'You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend.' - Bob Dylan, Positively 4th Street

Scor and Ria seem to be back to normal when they join me in Muggle Studies, and after a while we give up pestering them about their reaction to the article because they just won't tell us.

There are too many mornings now where Ria comes down to breakfast looking pale and Scor slides over to sit close to her. I'm worried about her, but when I ask what's wrong, she just shrugs and says it was a bad night.

And I know I'm being petty, but they know everything about me and it's at times like this that I think I've just scratched their surface and there's so much about my two best mates that I still don't know.

But Lysander knows when I descend into those kinds of thoughts, and he's always there to help.

"Everyone's got secrets, Al." He says, laying his book on the common room table to peer at me when I sigh loudly. "And it's our job as friends to be there for them when they feel ready to tell us those secrets."

I shrug. "Whatever, mate. I wouldn't get your hopes up; they're never going to trust us."

Lysander leans back in his armchair thoughtfully. "I don't think it's that they don't trust us, more that they're ashamed of themselves. Whatever they're hiding from us, they think it's pretty bad."

"Should I be scared?"

"Terrified."

I stare at him, wide-eyed, until he holds up his iron sarcasm sign and picks his book up again, rolling his eyes at my gullibility.

I pick up my quill again, trying to focus on my Potions essay, but I find myself getting distracted again when Lily skips into the common room, holding hands with a brown-haired git with blue eyes and an untucked shirt.

I watch slack-jawed, as the bastard pulls my innocent baby sister into his lap on an armchair and proceeds to invade her privacy with a drooling tongue.

Godric, that's repulsive.

I stand up and Lysander immediately reaches out and yanks me back down. "Leave her alone, Al."

"SHE'S SIXTEEN, FOR GODRIC'S SAKE. WHO DOES THAT BASTARD THINK HE IS?!"

People are starting to stare at me, and Lily finally pulls away from her boyfriend and follows their gaze.

"Back off, Al."

"Yeah, back off Potter. This chick's mine now and there's nothing you can do about it."

EXCUSE ME?!

In a second I'm over by the armchair, pulling Lily away from the idiot and shoving him up against a wall.

He rolls his horribly murky blue eyes, breathing rancid air all over my face.

"You're not going to hurt me, Potter. You'd be expelled."

"We'll see about that."

And I push my wand into his ribs, smirking with sadistic pleasure when he flinches.

Then small but strong hands are pulling me away from the idiot. "GET OFF HIM, AL. THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

I stare into my sister's angry brown eyes as she shoves me into a chair. "So it's none of my business that your boyfriend's a total prat?"

She slaps me. Ow. "It's none of your business who I choose to spend my time with. In fact, Gerard and I are going to Hogsmeade this Saturday and you will not interfere."

"Gerard?" Is all I splutter. "Of all the boys in Hogwarts, you go for an idiot named Gerard?"

Lily glowers at me and grabs her stupid boyfriend, stomping out of the common room.

I glare around at the students watching me cautiously. "Nothing to see here, just a fucktard named Gerard sucking face with my baby sister. Go back to your knitting or whatever."

I stare at random students until they look away from me, and I make eye-contact with a tall black-haired guy with his tie knotted around his head, fists clenched tight as he watches from the stairs.

And in that moment before I look away, my brother and I have an understanding.

Whatever Lily's planning to do on Saturday with Gerard, we are going to bring that shit down in flames.

"I hate Lily."

"No, you don't. You're just feeling resentful that she won't listen to you."

"You're right, Lysander. I hate Gerard."

"No, you don't. You just think your sister is too young to be dating and/or having sex, and - "

"WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?!"

Lysander pushes away the wand at his throat firmly, and takes a spoon of his rice pudding. "Stop being so over-protective, Al. She's growing up and you have to deal with that."

"I don't have to - why, hello sexy."

A slender guy with clear green eyes and a mop of sandy hair sits down at our table. "Hello, Potter."

"'Sup Sam." Scor raises his hand in greeting from across the table while Ria waves from where she's trying to persuade Emma to eat some chocolate cake.

"Hi Scor, Ria."

"Forget about them, talk to me, you hottie."

In my defence, I am starved, and I need sex NOW.

"I apologise for Al." Ria smiles at Sam. "Guys, you know Sam: fit Ravenclaw in the year above. Takes photos for the school newspaper."

"You can take a photo of me. Naked."

I'll admit this isn't my finest moment, but my crush just called a guy fit.

Sam colours but he turns away from me to Lysander. "Actually, I'm no great photographer, but I can picture you and me together."

He holds out his hand. "Sam Townsend. You're Lysander Scamander, the gorgeous guy who reads a lot."

There is silence in our group, as Lysander's eyebrows raise.

Damn, that was a smooth pick-up line.

Finally Lysander chuckles slightly and shakes the guy's hand. "You seem to know about me."

"A little bit, but I'd love to know more." Sam smiles. "So what about a date this weekend? Meet me at 9 o'clock on Saturday in the Entrance Hall?"

"See you there." Lysander says as Sam beams at him and makes his way back to the Ravenclaw table.

What just happened?

