Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters

A/N: Hi guys. Thank you so much for all of your condolences. It means a lot. And thanks for reading and/or reviewing. I'm very grateful that you stuck with this story so long. Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy.

...

She heard the door slam for the second time that day. Her heart beat erratically in her chest. For some reason she hadn't expected Nathan to learn of her suicide attempt.

But of course he had. He knew about the rape, and now he knew about that too.

The rape, he'd said, he'd learned from his father. The other she knew didn't come from Dan. There were only a select few who knew anything about it, and she'd thought she had them convinced she'd made it up in order to see Nathan in the hospital. Guess not. Just as she wanted her parents to believe she didn't remember the rape. She supposed that plan was shot to hell now. They'd probably overheard her entire conversation with Nathan.

She'd lied to so many people lately, more so with silence than words. Now it seemed everybody knew everything.

But right now that hardly mattered. Everyone had lied to her too, especially her parents, who had outright told her the DNA sample from the semen they'd taken from inside her at the hospital matched Nathan's, not Damien's. Oh sure, they'd likely thought to spare her feelings with a plausible alternative, but she knew better. She and Nathan always used a condom, and though a slight chance the rubber had broke existed, it was highly unlikely.

What did matter right now was that Nathan knew. She would rather anyone else had found out than him. For both instances. But since he did know, he was furious with her. Not about the rape, but about her trying to obliterate herself from this earth.

With pills. Like his mom, just as he'd said. Of course that would upset him.

But, she vaguely wondered, did he really have just cause to be so very angry when he'd tried the very same thing so recently? Not with pills, but in another way. Did the method really make all the difference?

And on top of that, how did he end up being the angry one? After months of abandonment, he was mad?

In any case, whether he had right or not to be enraged, the fact remained he was, and if she let him go, she feared that might be the end for them. Where their story stopped. For good. His tone in his last statement certainly relayed finality.

She couldn't have that. Regardless of who she thought was right or wrong, she followed him out as quickly as her crutches allowed. Just her luck, it started to pour.

He was already at his car so she had to holler at him to stop, relieved when he listened.

She hobbled her way to him, watching him every step she took. His arms were raised, his palms lay flat on the top of the car, and his head hung down.

He wasn't turning around to face her, making her unsure if he'd stopped because she'd shouted at him or if he was just taking a moment to calm himself before jumping in the vehicle and driving away.

Either way, he heard her. "Nathan," she whispered softly when she'd reached him. "Don't go like this," she pleaded. "We can talk about it, can't we?"

He didn't move a muscle so she put a hand on his shoulder, urging him to look at her. He recoiled from her touch as though it burned him, but nonetheless turned to face her. The torment etched across his handsome face tore at her soul.

Was he crying? She couldn't say for sure—it could be just raindrops—but she was almost convinced those were full-fledged tears falling down his cheeks alarmingly fast. It was strange though how he made no attempt to hide them. Maybe it really was the rain.

"Why, Peyton?" he croaked, his voice barely audible, leaving her to wonder no longer. He was just as devastated as he was angry, and that water free-falling from his eyes were, indeed, tears. She'd do anything to wipe them away. "Why would you do that to me?" he continued.

"To you?" she asked dumbfounded. "No, Nathan…"

"What, were you trying to punish me?"

"Punish you? For what?"

"Not calling you."

"Of course not!" she firmly denied, shocked his mind should go there. "Why would you ask me that?"

"You knew," he began, then paused to catch his bearings before continuing. "You knew what it did to me with my Mom," he said accusingly. "How upset I was. How guilty I felt. How I'm still not really over it. You wanted me to feel that all over again with you?"

"No! Oh my God, Nathan, listen to yourself. You're not making sense. You know better than to think I would…"

"Then tell me it's a lie," he demanded of her. "That you didn't try to kill yourself."

He'd asked the same of her in the house. He asked the impossible. She couldn't deny it then, nor could she now. And he knew it. He'd known it from the look on her face. So he was essentially asking her to lie to him. Well, she wasn't gonna do that. "You know I can't," she said instead. "But, baby, it wasn't to punish you," she swore. "You weren't even supposed to find out."

