Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead.

...

Scott paced at the barricaded door, running both of his hands over the top of his head. "I can't believe we are fucking well stuck here," he whined. "I mean, what the fucking hell went wrong out there?"

"Keep your voice down," Sasha breathed quickly. "You're gonna attract them."

Tyreese walked over to him, grabbing his arm, holding his grip tighter as Scott tried to wriggle free. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd used your senses and not your gun," he insisted quietly. He looked over to his sister and nodded, and Sasha just sighed back at them tightly.

Carol sat there on the dirty carpeted floor, watching them. They'd been trapped in this run down house at the edge of the woods for the last few hours. Her hands fidgeted in her lap. The first run they'd done had been to the abandoned nursery that Daryl and Maggie had gone to when Judith had first been born. And it had taken them a while because of the vehicles blocking the road. Tyreese and Andrea had insisted on it though, and they'd managed to maneuver the vehicles off the road as much as they could to allow the SUV to pass through. As time consuming as it had been though-it had been worth it for the amount of medicines, blankets, diapers, baby formula, childrens toys and books that they'd gathered. With all the new children at the prison, and especially for Judith, it had been worth the time and the risk.

They should have just left it then and made their way back. But this house had been so close, and everyone had thought at the time that it was good practice, an extra incentive to gather more supplies, and for the newer members of the group to gain a little more in the way of training. A straight forward run, what could go wrong?

Naturally it had gone disastrously wrong the minute Scott had panicked upon seeing a huddle of walkers straggling in the woods at the back of the house, and he had fired at them repeatedly, making the group bid a hasty escape to the only means possible, the house. But, as long as they kept quiet, there was every possibility that the walkers would lose interest and wander off. So far, it seemed to be working.

Carol looked up as Andrea entered the room, and gave her a weary smile. She smiled back, handing her a tinned can of food, before taking one to everyone else in the room.

"What's this?" Scott asked, raising the can to his nose and sniffing dubiously at its contents.

"It's lunch, be grateful," Andrea replied tersely.

"Great, creamed corn." He dragged his feet across the room and slumped to the floor, his back pressed to the wall.

"I got peaches if you wanna swap?" Sasha asked.

He only gave her a withering expression, before digging in with his fingers.

Carol placed her can on the floor as she glanced across as Andrea came over and sat next to her on the ground. "The guy's a moron," Andrea said quietly, raising an eyebrow and looking at her.

"He's just inexperienced, I suppose."

"Don't be so nice about him, Carol. The guy could have got us all killed."

She shrugged, looking across at Scott. He was in his mid-thirties and attractive enough she guessed, what with his shaggy dirty blonde hair and dark eyes. He was tall, taller than Merle, but not as well built. Scrawny, with a bit of a paunch that obviously indicated the good living that he'd had at Woodbury.

Carol felt an elbow dig in her ribs, and she looked as Andrea smirked at her. "Thought you were practically spoken for. You know, a certain Dixon?"

"Oh stop it, Andrea," she rolled her eyes, blushing a little. Just the thought of Merle got her heart pounding a little too unsteadily and her thoughts all jumbled.

"We should get some rest," Tyreese spoke out softly, and Carol pushed herself to her feet.

"I'll take watch," she said, her hand slipping to her waist and resting on the knife in its sheath at her belt.

Tyreese glanced quickly at her, "Are you sure? I don't mind, Carol. I can take a shift."

She shook her head at the look he gave her, concern drifting across his wide brown eyes, and she smiled as she lightly touched at his arm. She found that she liked this gentle bear of a man."It's fine, I'm not really all that tired. You go and get some sleep. Maybe you can relieve me in a few hours?"

Tyreese glanced at her again and nodded, before walking across to his sister and settling himself on the floor next to the chair she sat in. Carol watched as Sasha reached out her hand and let it light on his shoulder.

"Come on Scott," she called out, ignoring the look Andrea gave her. "You can help me get some blankets from upstairs."

Scott pushed himself off the wall, his hand tugging at the sleeve of his grimed denim jacket. "Sure," he scowled.

They trudged up the stairs, carefully stepping over the walkers body at the top of the landing. She heard Scott spit out a curse, and she looked over her shoulder at him.

"You need to get used to this," she said brusquely.

"I don't know...can you? I mean, is that even possible," he grimaced.

"Mhm. It's a case of get used to it, or die." She frowned, "Just how much experience have you got with any of this?"