"YOU GOT A DATE!" Rose screams, grabbing Lysander's hand excitedly.

"I did." He says calmly.

"How?" I ask, still confused.

"Because he's got a hot face and a hot personality."

"Thank you Scorpius." Lysander rolls his eyes. "And cheers for the confidence, Al."

"I just – I haven't had a good snog in months and now someone's just asked you out. You, who's never dated before. I was starting to think you were more ace than gay."

"He's not asexual, he just wasn't interested." Emma says.

"And now he is?" I splutter.

"Apparently so." She answers.

"You know, 'he' is right here." Lysander says, grumpy.

"STOP BEING SULKY, QUINKO, WE'RE GOING TO DRESS YOU UP FOR THIS DATE SO SAM CAN'T WAIT TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS."

"Rose, I am perfectly capable of dressing myself."

"No way, Scamander. Come on girls, let's show him some potential outfits." Ria says briskly, and she and Rose drag an unwilling Lysander out of the Hall, with Emma leading the way and Scor shuffling after them, grinning like a loon.

And I am left sitting at the Gryffindor table by myself.

I shrug and pull an RPM magazine out of my bag. Fuck them all.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Please?"

"Fuck no."

"Why not?"

"I'll look like a fucking idiot."

"You already do."

Scor scowls at me. "Fuck you. And I said no."

"Come on, man." I wheedle, holding up the trench coat I found in Ria's wardrobe. "No one will recognise you."

"Al, I'm not wearing a fake moustache." He says, gesturing towards the disguises I found in Fred's drawers.

"Look," I say, sitting down on my bed. If Emma can pull off a successful guilt trip, then so can I. "She's my sister. And Gerard's a douchebag. I just don't want him to make her do anything she doesn't want to do, that's all."

"He's not going to rape Lily in the middle of the Three Broomsticks, if that's what you're worried about."

"Look, Malfoy, Rose has gone on a girl's day out with Ria and Emma so all you're doing is moping around here like an idiot while everyone else is having fun in Hogsmeade. So get up and get dressed."

He considers this for a moment, then stands up slowly, complaining the whole time about how his time could be better spent.

"You really planned to help Prof Longbottom water his beloved plants?" I say, amused at his grumblings.

Scor shoots me the finger and pulls on the disguises as I do the same behind him.

Which is how we end up trailing Lily and Gerard in Hogsmeade, dressed like stalkers.

Scor's hair has been spelled very slightly longer and is now dark brown and in a ponytail, while mine is beach blonde and in a stylish quiff. Scor is wearing strange circular sunglasses that Josh left lying about in the dorm, while I found a pair of geek glasses on Rose's dresser to wear. I forced him to stick on a silky Italian moustache and freakily bushy eyebrows, while I'm sporting a Hitler-style 'stache and sideburns. We're both in long trench coats, Doc Martens, and skinny jeans, trying to act inconspicuous with newspapers held in front of us as we follow Lily and Gerard.

Unfortunately, we're attracting some weird glances from students, but no one has recognised us yet, and we've had to resort to some quick Disillusionment charms from Scor when Lily happens to innocently turn around.

Gerard tries to kiss my sweet little sister six times. Three times I mess it up by exploding a bag of sugar near them, and performing a skilled long-distance Stinging jinx, and finally resorting to a one-second Shield charm in between them. However, fate seems to be working against Lily and her horny boyfriend because the other three times they try to get intimate, it suddenly starts raining on them, then Gerard slips over, then a tree shakes flowers down on them, triggering off Lily's mild hay fever. After this particular incident, Lily and Gerard give up and finally head into the Three Broomsticks for some lunch.

Scor and I quickly follow them in, but just as we try to bag a booth behind Lily, a pair of bulky ladies push past us and claim it. Scor scowls at them and leads me into the booth behind Gerard instead, making sure that he sits opposite Lily instead of me.

Half an hour later, I am thoroughly bored. The conversation going on behind me is very flirty but nothing actually interesting is happening.

Until Sander and Sam walk in. I sit up immediately from where I have been slumped in my seat, and nudge Scor, who has been dozing off. We peer at Lysander as he laughs with Sam, and grin when he innocently sits down in the booth behind Scor.

But my eyes land on the door again when three very interesting guys walk in. One has pale freckly skin with a huge mousy-haired afro, skinny as fuck and dressed in a baggy basketball tank top, shorts and flip flops, with multiple gold chains decorating his neck. He grins sardonically at the people crowding the Three Broomsticks, and pops his gum sassily. The guy next to Afro has stick-straight dark brown hair swept into a huge side fringe. He's small for a guy, and wearing simple black robes and a classy silver tie. But it's the dude that comes in last who catches my attention. Wavy black hair frames his angular face, looking like it would be silky to touch. He's tall, and a Gryffindor t-shirt can just be seen from beneath a gorgeous black leather jacket, above faded jeans and Converses. He's frikkin' beautiful, on a level only comparable with Ria. The three guys grab a butterbeer each and stroll over to the empty booth behind Lysander's.

"Something familiar about those three?" Scor whispers to me.

"I wish." I moan. "The Gryffindor one is smoking hot."

