Inside the shelter, Kili was stretched out on his blanket, one arm thrown over his eyes and the other hand pressed against his ribs as he breathed through the tight pain of his bound injuries. He shivered in the cold wind that slipped through the flap of oilcloth as Betta entered, but he did not look up or give any other sign that she had returned.
She sat down on her blanket across the fire and, looking at him, remembered the uncomfortable events of the evening.
It had been impolite to stare at Kili's bruised back and shoulders but, like Fili, Betta had not realized until she saw how badly injured he was. Unlike Fili, she did not blame herself for Kili's pain that day; she had made the same choice as he to put on a pack and march under the pain of bruises without complaint. She had been impressed by his strength and determination to suffer under so much hurt, but she had not blushed to be caught staring at a shirtless dwarf.
Not that she had any intention of correcting the brothers' mistake if that was why they thought she left. She was not easily embarrassed by naked men – whether Men or Dwarves - not after she had helped to raise five incorrigible brothers; and indeed, she had stared at Kili for only a few moments before her thoughts had turned to something else, a passing fancy that troubled her more than seeing Kili's bruises.
In fact, she had ceased to see Kili at all. As she had looked at one brother, her thoughts had turned to the other, and a simple question had occurred to her that was harmless on its own. She had wondered whether Fili was as like to his brother in body as he was in face and voice.
When Kili had coughed and drawn Fili's attention to her, Betta had blushed with shame not for her actions but for her thoughts. It was one thing to think of a man that way – she was a woman in the prime of her life and no quest could take that away from her – but to think that way of a dwarf and of this dwarf! It was impossible!
Fili had seen her blush, and she had seen something in his eyes that she did not like. It was the same greedy and possessive gleam that she saw when he spoke of gold, the same gleam that reminded her of the greedy and grasping dwarves that she had met during her travels. Had he guessed her thoughts? She had escaped from the brother's company as quickly as she could to be sure that he could not.
Once she had reached the safety of the hillside, Betta had laughed at herself for allowing her imagination to get the better of her reason, but when Fili had joined her and they had stood alone in the cold, he had offered her comfort and there was no mistaking the look in his eyes. There would have been no mistaking it if she had seen it in the eyes of a Man, one of her own race, but Fili was a Dwarf with little love for any folk that was not his own.
Fili was being kind to her, which was strange and very unlike him, but she had saved his brother and he was grateful for it. His careful attention to her injuries, his offer of comfort and his smiles were only awkward expressions of friendship and an overwrought sense of duty. If Betta saw more than that when he looked at her, it was because she was tired and had been out in the cold too long. And if Fili's hands had begun to tremble when he touched her bare arm to bandage her wounds, then it was because he was cold and the strain of the journey was wearing on them all.
Kili groaned, drawing Betta from her thoughts, and he opened his eyes. He looked over at her. "Do not tell my brother, but I shall be lucky to sleep at all wearing this wrap. He tied it too tight and I cannot breathe."
"Would you like me to untie it for you?" she offered.
He shook his head. "No, he is right and for all the discomfort that I feel now it will heal better this way." He cast a furtive glance toward the entrance to the shelter as if he thought his brother were crouched there, waiting to hear him admit to it. "Do not tell him I said that, either."
"Your secret is safe with me," Betta said. She lay down on her blanket and looked up at the stained patterns on the oilcloth. She listened to Kili mutter to himself as he turned this way and that, trying to find a way to lie comfortably. There was no worry that she would be keeping him awake, and so she asked, "Could you explain something to me?"
He sighed and lay still. "What is that?"
"Your uncle, what manner of dwarf is he? You have said that Fili is like him in many ways, and I know that your folk have strong ties to their kin, but Fili says that Erebor is lost. I do not understand why any of you would risk the wrath of a dragon for that. What sort of man would risk the lives of his kin for any kingdom?"
