The phase "it's not you, it's me" It really should be, 'it's not you, it's me not loving you anymore... Or me wanting to sneak off without you making a scene about the real reason. Because that is really the gist of it. They may still like you and respect you a lot, but for whatever reason, they don't love you enough anymore to want to be with you. Whether the reason is they met someone else, or they're bored with you, or they've decided you're not the one for them… or who knows...
Sometimes, when people decide to leave you for good, you have to let them. No matter how much you don't want them to. There are some things that are far beyond our control. Even if you have the strength to fight for them, you have to accept the cold harsh truth - the people that you can't live without, can live without you
Sophia P.O.V
I was impressed that my negotiations method worked that I would have Loredana working along with me. Plus I know she will be ecstatic and will attempt to hit on most of the cast if this series picks up a prime time slot. From what I saw that Michael and Julie showed me it was a pretty hot cast. That alone and the plot they have planned for this it will be a total hit. I wanted to leave and go and celebrate with Loredana. You know party it up before getting all serious with work. That was a short lived moment when Julie wanted to show me around. When she said that I had this gut retching feeling in my stomach that I would see that ass. I should I listen to my gut because after being introduce to all these amazing people that I'm going to be working alongside with. Then I was in the most awkward moment in my life coming face to face with Ian. After 13 years of avoiding and flicking the channels when his on TV there he was. Not alone may I add. With Nina his girlfriend of three years. Apparently there in a very loving relationship from what I've been told.
I tried so hard to keep my composure but I couldn't. As I looked at the face of the guy I once knew everything came flooding back. Everything single thing I went through and even till this day I hadn't got over it. Then there was Ian who had this perfect life. Stardom reaching all of his goals having women hanging off his arm. He carried on with his life like I meant nothing and that hurt. So I had to say my piece I needed for Nina to know what a wonderful man she dedicated her life to. As soon as it all came out I soon regretted it all. Ian stood there looking horrified along with Nina. I didn't want to upset Nina but I wanted to say my piece to Ian to remind him of what he did. How he left me there dying in the bed and never to be seen again. No explanation no nothing.
I walked away and I wanted to die because the way I reacted wasn't like me. That what Ian did to me even as kids I would not think rationally. It was like when I used to look into those blue eyes of his I was under some hypnotic spell to speak my mind. I hated that he had that effect on me even till this day after 13 years of resentment he still had it. I didn't even wait around for Julie and Michael to come back. I sent Michael a message telling him I had an appointment I forgot about. It was a lame excuse and I'm pretty sure my outburst will be all over the set right now. It wouldn't surprise me if I don't even get the job now because of all that. Just wonderful!
I made my way out of the building as I felt like I was hyperventilating after everything began to settle in my mind. How stupid of me to make that scene this was exactly what I didn't want to happen. It my own fault I was the one who lost it after Nina asking if we knew each other. As I walked to the car I could see a very excited Loredana smiling widely. How was I going to explain all this to her?
"Did you get it?" She asked with excitement in her voice "Don't keep me in suspense Sophia. Did you or didn't you?" Loredana was more excited about this than I was because deep down I knew something like this would happen. It was evitable that I would have seen Ian at some point.
"I don't think after what just happened there going to want me working for them" I told her as I walked towards the car leaving her behind. I didn't want to go into all this right now all I wanted was me and a bottle of pinot grigio and attempt to forget everything.
"What?" I heard Loredana speak in disbelief as she grabbed hold of my arm turning me around in the process. She looked at me for a long moment "Sophia I know that look. You saw him didn't you?" She always knew how to read me like a book and there was no point in trying to tell her otherwise. As Loredana like a dog with a bone she won't give up until she finally hears the truth from me.
"Yeah I did and I officially embarrassed and screwed up my professional career" I began to reliving the moment back in my mind. The only person who I felt sorry for was Nina. I could see how she was in love with Ian. God I gotta stop feeling guilty for my actions his the reason why I'm like this. Maybe Nina needed to find out what kind of person she's lying beside night in night out.
"You know what Mr Ian Somerhalder needs to hear a few home truths" Loredana was about to walk towards the entrance I stopped her. As much as I wanted her to go in there and say her piece to Ian I couldn't let her. Not for his sake but for hers. One thing about Loredana Martinez she may look all sweet on the outside but push her she can be your worst nightmare.
"No Loredana I've made enough of a scene" She looked at me not convinced. With what happened it was probably a sign. Who was I kidding that I would be about to work in area as him. "Look let's get out of here. I'm done here" All I wanted to do is go back to that hotel order a few drinks and arrange a flight back to Massachusetts.
"Sophia…" I heard Michael call out my name. I turned to see him walking towards us. "Hey I'm glad I caught you. Here's a hard copy of your contract" He handed me a brown envelope "We want you to start Monday for the pilot" Okay I wasn't expecting this. I thought after what happened the position not going to be offered.
"You still want me for the position?" Just to confirm that Michael was sure about all this. Then I felt Loredana nudge me lightly and giving me the look.
"Why wouldn't we? You Sophia Romero are going to be an asset to us" It seemed what happened wasn't spoke of or Michael and Julie didn't seem bothered about my outburst. As I began to processes everything I could see Loredana giving me the eye to say what was I doing.
