's only fair. Don't you?"
He just looked at her for a long while. Admittedly, it didn't sound unfair. He just never had to do that kind of stuff. Finally, he gave a small nod. "Uh, yeah I guess."
"Good. I'd like it done before school, please."
He quirked an eyebrow. "You mean like, right now?" he asked.
"Finish your breakfast first," she ordered softly. "There's still an hour before I open."
"Alright," Nathan mumbled uncertainly before stuffing a bite of sausage in his mouth.
"I'll give you a hand," Lucas offered, fairly certain Nathan had never picked up a broom in his life. "It'll go faster with the both of us."
"Umm, actually," Haley began hesitantly. "I kind of already got to it last night after you all left."
"Haley!" Karen admonished.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"Well, looks like you're off the hook this time," Karen said to Nathan. "Next time you won't be so lucky."
"There won't be a next time," Nathan returned, for the first time in his life not feeling all that great about getting out of something.
"I'd say you owe Haley one now," Keith said.
Nathan looked at Haley and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I do," he said, not even referring to the clean up she'd done for him.
…
They'd just finished eating when Dan showed up at the door to pick Nathan up. He'd wanted to come last night after Keith had called, not understanding why they'd brought him to Karen's instead of home, but Deb had convinced him to let it be for the moment. She'd said that Nathan was safe where he was and it would be foolish to march over there to pick him up when he was already passed out. Dan had reluctantly agreed, but it didn't mean he liked it.
Nathan stood up to go when he saw his dad, but Keith told him to hang on so he could speak to Dan outside privately.
When they went out, Keith noticed Deb waiting in the car, and gave her a nod in greeting.
"Keith, what's this about?" Dan asked impatiently.
"About Nathan, obviously," Keith answered.
"I figured that much," Dan returned. "What about him?"
"You're gonna go easy on him, Danny," Keith all but ordered. "Right?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"If means if you lay a hand on him, you'll have to answer to me," Keith said bluntly.
"Ok, whoa. Did he say…?
"He didn't say a word," Keith informed him. "But it has recently come to my attention that he has suffered at your hands before, and I'm here to warn you that if it happens again…"
"Why thank you big brother," Dan shot out derisively "Thanks for stepping up after the fact. Appreciate that, but Nathan'll tell you that steps have already been taken to get that under control so, like usual, you're a little late with your threats."
"Like I said, Nathan hasn't said anything, at least not to me. But yeah, I did hear about your anger management classes," Keith acknowledged. "Which is the only reason I'm not beating you senseless right now."
"Hey, why hold back?" Dan returned snidely. "You'd love the chance to jump up and play hero, wouldn't you? But, like I said, that issue's already been resolved. Sorry to disappoint you."
"I'm serious, Danny," Keith said. "I don't care how many classes you take, hit Nathan again and I will come after you."
"Spoken like a true, caring uncle," Dan bit back. "One might never tell you've ignored your nephew his whole life." He winked at his brother then. "I'll consider myself warned," he said with a roll of his eyes. "However late coming that warning was. Now, do me a favor, will ya?" he added as he climbed down the stairs. "Send my son out. I'm suddenly feeling a little lowly in the face of my saintly big brother," he said in the most condescending of tones.
...
It wasn't hard for Nathan to tell when he came out that there had been some harsh words exchanged between his father and his uncle, but he didn't ask about it. He didn't really care about it.
Right now he felt good.
That much was obvious to both Dan and Deb as he made his way to the car and climbed in the backseat. Despite the sour mood his altercation with Keith had caused, the smile on Nathan's face was contagious and Dan found himself also smiling in return. He glanced over at Deb. She was practically glowing. Neither of them had the heart to scold him for skipping afternoon classes and getting completely trashed instead.
She turned in her seat to see Nathan better. "You seem in a good mood," she said happily.
Nathan nodded. "I am," he said. "And before you guys yell at me," he continued, figuring there was no way his parents would let his actions slide by unpunished. "I just want you to know I'm gonna be better from now on. More like myself again, except not really."
"So we should expect more calls from your principal then," Dan couldn't help teasing.
"Yeah. No. I don't know, maybe. Probably," Nathan answered.
"Not sure I like that idea," Deb said.
Nathan grinned at her comment. "But hey, no more cutting or pushing people away or feeling sorry for myself. That part of my life is over. How do you like that idea?"