"Which question shall I answer first?" Kili said. "I suppose that you are right and that it is a fool's errand to seek Erebor while the dragon yet lives… Fili thought that you would say as much once you knew our plans. But we are not Men, and you do not reckon upon the selfish nature of a dwarf when it comes to what he deems his own. Any kingdom, you say? Not any, but ours… or at least, our uncle's. Thorin would be King under the Mountain if it were not for the dragon – do not think that he has forgotten it even though a hundred years should pass. And Fili would be a prince in line to inherit a mountain of gold. He would not be, as he often thinks himself, a beggar-dwarf forging trinkets for men who would not know silver from tin."
"He certainly does not give one the impression that he thinks himself a beggar," Betta said quietly. "Then he is truly a prince to your people? But Thorin is your uncle, not your father."
"Fili is the elder of us two, and Thorin has no children of his own."
Betta frowned unhappily, but Kili did not notice. He was thinking to himself of many things. He had always been glad to be born the younger brother with all the rights and hardly any of the duty, but he had seldom bothered with wondering what it was like to be the elder brother. Fili had always been more serious, more reliable and more responsible, but was that his nature, or had he become that way because it was expected of him? If Thorin had had a son of his own, what life would Fili have led with the freedom of being only a cousin to the king rather than his heir?
"It is true that Fili is very much like Thorin," Kili said, thoughtfully. "They are both gloomy and far too serious, and both are too stubborn for their own good. But Fili is also very generous. If there is gold at the end of our journey, he will do right by you and not attempt to cheat you of a single ounce. It is not my place to say, but I think that Thorin values his gold more dearly than is right, even for a dwarf. But in that he is like to his father and grandfather… or so I have heard it said. I never met Thrain or Thror."
Betta had sat up and was listening with great interest, and Kili could seldom resist an audience. He was proud of his brother and had few chances to talk him up when they were at Ered Luin among other dwarves who knew him already and would only roll their eyes at Kili's bragging.
"Fili values his rights, in his own way, and he is held in high esteem by the dwarves of Ered Luin. That is why he is so stubborn to follow his own will and does not eagerly take the council of others. He is the eldest brother and Thorin's declared heir; that comes with a great deal of responsibility, and it is a title that I am glad I do not hold, but I know that Fili will live up to it. He was born too late to take part in any of the great wars, but perhaps with this quests and the journey to reclaim Erebor, he shall earn honor enough to equal his pride and the respect that he is due."
Betta frowned and shook her head. "I did not know that your people were so…" She searched her mind but could not think how to explain her feelings there. Pride and stubbornness were not traits that she highly valued, having watched helplessly as they brought low her father.
Kili saw the confusion on her face, and he smiled. He would have raised himself up on his elbow to look at her, but his wrapped ribs would not let him do it. He settled for turning his shoulders and looking around the fire at her. "You have traveled farther than most of your kind, and have many more dealings with dwarves than them, but even you must realize that your experience does little to help you understand our folk. The face that a dwarf would show to you is not his true face; we are a secretive people."
"Some of you more so than others," she said, thinking of the honest way that Fili had begun to smile upon her, and the open gaze he had given her upon the hillside not long ago.
"All of us," Kili insisted.
She shook her head. "Then you think that I should not trust you or your brother? How do I know that you have told me the truth if your people wear such masks as you describe?"
"Well…" Kili hesitated. "There are dwarves, and then there are dwarves, as you must have seen, and not all of our folk are respectable. Very few of them would have agreed to your quest, and not all of those could be trusted to keep their word if there was found-gold at the journey's end, either." He could see that she was not convinced and quickly added, "My brother will do honorably by you. I promise you that. You have no reason to doubt us. I can think of not one other dwarf that would have trusted you the way my brother and I have done."
"And why have you trusted me?"
Kili lay back and looked up at the roof of the shelter. "For my part, I do not know. Fili would say that it is because I am young and foolish, but that is no answer. Perhaps it is because, when we first met, you had your secrets also and you guarded them well; in that, you are more like to a dwarf than the other tall folk that I have met. Fili has said it, too, that you are like a dwarf-woman, and I find it strange that he would think so."