"Michael this is Loredana the assistant who will be joining me" The look upon her face was priceless. If I was going to do this I needed her by my side. Michael shook Loredana hand with a smile.
"Well Loredana I'll be seeing you Monday too. You both have a great weekend" With that he walked away maybe when you Face your fears and doubts, and new worlds will open to you.
Of course Loredana was totally surprised to hear that I wouldn't take the offer without her working with me. The last two season on American Horror Story was only great because I had made such a good friend. We helped each other out and when we worked as a team we were epic together. That what was needed with this new show to have that dynamic brought into it. Once again all I heard from her was "OMG" but it wasn't annoying. I knew she was happy that we would both be working and living together in Atlanta. We arrived back at the hotel instantly Loredana began to raid the mini bar I was about to protest but there wasn't any point.
"There something I've always wanted to ask you?" She spoke with a little hesitation as she sat forward on the couch "It's about what happened between you and Ian" The tiny bit of a high I was on instantly dropped down "God I shouldn't I mentioned it. I'm Sorry" She sat back on the couch and sipped on her white wine. I knew she was always curious about the whole story. I just gave the brief rundown of it all not because I didn't want to tell her. It's just when I thought about it all it just hurt too much.
"No it's fine. It's nothing personal it's just I've never speak about that night to anyone. Not Even to my own family" I placed my glass on the coffee table "You never met Santino my brother" I looked up to her "He and Ian were like best friends from when they were kids. Totally inseparable" I smiled at the thought I how close they were.
"Santino your brother? You hardly mention him. I know you told me his protective is he the reason behind what happened?" I didn't speak about Santino because even though he thought we were on these great terms. We weren't because every single time we would see each other it's would start of great then he bring up what happened.
"He didn't know about us." It was time for me to tell Loredana what happened. Not matter how difficult it will be because a best friend isn't someone who's just always there for you. It's someone who understands you a bit more than you understand yourself.
Flash Back
It was the year 2000 I had turned 18 graduated from high school and things were on the ups. Since the age of 15 I had been dating Ian he was just 3 years older than me. Age didn't really matter to either of us lest of to him. Strange to think I was dating the one guy who once I looked at like another older brother. Ian wasn't like Santino if anything he was a lot nicer. When we were growing up he would put Santino in his place especially when he was being mean to me. Ian just as me was the youngest in his family so he knew exactly how this all felt. I guess that was the connection between us also the fact we wanted to make a difference in the world. Ian saw him and me one day opening some kind of foundation to raise money for certain awareness. With his modelling career picking up and with me heading to college. The dream of us being together not in hiding was finally coming to a reality.
Like every summer I would go to the Hamptons to visit my grandparents and the year of 2000 was no exception. As this summer was going to be a little different. I've always been close to my grandmother it was like she was a second mom to me. The year before she caught me on the phone talking to a "boy" and the questions began. I told her about how we had been in a relationship and she was actually happy because she knew Ian was a good guy. I did tell her that Santino wouldn't be happy and she assured me that her and my grandfather would keep it all a secret. Like I said summer of 2000 was different reason being my grandparents had invited Ian to stay for the summer. So we didn't need to sneak around that we could be a normal couple. This all surprised me but my grandmother told me I was an adult now and if we survived this so far. Then maybe after a whole summer together we could finally come out in the open. Ian took the whole summer off and the time we spent together was truly amazing. To be able to hold his hands while walking down the street. To go out and have fun and not look over my shoulder thinking Santino might be near. That summer was just one word "epic".
When July 4th would come about in the Hamptons they truly went all out. My grandparents would throw a huge party in their home that was like big event around those parts. Evening came and it was great seeing all the people and friends I've made over the years. Then there was the best part of it that they finally saw the face to the name Ian that I spoke of. It was getting over crowed and I indicated to Ian to follow me. I went up the stairs as I hit the landing I felt strong pair of arms embrace me.
"Sneaking from your grandparent's party. How very naughty of you?" Ian spoke as he began to kiss my neck. I turned to face him and began to smirk as I unwrapped his arms from my waist guiding him into my room. I wanted him more than anything I wanted this July 4th to be about us.
"Well I just thought….." My words were cut off with a kiss. Ian hands began to roam all around my body sending tingling sensation all over my body. Even after all this time he still gave me chills and excitement like it was out first time all over again. We both began to eagerly take each other's clothes off as the desire for one another began to intensify. We both fell back on the bed as we continued to make out. In that one moment it was just him and I that all that matter I didn't care to celebrate with everyone else.
"Sophia…." Ian spoke between his kissed as I continued to kiss him hungrily. He pulled away and I sighed "I need to ask you something" Ian spoke with seriousness in his voice.
"Can you ask after? We are kind of in the moment right now" I teased as I pulled him closer to me and continued kiss his soft lips. Then he pulled away again which concerned me now. The look upon Ian face was all serious "What's wrong?" I asked the question in fear of hearing the answer. He pulled me up so I was sitting up facing him as he gently began to caress my cheek. "Ian please tell me what on your mind" The mood I was in had faded.
