A/N:
Thank you BobtheFrong for another review! Marie's not good at sharing her feelings and is still too afraid to tell anyone what happened, but you never know, she might break down and finally admit it. Oh man, Malarkey's book was so fantastic, and it definitely is a tearjerker!
Thank you Jack the Hare for the story follow and favorite!
This chapter is solely focused on Malark's book (with some fictional elements added on of course). Thank you all for taking time out of your day to read this fic. It really makes me so happy I can't fully put it into words! :)
Bastogne, Belgium
December 28 – 31st, 1944
Marie remained quiet the next few days, rarely leaving her foxhole. Babe would bring her the meals being served, which she barely got around to finishing. He would try to coax her out from the foxhole to stretch her legs and socialize, but she'd only shrug apathetically without uttering a single word. As the days went on, Marie seemed to be retreating further and further into herself, but she wasn't the only one who was starting to become affected. Easy Company was struggling, but they were still far from breaking, at least that's what battalion thought. But it wasn't the dignitaries that were the ones living in the foxholes in the freezing weather, eating shitty food while clinging to life.
On December 26th they were offered some relief when General Patton's Third Army broke through. It didn't do much for the company though; many claimed they didn't need to be rescued, partly out of not wanting the publicity. Marie was having trouble keeping up with everything; the days out in Bastogne just seemed like one giant blur. She had difficulty processing any new information that was given enough to take it to heart and remember.
"Hey." Babe's voice broke through her brooding. He slid into the foxhole, carrying a tin of food. Marie could already guess that it was the navy-bean broth they were being served almost daily. He held it out to her, but she merely shifted in place, trying to ignore the aroma coming from the tin. "C'mon." He beckoned. "You need to eat something."
Marie glanced down at the tin only to notice something strange tied around Babe's hand. She's been so out of it she hadn't noticed before. Marie frowned, studying his out stretched hand holding the broth. Marie felt her breath hitch when she realized it was a blue headscarf. Marie stared up at Babe, her mouth slightly agape in horror. Babe noticed her expression, and furrowed his brow in confusion, withdrawing the broth.
"Where'd you get that?" Marie asked, shakily, eyeing the headscarf.
"What?"
Marie reached out and touched the soft material that was tied around Babe's wounded hand. "This. Where'd you get this?"
Babe gave her an incredulous stare, not understanding her sudden fascination with the piece of cloth. "Gene had it. He tore off a piece to use it when my hand got cut a few days ago."
Hearing that Roe originally had the headscarf struck Marie to the core. She let out a groan, slumping up against the edge of the foxhole, covering her face with her hands. Alarmed, Babe set the tin down and went over to comfort her.
"What's goin' on? What happened?"
Marie removed her hands from her face and gave Babe a wary look. "I should've known…" She muttered, now hugging herself to keep the cold at bay. "I heard there was a bombing in the town, but I didn't register it. I'm so stupid."
Babe looked down at the headscarf, opening and closing his fingers as he stared at the soft, blue fabric. Marie felt horrible, knowing that Renee had died and she hadn't even realized until days later. She should've talked to Roe, knowing her death would've hit him especially hard. She felt incredibly sad, knowing she'd lost someone she considered a friend, someone who was kind and gentle toward her at her lowest point.
"What else have I missed?" Marie questioned, not directly looking at Babe.
Babe sat beside Marie, his back now up against the wall of the foxhole. He contemplated for a moment, trying to piece together the hardships that Easy had faced while Marie had been missing. The terrible reminder of Julian's death came to his mind from the patrol some days before. Thinking about the young solider lying in the snow, pinned down by Germans, with a gaping and bloody hole in his neck made Babe feel dizzy.
"There was a patrol that we went on when you were still missing." Babe began, swallowing before he continued. "Julian got hit. We had no choice but to leave him. He was still alive." Babe choked on the last words.
Marie turned to face him, seeing the pain clear in his face. She suddenly felt frustrated with herself. What had she been doing? Sitting around moping while Easy Company suffered through casualties. Her job was to be there for the men, but instead she'd been too invested in her own problems to see that they've needed consulting. She wanted to comfort Babe, but wasn't sure how. The two of them sat there in silence, wallowing in the snow and their own misery. Marie suddenly felt the urge to tell someone about what she encountered while she was missing; she wanted to tell someone about the German man and the unspeakable crime she committed. Part of her fought against that thought, knowing the consequences if she told someone, but something felt right, and she knew she could trust Babe.