"You think I wouldn't notice if you were dead?" he shot back viciously.

"Sadly, I didn't think that far ahead," she admitted softly. "All I could see was my life spinning out of control. I was a mess, Nathan. There wasn't anything I could do about it and it wasn't gonna get any better. I just felt myself sinking deeper and deeper and I didn't even have the energy to look up." She paused a moment, reflecting on those feelings that were still so fresh and raw for her. "I just wanted it to stop," she cried out. "You should understand that," she ventured to say.

He did understand it. Or rather, he would if he weren't in such an unreasonable state of mind at the moment. "You thought wrong," he stated flatly.

"Listen," she began to explain further. "Being raped was hell. Not having you was worse."

"Don't do that," he snapped gruffly. "Don't put your suicide attempt on me. You did that all on your own."

"Because I couldn't bear to be without you!" she screamed with emotion, a fresh onslaught of tears rolling down her cheeks. "You're the only one," she cried out hysterically. "The only one I can't live without."

"Stop it!" he hollered back. "That's not fair, Peyton. Why should I feel guilty for a decision you made? I can't be responsible for everything you do. It's too much." He couldn't handle that.

"I'm not trying to blame you…"

"No, you just outright are," he deadpanned.

"No," she denied. "Don't you see, Nathan?" she queried. "You and I, we're meant to be together, even in death."

His brows rose but he said nothing, so she continued.

"Why else would we have both tried to kill ourselves on the very same day, without knowing the other was doing the same?" she asked reasonably. "You get it, Nate? We're destined to be together, if not on earth, then in eternity."

He scowled at her comment and shook his head. "You still on those drugs?" he asked blatantly. "Cause that's gotta be the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say."

"How else do you explain it?" she asked. "Coincidence? I think not. You can't fight fate," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I can when I never tried to kill myself in the first place," he argued.

Naturally, she assumed he lied. "Nathan, you don't have to hide it from me. I get it."

"I'm not hiding anything, Peyton."

"Except the evidence?" she challenged, indicating the long sleeves he wore, silently accusing him of wearing them to cover the marks on his arms.

She wasn't wrong on that count. It had been scorching hot when he'd dressed that morning before school, but he chose the long-sleeve t-shirt to keep the gossip to a minimum. It didn't really work—people believed what they wanted to believe and certainly the evidence was damning, but at least the t-shirt kept it hidden from nosy people's prying eyes.

"This was an accident," he said of his arms, but without rolling his sleeves up.

She didn't believe him any more than any other he'd told that to, and she proved it with her sceptical stare.

It irritated him more with her than anyone else. Could she still not tell when he spoke honestly? "Believe me or don't," he said as though he didn't care a whit. "But it's the truth so that makes your fate theory a load of crap." He opened his car door and got in.

"Nathan…"

"Just stay away from me, Peyton," he said cruelly. "I can't deal with crazy right now."

He put the key in the ignition and revved the engine.

"No," Peyton cried out. "Nathan, don't drive away like this." Stronger than her fear of losing his love was her fear of him losing control of his car. "Just at least calm down first and then…"

It was a useless plea. He paid her no attention, and instead peeled off, tires screeching.

She continued to scream his name but her cries went unheard as he disappeared down the road.

Her heart in her throat, all she could think about as the rain splattered in torrents, was his reckless driving at the best of times, let alone when he was an emotional wreck in a rain storm.

…..

Brooke was instantly at her side, sliding a comforting arm over the blonde's small, quacking shoulder.

Instantly recoiling, Peyton turned on the brunette, her green gaze hard and accusing. "Did you tell him?" she demanded of her best friend. Only three people had an inkling of what she'd done and she guessed it wasn't her parents who went running to Nathan with the information. Brooke, on the other hand, was famous for her meddling.

"Hon," the other girl began softly. "He had a right to know."

