Octavia

It was the strangest thing, after all this time, after everything had changed so much, to be walking with her friends, through a familiar forest, on a beautiful day, flanked by uniformed guards and heading for Mount Weather.

Even stranger, though she hated to admit it, was that Lia wasn't there. She'd just vanished without a trace and never come back. It bothered Octavia that her absence bothered her.

Octavia kept near the back of the group, and she passed the first hour in silence, listening to the pockets of small talk that were happening in front of her.

She heard Raven tell Clarke about the new walkies she and Wick had developed, which not only allowed for communication but could also be tracked from the command centre, so if anyone went missing they could be recovered quickly. Monroe added, "Kane wanted them to be implants. But your mom talked him out of it- nobody wants to be tracked quite that efficiently."

Octavia's eyes flew to her brother, walking nearby, and she watched him trail the fingers of his right hand over his left forearm, where he still bore a small white scar. She knew that's where Mount Weather had implanted a tracking device of their own, which Maya had sliced from his skin on his first day in the mountain. She watched the shape of him change, watched the demons grow heavy on his shoulders, and she felt a pang- not just for him, but also for Clarke. How would they handle stepping back into that place, after all this time? They had avoided it for so long, she could only imagine that would make it worse.

She turned her attention to Jasper, who was walking alone, like she was, separate from the group but present, head slightly down, eyes on the ground. When they'd first come back from Mount Weather he'd shorn his hair almost to the scalp and kept it that way for weeks, but she could see now that he was growing it out again, and she hoped that meant he was as healed as he could be from the pain of losing Maya.

But he and Monty were still separate, Monty walking next to Harper, heads bowed toward one another, speaking words so softly that Octavia couldn't catch them. They seemed closer than the last time she'd seen them, and she wondered if something had sparked between them or if it had always been there and she hadn't noticed when she'd still been living in camp- too preoccupied with her distrust of Lincoln's guard uniform, or too focused on helping her brother through his trauma.

Miller had fallen into step next to Bellamy, and the two were walking silently together- she couldn't help but think they were like old friends, never particularly close yet comfortable enough that they needed no conversation. That was normal for how Bellamy made friends- arms length, close but not too close, useful but not emotional. But finally, once they were on the ground, that had changed slowly over time, and Octavia knew why.

Her eye slid back to Clarke, the other half of Bellamy's first real friendship, his first deep human connection that wasn't to a person who shared his blood, and she couldn't help but wonder where this might go from here. She knew it had become something more, but would that continue?

And what about herself? What was she going to do? Facing hers and Lincoln's tent had been horrible, and it had hurt her to gather the precious possessions that represented their life together, to see how few they were, how small a space it filled in the satchel she now held on her back. They'd had such a brief time together, and it was so unfair- his death so meaningless, and yet it cut so deep.

She now had one more thing to carry, one more thing that belonged to him, and it turned out to be the biggest thing of all.

A baby. A life. Something growing- a promise.

But also something terrifying, something unknown and scary and overwhelming. And so, so sad, because Lincoln would never know, never meet his own child.

It felt so wrong.

Octavia heaved a heavy sigh, not meaning for it to be as loud as it was, and she looked up to see if anyone noticed. Of course Bellamy had. He was stopped on the path up ahead, letting Miller go on without him, and for some reason Octavia stopped as well, just standing there, staring at him. He didn't say anything to her, didn't frown in confusion or urge her on- he just waited. He knew something was up.

She stood there until all the guards had passed her by, a couple of them tossing her perplexed looks, but none of them saying anything. This was it- her moment, her opportunity to bring it up with him, to tell him her secret.

She considered not telling him, but he already knew- maybe not what, but he knew. Something was wrong, something had changed, and he was fully aware.

Soon they were alone on the path, everyone up ahead, only a few curious looks thrown back them and then withdrawn- likely soothed away by Clarke, who was the only other person who knew what Octavia was about to do.

Finally walking to Bellamy, closing the distance between them, she couldn't help but move slowly. She just watched her brother's face. She was aware of the gravity of this moment- that this was the last time he would not know... the last time he would not have her baby added to his list of burdens- the last time he would not have it piled on top of his other stresses and concerns.

When she reached him she looked at him and saw the compassion in his eyes, how he looked at her with such love- even when they fought, even when they screamed and yelled and raged and stormed away from one another, there was always that tether between them. That deep, unspoken connection built on the fact that for sixteen years, they had been the centre of each other's universes. She knew, now, that it wasn't normal. But it was still good.

After a short silence passed and she still hadn't said anything, Bellamy opened his arms and she stepped into them, burying her face in the curve of his shoulder and holding him tightly, sliding a hand into his hair and anchoring herself. She felt his strong arms encircle her and pull her close, and she just let out a long, shuddering breath of relief, not even realising that she'd been holding it until she let it go.