Scott laughed, "Practically none. I've never been on a 'run' as you call it. Was never any need, not in Woodbury. The Governor saw to all that. Only biters I saw were in the arena."

"You never went out, not even once?" She turned into one of the bedrooms and hastened across to the bed, looking at the blankets, wondering just how stained and dirty they were in the thin light coming from the window.

"No. I wasn't asked." He looked at her and shrugged as she tugged the blanket off the bed and folded it loosely, passing it to him. "Physical prowess was never my forte. I'm more of an academic, I guess. I suppose that's why the Governor never asked me." He leaned closer to her and grinned, "Too weedy."

Carol glanced at him, raising an eyebrow, "So what did you do, you know. Before the turn?"

"I was a web designer. Not much use for that now, I know."

She held out another blanket to him, and he took it from her, tucking it under his arm. "So say, what did you do?"

"Oh nothing. I was a mom, housewife. Nothing special, really," she moved across to the other side of the room, pausing before carefully opening the closet door. The only thing that jumped out at her were the garish clothing hanging on the coat rails.

"Where are your husband and kids?" he asked. "Back at the prison?"

Carol felt the breath stifle inside her lungs. She didn't look at him, instead she closed the closet door softly, her palm resting against the white painted door. "They're gone."

"Oh, I'm sorry. How did they die? Was it before, or did they get bitten?" he asked her curiously.

She let the breath still in her lungs, refusing to look at him. She found that she didn't want to discuss this, especially with someone like him, someone that she didn't know. It hurt enough as it was-the constant longing for her daughter wringing her heart pathetically in her chest. She swallowed against sudden tears, and turned her back to him as she quickly wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. Taking a deep breath, she turned and walked back across the room towards the door, silently gesturing for him to follow.

There were two more bodies in the next room. She knew that they were there because Sasha and her had been the ones to put them down when they first entered the house as refuge. She sighed as Scott stumbled behind her.

"God, these things," he complained. "They're just fucking nasty."

Carol glanced away from him, rolling her eyes.

"Hell, they stink like festering shit," he held his hand delicately over his nose and then bumped into her as she pushed the next door open.

"Mhm." She paused in the doorway, touching at the knife at her waist.

"I'm sorry about your family. Maybe they're in heaven," he shrugged, then smiled suddenly. "I was brought up to be a good Christian," he explained, stepping into the bedroom with her.

She glanced across at him sharply. "That won't do you any good. There's no place for God in a world like this, not any more."

…

Carol felt thankful for the quiet as the rest of the group settled down to sleep, huddled underneath the blankets. She had shaken her head in response as she was offered one, instead she chose to sit there stiffly in the cold, one hand resting at the knife at her waist.

As much as she tried to stop, her thoughts constantly strayed back to Merle. She wondered what he was doing now, was Daryl back, and where they together. It came as no great surprise to her now that she felt a pang because she missed him. She wasn't sure what was going on between them, she only knew that there was something and that she cared for him a great deal, and now she didn't even bother to fight that thought. It was pointless, she had stared caring for him a while ago, even before when he was being a jackass, and refusing her aid as he lay on the bunk in his cell, hurting and lashing out at anyone that showed the vaguest hint of sympathy.

She wanted to see him, feel his touch, and she ached to hear his thick gravelly voice. Her heart thudded in her chest, and she bit at her lip as she pushed herself to her feet. This wasn't doing her any good. Irritability she paced across the room where the others lay sleeping.

She had never felt that way about Ed, not even when she had married him. Sure, she had been swept away by him at first-who wouldn't have been? He'd been so charming and attentive when they'd first met. He'd offered her the world, but little did she know what exactly his version of the world entailed. Merle was everything that Ed wasn't...or had ever been. And she wondered if that was a good, or bad thing. But, he did one thing that Ed had never done. He made her feel so vibrantly alive.

She waited out the next few hours, carefully shutting down her thoughts and concentrating on the stillness of the house. Tyreese woke a few hours later, and at his gentle insistence, she allowed herself a blanket, and some small semblance of rest.

...

"They're gone."

Carol roused herself from underneath her blanket, pushing it from her as she glanced tiredly at Andrea.

Scott blinked rapidly, "You sure?"

Andrea nodded, "Yeah, they're gone. Finally we can get the hell out of here."

"Amen to that," Sasha answered.

Tyreese chuckled at her side, "You slept through most if it, Sasha."

"I did not," she huffed in response, glowering at him.

"You did," he smiled.

"Can we just go now?" Scott grumbled.

