A/N: Hi guys. Here's the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy it. Just four more and then the epilogue. I'm starting to get emotional...lol. As always, thanks to everyone reading and reviewing. Love you all.

Just so you know, the flashback/dream/memory of Nathan's toward the end is pretty explicit in sexual nature so if you don't like smut, you should probably skip that whole scene. Thank you and enjoy.

...

Jess was in the kitchen, glass of juice in hand, when Nathan came strolling in, the faint smell of whiskey on his breath.

He stopped short when he saw her, taken by surprise.

He wasn't any more surprised than she was though. She took a quick glance at the clock before fixing him with questioning brown eyes. "Are you just getting in now?"

"Yeah," he replied unnecessarily, seeing as it was clear he was. He opened the fridge and reached for the carton of juice.

She waited for him to expand on his answer, but when he just poured the juice and tipped the glass back to drink, her brows rose, and she couldn't help but prod a little. "That has to be the longest movie of all time," she said. "It's 4:30 in the morning, Nathan."

He shrugged carelessly, but didn't meet her eyes when he spoke. "It was over by midnight. I went for a walk afterwards."

"A four hour walk?" she asked in bewilderment. "This town's not that big, Nate." Did he think she was stupid? The alcohol smell might be slight, but it was still there.

"I might have made a stop along the way," he replied.

"Uh huh."

"Why are you up?" he asked her.

"Night feeding," she explained. "I just put her back down, but I was thirsty so..."

Nathan nodded even as she trailed off. "You going back to bed then?"

"I am. You should too before your parents wake up and get a whiff of you."

"That bad?" he asked.

"Not really, but detectable."

Again he nodded. "All right, well, I'm just gonna make a sandwich first."

And Jess had to smile. He didn't ask if he could make a sandwich, just told her he was. It showed how at home he felt here. It was nice. "Just don't leave a mess," she warned. She had enough people to clean up after.

"I won't," he told her, already grabbing for the luncheon meat, tomatoes and lettuce.

Jess wished him goodnight and went off to her bedroom.

"You awake?" she asked her husband once she'd gotten back in bed.

He grunted affirmatively.

"Good," she said. "Because you need to go have a chat with your nephew."

He mumbled again and checked the clock. "Now?" he asked.

"Yes, now," she answered. Funny how he asked that, rather than why. She'd tell him anyway. "Honey, he just now walked in the door, he smells like whiskey, and he looks guilty as hell over something."

"What do you mean?" Cooper asked, sitting up now. "What's he got to feel guilty about?"

"Gee, I don't know, but if I had three guesses, they'd all involve some random bar chick."

Cooper sighed heavily. "And if it does, what do you want me to do about it? Honey, I love you, but it's none of our business."

"Of course it is. He's family," she reasoned. "And plus, we love Peyton, remember?"

"Again, what do you expect me to do?"

"Just talk to him. Set him on the right path, or at least, give him some direction so he doesn't take as long as you did to straighten out."

"Hon..." he began in complaint.

"Please Coop?" she said, bottom lip forming just the right pout. "Do you really want to see him mess up his relationship with Peyton?"

"Of course not," he returned. "But some lessons have to be learned the hard way."

"And some don't," she countered. "Some lessons could be taught by your uncle whom you look up to and practically worship, and has stood in your shoes and made the same mistakes."

He chuckled at her persistence. "All right, fine, I'll talk to him," he said. Who was he kidding anyway? He couldn't say no to that pout.

"Thank you, sweetheart," she said, placing a kiss on his cheek before he stood up. "Keep in mind though that I don't actually know that he did anything with anyone."

The look he shot her was pure annoyance.

"What?" she asked innocently. "I said I was guessing."

"So, what am I supposed to do? Go down there and accuse him?"

"No. Talk around it. Be subtle."

"Yeah, cause subtlety's always been my strong suit," he mumbled sarcastically. "Why didn't you do it while you were already down there?"

"Because if he needs to clear his conscience, it's gonna be you he talks to, not me," she told him with the sweetest of smiles. "Now go before he goes to bed."

...

She tossed around in her sleep, the nightmare starting off the way it did every night—with Damien's sinister and evil eyes boring into her as he handed her the drug-laced water, forcing her to drink it.

Following that was Damien's instant assault on her body. His rough hands all over her, his sloppy kisses covering her mouth.

This was the point in the dream she tended to call for Nathan, waking herself up in the process. This time though her mouth opened, ready to scream, but no sound escaped her lips.

It seemed tonight she would explore deeper into the recesses of her memory, whether she wanted to or not.