"We been together for three years now. I've loved each and every moment of it" I could feel my heart accelerate as where he was going with this felt like he was going to break up with me. "It's been an amazing journey Sophia….." All I thought was this was that moment I had dreaded that Ian had moved on. That he had grown tired of me that he saw me as this little girl. I could feel a lump building up in my throat.
"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady not looking at him because I was frighten to his reaction confirming my fear. Ian placed his hand under my chin forcing me to look up at him.
"No baby. I want to spend my whole life with you. I can't see myself being with no one else but you. I love you Sophia Romero" He spoke with sincerity in his voice. I just didn't understand what any of this was about. He leaned over the bed and began to go through his jean pocket. He sat up with one hand behind this back. I don't know what he was up to but I just felt confused one moment he sound like he was telling me bye. The next he declaring his love to me. "Sophia Romero you bring me happiness even in my darkest of days you always know how to make me smile. But I hope you never forget that there is someone who's always by your side. That I will always love you, always wants you, and always cares about you no matter what." I could feel my eyes filling up as Ian spoke. "Will you do me the honour becoming my wife?" With the hand from behind his back he exposed a red velvet box. He opened it exposing the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. Nestled into the black satin bedding the ring sparkled in the dim light. The face was a long oval, set with slanting rows of glittering round stones. The band was gold delicate and narrow. The gold made a fragile web around the diamonds.
"Oh my god!" Where the only words that came out of my mouth. I was speechless not only by Ian question but also by this beautiful ring. I looked up to see a worrisome Ian. "Yes! Yes Ian I'll marry you!"
I sat back on the couch as the memory of that moment brought back a lot of feeling. Feeling that I didn't want to bring to the surface again. I tortured myself for years reliving that moment in my mind how something so perfect happened. It was like all my dreams all came true at once that I would be spending my whole life with the man I loved. I still remember how I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance. A church filled with family and friends. I asked Ian what kind of a wedding he wished for. He said one that would make me his wife. The sweetness of Love is short lived but the pain endures.
"Ian proposed to you?" Loredana broke me out of my thoughts. "Wow" She sat there wide eyed gulping her drink to recover from what I told her.
"Loredana I'm sorry I can't talk about this anymore" I got up from the couch. As I thought it wouldn't be this hard to talk about it not after all this time.
"Hey!" Loredana called out as she caught my arm "Look I can see this is all upsetting you and I don't want that. We are friends and when you're ready to talk about it all. I just want you to know I'm here." I gave her a small smile before walking away. A true friend knows your weakness but shows you your strengths, feels your fears but fortifies your faith. See your anxieties and frees your spirit, recognizes your disabilities but emphasize your possibilities. That what I had with Loredana and I know in time I'll be able to unfold my story. The wounds are still a little raw but maybe in time I'll rip off the band aid and do what she always taught me. To let the past go maybe it was time just to do that.
Ian P.O.V
I stood there in utter shock as Sophia walked away. How she thought that I walked away and left her for dead is that the story she was told? That I walked away not even tried to see if she was okay? Part of me wanted to go after her and have it out once and for all. I knew Sophia better than she knew herself at time that if I did that there would be a huge scene. The media that stalk outside the studio would love that. Then there was the fact I had Nina in front of me looking totally horrified and asking me what that was all about. I didn't know what to say to her as it was a part of my past I never spoke about to anyone. Cause when I looked back on it all it pained me far too much. Believe me I would of changed a lot of things. I was young and stupid also naïve and I should have done the right thing. The hard cold truth I can't and even if I tried to do anything now would it change anything?
Nina left the set pretty quick I knew she was upset and I went to her dressing room but Dante told me she had left already. I didn't know what to do right now and the fact I didn't know what was running through Nina mind was freaking me out a little. I called her on her cell and she wasn't answering that when I knew she was pissed. Deep down I always knew that the past was always going to come and haunt me. I didn't know who it would have been Sophia or Santino but I knew the day would come when I would see them. All I knew now was that I needed to do some explaining to Nina I can't let what happened in the past ruin what I have now. I left the set and made my way to Nina apartment as I parked up I saw her car in the drive way. I knew I was going to tell her a part of my past that I've never spoke of before not since the year 2000. If this is to work between us she had to know about it. She had to know about the night of July 4th 2000 because if I love her as much as I say I do. Then she needed to know and what worried me is how she going to react to it all.
I got out of my car and made my way to her front door. I rang her door bell and stood there patiently for her to open it moments went by and nothing. I rang it again. I knew what Nina was doing she was ignoring me and I could walk away and forget all this. I just couldn't because since Sophia, Nina been the only woman who I felt the same kind of feelings for. So many have been in my life and nothing ever came close to what I once had until now.
"Nina open the door" I yelled knocking on the door. "I came here to explain. Just hear me out" I just wanted her to know my side to it because the way Sophia made it out that I was a monster. I didn't want Nina to think of that about me. "Please Nina" I stood there looking at the door waiting for it to open but nothing. It seems that she had made hr own judgement about it already. I shook my head and began to make my way back to my car.
"Ian…." I heard her call out. I turned around and saw her in the doorway "I wanna know what happen." I hesitated to go back as I didn't know if I was ready to bring it all to the surface again. This is Nina the woman I claim to love so if I didn't want to lose her I need to endure this. I nodded and made my way towards her she opened the door wider so I could enter. "We talk in the kitchen" She spoke as she walked away from me. I followed behind as we entered she went over to the counter and took a cigarette from a fresh packet and lit it up.