That was no proper answer, he knew, but she did not press him on it. She sat and he lay in silence for some time while the fire crackled and burned low.
"You also asked why Thorin would risk his kin to regain his kingdom," Kili said to break the circle of his wandering thoughts, "but that answer you know already. He would not risk our lives. He refused to take us with him when we asked to go because he wished to keep us safe, and we are here now with you to prove that he must take us. A better question is why my brother and I are determined to follow our uncle east."
"Then I shall ask, why are you?" she said.
Kili smiled. "Because Thorin is not only our uncle. If he were it would be enough, but he is also our lord and would be called King if he had not refused to carry that title with him into exile. He is proud and grim, more so than Fili, and smiles even less than my brother smiles. You would be afraid to confront him the way that you have Fili! But Thorin is a good ruler of our people at Ered Luin. He has seen them through many hard times and that alone should earn the loyalty of all his people.
"Would you say that is reason enough to follow him toward probable death?" Kili shook his head. "If it is not, then I cannot answer your question. Thorin is our uncle, and our mother's brother. We have no other family. If he seeks the dragon, then Fili and I will go with him. If he still refused to take us, then we shall follow him, dogging at his heels. We will fight and die beside him if that is what must be. There is no other way."
Betta looked up at him. "You surprise me, Kili. I would expect to hear those words from your brother. With him there is never any other way but the one that he has chosen."
"You do not know Fili as well as you think you do if you believe that there is no doubt in his heart."
Kili frowned and looked over at her again. "Why do you search for the roots of your father's family tree? You were not close to him. Your kind has never been strongly tied to their kin, and yet you risk yourself here for a family line that you know nothing about. You might have made a new life in warmer lands, for I do not doubt that you are strong enough to do. Why did you chose the northern road?"
He was smiling again, but Betta gave his question serious thought. "I suppose that, like you, I saw no other way," she said. "Perhaps I searched for a treasure that I did not think would dwell in the southern lands…"
Kili searched her face. "You seem to doubt your choice tonight," he said.
"If you think that, then you do not know my heart so well," she said, shaking her head. "I know my choice was right and it is something else entirely that causes me to doubt. I wonder if I will be strong enough to see my part of this journey through until the end, and my doubts are not lessened now that I find I have brought two friends along with me into danger.
"As you have said, you did not bring us. My brother and I forced our way onto your quest."
"You did, but that does not change my mind about it." She sighed and thought of Kili nearly dying between the jaws of a wolf, and of Fili's soft lips lightly brushed against her fingers. "I have not met your uncle, but I wonder if I do not understand better than you his reasons for denying you and your brother a place on the journey to Erebor."
Kili frowned and lay back on his blanket. He thought of his brother, out alone in the cold and wished that Fili had been there to hear their conversation. Betta's words might have improved Fili's opinion of her, and Fili certainly would have had a better answer to her questions that Kili had.
"Well, I might at least say for you that you do not lead my brother and I on to face down a dragon," Kili said, laughing. "I do not look forward to that part of our future quest, and I am glad that Thorin has kept his plans secret. That sort of gossip has a way of travelling faster than tongues can wag, and it would not do to learn too late that the devilish worm has had word of our coming."
"No. No, it would not do…" Betta closed her eyes and thought of the words written on the back of her pages, the story of a precious sea-jewel that was not what it seemed to be. Now would be the time to come clean, to tell Kili what she knew and what she guessed. He would be sympathetic even if Fili were angry. There was a good chance that the brothers would give up the quest once they knew what lay ahead of them in the north, but at least she would have repaid their friendship with honestly.
And yet, she could not bring herself to do it. She had grown used to their company and could not bear the thought of continuing east alone. She turned on her side with her back to the fire and willed herself to sleep, but her dreams were troubled and she had little rest before Kili woke her in the early morning hours and she went out to take her turn in the cold.