Peyton's dream/flashback

She lay there very still as Damien's lips and hands helped themselves to her body.

Except in her drug-induced mind, it wasn't Damien, but Nathan, who touched her and kissed her so intimately. And, for some reason, he wasn't doing it very well—nowhere near as well as usual. Her body should be on fire by now. She felt annoyed that it wasn't.

"Hey," she lamented dazedly. "I thought this stuff was supposed to make sex better. Maybe you didn't give me enough."

Her brain recognized the effects of the drug on it. She and Nathan had taken ecstasy together three or four times before, and the sex had been beyond amazing. It always was, even without the ecstasy, but with it, it was like his every touch, her every feeling was amplified by a magnitude of degrees.

But now, right now, his touch was neither erotic nor thrilling to her senses. He was doing something different, and she didn't like it one bit. "Nathan," she whined brazenly. "I don't like it this way. Touch me how you usually do. You know, when I get so hot for you." Clearly her mind was still in the drug's control, for if Nathan truly did touch her in a way she didn't enjoy, she would never just bluntly tell him so. She'd find a way to let him know in a more subtle, gentle way, so as not to mess with his ego. Luckily, she'd never had to worry about that.

She soon became further annoyed because he wasn't listening to her and just continued what he was doing. He even told her to shut up.

She was too out of it to be insulted by his words. "Baby, come on," she mumbled, almost incoherently. "Just do it how you always do. You know I love that."

When his hand moved rougher over her skin, she thought he was going to finally listen, but alas, the touch itself was no better, only harder. "Not like that," she muttered angrily. He was doing it on purpose. He knew what she wanted, what she liked, but he wasn't giving it to her, despite her pleas. "Nathan, stop being an ass," she snapped.

He snapped too. "I'm not Nathan," he said.

She looked up, confused. It really wasn't Nathan. No wonder. "Oh," she said, her brain registering surprise but not alarm. "Well, could you go get him for me?" she asked innocently. "He's so much better at this."

His eyes clouded with rage, but she was too far gone to notice. In her current state of mind she hadn't just verbally attacked Damien's masculinity. She'd merely been stating a fact. So when he angrily pounded into her, her head only vaguely comprehended what was happening.

She realized she was having sex with Damien. Or rather, he was having sex with her, but all that could penetrate through the fog of her muddled mind was that she'd be on her second or third orgasm by now if this were Nathan.

When he again screamed at her to shut up, she realized she must have said that out loud.

End of dream/flashback

She awoke with a jolt, but no scream—no scream, for the first time since these dreaded nightmares began.

Nor was she shaking violently with the fear of it. She actually smiled a little, amused by her latest memory.

Wow, Damien must have been seeing red to learn that even high on ecstasy, she'd still let him know she preferred Nathan's touch over his.

She momentarily considered calling her boyfriend to tell him about it—he'd surely get a kick out of it too—but a quick glance at her alarm clock told her it was quarter to five in the morning. She decided against calling, figuring it would be just as amusing in a few hours as it was now. Let her baby sleep.

...

He was nearly done his sandwich by the time Cooper came down.

"You make me one?" his uncle asked him lightly.

He shrugged. "Didn't know you were up," he replied before Cooper went in the fridge and took out all the ingredients he'd just put away.

Cooper noticed there was a slight scent of alcohol on his nephew, but also noticed that he neither appeared nor sounded drunk. Clearly he'd just had one or two. "So what's up?" he asked Nathan.

"Nothing," Nathan responded.

It was the quick way he answered, the almost defensive way, that got Cooper suspecting his wife was right. The kid did look guilty of something. "Nothing?" he pressed.

Nathan shrugged again, hoping the careless gesture showed he had nothing to hide.

Cooper didn't buy it. "You have a good time tonight?" he asked, letting Nathan know he was aware he hadn't come straight back from the movies.

"Yeah, sure," Nathan replied simply.

"You gonna tell me what you did or you gonna make me drag it out of you?" Cooper pressed on as he assembled his sandwich. So much for subtlety. He was no good at it anyway.

Nathan's head snapped up to shoot his uncle a nervous look. "I went to a movie, then for a walk," he said and then remembered Jess said he smelled like whiskey. "I stopped at a bar and had a drink."

"Other than those things," Cooper stated in return.

"I don't know what you mean," Nathan said, his tone edgy.

"Yeah, you do, Nate," his uncle replied knowingly as he sat down with his sandwich. "It's pretty damn obvious by your face that you did something you regret."

Nathan hung his head and sighed dejectedly, rubbing his face with his hands. Eventually he nodded, telling Cooper he was right. "There was this girl at the bar," he began.

