Chapter 34: Drug Tolerance

It seemed to be days before I woke up. Like usual, my head pounded and my body ached, but something else was new. Warmth. Comfort.

At first I took pleasure in the things that I never usually had in my hellish situations. I was slightly more comfortable, I had warmth to distract me from the freezing cold ground I was laying on, and I was actually getting sleep. Better sleep than I had been getting in the last three weeks, where my fears practically became true and Dinah became a bitchy bride-to-be.

I began to come back into consciousness as I attempted to open my eyes. My eyes fluttered quickly, shutting almost automatically as bright beams of light shown in from one side of me. The other side was black, darker than the rest, and definitely colder.

I lay my head back down on my source of heat, unaware of what was going on. That was until I got my correct mind back and practically freaked.

My eyes went wide and I looked at Roy awkwardly. It wasn't until I practically jumped away from him that I felt his hand slip off my waist. My heart was pounding rapidly, which confused me as much as the thought of Roy's hands on me. Well, his hands being anywhere but my throat.

I could only stare at him. The man I saw lying on the floor in front of me couldn't have been Roy. His face wasn't tense and his body was relaxed. Everything about him seemed to show relaxation. And not one time had I saw Roy relaxed. Not even during the wedding.

That's when I saw the clothes. The tuxedo he still wore wasn't torn or ripped or wrecked. The only difference between the one I had saw nearly two days ago and the one I saw now was the dirt lightly sprinkled on the fabric, and the scratches on his shinny, black shoes.

I looked down at myself. The slightly tight black dress I wore was practically in the same shape as Roy's tux. My shoes weren't that dirty, though I couldn't really tell by the fact that they were mostly straps. I couldn't imagine the state of my flattened hair, though, and I didn't dare touch it.

I looked at my surroundings next, taking note of the dirt walls and piled rocks around me. And not to mention the large hole at one end of the space that led to dark pine trees, bright patches of fresh snow and an overhead sun that wouldn't stop shinning. The brightness hurt my eyes and I immediately closed them, clutching my head as a sign of a migrane.

I heard a groaning sound beside me and looked over at Roy, who undoubtingly was suffering the same pain as me. He sat up straight and leaned against the dirt wall, clutching his head the same way that I had just done. I took a deep breath, slightly calming my racing heart. The Roy I knew was back, and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not.

"What the hell..." He mumbled. His face spoke pain, pain other than a stupid migrane or sore muscles. Roy opened his eyes and immediately looked at me. His eyes showed confusion more than pain or anything else for that matter. The blue orbs scanned the room before they came back to me. "Where the hell are we?" He asked in a low voice.

"If I knew I wouldn't be in your presence at the moment." I said, acting bitchier than normal. Roy didn't say anything about my attitude as I went on. "But with the fact that there is snow on the ground, we're in a forest, and it's summer, I'm going we're in Northern Maine or Canada, if North America at all."

"Great. So we don't even know if we're in fucking North America?" Roy grunted, and I stood up, walking to the entrance of the cave. It didn't feel right, talking to Roy anymore. Before I didn't care about anything. I didn't care if he thought I hated him, I didn't care if he thought I was a totaly bitch, but now I had no clue how the hell to act. Let alone talk.

I was quiet for a long time, not saying anything as I just stared out into the wilderness.

"That kiss really did a number on you, didn't it?" Roy suddenly asked, standing up and leaning against the dirt wall. His statement put me on the edge, and as usual, I was back to my bitchy self.

"Yeah. It scared me. You keep kissing girls like that and the female race is gonna run away and hide." I said. Roy raised his brow.

"Just because you refuse to admit that you liked it, you don't have attempt to put me down."

"Excuse me? Liked it? Oh, hell no. That's the first and last time you put your mouth on mine. And for your information, you're the worst kisser I've ever seen."

"And let me guess, you've only allowed, what? Two guys to kiss you?" I laughed.

"Two guys would probably be less than five percent of the people whom I've kissed. That might be an understatement, I don't know."

Roy seemed shocked at my words. I ignored his silence and looked at the sky.

"It seems like it's about noon, so I'm guessing we have a little more than eight hours until sun down. And if I know anything about the wild it would be that night-life in the woods isn't as fun as it is in the city."

I slipped my shoes off and climbed down a few rocks, reaching the softer dirt at the bottom and leaving Roy a little behind. In less than two hours we reached a small stream, which I found relieving when I realized that the water was drinkable. I sat on the beach on the stream and stared aimlessly at the water. Emotions swirled around my head, driving me to sigh and put my head in my hands.

"What's wrong?" Roy asked. The softness in his voice confused me more than I could let on. There was no way that Roy could and would be so... kind to me after the hell I put him through.

"Nothing." I replied.

" 'Nothing' is a pathedic answer that nobody understands even if it bites them in the ass. So you can't say that nothing is bothering you, because clearly there's something going on."

"Why the hell do you care?" I asked. His curiosity pissed me off as much as his presence. "It's not like we have this open relationship of some shit like that. So why the hell do you even bother?"