…

They'd packed the SUV with as much as they could fit, and then they were on their way back to the prison. Carol felt relief surge through her as they neared the prison gates, sitting upright in her seat in the back next to Scott and Sasha as she saw Carl and Michonne standing at the gates.

Carl quickly pulled the main gate open. Andrea drove through, Carl quickly pulling the gate shut behind them and locking it.

Andrea parked the car just short of the inner gates, and Carol waited for Scott to open the door and climb out before she did so herself. The younger man seemed relieved to be back, and she smiled as he stretched his arms, yawning widely.

"Who would have thought that I'd actually be glad to be back at a prison," he grinned.

The drivers door flung open, and Andrea stepped out, giving her a small smirk, and Carol watched her curiously, before glancing across as Tyreese banded an arm about his sisters shoulders as they made their way back to the prison.

Scott trailed behind Andrea, and she watched with amusement as the blonde woman turned to him quickly, looking him up and down appraisingly. "I'm sleepy. Say...you wanna keep me company?"

Scott nearly tripped over his own feet.

…

Judith was grumbling loudly and Carol watched as Rick manhandled her in his arms somewhat awkwardly. She frowned at him. "Rick, she's a baby, not a bag of groceries."

He looked at her sheepishly as she come across and took the baby from him. Carol cooed at her, cradling her in her arms, and she smiled at Rick when Judith stopped her fussing. "See?" she smirked.

"I'm still not getting a handle on her," he grumbled. "Carl was never like this. That boy could sleep through a storm, I swear. She wriggles too much."

Carol laughed, "She doesn't wriggle that much. No two babies are really ever the same, Rick. You're just out of practice." She rocked the baby in her arms, touching at the baby's fine hair with her fingers. "She's beautiful."

"And you're biased," Rick grinned.

Carol looked at him and smiled, "Well naturally I am. We picked up some good supplies on that run. Alot that will benefit the children, and Judith of course." She kissed the top of the baby's head before handing her back reluctantly to her father.

Rick frowned as he rocked the baby gently in his arms. "What happened? You all got back late."

"Don't ask," she said. She saw the confused look Rick gave her, and felt the need to explain. "Everything was fine until Scott panicked when he saw a few walkers. He fired his gun at them," she said as he stared at her. "We had to take refuge in a house and wait them out overnight."

"Hell," Rick cursed. "Maybe we shouldn't have let him go."

"I don't know. He's inexperienced, but I think that goes for a lot of the people from Woodbury. But yes, you're right. We can't allow inexperience like that. He could have gotten somebody killed. Maybe he needs some practice with walkers at the fences? Teach him to use a knife, not a gun."

"Maybe it is better that we only use people that we know won't lose their heads on the supply runs. I wont risk anyone out there."

"Then you can count out the majority from Woodbury. They've not lived like we've had too. They're soft, pampered."

Rick hummed in agreement, "Should bring it up at the next meeting. I will see to it."

Carol nodded, stifling back a yawn, "Sorry," she smiled weakly, "Haven't slept much."

"Go," He gestured with his hand awkwardly. "Get some rest." He looked down at the baby in his arms and smiled, "I think this one has finally dropped off. Thank you."

…

She had wanted to go to her cell and sleep, but the need to see Merle itched at her so much that she made her way towards his cell instead. She didn't know if he'd be there-it was late afternoon and chances were he was probably off somewhere with Daryl. She frowned, she hadn't seen him since she had gotten back either.

Merle was sat on his bunk, and she leaned in against the doorway, watching him. He didn't look at her, just stared rigidly at a piece of what she thought was plastic poking out from his fist.

"Are you okay, Merle?" she pursed her lips tightly. She sensed something was wrong-she could feel it in the air between them. She took a step closer, standing restlessly in the doorway.

He slowly turned his head, his eyes searching hers out, and she bit her lip at the haunted look to his eyes. She'd seen that look before, and it hurt her now as much as it did then.

"When the fuck ye get back?" he rasped.

"Not long."

He huffed, shrugging his shoulders, before looking away from her and staring back at his hand.

"Whats going on?" She stepped into his cell, watching him warily.

Merle exhaled quickly, the motion flaring his nostrils. He glanced up quickly, before pushing himself off his bunk and moving towards her. His hand came out, touching hers and he thrust the piece of plastic at her. "Take it."

She did as she was told, and felt an icy finger trickle down her back as she saw what he had given her. Pills. Drugs. "I don't believe this," she said, stepping backwards, shaking her head in disbelief. "After everything? What the hell is wrong with you, Merle?" Tears misted her eyes, and as he moved towards her, she backed quickly away from him.