He stroked a hand over her hair and squeezed her tight. He held her for a long time, listening as she pulled in another deep breath and let it out slow. "Is it Lincoln?" he asked softly.

Octavia broke away from him, shaking her head, then nodding, then letting out a soft laugh. He just watched her closely- patient, content to wait.

She didn't know how to tell him, so she just looked at him, took strength from his calm brown gaze and said it. "I'm pregnant, Bell."

A strange, almost blank expression came over him and he blinked several times before his gaze fell to her stomach. He looked back at her face and asked, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she answered, nodding, knowing there was no doubt. "Clarke was the one who noticed, but I know it's true."

"When?" She wished she could understand the meaning of his odd tone.

"Earlier, in the showers."

Bellamy drew in a deep breath and then he let it out. She couldn't read him. She didn't know if he was upset, scared, angry, disbelieving, or sad. "Bell-"

He held up a hand, silencing her. "Just- just give me one second." She did- it was hard, but she gave him the same patience he had just given her. She watched him closely, counted his breaths- five deep inhales and five deep exhales before he looked at her again. Then he reached for her, pulling her close to his chest, wrapping her in his arms again.

The gesture released her tears and she clung to him, this time sobbing her grief into his chest.

"Shshsh," Bellamy whispered to her. "I've got you- you're okay. It's fine."

"No it's not!" she cried, shaking her head against his shoulder but not letting go of him. "I'm so scared, Bell… and Lincoln isn't here. This is all so wrong."

Even without looking at him she knew the exact expression he had on his face- a mixture of empathy, sadness, and determination. He laid a hand against her cheek and tipped her face up- and sure enough, there it was.

"I know it's horrible that Lincoln isn't here," he said gently. "But that doesn't mean it's wrong." Obviously trying to make her smile he said, "Mom managed not to screw you up too badly, right? And your dad wasn't around either."

She was in no mood to smile. "But Bell," she protested. "Mom had you."

He grew serious and he put his hands on her shoulders. Looking into her eyes, his expression firm, he said, "And so do you."

Octavia paused, surprised for a moment that she hadn't thought of that, but still she looked at him uncertainty, as though waiting for the other shoe to drop. "You're not mad?"

Bellamy looked genuinely surprised. "Mad? No, why would I be mad?"

"I don't know," she said, shrugging, dropping her eyes to the forest floor.

He let out a long breath. "Look… yeah, you're young," he allowed. "And yeah, I'm probably going to go grey from worry before this kid even gets here." That elicited the briefest of smiles, so his lips curled up too and he added gently, "But you chose to be with Lincoln, and this is something that can happen when you make that kind of decision. It's not bad. Just unexpected."

Only because they were alone and she trusted him so much did she whisper, "But I don't know if I'm happy about it."

If Bellamy was surprised by that revelation, he didn't show it. He just pulled her into her arms and said, "We'll figure it out together, okay?"

Octavia held him tightly and nodded her head, wanting so badly for that to be true, for this to be a thing they could just figure out. Eventually, with his arms around her and his soft murmurs of comfort in her ears, she calmed down enough to let him go.

She caught a hesitant expression cross his face so she frowned at him, raising her eyebrows, silently demanding that he say whatever was on his mind. He sighed, and then softly he said, "There are options…"

She shook her head immediately and said firmly, "No. It's Lincoln."

"Octavia," Bellamy said gently, drawing her eyes. "It's also you. And you matter."

She felt her lip tremble and she bit down on it, not wanting to start crying again. She just shook her head and said, "It's too late. Even if I wanted that, it's too late." She heard the tremble in her voice, but she really didn't know if she was upset about that, or just everything.

"Hey," he said, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Okay, listen to me. Sometimes, the best things are scary, unexpected, and life-altering. That's what you were for me- and now look at us."

She allowed a tiny smile to cross her lips, but it faded almost right away as her eyes filled with tears. "Bell?" she asked softly, her voice small. "Can you ruin a baby? If someone's pregnant and full of hate, can that… I don't know… poison it?" She was scared to hear the answer, but she just had to know, and she knew he would tell her the truth.

Bellamy let out a heavy breath and took her shoulders in his hands, and then he did something he hadn't done since she was very small- he leaned down to her eye level, looked at her firmly, and said, "No."

She pulled in a shaky breath, that word alone a comfort, but he wasn't done. He held her eyes and went on, "You can't ruin a baby, Octavia. Babies are perfect. I know you're scared, but when you see that baby you're going to love it more than you've ever loved anything in your entire life." Then he softened, giving her a gentle smile, and added, "Remember when I told you my life didn't start until the day you were born? Well, you're going to feel exactly the same way about this baby. I promise."

For the first time since she'd found out she was pregnant, her smile was wide and bright.