"Why?" Peyton cried out, her tone sharp, in direct contrast with Brooke's soft spoken response. "Don't you think if I wanted him to know, I would have told him myself?"

"No, not really," Brooke answered honestly. "You're always too busy trying to show him how strong you are to let him in on your weaknesses."

"That's not true," Peyton denied profusely. Nathan well knew her weaknesses. He'd seen her cry and break down more than anyone. Okay, maybe not more than Brooke since most times when she turned to Brooke, she was upset over Nathan. But still, he'd been her rock to lean on and her verbal punching bag plenty of times. Even her physical punching bag a time or two. Who was she always the biggest bitch to?

Yes, Nathan was perfectly aware of her flaws. She couldn't hide them from him, even when she tried. So, what the hell was Brooke talking about? What did she know?

Okay, a lot, Peyton had to silently admit. The brunette knew her and Nathan better than anyone. But that didn't mean she knew everything. "And even if it is true," Peyton continued bitingly, "what's it to you? Who are you to decide who gets to know what?"

"Your best friend, that's who," Brooke replied without blinking.

"Oh, and that gives you the right to stick your nose in?" Peyton returned furiously. "I didn't want him to know, Brooke! You know what? Why don't you just mind your own damn business for once?"

Brooke opened her mouth to defend herself, but before she could utter a word, Chase stepped in, a furious scowl on his generally calm features. "Why don't you and Nathan get over yourselves long enough to notice what an amazing best friend you have," he spit out through gritted teeth.

"Chase..." Brooke attempted to stop him.

"No," he said, refusing her unspoken request to stay out of it. "I don't know how she does it," he said, still addressing the blonde in front of him. "Or why. She sticks her neck out and practically bends over backwards for you two on a regular basis, and all I ever see from you both is anger and hostility instead of the gratitude you should be feeling, knowing she cares so much. The way I see it, it's a hell of a lot more than you two care about her."

Peyton was shaking her head in denial, but Chase wasn't done. "Foregoing anything she's done for you in the past, just this month alone she's been coming here every single day and you, you wouldn't even talk to her. Nathan either until just recently, but even that was mostly just to get her to keep quiet about the noose in his closet, and then ragging on her for actually acting like a good, decent friend and telling his parents about it."

"Noose?" Peyton questioned, hearing this for the first time. "What..."

"The noose he was gonna use to hang himself," Chase revealed, a little surprised that Brooke hadn't mentioned it to her. He supposed she had her reasons. Not that Peyton would understand that.

As he figured, it gave the blonde another reason to turn on the brunette. "You never told me that," she shot out as though Brooke had committed some serious crime. Damnit, this was Nathan. Why wouldn't she have told her about something so serious?

Chase threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "There you go again! Whether she told you or not doesn't change the fact he did it. You both were willing to take yourselves off this planet without a care for what that would do to Brooke. I'll bet you don't even know that she has nightmares too about what happened in the boiler room."

The look on Peyton's face told him he'd guessed correctly once again.

"Of course you don't," he went on. "Just like I'm sure Nathan doesn't. Because with you two everything is me, me, me, and if I were Brooke, I would have given the both of you the axe a long time ago. The fact she hasn't just proves even more what a good person and friend she is. Maybe you and Nathan could show her the same courtesy some time."

Peyton crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at her best friend's boyfriend. She was silent a long time, finally heaving a heavy sigh as fresh tears sprang to her eyes. "Everything you say is true," she surprised Chase by admitting. "But your timing really sucks," she added. She was already upset and worried about Nathan. She really didn't need to hear what a horrible person she was on top of that. She walked away from them, into the house, and into her father's loving, consoling arms.

"You didn't have to do that," Brooke told Chase as they followed Peyton inside.

"I think I did," he returned. He certainly hadn't intended to distress Peyton further, but those were words she needed to hear, and he'd definitely needed to say. If only Nathan had still been there to hear his spiel as well, even though the jock would have probably kicked his ass for saying it. Even so, somebody had to stick up for Brooke. It may as well be the boy who'd fallen hopelessly in love with her.