"Your smoking again?" I questioned her. Nina I given up a little while back she wasn't a heavy smoker it was more a social thing. Even I dabbed in having one when I was drinking.
"I'm a little stressed out at the moment Ian. Don't judge" She spoke harshly as she propped herself on the counter. "So tell me about you and this Sophia. Why haven't you ever told me about her? What did she mean you left her for dead?" Nina went straight in with the questions. She had every right to be like this right now and now it was time for me to face the music.
"Baby I know you have so questions running through your mind right now. I will answer them. There things you're going to hear that you might not like" Nina sat there dragging on her cigarette and her expression was filled with even more concern now.
"I don't care Ian. I want to know what happen" I took in a deep breath as I didn't know how Nina was going to take to hearing all this but here I go.
Flash Back
Sophia and I were dating for three years. The whole time her family were unaware but mine absolute loved her. The main reason behind the whole secretive was down to one member in her family. Santino her older brother. We grew up together we were likes brothers. The thing about being that close to someone you know there good side and there bad. Santino had slight anger issue a real temper. When it came to any guy who even glanced at Sophia especially as she became more of a woman. Santino would make sure they didn't even look at his sister again. Of course Sophia was unaware of his behaviour she thought that he would give them the big brother talk. No it wasn't like that he would go all psycho on them on a few occasions I had to stop him going too far. You may think why did I stick by him as a friend? Well when he wasn't seeing red he was a decent guy and to some degree I could understand why he was protective. Half of the guys that were interested in Sophia were creeps and only wanted her for one thing. Even I didn't like the fact of that either.
Then we happened it wasn't something planned it just happened. I guess when things began to progress with us I realized that I always had some kind of feeling for her. Feeling that I didn't admit to as it's was Sophia. Santino baby sister. I just couldn't hold them back no longer I wanted Sophia more than I wanted anything else. Even though I dropped out of high school and focused on my modelling career we somehow made it work. Be way from home was hard at time. Yeah I lived this amazing life travelling the world but I felt alone. Every time I spoke to Sophia she would make all the negative I was feeling fade away.
It was summer of 2000 and Sophia had invited me to her grandparents' home in the Hamptons for the whole summer. I couldn't think of anything better than to spend a whole summer with her so I clear my schedule. The summer started off great everything was perfect. I saw a different side to Sophia the more chilled and relaxed side of her. She wasn't on edge and it made things easier that her grandparent's knew about us. We weren't sneaking around. We could walk around in public and not fear of anyone seeing us. July 4th came and there was a party at the Romero something they threw every year. I recall looking at Sophia across the room and thinking how lucky I was to have her. That if it was possible I would want her to be in my life forever. That when I knew what I had been thinking about was the right thing to do. That night during the party I proposed to her and she said yes.
"You proposed to her" Nina snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked at her and I knew this one piece of the story would have been a shock to her "Wow…" She took a sip of her wine still astonished by what she had heard.
"You want me to be straight up and honest. I was in love with her at that point in my life I didn't see myself with no one else" I looked up at Nina "She was my first love" Sophia was and I don't know if you can ever get over your first love. One thing I did know I was in love with Nina and with Sophia coming back into my life hadn't changed that.
"So what happened then?" Nina spoke calmly. I was impressed with her taking all this so well. I don't know why I was worried about. This is the reason why I fell in love with her because of her caring nature.
Flash Back
After Sophia said yes we were both on a high. I couldn't believe she didn't hesitate or even worry what this could mean. We spoke about coming out in the open and Sophia biggest fear was Santino how he was going to react. I didn't want to kill the mood this was about us celebrating the fact we wanted to spend our lives together. Instantly Sophia wanted to tell her grandparent's as they were so supportive about our relationship. We made our way downstairs to tell them. We found her grandmother who when she heard the news she was ecstatic about it all. She dragged us both over to her grandfather and told him the good news. One second he was hugging the both of us the next he was asking the band to stop playing there music.
"Can I have everyone attention" He called out and the room "I would like to share with you all the wonderful news I just heard" he spoke proudly while smiling over at the both of us "Looks like there wedding bells in the horizon as Ian just asked Sophia to marry him. Of course She accepted" The room was filled with cheers as Sophia and I shared a passionate kiss. As I pulled away someone caught my eye across the room. Someone who I didn't expect to see. Santino.
"Ian you okay?" I heard Sophia say while my focus Santino. He stood there with an expression I couldn't quite figure out. He didn't look happy nor did he looked pissed. "Ian?" I heard her again as I watched Santino approach us.
"Sophia…." I began to say but I was cut off by Santino.
"Well congratulations are in order" he spoke in an indifferent tone "Sis do you mind if me and my buddy have a little chat" I knew instantly what that meant Santino was up to he didn't want to have a 'chat' this was when he would lay into me.
"Santino don't start okay. I'm 18 not a child." Sophia spoke firmly to her brother "I know your pissed that we didn't tell you but can you blame us considering that temper of yours" Sophia wasn't blind he knew her brother didn't like any kind of guy going near her let alone wanting to marry her. I wanted to say something but Santino was unpredictable and I didn't want to cause a scene at her grandparent's party.
