There is a reason why I chose to pursue veterinary medicine over human medicine. You see, I've noticed over the years that there is one major difference that sets animals apart from humans.
They do not feel sorry for themselves.
No matter what their ailment may be, they do not stop moving forward. To them, stopping isn't even an option because nature simply doesn't allow it. Sure, many pets today live in such a way that they do not every have to worry about natural selection running it's course, but that still does not mean their survival instincts aren't still there, hiding in the shadows.
Most humans, on the other hand, are so far removed from that sort of lifestyle that we can afford to halt our progress and take time to sulk about things that are out of our hands. We let hardships weigh us down and become consumed with the thoughts of 'if only this' and 'if only that" because there really isn't anything out there to stop us.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that after experiencing my own struggles with depression after my surgery, I found a new respect for our four-legged friends. That realization must have also stuck with me because somewhere over the course of the next few years following my operation, I made the decision to dedicate the rest of my life to caring for animals.
And the rest was history.
These were the times when I absolutely hated my job.
Staring at the patient's file I had pulled up on my home laptop, I reread the word that was listed next to their name.
Deceased.
Shifting my gaze down to the textbooks in front of me, I continued to scan through the different pages, looking for anything more I could have done. Unfortunately, nothing came of my search. Clenching my jaw, I pushed the books away and leaned away from the desk to rest my head on the back of my chair.
I'm not sure how long I sat there, silently staring up at the ceiling, but I did, all the while allowing thoughts to churn in my head.
Suddenly, something in the far off reaches of my consciousness registered a voice calling out to me, but I made no move to see who it was. I just kept my eyes trained on the ceiling as I continued fighting to keep it together. That is, until I felt a pair of hands being placed on both sides of my face so the person could make me look at them.
And there they were; the warm mocha-colored eyes that I couldn't help but get lost in.
"Brittany, are you okay? I've been calling your name, but you never answered."
I heard the question, but everything was still so far away. It was like my head was underwater, making every spoken word muffled and warped into a sound I couldn't understand as I continued to seek refuge in her concerned gaze.
"She's gone," I eventually managed to whisper, though the statement was mostly meant for myself.
"Who's gone, Baby?" the brunette asked as she softly caressed one of my cheeks with her thumb.
"Sandy," I hear my trembling voice answer as everything started to come back into focus. I felt my face contort as I tried in a last ditch effort to hold back the tears welling up in my eyes, but it was already too late. The weight of the day had finally come crashing down on me, causing me to break.
Allowing my head to slip from her grasp, I hunched over to shove my face into my hands and finally cry the tears I had been holding back for the past several hours. "She was the very first patient I ever treated at Lima Vet Clinic. She-she used to be so damn spunky back then, and-and-Shit!" I mumbled into the palms of my hands as I ground my teeth together and felt my entire body start to shake out of sheer anguish.
"Britt, I can't understand what you're saying. Please, talk to me," she begged as she knelt down to get closer to me and place her hands on my forearms to give a gentle tug.
Glancing up suddenly, I sarcastically barked, "What's there to talk about? I failed one of my patients, and now she's no longer with us because of it. Simple as that."
"Baby, I'm sure you did all you could for her. Now, please try to calm down."
Ignoring her plea, I continue to explain, "I was supposed to save her, San. T-That's my job, and I-I-" I was suddenly cut off by the feeling of hands gripping the sides of my head once more as she forced me to meet her eyes.
"I will not let you sit here and blame yourself for this, Brittany Susan Pierce. I can almost guarantee that you did everything you could to help Sandy, but sometimes things just happen that are out of our control."
"B-but she-she was my favorite patient," I whimpered helplessly as I allowed Santana to pull me into a warm embrace.
"I know, Baby. I know. I'm sorry that you have to go through this right now, but please understand she was probably so very grateful for all of your efforts to help make her life as happy and healthy as possible. You are an amazing veterinarian, Brittany. You show some of the most care and compassion that I have ever seen from a health care professional, and you have the absolute biggest heart of any human being I have ever met," she stated, punctuating the end of her sentence with a light bop on my nose.
Feeling a small, involuntary smile pull at my lips, I replied, "Thank you, San."
"There's no need to thank me," she immediately refuted with a shrug. "I'm just speaking the truth."
Leaning forward, I pressed a firm kiss to her lips and apologized, "I'm sorry for snapping at you."
"It's okay, Britt. I, of all people, should know about allowing your feelings to get the best of you, so don't even worry about it. Knowing you, you had probably been internalizing most of your grief up until now and was just got caught up in the moment, which is completely understandable."
"Y-yeah," I quietly conceded as I continued to stare down at the floor. Shifting my gaze back up to meet hers, I added, "I love you."
Giving me a warm smile, she responded, "I love you, too. Now, let's go get you some wine to help you relax."
Watching her reach out her hand to help me stand from the chair, I instantly grasped it and allowed her to pull me up before we proceeded to walk to the kitchen, hand-in-hand.
"So, the kidney stones were causing her to go into renal failure?" San asked as she carefully poured us two glasses of my favorite white wine.
Giving a nod in confirmation, I explained, "Yeah, we had gone in to remove some stones in the past, but they kept reforming. Her owners didn't want to have to put her through the surgery again since she took it really hard the first time around. Plus, there was an increased risk that she wouldn't make it since she was over seven-years-old and in renal failure, so they came to the decision that putting her down would be the best for her well-being. She had been in a lot of pain for a good while, and they didn't want her to have to suffer more than she already had."