...

Larry pulled his daughter tighter against him as she continued to sob uncontrollably. It was absolutely heart wrenching for him to see her so lost and broken. Everyone around them wondered aloud about Nathan's parting comments to her. They couldn't believe he'd said he would never forgive her for attempting suicide. Larry remained silent on the topic. As much as he hated to see his precious little girl in tears, a big part of him was glad Nathan had said those harsh words. Since Peyton's life clearly revolved around this kid, telling her he wouldn't forgive her trying to end that life, chances were, to Larry's way of thinking, there wouldn't be a second attempt. She certainly wouldn't want to upset him further. Larry only hoped he was reading that correctly.

Larry did wonder, like everyone else, excluding Peyton, if Nathan still planned to return the next day. Not likely, given the circumstances and his black mood when he'd gone, but the next twenty-four hours would tell.

They didn't have long to wonder for it wasn't even one hour before Nathan was back.

Rachel let him in, opening her mouth to shoot him a comment.

"Stay out of it," he muttered, clearly expecting a nasty remark from the redhead who so loved to rattle him every chance she got. Deep down he knew it was always for Peyton's sake, but still it was so damn irritating when it happened all the time. And besides that, he didn't need Rachel to tell him what a hypocrite he was. He already knew.

"I was just gonna say I'm glad you came back," Rachel returned honestly. "She really needs you, Nate."

He gave the girl a small nod and a tight smile before scanning the room for Peyton. He found her locked in her father's embrace, and he had to swallow the lump in his throat for the obvious pain she was in. Pain he'd deliberately and thoughtlessly inflicted. God, would he ever be a better guy?

He took the few steps to where father and daughter stood, blue eyes locking with green, tear-filled ones.

Her vision blurred, Peyton nonetheless stared at him with both relief and sadness. Relief because he stood before her, physically unharmed-he hadn't skid on those dangerously wet and slippery roads, or hurt himself in any other way. Sadness because of the cruel words he'd lashed out at her before speeding off on those dangerously wet and slippery roads. She could see he'd pulled himself together, but his deep blue orbs still reflected such agony, and his body still shook slightly.

"I'm sorry," he said, his tone wracked with sorrow and deep emotion.

Those two simple words, spoken so very often by him, held such passion and honesty this time that there was no way she could not believe them. These were not just words he knew she wanted to hear. She could feel that from the bottom of her soul.

She literally flung herself at him, revelling in the strong arms that wrapped around her torso, holding her tightly as though they never meant to let go.

He pulled back only to rest his forehead on hers as his hands encircled her tiny waist. "I didn't mean it," he choked.

She couldn't help it-she cried some more. "I didn't do it to hurt you," she managed to spit out between sobs.

He nodded in response, not quite trusting his voice right now.

"I'm sorry that it did," she added.

"It's just," he began. "The thought of you being gone..." He shook his head as he choked on the words. "I couldn't handle that," he said after a few deep breaths. "I lost it. I'm sorry."

"Shh, baby, it's ok," she said soothingly.

"You can't do that, Peyton," he said, almost sounding angry now. "I need you here. Alive. I can't make it without you."

"I know," she replied. "Me neither."

"Promise you'll never do it again," he demanded, pulling back to stare in her eyes.

"You first," she countered.

"I promise," he said earnestly.

"Me too."

"You gotta say it," he ordered urgently, his hands coming up to cradle her face. "Nathan, I promise I will never try to kill myself ever again. Say it."

"I will never try to kill myself ever again," she obeyed.

Larry, as with everyone else, could have shouted for joy with those words, and he very nearly did. He wasn't sure being so dependent on each other was at all healthy, but at least it was guaranteed there would be no other suicide attempt. He felt sure of it. Peyton would never break a promise to her precious Nathan. Not for the first time lately, Larry found himself grateful to the raven-haired Scott. He still held the opinion that Peyton deserved better treatment, but he could certainly acknowledge now that what this kid felt for the lovely blonde was real, genuine emotion. And he did find it slightly amusing now how the boy had said he'd never forgive her and then returned so soon. Apparently never meant less than an hour.