"It's okay Sophia" I assured here while still looking at Santino. Still he was expressionless but I had to have this conversation with him at some point and now was good time as any. "I won't be long" I gave her a reassuring look before I left with Santino before Sophia could start to protest. We walked out into the back yard and I watched as Santino swiped a bottle of scotch from the bar.
"Let's go somewhere a little more quite. We have so much to disgust" I didn't like the sound of all this and if Santino was planning to give me some kind of beating. Then I'm not going to be like those other guys and take it. I followed him and we stopped by the pool house where there was a sitting area.
"Look man I know you're pissed. I've wanted to tell you so many times but I know the way you are with Sophia." Santino sat there drinking from the bottle not breaking eye contact "I'm not like those other guys. You know I wouldn't treat Sophia with any disrespect. I love her Santino. I want to spend my life with her." I was hoping that with me being honest with him that it might make him realise that I'm not playing her that this was real love.
"You love her?" He questioned me while taking out his phone "Dude you know I'm happy for you and all. I mean your my best friend of course I want you to be happy" He passes the bottle "Bottoms up" he smiles. Santino was acting to calm maybe I was wrong. Maybe Santino was happy about us being together and now I regretted that I wasn't straight from the start. I took a large swig from the bottle and coughed as it was a lot stronger than I thought it would be.
"It means a lot you saying that Santino. I'm happy and she means more than anything to me" I couldn't help but smile as I thought about Sophia.
"I can see what she means to you. I mean you asked her to marry you. Right? That just says it all" He took the bottle from me and placed on the table "See the thing is Ian I think your perfect for Sophia. I mean look at you. You're the all American guy" I notice that his tone changed slightly "So how long have you and my sister been in this relationship?" This was the dreaded question and once Santino would know the truth he would flip.
"Three years" As soon as I said that he grabbed the bottle and took a huge gulp from it "Please don't be pissed Santino" I didn't want him to lose it right now. Then a smile came on his face which kind of surprised me.
"Me pissed? Nahhh dude we like bros. right?" All I was thinking at the time was that Santino was taking all this far too well "The thing is my sister gonna be pretty heart broken when she see this" he hold out his phone and shows me a photo of our trip to Vegas. It was me in bed with one of the girls we met there. She was all over me all night long but I wasn't interested and I wasn't even drunk that night I recalled it clear as day. So how the hell did she end up in my bed? "You recall that trip 8 months back to Vegas?" Santino began to grin as he looked back at the photo of the half-naked girl beside me in the picture. "What was her name again? Mindy" He sat there smirking. I couldn't believe he took some picture of some girl in my bed while I was clearly knocked out.
"What the hell is that?" I raised my voice at him and I didn't care if he wanted to get all psychical now. I knew nothing happen between me and that girl. That Santino set that up for whatever reason.
"Well you know you had a lot to drink one thing lead to another. Well you know" He spoke sarcastically as if I didn't understand what went on that night.
"You know for a fact I didn't sleep with her. So do you Santino" I spoke through my teeth as I was trying to control my temper.
"I know that. You know that. This picture says otherwise" He puts his phone in his pocket "Your lucky that we been friends for so many years. Cause if this was anyone else there be a lot of blood right now" Santino was sadistic he needed some serious help "So you know what you're going to do right now. You going to go in there break off this stupid ass engagement with Sophia. Get the hell out of the Hamptons." He get up from his seat and come closer to me "I swear to god if I see you anywhere near my sister again I will not hesitate to kill you Ian" Santino threaten me with venom in his voice and I knew he meant every word. I watched as he walked away. That one moment my world was shattered I was going to lose the girl I love either way. This was a moment where I was stuck between a rock and hard place. No matter which direction I took I was going to lose the girl I love.
"You know what Ian. This is too much" Nina jumped down from the counter. I felt a little confused why she was acting like this "I think you should leave" She stated firmly. I got up from my sit and began to approach her "Ian please don't. Look I've learnt a tiny part of your past. The woman who you want to spend your life with just came crashing into your life again….."I had to cut her off.
"No! That I once wanted to spend my life with" I wrapped my arms around her waist "I want all of that with you" She pulled me away from her.
"No you were forced. You didn't fall out of love with her. You were forced to walk away" She looked at me regretfully "There some terrible ending to all this I know that. Cause of what Sophia said. Right now Ian I can't handle it. Okay! So can you please leave" Nina stated not looking at me. I knew all this was a bad idea and I should of listen to my gut. I took one last look at Nina before leaving as I knew that this had put a serious dent in our relationship.
Sophia P.O.V
I was an emotional wreck after just telling Loredana a snippet of what happened. I took a bath and cried the whole time I just wanted to hurt and pain to stop. I began to revaluate about this job opportunity I didn't know if I could do it. My career was everything to me and if I screw up just because all this it will be the end of me. All I have is my career I had made my life all about it. I didn't let any guy get close to me because of my fears. I'm 30 years old and what do I have to show? Thinking like that made me even more depressed. After my long soak and being all cried out I went into my room and put some sweat on and laid on the bed. I began to revaluate my life I knew I had to change because this path I was on was a destructive one. I was never going to be happy if I kept holding on to all this. Saying it all in my head was simple and I wanted to do it. I wanted to let go why is it so hard? Did I still have feeling for Ian after all this time? Was I actually still in love with him after everything?