"I figured," Cooper replied. "You cheat on Peyton?"

Nathan stood up and began to pace the room. "She was coming on really strong, and me and Peyton, we haven't been having sex ever since the rape, and so I..."

"Went for it," Cooper guessed.

"Almost," Nathan said, flopping back down on the chair.

"Ahh, Nate..." Cooper began with disappointment, though no judgment. "Wait, hold up. Almost?" he asked for clarification.

Nathan simply nodded sullenly.

"So you didn't sleep with her?" he asked to be sure he was understanding correctly.

"No."

Cooper stared, mouth agape for a long time, trying to figure out what the problem was. When Nathan didn't offer any more information, he pushed for some. "Ok, Nate, I'm confused here. If you didn't sleep with her, then why you kicking yourself?"

"Because I wanted to," Nathan snapped in frustration.

"But you didn't," Cooper stressed.

"That's not the point."

"Kid, that's exactly the point," Cooper contradicted.

But Nathan shook his head in disagreement, the words Peyton had told him when she'd broken up with him in his driveway still fresh in his mind. It may have been several months ago now, but he remembered it like it was yesterday.

Flashback (chapter 35)

Out of sheer desperation, he reached out to cradle her face. "I'll do better," he said, his voice thick with emotion and his blue eyes penetrating hers. "Just don't…don't leave me," he pleaded softly. "Please," he added when she was silent. "Peyton, please. Just tell me what to do. I won't cheat on you anymore, ok?" He laid his forehead against hers as his other hand came up to her other cheek.

By now she was crying. She couldn't help it. She felt her resolve weakening by the second.

"I'm sorry," he continued, his voice cracking. "I'll never lie to you again," he pressed on. "What else, Peyton? I'll do anything you want. Just tell me."

That's when she pulled back and laid a hand on his chest, keeping him at arm's length. 'I'll do anything you want.' She wiped away the tears that were falling and green eyes locked with blue. "You think that's what I want?" she asked. "For you to be faithful and honest because I want you to be?" She shook her head negatively. "I want you to be faithful because you love me so much that you don't want anyone else...

End of Flashback

He shook his head again. He'd nearly lost her for good that time, and he didn't figure she'd changed her mind about what she wanted. It really wasn't so much to expect from your boyfriend/fiancé, but right now it seemed he would forever struggle just to give her that little bit. "Me and Peyton are engaged," he told Cooper. "I'm not supposed to be getting turned on by other girls."

To his surprise and dismay, a hearty chuckle escaped his uncle's lips. Great, he confides in him and he laughs at him. "Oh, this is funny, huh?" he grumbled, glaring daggers at the older man.

"It really is," Cooper admitted, still laughing. Sometimes he could talk to his nephew man to man, so he often forgot he was only seventeen. Other times, such as these, his age really showed, and some type of guidance was required.

Laughing at him probably wasn't the best thing to do, but Cooper couldn't help it. He continued to chuckle until Nathan stood up abruptly and made to leave. "Ok, hold up, hold up, I'm sorry," he said, until Nathan sat down again and stared at him with open hostility.

"I'm sorry," Cooper repeated as the remnants of humor refused to leave him. "It's just...what you said. Like you think an engagement is some magic cure for temptation. It doesn't work that way, kid. I've been married six years and, trust me, temptation's around every corner. Especially," he went on, "when you look like that, you handsome bastard," he said. "Girls are always going to be hitting on you."

Nathan didn't take well to the compliment, but, rather frowned at the stuff before it. It never stopped? "So, what am I supposed to do?" he asked.

"I'd suggest stop going to bars by yourself for one thing," Cooper answered. Sure these girls were everywhere, but the bars were a breeding ground for drunken hookups.

Nathan nodded. He could do that.

"Other than that, just do what you did tonight," Cooper added. "Believe it or not, unless it went further than what you're telling me, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I flirted with her," Nathan admitted.

"Ok, not the best thing to do. You can work on that," Cooper said. "Anything else?"

"No. Like I said, she came on real strong, but I told her I couldn't, and then I left and walked back here."

"There you go. No harm, no foul."

But Nathan still frowned. "So the fact I wanted to and thought about saying yes doesn't matter?" he asked doubtfully.

"Listen, Nate. It's not about being tempted. Like I told you, temptation's everywhere and it will always be there. It's how you handle that temptation that makes the difference," Cooper told him, sounding very wise. At least until his next statement. "Basically you're kicking yourself for getting a boner."

"I guess."