Nathan wasn't quite as appeased by Peyton's promise as Larry and the others were. It's not that he thought she was purposely deceiving him, but considering the alternative, he wanted to be absolutely positive that she knew what he meant. "No matter what happens," he stressed.

She nodded, knowing he meant even if they couldn't work things out between them. "No matter what happens," she agreed. "And you too," she said sternly.

Again, he simply nodded agreeably. Until she, like he had, forced him to say the words. "No matter what happens," he said obediently.

That settled, it wasn't long before he became uncomfortable with all the sets of eyes upon him. Most people never saw the vulnerable side of him and he preferred it that way. Suddenly he felt very exposed, almost naked, before a crowd of bystanders. "You wanna go outside and talk?" he nearly pleaded.

She smiled at him, knowing how uneasy he must feel. "So you can take off the second you don't like what I say?" she couldn't resist asking.

He looked down, appropriately shame-faced. "We can sit in the car," he offered after a while, indicating that if he did take off, she'd be with him. "It's still raining out anyways," he mumbled as an afterthought.

It seemed like an eternity, though it was only seconds, before she nodded her head and took his hand to lead the way outside.

He followed, relief sweeping through him that she agreed. Maybe now he could explain and she'd hear him.

He caught Lucas' eye on the way by. The blond Scott stood beside Haley and gave his half brother a reassuring smile. Nathan couldn't help smiling back appreciatively. Maybe having a brother wouldn't be as bad as he'd always thought. The idea slipped away as he turned his attention back to the beautiful blonde leading him away. First and foremost he had to fix things with her. Only then did anything else in his life matter.

Lucas looked on as the couple disappeared out the door in growing appreciation for the relationship they shared. For the longest time he'd thought he himself would be the better guy for Peyton, but he had to reconsider that now. Lucas had never given Nathan credit for caring about Peyton as much as he did, but clearly he was wrong about that. His half brother truly loved her, something Lucas had once thought him incapable of. And Peyton certainly loved him back with everything she had. It was little wonder his own relationship with her had only lasted a week before she'd run back to Nathan. And it was a good thing too, because if she hadn't done that, then he may never have realized his own love for Haley, the girl who'd always been there.

There were long moments of absolute silence in the house following the young couple's departure, everyone reflecting on their own private thoughts.

It was Larry who finally spoke. "So, Lucas, read any good books lately?"

"I have, actually," Luke answered truthfully. Certainly the stack of novels Dan had brought him lately gave him much to talk about to someone with an equal appreciation for them.

The two spoke for several minutes on the subject, filling in the silence, but after a while all grew quiet again.

Finally, Brooke voiced aloud what was on all their minds. "Wonder how they're doing out there."

"Yeah," Larry agreed. "They're not in the back seat, are they?" he asked Rachel, who stood by the window.

She took a peek outside. "No," she answered before a dubious grin crossed her face. "Not that the front seat can't be just as much fun," she pointed out, earning herself a sharp glance from Daddy Sawyer.

They couldn't know that in the vehicle out front the silence was even thicker than it had been in the house.

Nathan had so much to say, so much to explain, but now that he had her listening, he didn't know where to start. He said as much to her.

She nodded in understanding and made her own suggestion as to what he should explain first. "How 'bout you start with the noose you hung in your closet?"

He shook his head angrily. "Fucking Brooke, man," he muttered irately.

"Never mind cursing Brooke. It wasn't even her."

"Who then?" Nathan asked in wonder. "She's the only one who knew. Except my parents and only because she told them."

"It doesn't matter who," Peyton replied. "What matters is why I had to hear it from someone else instead of you. And the fact you deny trying to kill yourself, you can see how this seems a bit damning, not to mention downright contradictory," she added, crossing her arms and leaning back against the seat, giving him the floor to start talking.