"No, no, no." Loredana voice broke me out of my thoughts as she came into the room "We are not having you moping around and crying over that douche" She began to protest as she pulled me up from the bed "No more tears Sophia Romero because tonight we going to hit the town and celebrate" I was about to speak "No I'm not going to listen to your excuses. I already picked you out something. You young lady have 20 minutes to get your ass ready" I knew there was no point in arguing with her and she was right. We were going to start this new life here and we needed to celebrate.
So I got changed into the dress that Loredana had laid out for me. It was a simple bright blue body-con dress that clung to my body showing all my assets. Considering how crappy I felt a few moment ago right now as I looked at myself I felt good. I was going to go out and enjoy myself and forget about everything. I did my makeup and curled my hair. I walked out of the room and made my way into the living room where I saw Loredana pouring some shots.
"I should have guessed" I spoke as I approached her. She looked stunning as always with her red dress which was on the short side. This was Loredana Martinez she loved to show the guys what they potentially could have. "Tequila" I grabbed a shot glass and drained it.
"Oooo you're in the party spirit. I'm liking it" She picks up two shot glasses hand one to me "To new beginnings" She clinked her glass to mine and we both took the shot.
We left the hotel and hit a few bars it was actually turning out to be a great night. We even resorted to dancing on tables and bars. It was one of those night were I let loose and didn't think about consequences of certain actions. It was shot after shots dancing just having a great time. Somehow we ended up in some club called Magic City we were told it was one of the most popular clubs. We'll let just say I was impressed. The guys in that place were beyond hot. Tonight I decided that I was going to be spontaneous that I was going to live life to the fullest. Believe me I was holding on to that quote. There was a bunch of guys G-Tech who were up for a laugh which was all good for me. There was one in particular who was a little smitten with me. His name was Dean cute looking and we were having a blast dancing and drinking. Of course Loredana approved of it all as she would rather see this side of me than the broken version from earlier.
I don't know what actually happened one moment I'm dancing on the dance floor the next I'm making out with him on the terrace. I knew the drink was clouding my judgement as I could feel him slowly creeping his hand up my dress slowly going up my thigh. None of this felt right it was like that part of me that was rational was slowly coming back. I notice Dean was becoming a little more regressive as he began to man handle me.
"Dean…. Stop…." I didn't want to continue this he was coming across a little too strong for my liking.
"Come on baby, you know you want me" He spoke through his hard kisses. His stubble began to hurt my skin on my face as he roughly kissed me.
"Stop….." I cried out the next moment he was thrown off me. I felt a little unsteady on my feet as all the alcohol I had consumed hit me all at once.
"She told you to stop" As I look up my vison was slightly blurred but I knew who voice that was. I could hear punches been thrown and groan. I felt like I wanted to be sick "Sophia…." I looked up and I felt my head was spinning. I wanted to talk but no words would come out I felt woozy and tried to keep my eyes opened. The next thing I just blacked out.
Ian P.O.V
After my talk with Nina I was over filled with so many emotions from hurt to anger. I was pissed because everything was perfect my life was finally on the up then it just get knocked down in one moment. Did I blame Sophia? God no I didn't of course she going to hold hurt and resentment towards me it's understandable after what I did. It's just with her anger towards me it may have ruined something with Nina and that hurt. Maybe I deserved this. What my life was all great I have this amazing woman I was on the up. After how I treated Sophia I deserved what was happening to me right now. There was one thing that ran through my mind that Nina said "No you were forced. You didn't fall out of love with her. You were forced to walk away". Was all that true was I still in love with Sophia? I know if none of that would have happened. If Santino didn't blackmail me the way he did. That my life and Sophia life would be a hell of a lot different. I still remember her face when I spoke to her that night.
Flash Back
After Santino gave me no other option than to break it off with Sophia. I sat there playing out in my mind what I needed to do. I could let him show Sophia the fake photo of me and some girl I never slept with. Maybe Sophia wouldn't believe it but a picture says a thousand words. I know how hurt she would be to the thought I went with another woman. I could never do that to her. So many times women have tempted me but I loved Sophia far too much for it to be tarnished. So it was her hating me over something I didn't do or to tell her it's over when I didn't want it to be. My hands were tied either way. I got up and took in a deep breath before walking into the house.
As I walked in random strangers were congratulating me patting me on the shoulder telling me I had a great girl. None of this was making it any easier for me. I saw Sophia across the room talking to her grandmother. She looked upset while her grandmother tried to calm her down. I walked over and Sophia looked relived to seem me.
"Ian" She instantly hugged me tightly "Santino didn't hurt you" She pulled away and began to examine me. How the hell was I going to do this to her?
"No. We had a long chat and I think we need to do the same" I felt my stomach turn as thought about how I was going to break it off with her. "Can we talk somewhere more private?" Sophia looked at me frowning. I took hold of her hand and brought her into the one of the side rooms.