"It's pointless to feel guilty over a physical response that you have no control over," his uncle said next. "Hell, it happens to me every time I watch Baywatch. Doesn't mean I don't love my wife."

Nathan nodded now, Cooper's words starting to sink in. But there was still one thing nagging at him, and he said it to Cooper. "If I had a few more drinks in me, I don't know if I would have turned her down."

Cooper sighed. "See now that's pointless too. If you'd had a few more drinks, maybe you'd have gone upstairs with her. Maybe you still wouldn't have. You didn't have those extra drinks so the point is moot. What's the sense of speculating on what you may or may not have done?"

Again, Nathan nodded, feeling much better about the situation in general. He didn't particularly like knowing that he would have to fight his urges for all-time, but he no longer felt guilty for having them now. "Thanks, Coop," he said earnestly.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah. I guess I just thought..."

"It would be easier?"

"Yeah."

"Let me ask you something," Cooper said.

"Kay."

"I know at one time you wouldn't have thought anything about taking this chick up on her offer. You would have done it and not felt even a little bit guilty. And I'm talking since you've been with Peyton here, not when you were single."

"Yeah," Nathan agreed. He would have, but he didn't see the point in bringing his past behavior up. If it was to show how much better he'd gotten, he already realized that.

"So what's changed?" Cooper questioned. "What made you turn it down this time?"

"I...I kept thinking if I do this and Peyton finds out, I'll lose her."

"Ok, and that never used to cross your mind when you were cheating before?"

Shaking his head, Nathan replied. "No. Any time she caught me before, she always forgave me so I thought..."

"She always would."

Nathan nodded, appropriately shame-faced. "But last time she dumped me it was for almost three months so now I know she won't just put up with it anymore."

"All right, lesson learned," Cooper said. "That's something, I suppose."

"What?" Nathan asked in confusion. "Was that the wrong answer?"

"There's no wrong answer, Nate."

"But it's not what I was supposed to say," Nathan guessed.

Cooper pulled a face. "Forget what you think you're supposed to say. We're being open here," he said. "Now I'm gonna ask you something else and I want you be straight-up honest. Don't worry about what the right answer should be. All right?"

"Yeah, ok," Nathan replied uncertainly.

"Ok, picture this," Cooper began, raising his hands in demonstration. "Same scenario as tonight at the bar, except," he stressed on that word, "you know there's no chance of Peyton finding out..."

"No chance?"

"Zero."

"Well, how would I know that for sure?" Nathan questioned.

Again Cooper lifted his hands, this time in wonder, attempting to come up with a response. "Your fairy Godmother appeared and granted you three wishes, that being one of them."

Nathan raised an eyebrow, suppressing laughter at the ridiculous turn in conversation. "Fairy Godmother?" he scoffed. "Is that the best you got?"

"It is."

"Then I think you've been reading too many children's books."

"You have no idea," Cooper replied. "I've read Cinderella so many times, she feels like part of the family. I want to choke those damn step sisters and evil step mother with my bare hands."

Chuckling at his uncle, Nathan shook his head in amusement. "So, what were my other two wishes?" he asked in jest. "You said I got three, right?"

"Nope, change of plan, you just get one now. It's what you get for being a knucklehead. This is a serious conversation, by the way. Peyton can't find out, it doesn't matter how you know it, but you know it. What do you do?"

"Doesn't that fall into the 'what if' scenario you just said was pointless to think about?"

"I suppose it does, but I'm curious to hear what you'd do."

"I...I don't know," Nathan replied.

"That's the wrong answer, dear nephew."

Nathan frowned. "You said there weren't any wrong answers," he complained.

"I lied. You don't know, Nate? Really? Cause I know what I'd do. I'd get my ass away from that woman as fast as I could because no random hookup is worth losing the woman I love."

"But you said she wouldn't know so why would you lose her?"

"She wouldn't know, but I would, and the guilt would eat me alive until I either confessed the whole thing to her or she figured it out for herself. And word of advice here, Nate, until you understand what I just said, don't be rushing off to the altar too soon."

"I understand now," Nathan countered.

"No, I don't think you do," Cooper argued. "Because you basically just admitted you could cheat on Peyton if you knew she wouldn't find out."

Nathan's scowl deepened. He felt like he'd just been tricked into admitting something he wasn't at all sure was true. "I said I don't know," he replied.

"Which implies you could."

"Or couldn't," Nathan shot back.

"True enough. Look, I'm not trying to bust your balls here. I just know you two plan to get married soon-ish, and I want you to be sure you're ready to make that kind of commitment."

"I'm ready. I love Peyton."