"It ain't like that," he spat. "I'm tellin' ya it ain't."

She brandished the small ziploc bag between them. "Like hell it is!" She glared at him before turning and walking out of his cell and back into the corridor.

He moved so quickly, rushing past to stand in front of her, blocking her way. He leaned his stump to the wall, looming over her.

She should have felt intimidated, she knew, but she felt so angry and disappointed in him. "Whatever this was Merle? I'm done with it."

"You ain't even gonna listen to me?" he barked.

She shook her head, "What is there to say? Nothing. I really thought you had changed, but you haven't." She blinked rapidly against the tears, feeling them slip down her cheeks, and it made her angry that he could mess with her emotions so easily.

"I didn't take any of 'em. I swear Carol. I didn't," he sighed. "Give me a chance, huh?"

"Why the hell should I?"

He glanced down at his feet, "'Cause I'm tellin' ya the truth," he answered quietly.

Carol stared at him. She knew that she should just walk away, and leave him there with his drugs. Let him get stoned, let him do whatever the fuck he wanted. But she knew that she couldn't do that, no matter how angry she was. She cared too much for him.

"Please? Jus' hear me out Carol."

Her heart twisted at his words, the dull flat tone of his voice. She swiped at her eyes with one hand, still gripping the plastic bag tightly in her other. "Don't you make me a fool, Merle," she warned angrily.

He touched at her shoulder, before rapidly snagging his hand back at the angry glare she shot him. "I ain't gonna, but I need'a talk to ya." He sighed, shaking his head and gesturing back to his cell, "I ain't discussing shit out here."

Carol narrowed her eyes at him in warning, before turning and stepping into his cell. She watched as he followed after her, her gaze narrowing as he sat on his bunk, looking at her and then patting the space at the side of him.

"Sit."

She shook her head at him again, "No," she said tightly. "Whatever you've got to say, just spit it out already, for Christ's sake."

He looked at her wearily, "Easier if ya come sit with me."

Carol ground her teeth, before sighing heatedly and moving into his cell, perching on the edge of his bunk. She positioned herself as far away from him as she possibly could.

Merle just looked at her sadly and shrugged, and she thought he looked utterly defeated.

"I found 'em. Was clearing a new wing for those Woodbury assholes with Daryl." He frowned, not looking at her. "Found 'em stuffed in a mattress. Yeah, I knew what they were as soon as I saw 'em. I been sat here the last few hours thinkin' things through."

"And?" She spat at him.

"An' I realized that I ain't ever going back. Not to my old ways. Ya know I had a fight with Daryl?" he cautiously glanced at her.

"You fought with Daryl? Oh, this just gets worse," she hissed, rising from her seat on his bunk. "I think I've heard enough, Merle."

His hand snaked out and he grabbed at her arm, "Ya ain't listenin' to me, darlin'. Things were said that needed to be said. I been an asshole to my lil brother. Weren't never there for him when he needed me. But I'm here now, and I'm tryin' to change."

"Why should I believe you?" Carol questioned, glancing at his hand on her arm.

"'Cause I'm tellin' ya the truth. I ain't never lied to ya before, an' I sure as hell ain't gonna start now." He huffed quietly. "I wanted to tell ya. You're the only one that ever stood by me, along with Daryl. I was tempted to take 'em, I ain't gonna lie to ya-but I didn't. An' I been sat here the last few hours thinkin' shit through. I got too much to lose by fuckin' myself up with drugs. Ya think I wanna lose you, or my brother?" He shook his head angrily. "It ain't happening."

"Why show me then? You could have just gotten rid of them, anytime," she frowned.

"Huh. I got scared, alright? I know what people think of me. An' if they see me tryin' to get rid of this shit? It's any excuse to tear me down. Who are they gonna believe? An ex drug addict who most people would'a be glad to be rid of?"

"Merle," she said quietly.

"What? I waited for you. I thought you'd understand. I ain't playin' no fuckin' game here. I didn't take 'em."

Carol sighed softly. Maybe he was telling the truth-it seemed plausible enough. Anybody that would have seen him trying to dispose of the drugs would automatically assume the worst. Herself included. "Why did you keep them?"

"Fuck, I don't know. I saw 'em and didn't even think. Shit honey, I don't know why I do half the things I do. But believe me-I didn't touch none of that shit. Jus' please, don't push me away."