"I, uh, I have to tell you something." Her voice barely came out in a whisper. Babe glanced over at her, absentmindedly wiping his nose. "I need to talk about what happened while I was away."
Babe waited for her to go on. Marie took a deep breath, closing her eyes as the horrific images of her knife violently driving itself into the German filled her mind. She could already feel herself start to tremble. "I fell down a hill and was knocked unconscious." She started, but paused as her entire being protested against her retelling the event. "I awoke in bad shape, and heard someone speaking German around me, so I played dead." She forced her voice to remain even, but she knew she was losing control of it. "I didn't know if he was a soldier… so I uh… I attacked him."
Babe remained quiet, giving her his full attention. Tears formed in her eyes as her body began to quake uncontrollably. She clenched her eyes shut as her face became contorted with emotion as she tried her best to fight off the sobs she knew were going to escape at any moment.
"I attacked him, only to find he was just a traveler. He then turned on me and started to choke me." Her hand came up and encircled around her neck where her bruises were. "I reached for my knife and cut him." She stopped again; her voice was now being taken over by her uneven breathing. Heavy tears streamed down her face; she couldn't even see ahead of her through the blur of tears. "Something snapped… I stabbed him, again, and again, and again-" She couldn't go on any further, she broke into heavy sobs.
Babe watched her for a moment, not knowing what to do. Finally he shifted in place, letting out a sigh of mild discomfort. "Why are you telling me this?"
Marie looked over at him, surprised by his response.
"I mean, shouldn't you be tellin' Malarkey or Emilia this?"
Marie continued to stare at him, stunned, with her tears silently running down her cheeks. She looked like a hurt child, which only made him feel worse for her.
"You did the right thing." He concluded. "That man did that to you." Babe pointed to the bruises on her neck and left eye. "If he had that kind of violence in him, then who knows what he would've done if you didn't attack first?"
Marie stared down at her feet, biting her quivering lip. She pondered his words, but was afraid to buy into them. He could just be feeding her what she wanted to hear so the guilt would elude her. Pretty words didn't cover up the fact that she killed an unarmed man.
She wiped her eyes, hiccupping slightly from sobbing. "I'm sorry, Babe, but there's no real way to justify this. I killed someone. I took someone's life away. But not just anyone, an unarmed father."
Babe looked sullen, but didn't argue with her. He grunted, shifting to a fully standing position while placing the broth tin in her lap. "Eat that." He said before leaving the foxhole. Marie stared down numbly at the navy-bean broth, at this moment it seemed like the most unappetizing thing she'd ever laid her eyes on.
"Well done, Marie." She scolded herself for putting Babe in a bad mood. Part of her wished she never told him, fearing that he now viewed her as a monster. She stood up, deciding that he was right about leaving her foxhole. Marie left, still holding her food as she walked through the territory. As she was walking through, she noticed a gruesome sight that made her almost collapse. Frozen bodies were piled across the ground in a strategic manner. One of them started to move as if someone was trying to lift it from underneath. The sudden movement made Marie stumble backwards, falling on her bottom while spilling her broth all over the snow in the process. Someone emerged from underneath the bodies; it took her a moment to realize he was dressed in paratrooper gear. The man climbed out with a grunt, covering up the hole again with the body that he moved. He saw her sitting on the ground, staring over at him wide-eyed. Then she realized it then, he was using the bodies of dead krauts as a roof for his foxhole.
"What's going on?" She heard someone call from behind her. She twisted around to see Bain walking toward her. "Are you all right?" He asked, now standing over her.
"Yeah… yeah. I'm fine." Marie stuttered, now scrambling to get up before she looked like even more of a fool. She glanced warily back at the man with the dead krauts. He ignored her, checking over the hinge on his rifle.
"Here, come with me." Bain mumbled, lightly gripping Marie's elbow to lead her away from the scene. As they grew further away, Bain leaned over to her. "That's Ed Thomas. He figured when the shrapnel started flying it should be them rather than us." Bain shook his head, obviously sickened by it.
