Stanley squirmed on the couch. His shoulder ached and the ghosts of a thousand bugs were crawling up and down his legs, but he couldn't move. The cool leather of Stanford's journal rubbed against his arm.

His gaze shifted from the unfinished ceiling to the snow falling just outside the window. As the wind howled, as tiny flakes fell against the glass and stuck or melted he imagined them piling up on him. He shifted his hold on the journal, moving his arm away from the warm patch that had developed from his body heat.

He closed his eyes and saw himself walking out the door and lying in the snow. It might feel good on his back.

Stanley shifted, the rough fabric of the couch rubbing against his bare shoulder. He shoved his fingers in his mouth and bit down as tears gathered in his eyes.

"You- you dumb baby!" he hissed through his hand, "You stupid, dumb idiot."

He gritted his teeth and turned on his side, curling around Stanford's journal.

A constant dripping sounded from the corner and he screwed his eyes shut. His head pounded and a tear ran sideways down his face, gathering on the tip of his nose.

Drip. Drip.

"Oh, the cabinets are different," Stanley had said offhandedly as he pulled one open and pocketed a pack of peanuts.

"You know you're real thick, Stanley," his mother had replied, hand curling over the phone receiver. She had met his gaze as he turned around and folded one leg over the other. "They've been like that for weeks."

"Oh."

Stanley had stopped looking at things too closely after that.

He laid the loaf of bread down on the couch and walked over to the jars piled up on a cluttered side table. It was probably some freak shit that Stanford was experimenting with, but Stanley prayed for jam. He rolled a jar around in his hand, rubbing his thumb over the masking tape label unfurling on the lid.

Raspberry Jam. No good after 6/28/84! Remember- I'm always right about jam! -Fiddleford

"Well, it's worth a try," Stanley sighed, shrugging even though no one else was around to see it. He twisted open the lid and sniffed the contents of the jar. "'S alright to me."

He spread the jam with a spoon on a slice of untoasted bread and pressed another slice to to it.

The sound of glass shattering broke the silence and Stanley ducked, assuming someone had broken the window. A wet slapping echoed through the room.

Stanley peeked out from the cover of his arms to see a weird seal staring up at him with glowing, lamp-like eyes. His eyes darted to the sandwich lying on the floor.

"You, uh… you… like raspberry jelly sandwiches?"

"What're we suppose to do, Stanford Jr?" Stanley asked, passing the creature slices of bread and hoping it wouldn't bite his fingers off. He was sitting on the toilet, watching the creature thrash in the shallow water. "You need somewhere better'n this, don'cha?"

He threaded his fingers together and stared at the stains on his shirt.

Stanford Jr squawked and dipped his head under the water.

"You don't wanna… stay and be an exhibit?" Stanley spread his hands out, making an arch in the air. "The One and Only Gravity Falls Lake Monster! He's a freak of nature! He loves raspberry jelly! He might not eat your children!"

The creature shook his head, a small spray of water hitting him square in the face.

"You know what? That's the closest I've come to a shower in weeks." Stanley wrinkled his nose. He turned to Stanford Jr, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "And now you're in the tub, you big asshole! Can't shower now…"

He swatted at the monster and it made to nip at his hand.

"Ha HA, no one gets the best of Stan Pines!"

"I guess this is the best place for him to live," Stanley muttered to himself. He stepped back as the waves licked at his unpolished dress shoes.

He squinted at the line of water that spread past the dense forest, blending in with the horizon.

"I bet he could get pretty far…"

"We gotta- we gotta get you outta here before you're too big to fit through the door," Stanley said, wringing his hands and pacing around the tiny bathroom.

Stanford Jr emitted a loud shriek, swinging his head back and forth. He beat against the shower head.

"He-hey there, lil guy. I gotcha some fish because you decided to be a big jerk and not like bread anymore… and, well, anyway, it was expensive so…" Stanley's nose twitched at the stench of raw fish that filled the room. He tipped the bucket in his hands spreading fish guts along the bathroom floor, creating a trail that ran down the hallway. He made sure never to pour out too much but he knew he'd run out before he made it to the clearing outside the shack. No matter how careful he was.

He strapped Stanford Jr to the roof of the car, wincing as sharp teeth dug into his right hand. He rushed into the car the moment the ropes were in place and sped out into the night. Stanley squinted into the darkness and took sharp turns down rough roads. Tree roots dug at the underside while Stanford Jr pounded the roof.

"Am I gonna miss you ruining everything?" Stanley asked himself, fingers tapping nervously against the steering wheel. "I guess so…"

Stanford Jr burst from his bonds after Stanley had cut away two of the many ropes holding him to the car. The creature flailed on the sand, rushing toward the water.

"You're not even going to say goodbye, you big jerk!" Stanley shouted, waving his fist in the air.

Stanford Jr turned toward him, his luminescent eyes his only distinguishable trait in the darkness.

"Oh, don't look at me with those big eyes. It's too late now! Go find the ocean, Stanford Jr. Sink a ship for old Stanley Pines!"

Stanford Jr blinked twice and then looked away, sliding into the cold lake water.

"Goodbye, Stanford," he whispered, watching the murky lake's surface ripple. He stayed long past the point where he could see anything in the water.

If he was being quite honest with himself, Stanley would say that he didn't remember much of his first official tour as Mr. Mystery of the Murder Hut. It was mostly hand waving and making sure no one's kids touched anything. Though a small exchange buzzed in his head for days afterward.

"Now remember, ladies and gentleman, to stay safe out there. I hear there's a lake monster! But I don't think he'll be around much longer- what, what with all that ocean out there."

"Oh, he'll be around," a young woman spoke up from the tour group, "The Gravity Falls Lake doesn't go out to the ocean."

"Figures."