"I know you do," Cooper acknowledged. "But I gotta tell you, Nate, as long as your answer to that question is 'I don't know', then I'm sorry, but no, you're not ready."

Nathan sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, sulking. He hadn't cheated on her, and he was still getting hell.

"I've upset you. Believe me, that wasn't my intention," Cooper said. "Tell you what? Spend the next few days, weeks, hell months, and really think about what you'd do. When you come up with a definitive answer, I'd love to hear it. Just realize there's only one answer that qualifies you as ready for marriage."

Nathan simply glared at his uncle, angry by the turn in conversation. Cooper was one of the ones who supported their plan to marry at eighteen, but it sure didn't seem like it now.

Cooper took in his nephew's sulky demeanor, and sighed. This 'talk' hadn't gone as planned—not that he'd planned it—and now Nathan was pissed at him. He truly thought it was a legitimate question, and yes he felt Nathan's answer should be quite different to the one he'd given him, yet he had told the kid there was no wrong answer. He could see how Nathan might feel like he'd railroaded him.

"You know what?" the older man began. "Maybe I'm not being fair to you," he admitted. "Maybe this is a whole other conversation if you and Peyton were still currently sexually active," he said, realizing how true that was. Sexual frustration did tend to complicate even the simplest of matters, messing up your judgment, clouding your brain. "No sex at all, huh?"

Nathan shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "We tried, but...she can't."

"That sucks. You're being supportive though, right?"

"Yeah."

"You're not pushing her or anything? Because you know it's not her fault she got raped."

"I know. I'm not pushing her."

"Good. That's good."

"If anything, she's pushing me," Nathan said next.

"What does that mean?" Cooper asked him.

So Nathan went ahead and told him how she couldn't do full-on sex, but had offered oral sex a few times, and how he'd turned that down.

Cooper stared at him as though he'd suddenly grown three heads. "You turned it down? Why?"

"Because," Nathan began to explain. "First of all, it's not fair if I get to get off and she doesn't. And second, she's only offering cause she feels guilty that she can't put out anymore."

Cooper nodded in understanding, feeling rather proud of his nephew for those noble reasons. But at the same time, it seemed Nathan was missing something. "Whatever her reasons, Nate, she obviously wants to do it or else she wouldn't keep offering. So why not let her?"

"I don't know. Wouldn't that make me a selfish jackass?"

"Depends how you look at it."

"What do you mean?"

"Ever think that maybe getting you off makes her feel good too?" Cooper asked. "Like, when you go down on her, which I'm just assuming you have, at least before the rape, is it just for her, or for you too?"

"For me too," Nathan answered earnestly. He loved the feel of her, the taste of her, and most of all, the whimpering sounds she made as ecstasy took over her body.

"There you have it," Cooper said with finality. "She's the rape victim, Nate. If she feels comfortable with it, and wants to do it, then I say follow her lead on this one, and take the fucking blowjob. It's a win-win."

Nathan's grin was instant, and suddenly he wasn't angry anymore. "I was hoping you'd say that," he admitted. He'd never considered that letting her give him what he actually did want, despite his protests, could actually be doing her a favor. He should have talked to Cooper about this sooner.

Their conversation was cut short when Jess came in, holding baby Brianna in her arms.

"Again?" Cooper asked his tired looking wife.

"It's your turn," she said without answering, handing him their little bundle of joy. "I've already fed her so you just have to put her to sleep."

Cooper nodded willingly. "No problem. You get some sleep too."

"Oh, I will," she said, her full trust in her husband to care for their newest daughter. "I'll sleep like a baby, which I just realized makes absolutely no sense. Why do people say 'sleep like a baby' like it's a good thing when babies are up every few hours?"

"To mess with your head," Cooper teased her.

"Oh, you're funny at 5:00 a.m.," she threw back. "Everything ok here?" she asked both Cooper and Nathan.

"Fine," Nathan quickly answered.

"Everything's fine," Cooper re-stated when Jess turned to him for confirmation. "You'll never guess what our little nephew here was stressing about."

"Coop..." Nathan protested with a shake of his head.

Cooper paid him no heed and went ahead and told his wife. She had much the same reaction of amusement as Cooper had had.

She glanced at Nathan now, noting his cheeks were going red and he avoided her gaze. "Oh my God, you're so adorable," she couldn't resist saying. "You know, the same thing happens to Coop when he watches Baywatch."

"So I heard," Nathan muttered.