"Sounds like an answered prayer," Deb returned. "But, out of curiosity, what brought this on?"
"It doesn't matter," he replied, not wanting to tell them that though they'd told him the same things Haley had, she had managed to get through whereas they'd failed. "And guess what else? I'm getting back with Peyton."
"Oh, sweetie, that's wonderful! You've talked to her then?"
"No, not yet, but I'm going to."
"Well, isn't that jumping the gun a little?" Deb questioned softly.
"Not really," Nathan replied with a casual shrug.
"Sweetie, not to bust your bubble here, but I don't want you to get hurt."
"I won't get hurt."
"Dan, help me out here."
"He won't get hurt," he repeated Nathan's confident statement. "If he says they're getting back together, trust me, they're getting back together."
"He's assuming things without having even spoken to her," Deb told her husband.
"Yep, he's always the cocky one, for sure," Dan retorted. "But he's also right. You'll see."
"Uh guys, right here," Nathan pointed out. "And I'm not being cocky. I just know we're gonna work things out."
"But sweetie," Deb persisted. "After avoiding her so long and then everything you said to her last week, she may not be so quick to forgive and forget."
"Oh, I know it won't be quick," he admitted. Peyton would be pissed at him and he'll have to sweet-talk her as he'd done so many times in the past. Only this time was so much different. He hadn't cheated and lied and taken advantage of her love for him. "But in the end, she'll forgive me," he added confidently. He knew that much wouldn't have changed. He was still fully aware that she'd forgive him anything eventually, but had grown enough now not to use it against her in a crippling way. He would use it to get their relationship back on track, not just to have her back this time, but because they loved and needed each other. No empty promises or meaningless apologies this time. He would mean every word he said to her.
"I don't doubt that," Dan returned. "When are you going to talk to her?"
"Today."
"After school, I presume," Dan said in a brook no argument tone.
Nathan had to smile at the subtle order. "Yeah, of course," he replied as though that had been his intention all along. "And don't worry, Mom," he added. "I know it probably sounds like I'm being a dick, but I'm not trying to be. I messed things up with Peyton and I'm gonna fix it. We belong together and that's how I know she'll forgive me."
"I hope you're right, honey," Deb said. "I really hope you're right. You kids have been through hell and back, and you deserve to be happy."
Nathan just smiled again and sat back against the seat, happier than he'd been in weeks.
"Listen, son, I'm glad things are looking up for you," Dan said next. "But don't think we're letting you get away with getting drunk at school."
Nathan chuckled now. "Never thought it for a second," he said lightly. "Go ahead, let me have it," he added, his spirits too high to even care what punishment his dad had in mind. His mood wasn't even dampened when Dan told him he'd have to work the entire summer at the dealership. He wasn't sure how he was going to balance his time with having to go to summer school, going back to the center to finish his community hours, the rest of anger management classes, and now working at the dealership too, all while trying to maintain a relationship with his gorgeous fiance, but he didn't worry about that. He would do it all, and happily, because life was good again.
At least it would be once Peyton was back in his arms.
….
It was just after 3:00 pm when Peyton sat in the corner of the couch, where she'd been all day, ignoring the chatter of her parents in the other room. They spoke quietly so she wouldn't hear, but though she couldn't tell what was being said, she knew, nonetheless, that it was about her.
They were worrying more and more with each day that passed. She couldn't help them with that. She had no desire to do anything but sit around all day.
She only hoped they weren't thinking up ways to force her into therapy. She was sick to death of hearing how much it could help her.
She already knew what would help her, and it certainly wasn't spilling her guts to some stranger.
And all she could think about was her failed suicide attempt, and though she'd momentarily regretted it when she thought Nathan might need her, that obviously wasn't the case, and so she couldn't help trying to form ideas for another attempt and how she would manage it with her parents' eyes on her constantly.
….
"I don't know what to do anymore," Larry vented quietly. "This has gone on too long. I realize it's not something a person gets over quickly, but it's as if the healing process hasn't even begun."
"I know what you mean," Ellie returned. "I'm worried about her too."
"I'm beyond worried at this point. I'm afraid she's gonna try to swallow another bottle of pills."
"I believe they've all been safely done away with," Ellie said, referring to the fact that they'd either dumped or locked up all the pills in the house.