"Aw, well at least she doesn't have to hurt anymore," the brunette sympathized as she handed me the beverage.
Looking down at the liquid in the wineglass, I allowed my head to bob up and down a few times in agreement. "She also got to have a really good last day with her owners. They both took off from work so they could take her out to the park one last time. They set out a picnic blanket under their favorite tree and ate lunch together. Sandy even got to eat a cheeseburger for the first time," I chuckled. "Her parents said that she absolutely loved it."
"Wow, sounds like she got the works."
"Yep, she sure did. They never had kids, so she was always prone to being spoiled," I responded with a strained smile. Feeling myself getting a little choked up again, I added, "You know what the worst thing is?"
"What, Britt-Britt?" she tentatively asked in a subdued tone.
"This all had to happen right before Christmas. I mean, isn't the grieving process hard enough without having to also be alone for the holidays?"
"Baby," she started, but I already knew where her thought process was headed.
"I know, San. I get it. It's just that-It just makes me really upset."
"And that's one of the many reasons why I love you. You're always so caring and thoughtful," she stated as she made her way around the bar to stand beside the stool I was sitting on. Cupping my cheek with the hand that wasn't holding her wine, she drew me into a sweet and tender kiss. A few seconds later, she pulled away and tugged me out of my chair as she informed, "Come on. I have a surprise for you."
Following her lead, I allowed her to take me over to the large coffee table she had in the living room. Noticing all the ingredients for s'mores spread out across the table, I asked, "Woah, what's the occasion?"
"Well," she drawled out as she placed our beverages on the table and made her way over to the old record player I had in the corner of the room to put on her favorite album, Amy Winehouse's Lioness: Hidden Treasures. Closing her eyes, she allowed her head to bop to the opening beats of "Our Day Will Come" before turning her gaze back to me to answer, "My mother gave me an early Christmas present today."
"Oh?" I questions, still a little confused as to why a Christmas present would result in celebratory s'mores.
Strolling her way over to me, she grabbed my hands so she could swing them from side to side as she started to move her body to the music. She looked up at me with a broad grin, which I couldn't help to return as I started to dance along with her. Then, she revealed, "Mom told me that I've officially made partner."
Halting my movements, I stared at her with a confused gaze before realizing what she meant and felt an excited smile pull at my lips. "For real?"
"For real," she tried to reply, but the end came out as more of a squeal as I pulled her up in my arms and spun her around before setting her back down on the ground.
"Oh my gosh, that's so awesome, San!" I cheered, tightening my hold on her to cause our mouths to come crashing together in a brief kiss. Pulling back to hold her and arm's length, I added, "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you!"
"Thanks, Babe. I'm pretty damn excited, as well. We ended up going over a few general things today, but we're scheduled to all sit down and discuss the main stuff tomorrow."
"Well, cheers to that!" I exclaimed as I grabbed my drink from the coffee table and brought it up towards her.
Picking up her glass, as well, she lifted it up to mine and responded with a quick "Cheers!" before clinking our glasses together. After we each took a quick sip, we returned the wineglasses to the table. While I got the fireplace lit, San opened the various sweets and sorted them into piles. Then, we undid some wire coat hangers I found in the hall closet and straightened them out as best we could so we could use them to roast the marshmallows.
"Um, Britt, your marshmallow is on fire," Santana informed as we both watched my white ball of fluff being burned to a crisp.
Shooting a smirk, I pulled the charred mallow out of the fire and blew out the last bit of orange flames, replying, "I know. That's the way I like it."
"Ew," Santana groaned in disgust as she watched me sandwich the s'more between two graham crackers and a couple small bars of chocolate.
"No, it's delicious! Here, try it," I offered as I held it up to her mouth.
Taking a small bite, she covered her mouth and began to formulate her opinion as she chewed. "Mm, not as bad as I thought," she conceded as she snatched the treat out of my hand.
"Hey, that one was supposed to be mine!" I cried out as I watched her finish it off.
"Aw, it'll be okay. You can have my next one, which I'll be sure to make it nice and toasty for you," she teased with a full mouth and a smirk, and I swear I had never felt so in love with her than I did in that very moment.
By the time we were through feeding each other the deserts we constructed, the entire record had played itself through. Santana gave me a look that silently asked if it would be okay to restart the record from the beginning before standing up to make her way back over to the player. Once she was seated beside me once more on the floor, I scooted down and rested my head in her lap, succumbing to the effects of the wine. Between the soothing music and the fingers Santana was running through my hair, I began drifting off, but not before absentmindedly mumbling, "This is nice. Makes me wish we could stay like this forever."
I could almost hear the smile in her voice as she instantly replied, "I couldn't agree with you more."
Humming in contentment, I let myself to slip away into unconsciousness as Amy Winehouse's voice continued to float through the room, singing, "Our day will come if we just wait a while. No tears for us. Think love and wear a smile. Our dreams have magic because we'll always stay in love this way. Our day will come."
Author's Note:
Hi there! Thanks for reading the new chapter. I know this was a short one, but it's all part of something that I'm trying building up to so please just bear with me. Haha. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it and that I'll get to see you all again soon!
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