"It's a natural reaction," Jess went on. "Nothing to feel embarrassed or guilty about." She smiled slyly before adding to her statement. "It happens to women too, only it's not so obvious with us." When both men stared at her blankly, she laughed and went on. "What, you think we don't get turned on by a good looking guy? You think we don't see one and think 'hmm, he can drop cookie crumbs in my bed any day.'? Or, 'wonder what he looks like without that shirt.'

Her husband was scowling at her but she could only laugh, secure enough in her marriage to know her little confession wouldn't put a dent in it. "What? It's not only men is all I'm saying. We all do it. Why do you think I watch Supernatural?"

"I thought you enjoyed the storylines," Cooper answered with a pout.

"I do," she said. "But the eye candy doesn't hurt." She faced Nathan now who was frowning as deeply as her husband was. "Don't tell me you think that just because Peyton's head over heels in love with you that you're the only good looking guy in the world in her eyes?"

"No. I...I don't know. I never really thought about it."

"Yeah, guys don't like to think about that. Messes with their ego," she teased. "Right honey?"

His mumbled response was hilarious to her. Even so, she had to stroke the ego she'd bruised. "Luckily for me I have the hottest guy on the planet so I get my eye candy right at home every day."

Just as she figured, that changed her hubby's mood instantly.

"I'm sure Peyton feels that way with you," she said to Nathan.

"Yeah, whatever," Nathan muttered in reply. "I think I'll go to bed now."

"Wait, hold up," Cooper stopped him. "Let's get a woman's point of view on...the other thing we talked about."

"How 'bout not?" Nathan requested.

But again Cooper ignored him and addressed his wife while Nathan stood shaking his head. "If you offered me head and I turned it down, what would you think?"

She laughed at the question. "That you're some alien who kidnapped my husband and took his place," she scoffed. "And look exatly like him," she added in jest.

"Come on," her husband urged her to answer. "Seriously."

"Ok, if that happened, first I'd wonder what was wrong with you," she replied teasingly. "And then I'd wonder what was wrong with me."

"See?" Cooper said to Nathan. "Basically what I said but in a woman's perspective."

"That's not what you said," Nathan denied.

"Close enough. Now you can go to bed."

"Yeah, thanks," Nathan returned sarcastically before heading up the stairway. He couldn't be mad though. As embarrassing as it was that Coop revealed his personal stuff to Jess, it was also helpful.

Did Peyton wonder if something was wrong with her? He knew she'd been thinking along those lines before the party, but even now? He shook his head. Why was it that whenever he tried to do the right thing, he ended up making things worse?

He finally came to the conclusion that it was probably because most of what he thought was the right thing was actually the wrong thing. One of these days he'd get better at telling the two apart. It crossed his mind that maybe he should just always do the opposite of what his instincts told him. Maybe then he'd get it right.

He fell asleep with Cooper's question in his head. Would he cheat on Peyton if he knew she'd never find out? He wanted to say he wouldn't, but his earlier statement would be more accurate. He really wasn't sure.

Damn it! This good guy stuff was going to be the death of him. Especially with the whole 'Peyton looks at other guys too' thing running through his brain. Thanks a lot, Aunt Jess.

At some point during the night, his mind switched off to the more intimate details of his conversation with Cooper. Oral sex.

Hell, it wasn't so much that his mind switched since it was always on his brain, and it wasn't so much the conversation with his uncle than the memories of the first time she'd performed the act on him.

It was at a party on a dare. They'd officially been a couple for a month and the closest they'd come to anything sexual was some mild petting on his part, which she always promptly put a stop to.

But she was drunk that night, and very eager to please.

And please she did. A smile played on his lips as his sub-conscience slipped deeper into the pleasant memory.

Flashback/dream/memory

"You know you don't have to do this," he said as, behind the closet door, she unfastened his belt and slid to her knees.

She glanced up and graced him with a smile, her eyes locked on his as she undid the button of his jeans next, and then the zipper. It was kind of a relief to have those binds loosened from the hardness of him pressing so painfully against them.

It was even better when she reached inside and gently tugged his pulsating dick out.

His breath hitched in his throat at this first touch. He should probably tell her again that this wasn't necessary, but it felt good and she seemed happy to do it so fuck it. He'd been thinking about this since the first day he saw her so why should he now sabotage her willingness to comply?

Because she was drunk. That thought entered his mind for maybe three seconds and then disappeared entirely when her tongue gently grazed over the length of him.

It was a light kind of teasing that quickly left him wanting more than just her soft tongue on him. One of his hands went to her head, tangling itself in her wild curls, while the other guided his hardened shaft toward her slighted parted lips, urging her both physically and verbally, to take him inside, to suck him.

Instead she ran her hot tongue over the tip.