"Ian you're worrying me. What did Santino say to you?" Sophia demanded. This right here was the hardest things I ever had to do. Now I had to play a performance of a life time.
"Santino just let me see the light that all" I spoke to her coldly as I couldn't show any form of emotions while I done this "I mean look at this? We kept it secret all this time what does that say? I'm 21. I'm just starting life do I really want to tie myself down to you?" I watched as Sophia looked at me horrified that she couldn't believe what I was saying. I was shocked at my cold actions too but Santino was never going to let Sophia and I have a relationship.
"Ian what are you talking about? You were the one who proposed to me. You were the one who said that you always be there for me" Sophia began to raise her voice slightly and I could see that she was holding back her tears. Every moment of this was like pure torture but I had to push her away. I would rather her hate me because she thinks that I don't want this life with her. Than her hating me for illegally sleeping with another woman. Either one was going to hurt her but I knew if Santino go to Sophia he would make it a million times worse.
"Well I was stupid. It's over Sophia. You're barely an adult I want a woman in my life" I began to walk away from her as it pained me too much to see her like this. She caught my arm stopping form going.
"No, no, no" She protested. I knew that she didn't believe me my actions with her over the last 3 years even the last couple of days proved that she was the only one for me. I knew I had to make it all even more believable.
"You want the truth. I was only in this because it was easy. I mean look at you. You would do anything to please me. Not really much of a challenge….." Suddenly she slaps me across the face the next she ran off. I stood there as I felt my world was frozen as I let the one good thing in my life just slip away. My thoughts were broken by the sound of screeching tires and a scream not anyone's scream but Sophia. I went rushing out of the house and there she was in the middle of the road with blood pouring from her head. The car that hit her had sped off.
One moment I'm standing in the middle of the road looking down at the girl I love half dead on the ground. The next I was in the ER I couldn't remember much of what happen in between. All I kept doing was pacing while they were working on her. She didn't look good and I had this fear that the nurse was going to come out and tell me they couldn't do anything. I watched as her grandmother cried in to her husband arms asking how could the happen. She kept asking me questions but I felt numb I hadn't spoken to anyone since it all happen. Finally a nurse came out and gave us a rundown of Sophia injuries. Sophia had sustain broken arm, wrist, shoulder, hip, leg and ribs. She had internal bleeding and her forehead had been cracked open. They were surprised that the force of the car hitting her it didn't actually kill her. They also told us that it will take time for her to heal but she should make a successful recovery. All I thought at the time was thank god that she was alive.
"Can we see her?" I asked as in that moment I didn't give a damn about Santino threats I knew I couldn't live without her. There no way in hell I'm ever leaving her side after all this.
"Of course. There only two people at a time" She looked at the three of us. I knew the right thing was to let her grandparents to see her first.
"Why don't you go in first Mr & Mrs Romero" They gave me a small smiled and walked away. Suddenly I was pinned to the wall I looked up to see Santino.
"You did this to her" he growled at me. How could he even blame this on me he gave me no choice but to break up with her. I pushed him away.
"No dude this is YOUR FAULT" I yelled back at him suddenly he punched me in the face sending me to the floor.
"I warned you Ian you come anywhere near Sophia again. It will be you in that hospital bed not her"
That was the last time I saw anyone from the Romero family. I knew that Santino met every word he wouldn't have hesitated to put in hospital or worse kill me. I had to walk away from the girl I love and it was one of the hardest things I've done in my 33 years of being on this earth. I will always live with that regret. In the end we only regret the chance we didn't take.
Reliving all this was driving me insane just one day having her back in my life and my world was turned upside down. Even now I'm at home and I'm on edge normally I'm sitting here going through emails replying back spending time with my kids. I just couldn't I needed to get the hell out of here and get drunk or something to just numb out all the memories that came flooding back to me. I got up and went to get showered and changed. I left the house in a cab as I planned to get pretty drunk tonight. Normally I would call Paul or a friend to join me. No tonight I needed to be by myself and I just hoped I didn't get hounded press or fans. I got dropped off at Magic city as I knew one of the partners and I knew he would give me a private table so I wouldn't be disturbed. As I entered I had a few girls screaming my name I smiled as I walked pass them and show to my VIP table. I didn't even pace myself starting off with something light. I went straight to hard stuff I ordered myself a bottle of Petron. I sat there drinking away looking out on the dance floor watching people having a great time with no care in the world. The music was great the vibe was even better coming here did actually help. I got up to go to the bathroom on my way I heard a familiar voice telling someone to stop. I went out on the terrace to see Sophia with some guy groping her and not listening to her telling him to stop. Instantly I went into protective mode and ripped the guy away from her punched him in the face sending him to the ground. I looked back at Sophia and she looked out of it. I could see she could barely stand and I caught her before she fell on the ground.
I held her in my arms and tried to bring her round but she wasn't waking. I had no idea who she was here with so I picked her up and took her out of the club. I caught a cab and I was debating about taking her to my place but where else could I bring her? I didn't know where she was staying and I couldn't leave her in this state. So I brought her home and place her in the bed in the guest room. I took her out of her dress that was ruined and covered in sick. I've never seen her in this state before she couldn't have gotten this drunk. Sophia wasn't one on drinking but then again in 13 years people change. I was about to leave when I heard her moaning. I sat beside her and felt her forehead and she was burning up. I went into the bathroom and got a cold compress to cool her down and a bowl in case she was sick. I brought it back in time as she threw up. She was slurring her words half it didn't make any sense. That's when I realized that Sophia had been roofied by that guy who was getting all heavy on her. In that moment all I felt was rage over come me I want to go back down that club and beat the crap out of him. I knew I couldn't leave her side knowing that might be the case.