Scor frowns. "If only they'd take off their sunglasses."

For all three are wearing some damn sexy aviators that cover half their faces.

"Why are they even wearing sunglasses indoors anyway?" I observe.

Scor sighs patronisingly. "Al, we're wearing sunglasses indoors. And so are those two ladies behind Lily, in fact."

I don't risk turning around to check.

Scor nods to the old landlady Madam Rosmerta, who smiles at us tiredly as she shuffles past us on her way to her flat upstairs.

She greets Lysander, who is one of her favourite customers, then I watch curiously as she stops short at the booth behind, staring in shock at the hot Gryffindor guy.

"Sirius Black?" She shrieks, then faints on the spot.

The guy leaps up immediately and helps her into a seat, splashing some cool butterbeer over her face. The students around stop to stare at the pub's infallible landlady lying unconscious on a chair.

Sirius Black. I never really bothered listening when James and Lily clamoured for dad to tell us stories of the War, but I do remember who he is. I've even seen photos of him when he was in Hogwarts, and the resemblance now strikes me. Same rebellious leather jacket and proud Gryffindor shirt. Same slightly arrogant smile and black hair, with classy good looks. If I wasn't sure that he died years ago, I'd say that this guy was Sirius Black to the life.

Madame Rosmerta comes around slowly. She focuses on at the wannabe Sirius Black clutching her hand. "But how - ?"

The guy looks ashamed. "Ma'am, I'm not Sirius Black. My name's Ria Black, and I'm sorry to have scared you like this."

Oh Godric.

"Ria?!" Scor yells, bounding to his feet to look over Lysander and Sam's heads.

The whole pub is staring now. Ria/Sirius stands up and pulls off her aviators. "Scor?" She looks past him and frowns at me. "Al?"

I pull off my sunglasses too and focus on the two guys with her. "Who're they?"

Afro dude smirks and waves his wand over all three of them, muttering rapid-fire spells. I watch, shocked, as Afro's hair turns ginger and flattens slightly, falling over his shoulders. Mousy-haired guy's body starts to curve in feminine places, and his hair gains volume, becoming honey-blonde and bouncing around his (her) shoulders. Then my gaze shifts to Ria/Sirius, whose silver-ended hair now reaches down her back. Her eyebrows become finer and her jaw softens just slightly, and that's all it takes to look like the Ria I know again.

I have to say, Rose did some pretty nifty spell-work.

But Ria looks past me, to the ladies at the booth behind Lily's, and sudden amusement lights her eyes. "Oh fucking hell. James? Fred? You two look like right idiots."

The lady with blonde hair flips her off, and the woman next to her with red hair waves her wand similarly to how Rose just did, transforming them back into my crazy brother and cousin.

But Lysander is focused only on the three girls. He stands up suddenly, knocking over his drink. "What are you three doing here?"

A flash of shame crosses Ria's face, but it is banished swiftly by expressionlessness. "Sander darling, we were - "

"No, Ria. Tell him the truth." Emma cuts in, fiddling with her sleeves. "We were following you on your date. We wanted to make sure you were having a good time."

But now Lily is in action and she whips around to James' booth, pulling him and Fred out by the scruffs of their blouses to stand next to me and Scor. "Were you four the reason I haven't been able to get close to Gerard all afternoon?"

"Well," I run a hand through my now-black hair (Scor followed the trend and changed us back to looking normal (other than the dodgy trench coats)), "I did the exploding sugar, Stinging jinx and Shield charm."

"And I did the Rain charm, Jelly-legs jinx, and shook the tree over you." James takes over smoothly, and I look at him impressed, to find that he's looking right back at me. We share a brief moment of successful team-working, before Lily starts screaming.

"Fred, Scor, you're idiots and I expected better, but James and Al, I hate you two and your stupid over-protectiveness ruining every date I've ever had!"

The sound of Lysander's shouting reaches us and I look away from my red-faced sister, surprised. Lysander hardly ever loses his temper. "This is the first date I've ever had and you won't even let me have that in peace! All I do is keep our group of friends together, sort out your rare petty little squabbles and try to keep us all happy, but when I have a chance to be happy, you three just have to come and ruin it. You're all so selfish, and there's just no fucking privacy!"

Oh shit. Lysander never swears. This is very bad.

"You know what?" Gerard interrupts, looking at Lily, disgusted. "Your family is messed up. I'm never going to be able to get in your pants. I'm so out of here."

And he walks out, swishing his greasy hair dramatically, which is somewhat ruined when it gets stuck on the door, but he pulls himself loose and completes his dramatic exit by sweeping out of the door without even a glance back at my heartbroken sister. She chokes back a sob and runs after him. "GERARD!"

Fred sprints out after her, with James hot at his heels, yelling for Lily.

I turn back to the other drama unfolding in the row of booths. Lysander is looking royally pissed off and he grabs Sam's hand. "Come on Sam; let's get out of here, away from these stupid idiots." And they too leave the pub.

Scor and I share a glance with the girls and they take their butterbeers and join us in our booth. We sit in silence, looking anywhere but at each other.

We fucked up.