His head fell back against the wall at the sensation of it, and the anticipation of having her mouth around him intensified. His breath quickened as he waited for it to happen.

And waited. Her tongue felt good, but he couldn't take much more of the sweet torment. "Come on, Peyt, don't tease," he croaked impatiently. There was nothing he hated more than to be teased. If she wasn't going to finish it, then she shouldn't start it.

She must have gotten the picture for she smiled again—apparently enjoying the torment she was inflicting—and finally took him in her mouth, her warm lips closing all around him.

A deep groan escaped his throat and he thought he might blow his load right then and there. He shut his eyes and his head again lolled back as hers began a slow bopping motion. "Ahh fuck," he muttered breathlessly as he began moving with her, quickening the strokes to encourage her to do the same. "Yeah, that's it," he groaned as she obliged the faster pace.

They were well past the seven minutes allocated them by the terms of the dare, and their friends let them know it, standing at the closet door and calling out to them, threatening to open the door.

Nathan cursed them and made his own threats to kill anyone who dared try it, and they all shuffled back, some fearfully, others laughingly.

"It's ok," he told his girlfriend, fearful she would suddenly retreat due to the interruption.

He needn't worry. She wasn't the least bit disturbed and simply carried on as she was. Yeah, she was definitely drunk.

It wasn't long before he felt himself about to cum, and he warned her of it because...well, because some girls liked to swallow and some didn't and, since this was a first for him from her, he wasn't sure which category she fell into. However, since she made no move to pull away, he didn't either, so when he jerked violently, it was into her mouth.

She showed no signs of distaste when she finally stood up so he sent a cocky smirk her way. "You've done that before," he gasped, still trying to catch his breath.

She shook her head in denial. "First time," she said honestly. "Was it ok?"

He laughed until he realized she was serious. Leaning back again, a goofy grin spread across his handsome face. "Best blowjob ever," he said.

"Really?" she questioned doubtfully.

He nodded. "Really," he assured her, and he wasn't just saying that to make her feel good either. "First time, huh?" he asked, expressing his own doubt now.

She nodded her head, and at his questioning look shrugged her small shoulders. "I watch a lot of porn."

He chuckled heartily at her explanation and pulled her into his arms. "You know how hot that is?" he more stated than questioned. Most girls didn't watch porn, or if they did, wouldn't admit it. But he was definitely learning that Peyton Sawyer wasn't most girls. "I just might want to marry you someday."

She laughed too. "Good thing you added the someday part or else I'd be freaking out on ya right now."

He playfully slapped her in the ass. It wasn't a gesture he'd done with her before, but hey, considering she'd just blown him, he figured it was okay. And then a sly smile displayed over his face, and he bent to his knees as she had done previously. "Ok, my turn," he said huskily, his hands sliding up her long legs to the inside of her short skirt, his mouth following suit.

"No! Nathan!" she squealed. "That wasn't part of the dare."

He lifted his head and smirked up at her. "I dare you to let me."

End of Flashback/dream/memory

He sat up in bed, fully awake now. Fully aroused too. Fuck, he definitely needed to heed Cooper's advice and take whatever Peyton was willing to give. But for now he'd have to settle for a cold shower.

...

Brooke simply could not contain her mirth when Peyton told her about her memory/dream from the previous night. "Ok, tell me that really happened and it's not just something your mind thought up to help you deal," she said, picturing Damien's frustration over Nathan still winning out over him even while he had Peyton in a drug-induced state. It was too funny not to laugh at.

"Umm, well," Peyton began. "I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but yeah, I'm almost positive it did happen. I've just been blocking that part out for whatever reason. Probably because I usually wake up before that part."

Brooke let out a squeal of excitement. It just didn't get any better than this. Okay, Peyton not getting raped at all would be better, but that went without saying. This was the best thing to come out of the rape, and since Peyton seemed to find delight from it, she didn't feel bad also seeing the humor in it. "D'you tell Nate yet?" she asked the blonde. He would get a kick out of it for sure.

"Not yet," Peyton answered. "I'll tell him tonight when he gets back from Charlotte," Peyton answered. "Can't wait to see his face when he gets that ego boost."

"Not that he needs one."

"True. But better him than Damien."

"Also true," the brunette agreed. "I'm so glad you had that memory," she said with elation. "It totally made my day."

"Yeah, mine too," Peyton said sincerely. It was nice to know that Damien hadn't had all the power that day, even if she didn't know what she was saying at the time. Very nice, indeed.

...

He texted her from the car on the way back to Tree Hill, letting her know he'd be coming by her house straight away. She already knew he would. He would just stop at home, drop off his stuff, and get in his car and drive to her house.