"So I shouldn't worry then?" Larry asked forlornly. "What if she decides to find some other way to get the job done?"
"That's why we're keeping a constant watch on her."
Larry nodded in agreement. "But how long can we keep up at this pace? Neither of us has had a decent night's sleep in weeks, and I do need to get back to work before my bank account runs dry. I'm already halfway through my savings."
"I have a little saved up," Ellie said. "It's not much but you can have it all."
He shook his head, too proud to accept her money.
"Larry, she's my daughter. I want to help."
"And how will you get by, Ellie? You're a part-time journalist. You need every penny you have."
"So, I'll try to get more work. There's got to be more stories to tell in this little town."
"Then I lose my support system here," he said, not liking that idea. He would hate to have to go through this alone.
"Ok. Well, there is another solution."
"What's that?"
"I could give up my apartment and move in here permanently," she said hesitantly.
She was met with his own uncertainty. "I don't know, Ellie. You think we're ready for that?"
"I'm not sure, but financially…"
"Moving in together out of convenience is probably not the best idea. At least it shouldn't be the main reason. And I don't know how Peyton would react to that."
"Ok, we don't have to," Ellie returned. "I just figured I'm here most of the time anyway so why pay for an apartment that I'm never at? And Peyton already knows about us and was actually happy about it at one time…"
"No, I know, I know," Larry said. "Ellie, you know I'd love to have you here. I just don't want it to be for the wrong reasons. It shouldn't be a decision we're pushed into."
"Sometimes being pushed into something works out all around," Ellie reasoned.
"That's true," he acknowledged with a nod. "And you are here all the time."
"I said most of the time," she argued good naturedly.
"Alright," he said slowly. "Let's do it."
"I'm still sensing some hesitation."
"No, what you're sensing is our shared knowledge that your living here may temporarily help financially, but doesn't really touch on the real problem here, which is our daughter.
Ellie had to smile at the fact he'd called Peyton their daughter. She still had no intention of trying to replace Anna, but it was nice to hear. However, due to the seriousness of the issue at hand, her smile faltered and her expression turned somber. "The only thing I can think of," she began hesitantly, knowing he may not want to hear this, "is to maybe talk to Nathan and get him to come down and talk to her…"
Like she figured, Larry frowned at the idea and cut her off instantly. "Why? So he can crush her spirit again? Break her heart? No way. I don't want him anywhere near her."
"I meant maybe he could convince her to see a therapist. I think we can both agree that Brooke's been right on the money saying he's probably the only one who can get through to her."
"Yeah," Larry agreed. "Except that self-absorbed, little punk doesn't seem interested in doing that, does he?"
"Larry…"
"No, Ellie. Look, I thought the same as you, that Brooke was right, and clearly she was, and for that precise reason, I brought Peyton to the hospital every day to see him. But instead of trying to talk to her, he asked them not to let her in, and then he broke her even more to the point where she's no better than she was before. So no, we're not going to involve him, and I stick to my original opinion that he's a no good, selfish son of a bitch who needs to stay the hell away from my daughter," Larry said in one big breath. He paused a moment before going on. "Yeah, he may be able to make things better for her, but he can also make them worse. If he doesn't even want to try, then he obviously doesn't care that much, so I say good riddance and I hope the breakup sticks this time."
"Spoken like an angry father," Ellie replied.
"Damn right I'm angry," he said. "She's willing to do anything and everything for him, but he won't do the same for her. I don't support that kind of one-sided relationship for anyone, let alone my daughter. If you'd seen her face last week at the hospital, you'd understand where I'm coming from."
"I understand now, Larry," she told him. And she did. She was just desperate for ways to help Peyton. But Larry was right. Nathan could help if he wanted to, but was choosing not to. Certainly Peyton deserved far better than that.
They both gazed on at the young blonde sitting so sullenly on the couch. There was absolutely no life to her. That was the only way to describe her in the moment. She was so sad and so closed off. How on earth would she ever get past this?
Bigger question—would she ever get past it?
They were still silently watching her when the doorbell sounded.
"I'll get it," Ellie offered, standing up and walking over to the door. "It's probably the tutor," she said since it was about that time.
But it wasn't the tutor, she quickly discovered, but rather Nathan who stood on the other side of the door. Noting he looked nervous, she silently mused that his ears must have been burning. "Yes?" she asked a bit harshly to the boy she was just as angry at as Larry was.
