My heart was pounding in my chest. Usually I was very focused in the OR but usually my wife, who I had picked a huge fight with had just woken up from a freak accident and I wasn't there. She already thought I had given up on her and now I had practically cemented that when I'd gotten myself stuck in surgery. She's hurt and scared and I'm not their, Oh crap I'm just like her mother. I shook my head as I focused on the brain in front of me. The nurse beside me suctioned. Alex had taken off as soon as the nurse had announced it. Before I could even process what I had been told, he'd been half way across the room, pulling off his surgical gown. I was working quicker then normal. At first I had asked for someone to step in but Nelson was tied up with Meredith and I was the only other neurosurgeon on call. Dr. Krycheck had been called in but all I was told was it would be awhile. In the meantime I worked as quickly as I could at hopes that I could get to Meredith quicker. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when the scrub room door slid open and Dr. Krycheck walked in.
"My apologies for keeping you waiting Dr. Shepherd." He nodded as the nurse helped him into his surgical gown and gloves. As he did so I removed my head lamp and glasses, barely registering his words.
"Yeah, I've visualized the hematoma, it just needs to be removed." I briefed him, making a beeline for the scrub room, while simultaneously pulling off my gloves and surgical gown. I was in the scrub room before I could hear his reply. I scrubbed vigorously as if I did it faster, the time would go faster.
I ran towards the ICU nurses station at full speed, almost running right past it. Mark smirked as I stopped suddenly and turned to face the crowd of people gathered at the curses station, Cristina, Bailey, Alex, and Lexie all had similar expressions.
"How?..how is she?" I panted. "Is she...still awake?" Alex shook his head.
"She was in a lot of pain. Morphine knocked her out." I nodded slowly, taking in the new information.
"She's okay though right?" Everyone's faces dropped and I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Right?"
"She's having a hard time communicating." Bailey sighed. "It might have been the drugs but it was just sort of chopp single syllables that could kind of make a sentence." Bailey informed me.
"Is it permanent?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"I don't know." Dr. Nelson spoke from behind me. "It could just be the drugs. If it happens again when she wakes up again, I'll run an MRI" I nodded, at a loss for words.
"She recognized us. And she followed some simple commands." Lexie spoke up quietly. I nodded but I was preoccupied with another thought.
"Did she..ask about me?" I whispered. Lexie shook her head in sympathy. I looked down at the floor trying to hide my disappointment.
"When she first woke up." Cristina started and I looked up hopefully."She was looking around, kind of like she was looking for yeah..." She trailed off not looking at me.
"Thanks" I whispered hoarsely. "I'm gonna...yeah." I jerked my thumb towards Meredith's room. "If you see the the chief tell him to come find me." I turned and walked into Meredith's room, sliding the door shut behind me. I plopped down in the visitor chair and grabbed Meredith's hand. I put my head down on the bed beside our intertwined hands, and slowly my eyes drifted shut.
Something was moving underneath me. It was wiggling in the grasp of my hand. At first sleep still pulled at the corners of my brain. But as I became more aware of my surroundings I sat bolt upright, wide awake. Meredith was looking at me wide eyed in surprise at my sudden movements.
"Hi" I breathed, never breaking eye contact. "You're awake."
"H-hi." Her voice was shaky and uncertain and hoarse. She was talking almost as if she was yawning but her tongue was still to big for her mouth. I sighed reaching for my pager to page Nelson that she was awake but still couldn't talk. I put my pager back on my waistband.
"How are you feeling?" I asked still holding her hand but afraid to touch her anymore in fear she might break.
"I...I'm...sore." She speaks slowly almost as if to make her words make more sense. I nodded in understanding, not really sure what to say to her. fortunately, or unfortunately Meredith broke the silence. "Zo...Zola?" I cringed at her implied question. I really didn't want to answer that question.
"She's um...she'd okay." I chided myself at my poor lying skills.
"What...are-n't you...say." Damn this women knew me to well.
"She ah...We lost custody." I said finally look up to meet her eyes. Her lower lip was trembling. "Hey hey, please don't cry." I begged, cupping her cheek.
"I-I'm...ssso." She paused looking confused and frustrated. It took me a minute to realize what was wrong. She couldn't grasp the word she was looking for.
'You're sorry" I whispered and she nodded, looking something akin to ashamed. "I'm sorry too." I tipped her chin up with my finger. "But we can fix this okay?" She nodded again. "I love you." I said kissing her gently on the cheek.
"I...I love you." She whispered back and I smiled. Our moment was interrupted by coming Nelson in.
"Dr. Grey. Glad to see you're awake. We're going to take you down for an MRI to check for any lasting damage."He motioned to the two orderlies standing out in the hall. The brought the gurney in and transferred Meredith in a sling of sheets. She winced and I reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently, reassuringly.
"We can fix this." I tell her again as we head down the hall to MRI.
A/N Wow that took WAAAY to long to update. I'm sorry there were so many possibilities for how this all played out. I'm happy with the speech issues though, I think it will play out nicely. Also to help aid your imagination on Meredith's dialogue her syllables are elongated and she's talking like someone with autism or cerebral palsy might. Anyways read and review and I will try and get back in the groove of regular updates.