She agreed when he also texted to ask if she wanted to go for a ride once he got there.

She was already waiting for him outside when he pulled up, and as soon as she got in the passenger's side, she graced his lips with a lingering kiss. God, she'd missed him. It had only been two days, but she'd missed him.

He kissed her back with the same fervor, only pulling back when his body started to stir with that familiar desire he'd long ago gotten used to when he was with her. God, he'd missed her.

He didn't drive around aimlessly. He knew his destination, and shut the ignition off once he'd parked.

Peyton looked around, noting the secluded area they were in. It was the kind of place they'd often gone to...to have sex. She looked at him with wonder, recognizing the lust in his eyes by the several shades darker they'd gone.

Oh God, she instantly began to panic. Would this be the day he'd push her for sex? She'd been expecting it for a while, though he well knew she wasn't ready yet. "Nathan..." she began to protest.

He cut her off with a kiss.

And a request. Why wait for the offer he knew would come when he could just ask?

She opened her mouth to ask if he was sure—after all, he'd turned down her every offer lately—but he was already undoing the button and zipper of his jeans with one hand and guiding her head downward with the other. She supposed that meant he was sure.

She smiled and happily obliged, taking great pleasure from the deep, guttural groan that escaped his lips the second her warm, moist mouth closed over him.

The only problem she had was that while his left hand remained on her head, often times gently pushing aside her hair that fell over her face, his right hand instinctively roamed about freely to other parts of her body. Parts of her body that unwillingly caused her to think of her rapist's hands on her.

She fixed that problem easily enough by taking his hand into hers and holding it still as her mouth continued its torturous, bobbing motion. Luckily, he didn't seem to mind, or even notice the hand holding.

Even luckier, she thought, was that he didn't push for anything else.

...

It wasn't until they were headed back to her place that she mentioned her latest memory to him. And as she expected, he was thrilled by it, boasting arrogantly about how great he must be if she still longed for him with her brain working at half capacity, if that, and he wasn't even in the room.

"Yep, you're just that good," she agreed, letting him have his moment. She rather loved a cocky Nathan anyway. She always had.

He pulled in the driveway and shut off the car before she dropped a particularly troubling bomb on him. "We should go see him," she said.

He turned his head to face her. She couldn't be serious. The intense look on her face told him she was. "Why would we do that?" he asked incredulously.

"All sorts of reasons," she said. "Mainly to show him he didn't break us, that we're still together and happy."

"I don't think it's a good idea," he replied dismissively.

"Oh, come on," she persisted. "Don't you want to show off that you still have me? Let him see that his plan to tear us apart didn't work?" She knew her boyfriend. He was very much the 'stick it to him' kind of guy.

"It almost did work," he returned sharply.

"He doesn't know that."

"I kinda think he does," Nathan argued. "They do have access to TVs in prison." His apparent suicide attempt had been all over the local news, and he was sure that even though Damien had been moved to a state prison, he'd still seen the coverage.

"All the more reason to show your face," Peyton reasoned. "Let him know the downfall he was so set on was only temporary, and you, we, came back from it stronger than ever."

He shook his head. Sure he'd love to go down to the state penitentiary and do all of what Peyton said—it certainly appealed to his narcissistic self—but he wasn't at all sure she could handle such a confrontation. "Peyton, you're still scared to go to school when you know he's not there anymore," he pointed out.

"So?" she questioned, rather snippily.

"So how you gonna stand there face to face with him? No, it's a bad idea. We're not going."

"I didn't ask your permission," she shot back. "I asked you to come with me."

He took in her determined face, realization crossing his. She was saying she was going with or without him. He just didn't get why. She would be petrified to face that bastard. He knew it, and she knew it. It truly was a bad idea. He felt that with every fiber of his being.

Still, her mind was clearly made up. She was going, and his only say was whether or not he'd be joining her. He nodded agreeably. He couldn't let her go alone. "Ok, fine. We'll go next weekend."

"Why wait so long?"

"Because I start summer school tomorrow, which I have to do all week, plus community service after school. And I still have to go to anger management and..."

"Ok, ok," she said, raising her hands in surrender. "Next weekend," she agreed.

He nodded, yet was still reluctant about this whole thing. For Peyton's sake, not his own.

But who knows, he thought. Maybe this was one of those things that he thought was wrong, but was actually right. Maybe facing Damien could actually help her get past it all. Closure and all that crap people always went on about.

Maybe it's what they both needed to move on and away from the dark cloud Damien had put over them and their relationship.

Either that or they got caught in the downpour.