27

Olivia

I knocked on the door of Draco's dorm at around 2 in the morning. It was the day after Hogsmeade or two days after I guess, and I hadn't been able to get him out of my head. I could close my eyes and feel his hand in mine and the cold air on my cheeks like I was there all over again. We hadn't said much after I had spilled my feelings everywhere which meant there was a lot that was unsaid. I hated the idea of confessing my deep dark feelings but I had no other choice. I couldn't just pretend nothing had happened.

I expected him to be asleep but the door opened only a minute after I knocked. He looked ruffled, with his hair a mess and his button up rumpled. It looked like he had just rolled out of bed but his smile was bright when he saw me. It was then that I realized I was wearing snowflake pajama pants and had my hair in a messy bun. 2 am really wasn't a good time to make drastic decisions.

"Come in." He said quietly, stepping aside. The room was lit up by a couple of lamps that gave the room a warm cozy feel. I sat in my usual place, on the edge of the bed across from Draco's. I folded my legs underneath me, trying to get comfortable but it was useless. I still had butterflies in my stomach.

Draco closed the door and collapsed onto his own bed. We were both quiet, not looking at each other but not avoiding each other either. I had planned a whole speech in the mirror before I came but it all felt stupid once he was in front of me.

"I really like muggle music." He said suddenly, as if we had been having a conversation the whole time. "When I was little I never really got to listen to music. My father thought it was nonsense as usual and my mother only listened to that classical crap without any lyrics."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say to that. Draco looked inspired in that moment, his eyes clear and a soft smile of his face. It wasn't clouded over with sadness or despair.

"This past summer my mum didn't really want me in the house. She was disappointed, I think. Not just in me but in herself and especially my father. She couldn't even stand to look at me so most days she would just send me out and tell me not come back until she was asleep."

"Draco I-" I started but he just kept going.

"So, I would put on a cloak and just leave. At first I didn't really know where to go without money or connections but it didn't take too long for it to become clear to me." He looked up at me then, looking like a scientist who had just proved a theory. "London. Muggle London. I had been a few times with my father, but when I went myself it was like seeing it with totally new eyes. It was so...normal.

"I never really knew much about muggles. It didn't seem relevant and obviously my pureblood family wasn't going to educate me. They seemed like these elusive, ignorant creatures that should be looked down upon but they're really just like us. Did you know they have magic of their own? They don't need wands to make moving pictures or to kill someone. Things are so simple for them, so technical. Wizards aren't that superior at all.

"The best thing about muggles though is just their way of life. Their music and clothes and casualness as if they have all the time in the world and no one in their way. Eventually I started wearing a hoodie and actually talking to people. Olivia, it was the most amazing thing I've ever done."

I had never seen Draco Malfoy shine so bright. Like he was a star, sparkling clearer than any of the others in the sky. It took all the breath from my lungs and made me wish with my entire heart that this boy could have had a better life. A life that didn't turn him into a monster, but cherished that curious kid who just wanted something normal and real.

"I got this thing, it's called an iPod. It plays all this music that I've never heard before but it's so amazing and beautiful and I don't know how we stand to live without it. Without music, you're left with just your thoughts and...emptiness I guess. I don't know, I'm too passionate about it, but the point is.. well I'm not sure." He looked almost embarrassed but pulled the little shiny rectangle from his pocket. I had seen muggles carrying them around when I visited London but never really knew what they were.

"How does it work?" I asked, wanting him to go on. He immediately brightened again.

"Well, I have a speaker too," He started, getting up and pulling another box out from a pile of random things. He stuck the iPod onto the speaker and sat down next to me. We both turned to that we were facing each other with the boxes between us.

"The music just comes out of there?" I asked, craning my neck to see the entire thing. I thought I had a pretty good understanding of muggles but this was new to me. It made wands and parchment seem old fashioned.

"Yes! And coincidentally I have the perfect song to play. It's kind of embarrassing, or at least that's what the muggles say, but there's this popular band and they have this song and it makes me think of you. For obvious reasons." He was nearly jumping with excitement and scrolled through the iPod until he found the right song and pressed play.

"Remember the day we were giving up, when you told me I didn't give you enough, and all of your friends were saying I'd be leaving you." A boy's voice came to life through the speaker and I nearly jumped when it came. I had never heard the tune or the voice but I liked it immediately. Draco grinned at me and I couldn't help but grin back.

"I live for you I long for you Olivia. I've been idolizing the light in your eyes, Olivia. I live for you, I long for you, Olivia. Don't let me go." The use of my name was another surprise and suddenly my heart melted. I looked at Draco who was mouthing the words absently like he didn't even realize he was doing it.

I spent the rest of the song in a state of shock. I didn't know what to do or say so I just listened as the four voices crooned my name and talked about love. I'd never loved anybody before but i wondered if I was on the right path because the way I felt about Draco was new to me. It felt like I was floating on a cloud and never had to come down. All I could do was smile.

Another song came on after, a girl this time and slower. I thought Draco was going to say something but he only looked at me, his eyes soft and warm. We were both sitting with our legs criss-crossed and we were so close our knees almost touched. I could feel my heart beating through me and it was like I was suspended through time, on the climax of something great.

"Are you still against kissing me?" Draco asked, his voice quiet like we were surrounded by people that weren't allowed to hear us.

In that moment, I didn't feel the same rush as I did during the closet game. I wasn't shaking with anticipation or balling my fists like it was shot that I had to get over with. Everything felt warm and cozy as I reached up to touch Draco's face, cupping his cheek and leaning closer.

He didn't protest, just met me in the middle. When our lips met it wasn't sparks or fireworks. It was like being away for a long time and finally coming home. It was like sitting by a fire on a bitter night. It was the safety of having someone you care about putting their arms around you and saying everything will be OK. It wasn't making out in a dark closet. It was pure bliss.

Kissing Draco Malfoy wasn't something I expected to be amazing but it was. With the warm glow of the room and the soft music and him laying next to me, stroking my hair and pressing his lips against mine when it felt like we hadn't done it enough. For the first time in a long time I felt like myself. Not a Death Eater or a pureblood or a Slytherin. Just a teenage girl with a heart full of Draco Malfoy.

I couldn't remember falling asleep but I couldn't remember the nightmare either. For the first time in months, I was home.