He led her to him and Malarkey's foxhole, which was being covered with branches and twigs for protection. Malarkey was busy at work, lying and stacking them across the foxhole. He heard the crunching of boots and snow and turned in their direction. Surprise was clear in his face, seeing Marie actually out of her foxhole. She'd been avoiding him since their last conversation. Bain immediately broke free from Marie's side to start stacking branches over the foxhole. Malarkey and Marie remained frozen, staring uncertainly at each other. He saw that she'd been crying, but he didn't question it in front of Bain to keep her from becoming embarrassed.
"Hun discovered Thomas' roofing preference." Bain brought up while he kept working.
"Oh." Malarkey responded flatly, now giving Marie a pitied look. "I'm sorry you had to see that. Pretty sick, isn't it?"
Marie nodded, not speaking because a thick lump in her throat started to form. Malarkey still had the photograph and was most likely going to ask her about what happened again. She'd already told Babe, and she felt she'd regret doing so later. She spotted a nearby tree limb and went for it, hoping for anything to get her mind off of the kraut bodies.
"Here." She said, walking over to place it on top of the pile.
"You don't have to do that." Malarkey stated, giving her a crooked smile.
"You hear the news, Don?" Bain suddenly piped up.
"What news?"
Bain heaved, lifting a heavy branch and throwing it down over the foxhole. He waited to catch his breath a moment before continuing on. "Glenn Miller's plane went down."
Marie and Malarkey both gaped at Bain in shock.
"What? When?" Malarkey pressed.
"Mid-December they think. The plane went down over the Channel. He's been missing ever since."
Malarkey scratched the back of his head while he tried to register the news. Marie knew Malarkey was a huge Glenn Miller fan; he was always singing or listening to his music whatever chance he got.
"Man, I can't imagine not hearing anymore fresh songs from him anymore." Was all Malarkey managed to say before getting back to work.
"He's only missing, he might not be dead." Marie said. Malarkey gave her a hopeful look, though they both knew how unlikely that would be.
After finishing up the foxhole cover, Malarkey wiped his brow, though sweating in this weather was almost impossible. Marie fidgeted in place, deciding whether she should talk to Malarkey like she'd done with Babe, or just return to her foxhole to hide herself away again. Night was coming fast; the sun was already retreating to the west and the woods were becoming more overcast with shadows from the fading sun. Bain muttered something about 'squeezing the lemon', then went off leaving the two of them alone. With a deep sigh, Marie knew this was the her best opportunity to reveal the truth to Malarkey.
She took a bold step forward, digging her boots firmly into the snow. She felt as if she'd fall over if she didn't fully support herself. Malarkey glanced over at her erect figure and serious expression, cocking a brow at her.
"There's something I have to tell you."
Marie awoke with a start. She almost starting panicking, forgetting where she was before she recognized Bain and Malarkey's sleeping faces next to her in the foxhole. Her memories of the previous day started flooding back to her in an instant. A sharp chill passed through her body as she recalled telling Malarkey about the German. She broke down, spilling out all the details of her account, her words coming out in a quick jumble. Malarkey remained silent for a long time when she finished. Finally he pulled her into a tight embrace, and that was it. Nothing more was said. She fell asleep in their foxhole as night set in.
The roaring engine of a plane overhead made Marie jump. She looked up, not being able to see anything past the branch covering. She moved the branches out of the way to see a plane coming into view. Her stomach lurched as she saw the plane dip and swoop low. To her terror she heard the horrific sound of an antipersonnel bomb being dropped.
"Oh God." Marie managed to whisper as she watched with mounting dread as the bomb fell closer and closer to the ground. The bomb hit, and the light from the explosion erupted followed by the bellowing sound as the explosion broke the sound barrier. Marie covered her face with her arms, feeling the impact of the wind come toward the foxhole, though the bomb didn't hit too close. Malarkey and Bain had been stirred awake now, both popping up to see the aftermath.
"What the hell just happened?" Bain asked, rubbing his eyes.
"The Germans dropped a bomb."
"They dropped a freakin' daisy cutter." Malarkey commented, as others starting to rise from their foxholes.
Marie started to climb out, receiving a protesting look from Malarkey. "A bomb was just dropped on the men! Do you really expect me to sit around?" He let her go and run off toward the explosion. The further she ran, the more she realized the bomb was dropped more toward the outside of the line, lucky for Easy Company. She saw Toye and McClung's foxhole and quickly approached.
