38

Olivia

Draco left the infirmary the next day looking slightly pale but happy. Kind of. It was a couple days until Christmas which meant the Hogwarts Express would be headed home with most of Hogwarts inside. Not many people stayed for Christmas but that year was unusual. Many of the 7th years just didn't see the point in going home.

"I don't know why she wants me home, she kicked me out the whole summer." Draco complained, coming out of the infirmary bathroom. I was sitting on his bed and doing homework , pretending not to be sad that he was leaving especially after what happened. We had barely even talked about it.

"Maybe she finally got lonely." I suggested, looking him over. His hair was neatly combed and his tie tied tightly around his neck. The only thing that was different was his sleeves that were hanging loosely. I never really noticed how he never showed his arms but it was obvious now. He was trying to hide the scars.

"I doubt that." He said absently, noticing my staring. His hands fidgeted with the cuffs but he didn't fasten them. I sighed and closed the book laying in front of me. We couldn't ignore all the unsaid words anymore and we both knew it.

"How long?" I asked as Draco sat on the bed next to mine. We faced each other, barely a few feet away but it felt like miles. He kept one thing from me but it was one of the most important things and I felt abandoned for some reason. It felt all wrong.

"I started fifth year. I was really good at hiding it then and it didn't really seem like a problem. I just did it. No one knew, not even Crabbe and Goyle. My parents found out at the end of sixth year and I thought my dad would kill me. A son that failed to kill Dumbledore and was broken too. I was a disgrace." Draco sighed and shook his head.

"When was the last time you cut before yesterday?" I asked, almost choking on the word. I couldn't believe I didn't know. How did I not figure it out?

"Not since the summer. And even then I barely did it. Once the battle was over and my mom stopped talking to me I didn't feel the need anymore. And once the school year came around I had you." He tried to smile but it was only a shadow. "Yesterday...I didn't mean to. But with all the things they were saying i couldn't stop myself. It was like being pushed back down into the hole I had finally crawled out of."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I was quiet this time. It wasn't accusing or angry, just sad. I felt guilty because maybe I could have helped. I could have done something.

"I thought you would be mad." Draco replied, not meeting my eyes. His words from yesterday sprang to mind and I finally understood. "I thought it would be too much for you. You knew I was broken but not that broken and I was scared you would leave me. It was too much. Not to mention I thought I was done."

I crossed the short distance between us and pulled him into a hug. His arms tightened around my waist and we held on so tight I thought both of our ribs would crack. I couldn't believe this boy. I wanted to hug him forever.

"It's not too much." I said, shaking my head like that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. "You can tell me anything, Draco. I'll never leave you. And not because you're a mess or I feel obligated but because you're my friend and I like you. I really really like you."

"Not too much?" He asked, pulling away and glancing at his bandaged wrists. I sat down next to him and nodded. It was OK. We were OK.

He pulled up the sleeves of his shirt carefully and with slightly shaking hands. I leaned into him so he would know I was there and he nodded his head. The bandages came off easily and the cuts were red but not bleeding anymore. On his right forearm was the Dark Mark, stark against his skin. There were little white scars all around it but the mark itself was spotless.

I ran my thumb carefully over the scars new and old. Neither of us said anything, just stayed close, always touching. I slid my hand into his and leaned my head on his shoulder. Scars or no scars he was still Draco. He was still the boy that I could love.

"Why are you here? You could do so much better than me." Draco said after a while. "You could have anyone and you're here with this broken piece of shit. Why?"

"Draco, we've talked about this-"

"I don't deserve you." He said suddenly standing up and buttoning his sleeves. "You're so good and I'm so evil and someday you're going to realize that and leave and I won't blame you. We're 18 years old, Olivia. Things like this don't last." He shook his head and started collecting his things. Madam Pomfrey had spelled them down so that he could pack but now the thought of him leaving hurt even more.

"What are you talking about? Why can't you accept the fact that I like you? I want to kiss you and date me and be with you no matter what! Maybe it won't last but why does that mean we shouldn't try?"

"You shouldn't waste your time." Draco shook his head. He closed his trunk and glanced up at me.

"Two seconds ago we were holding hands and now you're saying you don't want to be together, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry." He grabbed his trunk and put on his cloak. "I'll see you after break. Happy Christmas."

And with that he walked out of the infirmary, not even glancing back. What the fuck just happened?

"You must really like him." Madam Pomfrey said, peeking out of her office.

"What do I do now?" I asked not really expecting an answer.

"Just you wait. He'll come around. He likes you too, trust me. He's just afraid of the future which is just a symptom of growing up." Madam Pomfrey said. "He'll get over it."