She wanted to believe him-she truly did, but doubt clawed at her. She glanced at the pills in her hand, swallowing tightly at the thought that he had handed them over. And he could have just kept quiet about the whole thing, instead he'd turned to her. Maybe it counted for something. "One chance, Merle," she warned.

He leaned towards her, and for one moment she honestly thought that he was going to wrestle the bag out of her hand, but instead he totally ignored them, choosing to lean across to her and press his lips to her cheek. He pulled away and as she looked at him, she saw no sign of drug use in his blue eyes. None of the tell-tale widening of his pupils.

"Told ya darlin', I got too much to lose," he said quietly.

Carol glanced down at her hand. She pushed the small plastic bag into the depths of her pants pockets, wiping her palm on her thigh. He nudged her and she watched wonderingly as Merle caught at her hand, linking his fingers with hers, their palms pressing firmly together.

"Do ya believe me?"

"I want to believe you, yes," she replied.

"I need ya to, 'cause if ya don't? I might as well go an' get the fuck out'a here." He raised his eyebrows as she watched him carefully. She saw the defiant cast to his face-the way he thrust his jaw out."That ain't gonna happen," he rasped thickly. "I don't want it to happen. I ain't gonna fuck my life up no more, I don't need no goddamned pills, no goddamned drugs."

She gazed at him for a while, before dropping her eyes to the bunk, where their hands lay between them, linked together. She didn't know what to think any more-she felt hurt and confused, wondering whether to trust him, to believe that he was telling her the truth. She wished that he hadn't had found those stupid pills, but even as she thought that, she knew that there would probably be other opportunities in the future for him to find drugs. Maybe it was just as well that it had happened now.

And, there was also the fact that he had handed them over to her, and the look on his face tugged at her heart just enough to maybe convince her. She sighed sadly and let go of his hand, letting hers rest loosely across her lap. Leaning to the wall, she turned from him and stared tiredly across his cell.

She stiffened in surprise as his thumb suddenly brushed against her cheek. He scooted up the bed, his bandaged arm sneaking about her waist as his thumb trailed across her skin. She closed her eyes to his touch, her heart thudding almost pitifully in her chest as she felt the rough stubble of his chin brush against her skin, and she had to bite back the gasp as his lips pressed firmly to hers. He kissed her, his lips moving slowly, his tongue touching briefly and flickering at her mouth. She found that she ached so badly for him that it scared her.

She reached out a hand and touched at his brow, her fingers softly touching at his skin. His arm banded around her more firmly, pressing her to him, and she let her hand slip to his arm, leaning down and resting her forehead to his shoulder, burying her face into the warmth of his throat. His other arm came around, and he held her close, his head leaning against hers.

…

She woke up in confusion, Merle's arms still around her, her head resting against his chest. Thin light came through the cell from the large prison windows on the main floor, and she squinted, waiting for her eyes to adjust in the dim light.

"Didn't think ya was gonna wake," he murmured.

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked, pushing herself from him. His arms loosened around her, but he made no attempt to move.

"Dunno, few hours, ain't sure."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

He chuckled softly, "'Cause you were quiet, an' I didn't want ya to go."

Carol smiled at that.

"I ain't gonna be Mr. fuckin' popular though." He shifted against her, "I'm supposed to be on watch, taking over from some Woodbury asshole."

"Merle, you should have woken me. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but I haven't slept well, and I'm so damned tired."

"Yeah, I heard yer run didn't go well. You were gone too fuckin' long," he complained, letting his arms drop from her as he pushed himself off the bunk. "Go rest, I gotta go darlin'."

He turned back, and leaned down to her, pressing a swift kiss to her lips, letting his tongue sneak out and poke at her mouth, before standing back and smirking.

Carol watched as he left, before moving from his bunk, and pacing across the corridor. A sudden thought gripped her, and she reached into the pocket of her pants, her hand finding the plastic bag with the pills in it. She bit at her lip, hating herself then for doubting him, and she turned quickly and headed off towards the shower room. There was nobody else around, and she swung the door open, glancing about the room, before striding over to one of the lavatories. She lifted the lid on the toilet, and held the bag over it, shaking the contents into the bowl. She pushed the flush, watching as the pills disappeared in the swirling water.

Her heart felt lighter as she made her way back to her cell in the darkness. She couldn't help but think of him as she lay on her bunk, burying her head into her pillow and closing her eyes. As she drifted off to sleep, all she could think of was the misery burning in his eyes when he had told her about those hateful pills.

...