…
He made it to the doorway and paused a moment before ringing the doorbell. At one time he'd have just walked in, but because her dad was home, he knew that was no longer an option.
Her dad, he thought nervously, hoping by some miracle, that the man had stepped out. He hoped even more that he didn't answer the door, figuring he probably wouldn't let him inside.
But it wasn't Larry who opened the door. It was Peyton's birth mother, and she was looking at him with the same loathsome expression that her dad always did.
"Yes?" he heard her ask him.
Clearing his throat uneasily, Nathan replied. "Hi, uh, is Peyton home?"
…
Peyton's head shot up the moment she heard his voice and in that second a mixture of emotions ran through her—hurt, anxiety, joy, before finally, anger.
It flashed in her eyes like deep orbs of fire.
Larry noticed instantly every emotion that reflected in those beautiful green eyes.
Feelings brought on simply by the sound of Nathan Scott's voice.
His daughter shot him a look that begged him to get rid of the young Scott. He nodded and made his way to the door.
Peyton was confident that her will would be done. Though 95% of her wanted to run into Nathan's arms and never let him go, the 5% of her that was furious with him won out. And sending her father to deal with him ensured that he would be turned away.
As Larry approached the door, he could hear Ellie telling Nathan that Peyton wasn't there.
"I know she is," Nathan argued. "Her car's here."
"Even so, you're not welcome here," Ellie returned snidely, knowing how strongly Larry felt about keeping him away from Peyton. She didn't necessarily see it as the best solution, but she understood it and she would follow Larry's lead. After all, he'd been the one to raise her, not she. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."
"Look, I just need to talk to her for a second, ok?" Nathan pleaded. "I need to tell her I'm sorry."
"And I need you to leave," Ellie said stubbornly.
"Not until I talk to Peyton," he insisted before shouting into the doorway. "Peyton! I know you can hear me. I…"
"Get out of here, Nathan!" Peyton shouted back, though she didn't move from the couch. "I have nothing to say to you!"
"Fine, then I'll do the talking," he said. "Peyton, I'm sorry."
"Save it! You made yourself perfectly clear the last time we talked, but now you think you can just show up here and…"
"I was wrong, ok? Look, I screwed up. I didn't mean what I said."
"You should have thought of that before saying it."
"I know, but I…look, can you just come out here, please?"
"Go to hell, Nathan! I wouldn't want to rob you of the bachelor life you made so perfectly clear you wanted."
"Peyton, come on," he said in frustration. He hadn't said that at all. "You know I don't want that. I want to be with you. Can you please come out here?" he asked again. "Peyton. I didn't mean it."
Ellie threw Nathan a sharp look. "You heard her. She wants you to go."
"Not until she hears me out," he insisted stubbornly, knowing by past experience that Peyton was just angry and would likely succumb to him if he could talk to her face to face.
With that in mind, he pushed past Ellie through the doorway, intent on righting his wrong with Peyton.
"Excuse me!" Ellie huffed, putting a hand to his chest to block him from going any further. "You can't just come in here when we've asked you to leave, several times, I might add."
He opened his mouth to argue but closed it when Larry appeared beside Ellie. Now he sighed dejectedly. Her dad would never allow him further inside.
But Larry surprised him when he gently nudged Ellie out of the way, telling her it was okay. To let him in.
As much as Larry hated the hell this kid put his daughter through, he couldn't ignore the spark he raised in her every time he was near, or was even mentioned. Twice now she'd only come alive because of Nathan, and Larry couldn't help but wish that life to stay, regardless of what he'd said just minutes ago to the contrary. The raw emotions he brought forth in Peyton were too real and present to discount. Chances were his daughter would end up in tears again, but what else could he do?
Besides, trying to keep them apart had always failed miserably anyway. "Go ahead," he said, granting Nathan entrance.
Nathan didn't know why her dad was letting him in when he'd always hated him, but he wasn't going to stand there long enough for the man to change his mind. "Thanks," he said unsurely, yet earnestly, taking a step forward.
He was met with Larry's hand on his chest, much as Ellie's had just been, and he sighed again. Damn, he'd changed his mind fast.
But Larry hadn't changed his mind. Instead, he looked Nathan in the eye and issued a stern warning. "Don't make me regret this."
And he waited until the younger guy nodded before moving aside to let him by.
Happy New Year all!