16

Olivia

When entering your first year at Hogwarts, you expected many different things. Some kids had their parents or siblings to tell them stories of magic and mischief. Some kids only had a crinkled letter read over and over again and their eleven year old imaginations. But neither of these surmounted to the sight of the vast castle that was Hogwarts. And when you experienced your first day, your first week, and your first year, you would never cease to be surprised. Hogwarts had a lot more well kept secrets than just the Room of Requirement.

One of those secrets was the parties. If muggle teenager parties were bad then wizard teenager parties were like hell. Party throwing was like an art at Hogwarts and was one of the only things students didn't fight over or compete over for eternal glory. Some would even say that it was a wonderful bonding experience for growing witches and wizards. And it was in full agreement that Hogwarts parties were sacred and certain rules had to be followed.

Everyone was allowed at parties no matter which House held it and fights between students were not permitted unless it was well deserved. Tattletales were a big no no and if someone went to a teacher they would get found out and punished indefinitely. Complaining wasn't allowed and fun was everyone's main priority no matter how cliche it sounded. And also no sex in the dormitories unless you had full permission.

Parties were held fairly often, usually depending on what was going on throughout the year but even so when word got out, the students were in a week long buzz. All former drama was dropped and the sole topic of conversation was party party party.

Girls planned outfits like it was a religion and boys scrambled to find dates. Alcohol, both muggle and wizard kinds were stocked and music was smuggled and Houses split up rights to hosting. All of this was done with a precision and secrecy that was almost amazing. Although it was suspected that the teachers knew but had done the same in their day, so they let it slide.

The first party of the year was in two days and the good feelings were so overwhelming, it was impossible to be anything other than happy yet Draco seemed to succeed at doing just that. And so did Rhys.

"She's mad because she thinks there's something wrong that I'm not telling her." I complained, leaning back on one of the beds in Draco's dormitory. Since so many Slytherins had left he had the room all to himself and it didn't seem likely that anyone would want to be roommates with him. That meant it was the perfect place to talk without having distractions or Draco looking terrified that someone would see.

"She's right though, isn't she?" He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. "You haven't told her about the nightmares. Or me."

"She wouldn't understand." I argued, the words feeling empty. Rhys wouldn't understand but that didn't mean she didn't have the right to know, but the thought of coming out to her about Draco made me want to throw up.

"Have you told anyone about me?" Draco asked, avoiding my eyes but keeping his features nonchalant. I thought I knew why he was asking and it made me want to bang my head against the wall.

"I told Wes." I replied. It had been pretty hard to keep my personal life to myself when I was with Draco and it felt good to have a second opinion that I wouldn't be able to guess. I had been friends with Rhys for so long I knew exactly what she was thinking at all times but with Draco it was like playing a game. By now I had told him just about everything that scratched the surface of me. We hadn't had many deep conversations but I could feel the words just waiting to be said.

"Are you ashamed of me?" The question was quick and sharp and completely emotionless. "And I'm not asking as a whiny jerk who wants to be bragged about, I'm genuinely curious."

"No." I answered immediately, satisfied by how true it was. I had gone so long being afraid of what people thought because I was a Slytherin that now being best friends with Draco Malfoy felt like something to shout to the whole world. I didn't care anymore.

"I could ask you the same question though." I continued, feeling my confidence wilt. I saw how he was always glancing around like there was someone behind us waiting to laugh and tease. I noticed how he covered his face and hid who he was when it was more than just us. The thought had run through my head too many times than I would admit but I never thought I would have to ask so soon.

"Why would I ever be ashamed of you, Olivia?" He asked, his voice rising. I didn't know if it was anger, sadness, shock, or all three put together. It was scary and brought back how I felt when this all started. Could I ever really trust someone like him?

"I don't know." I sighed, putting my head in my hands. "But I know it's there, I see it whenever we're together. It's like you're always on the verge of running away and you hide your face like you're ashamed and if you don't want to do this anymore than it's fine by me. I don't have to be here, Draco, I do this because I want to."

The words came out before I could even think of stopping them. But the surprising thing was that I didn't want to take them back. I was stressed out enough, I needed straight answers and this was the only way how and I knew that.

"I'm not ashamed of you, I'm ashamed of myself." His voice was barely more than a whisper. "I'm afraid that people will see us together and treat you like they treat me. I don't want you to go through what I go through. You think you know so much about me but you don't. I can't even begin to tell you the names I've been called and the things that have been done to me. I'm a mess, Olivia and I don't deserve your help."

"You shouldn't be judged by the things you can't control. The only reason you're like this is because of your family raising you that way, you didn't know any better. And the fact that you want to make yourself better simply proves that you deserve a better life. If other people don't see that then they can fuck themselves. You don't need anyone else."

"You don't get it-"

"I don't need to. They're your secrets to tell."

"I want you to know."

"OK."

Ian

"Hey Ian, who are you taking to the party?" The question had been asked of me a total of sixteen times that day and I was starting to get sick of my reply.

"Nobody." Then there's that frown that they always do, filled with pity and curiosity and a tinge of want like maybe it's their lucky day. It's not but I like to please so I flash a smile and walk away. Very dramatic and mysterious.

Number 17 was asked by Maggie who had a tendency to sneak up on me to make short conversation before disappearing again. She was stealthy and I liked that about her even though I didn't think she liked me very much. Maggie was the sort of person that saw me as what I pretended to be which was both good and horrible.

"Nobody." I answered with a sigh which was drastically different from the monotone I had been using all day. I couldn't ignore the way Maggie rolled her eyes, like she just couldn't believe people had such emotions. She was truly a wonder.

"Why not? You could get just about anyone in this goddamn school." Maggie replied, scanning the groups of people we passed by that reacted as the usually do when I walk by. Giggles, jealous whispers, chatter.

"I guess I haven't found the right person." I shrugged. The thought had passed through my head on several occasions but I never gave it much time. The thought of having so many options but none being the right one scared the hell out of me so I avoided it which was probably unhealthy.

"It's because they all like you for your popularity." Maggie said, glaring at a pack of blushing girls. "You know that but apparently you don't want to face the facts which is unsurprising. You, my friend, want to find someone who likes the real you which seems horribly impossible when in fact that person is right where you can see her. You just need to think with your head not your heart."

"Wouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Yeah, but it sounded too cheesy so I let you say it."

"How do you know so much?" Everything she said was spot on and it was slightly terrifying.

"I've been told it's because I have no soul." Maggie smirked before turning a crowded corner.

"Thank you!" I yelled, before smashing right into someone.