"Everyone all right?" Marie called, seeing Toye looking like he was bent over in an awkward position. As she neared she could see him gripping his arm. She slid in to see that a piece of shrapnel had wounded his wrist pretty badly. McClung wasn't present she noticed, only Toye was in the foxhole.
"Damn it." He strained through gritted teeth, forcing his injured wrist to remain as still as possible.
Marie only had some bandages left in her pack, realizing that she'd used the last of her Foille ointment. She took out the bandages while Toye reluctantly let go of his own arm so she could get to work. The shrapnel had cut deep and was bleeding heavily. She wrapped his wrist methodically, and then applied pressure with her hand. He pulled back his lips, baring his teeth in pain as she pressed, but it was the only way to stop the bleeding. She didn't have a tourniquet or a splint on her, so she knew he had to be shipped out.
"I think the shrapnel missed the radial and ulnar artery. You're lucky." Marie told him, raising his wrist to keep it elevated.
"Lucky?" Toye repeated. "This is my third time being hit since dropping into Normandy." He gritted his teeth again as the two of them kept his wrist high.
"You're going to have to be taken off the line for this one, Joe."
Before Toye could answer her, another voice cut in from behind them.
"You lucky, SOB."
Marie turned to see Malarkey standing before them, looking down with a stunned expression on his face.
"What are you doing here?" Marie demanded, the words coming out more agitated than she meant for them to.
"Just wanted to see if everything was okay." He said with a shrug, though part of Marie knew he had followed her out of fear.
She let it go, still keeping Toye's wounded wrist raised. "Help him out of the foxhole. We need to get him to a truck." Marie told Malarkey. He did so, not dropping the elevation height for Toye's wrist. On the way back toward the main gathering quadrangle for the company, Marie stressed about keeping his wrist raised to reduce swelling and blood flow. Toye agreed, nodding his head and responding with grunts and 'yeah' as he listened on to her. Malarkey accompanied them to where a truck had already come, expecting wounded after the bomb was dropped.
"I'll be back, Malark." Toye said, climbing onto the back of the truck. The two of them watched Toye being taken away with mixed expressions, but they were glad he wasn't fatally wounded.
"You didn't need to follow me." Marie stated, not taking her eyes off of the departing truck.
"I worry about you all the time, it's only natural." He replied coolly.
Marie bit the inside of her cheek, not knowing how to answer. She wasn't upset at him for being concerned about her, especially after what she told him with the German. If the same had happened to him, she'd be worried sick.
"I don't deserve friends like you, and Skip, and Em." Marie suddenly heard herself say.
"Of course you do. You're a good person."
Marie scoffed at this, giving her head a little shake. "After what I've done?"
"We've all got blood on our hands, Marie. That's war." Malarkey answered, his voice more casual than she expected. "You learn from it; sometimes it keeps you up at night, than you begin to grow used to it. People can get used to anything."
Marie studied Malarkey for a moment, remembering what he had told her in Holland.
You can't dwell on everything bad that has happened. No matter what, you can always move on. People have a way of enduring the worst God can dish out to them and still manage to stand back up. You need to find your own happiness, if not the war will get to you.
Marie smiled to herself as she recalled Malarkey's wise words. He was still able to keep a good head on his shoulders and remain mostly positive during this whole awful war. In the middle of freezing temperatures and random shellings, that flame inside him never died out. Marie felt herself gravitating toward him; just like she felt the night she'd kissed him. She desperately wanted to, but she was too afraid that she'd complicate things all over again. It scared her how much the man standing before her meant to her; he had become her entire world, her rock, her best friend, her main source of sanity. Marie never depended on anyone for happiness and stability, but all of that changed when she got to know Malarkey.
"What are you smiling about?" He asked her, shaking her from her trance.
"Nothing, just… thank you." Marie replied.
"Hey, we need another medic over here!" A voice yelled, alerted the two soldiers.
Marie waved goodbye to Malarkey, leaving him standing in the middle of the light snowfall, knowing she couldn't keep whoever needed her waiting. As she left, she was fully aware of her heart palpitating in her chest, and her stomach fluttering as if she was on a roller coaster. She realized to herself the true depths of her feelings, she'd always been too afraid to admit them to herself.
I love him.