All night I stayed awake watching over Sophia. She threw up a few more time which I looked up was a good thing as it was a way for the drugs coming out of her system. Moke came into the room and curled up next to Sophia as she slept. I knew she would be awake soon so I grabbed her some clothes that Nina had left over. I know giving my ex my current girl's cloths not a good thing but the dress she wore was covered in sick and I couldn't let her leave in that. I let them at the bottom of the bed for her. I made my way down stairs as I knew when she would wake up she would need something to eat. I began to cook making her favourite blueberry pancakes. I could hear movement from upstairs and I knew she was awake. I wasn't sure how she was going to react to being in my home let alone seeing me. I heard her come down the stairs and I could tell she was trying to creep out. I walked out into the hallway and that where I saw her in the clothes that I had left for her about to open the door.
"So you were just going to leave. With no thank you" I watched as she froze on the spot then slowly turning around.
"Ian?" She spoke with confusion as she held her head. I did my research while watching over her all night the effect of being roofied the following day were just as bad as the actual night "What am I doing here?" she looked around "Why I'm in your home?" she spoke with annoyance.
"You were roofied by that guy you were locking lips with at Magic city. I didn't know who you were with so I brought you back here. I couldn't leave you in the state you were in" She stood there frowning trying to recollect that night events. "Sophia I'll take you back to wherever you're staying but you need to eat something before you go" I could see she was about to protest "Look I know I'm the last person you want to see. All I'm asking is you eat something then I'll take you home." She stood there with her arms crossed.
"Fine" she spoke in defeat as she walked passed me into the kitchen. Even after all these years she still listen to me. Maybe there was some kind of hope that we could overcome our past. We both sat down and ate in silence I didn't want to push her. She only ate one pancake which was better than nothing.
As I promised I drove her back to where she was staying. I was kind of surprised where Michael and Julie had placed her they really did go all out. Which meant they knew that Sophia was going to be an asset to their team. I stopped outside her hotel and we both sat there once again in silence I thought she would have rushed to get out of the car but she didn't. She sat there gazing out of the window screen.
"Sophia?" I was a little concerned about her because there was so many side-effect to being roofied and I was a little concerned to just leave her like this.
"Sorry I spaced out" she was about to get out of the car and I stopped her by placing my hand on hers. "Thanks for looking after me last night" She gave me a small smile. Even after all these years she still looked as beautiful. All that went through my mind was why was I so stupid to let her go.
"Your welcome" She was about to get out of the car and I stopped her "Sophia I need….." I began to say but she interrupted me.
"Ian if you're going to drag up the past. Then don't." She spoke firmly without looking at me. I knew the past pained her maybe more than it pained me. As I was the one who walked out. I was the one who gave her heart ache. "We both moved on. Let just leave it in the past where it belongs" I heard everything she said but there was things that needed to be said and it was long overdue and now was my time to get it odd my chest.
"I need to say this. I'm sorry it may be selfish but I've been wanting to say this to you for 13 years" Sophia still didn't look at me. I gently place my hand under her chin turning her to face me. The one thing that pained me was to see the sorrow in her eyes "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I'm sorry for walking away from you." I could see her eyes filling up. One thing I hated was to see her cry. "I don't expect you to forgive me but I want you to know how much I regret my actions" I meant everything I was telling her but I knew that look on her face. The look of scepticism. "Please Sophia. Please believe that I'm sorry for how I treated you" I needed her to know that the last 13 years I had carried the guilt of what I did to her. To never go back to see how she was all because of her psycho brother and what he would of done to me. Sometimes I wished I went back and proved to her that I still loved her and if Santino wanted to hurt me it would have been worth it. Cause at least Sophia would of known that I cared for her that I still loved her.
"You know when I was in that hospital bed all those weeks the only person I wanted to comfort me was you" I knew she wasn't tell me that to make me feel any worse but it just made me feel even more riddle with guilt "Then to find out not only did I lose you. But I lost our child that I was carrying" She blurted out. "God I shouldn't of told you that" She covered her face with her hand as she was ashamed with letting that all out. She was pregnant? With my child?
"You were pregnant? Why didn't you tell me?" I had a million emotions run though me in that one moment. A lot of them starting with 'what if'.
"I didn't know myself until I woke up. They told me due to complication I lost it" Sophia spoke with sorrow in her voice. I could tell that she wanted to say more as I notice she hesitated to speak. She opened the car door while I sat there in utter shock "Look Ian the girl you used to know is dead. We going to be working in the same place. Let just keep it professional" I sat there speechless after what I had just heard I didn't ruin one life but two lives. It's hard to stay strong when you look around and every part of your world is crumbling down, and you can't do anything to stop it. It felt like this was never going to end. The world wasn't going to stop crashing down until there was nothing left of me but dust.