"Look. I know you don't like me and that you probably hate me right now, but we're lost in a forest alone together. I'm sitting at a creak in God knows where with a woman who looks guilty, depressed, and confused as hell. I just want to know why. Why you feel this way and if I was any part of it. I might be a dick at times, according to you, but I can't stand the thought that I hurt someone mentally for no good reason."

My heart practically stopped at Roy's words. What the hell was with him? Feeling bad for something so stupid. I would never be able to understand why humans were so vulnerable to feelings. I wouldn't and I couldn't.

"It's not you, Roy." I finally said after moments of silence. "I fucked up. I forgot who I was dealing with and made a mistake. Simple. You don't have to beat yourself up because of something that I did. Something so assinine and incompitent."

"Then why won't you tell me why you feel guilty and depressed and confused, because I can't blame anyone else but myself for this? I don't know who to blame. All the weight feels like it's on my shoulders and I want to know the truth."

I sighed. "It's all my fault." I said, staring at the slow water. "I told you that I fucked up. That's it. I'm the one to blame, so forget about it. There's nothing to see here."

"I want to know, Sarah. Honestly, I don't care who did it, I just want to know why. Why? Why are you guilty and depressed? What are you confused about?"

"Just stop." I closed my eyes and whispered. Thoughts and emotions swirled around my mind faster and harder than before. Roy wasn't pushing my buttons, he was pushing my mind. "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I just want to escape this stupid emotions and forget about my hellish life. Why don't you understand that?"

"Why don't I understand-" Roy stopped and sighed. "I don't know what you've been through. I don't know what you're thinking. I'm not a mind reader. I'm a human being. And you're different than most of the people I've met." He paused. "At first I thought you were just like Artemis. You were stubborn and strong and difficult and you loved to argue with me. And I just saw you as another Artemis. But Dinah, she... she made me see the differences between you and Artemis. Artemis is all of those things. Stubborn, strong, difficult. But she had everyone behind her. She had the team. She had friends. She had role models of all kinds. But you... you're different. You don't see the team as friends. You don't look at people as role models or see others as supporters. You're independent. You do things yourself with no one to help you. And thats... amazing. You make yourself do the best that you can possibly do and you take your work more seriously than Batman himself. And that's hard to beat. And that makes you more difficult than anyone I've ever met. And it confuses me. It makes me feel like an alien on my own planet. I look at the team and see all of their personalities. I can see talents and special abilities and hobbies. I can see the similiarites and differences. And it makes me feel good. It makes me feel proud that they're accomplishing so many things. But you. I look over at you and all I see is walls. Walls and walls of things that don't make up you. And it confuses me. It makes me feel clueless. I don't know what's going to happen next or what you might do next. And I can't help but feel guilty. Guilty that you can't let your walls down even in front of Dinah. I just..."

Roy drifted off and sighed. He was obviously done speaking and I knew it was my turn. I swallowed.

"I put you in the line of fire. That's why I felt guilty. I couldn't handle the fact that you kissed me for show. For a stupid picture. I was confused and stupid and couldn't handle the remarks that could've been made. And probably had been made. So I ran away from my problems. I ran away and realized too late that the paparrazzi weren't the only people looking for me. And I went down without a fight. I was pathedic and it depresses me to know that I was so naive and stupid when it was just a lame kiss. And my emotions and thoughts about the whole situation are confusing as hell. And that kills me."

"So I was the cause of it all. It was all my fault."

"It's not your fault, Roy. You reacted on impulse. Nothing can change that. But I...I was weak. I lost all my strength and I'm paying for it."

It was quiet and I could hear birds cherping close by. The water rushed slowly, but it's sound comforted me more than ever. I appreciated it. I appreciated the comfort and the calming sensation it was giving me.

"Uh, Sarah?" Roy's tone seemed alarming. I looked over at Roy as his eyes flickered up to my face. I made a confused face and he looked down at my thigh. "Why the hell are you bleeding?" I couldn't feel anything as I looked down at my thigh. Evidentally the skirt of my dress rose and revealed the fresh bleeding wound.

"What the hell?" I muttered. "Maybe I hit a rock or a sharp, jagged, knife." I had said the knife part sarcastically as Roy walked over to me and kneeled down, checking to wound for infection.

"How the hell did I not notice all this blood before. How the hell did you not notice. We're going to need something to stop the bleeding." He said. "But seriously. How the hell did you not notice. These kind of cuts hurt like hell."

I thought about it for a second and made the connection. "Oh..." I murmered.

"What?" Roy asked, taking off his jacket and ripping the fabric to help my cut.

"Uh, I wasn't exactly knocked out in the traditional way..."

"And in what way were you knocked out?"

"A high dose of Morphine and Heroin..."

"What? They gave you morphine and heroin together? In a high dose? At the same time?"

"Yeah. It kinda helps with the aches and pains too. That's probably why I could walk barefoot all the way here."

"Oh my God... Well, that's something new."

"What?"

"You having a slight tolerance to Morphine and Heroin."