Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the world. I'm simply borrowing them.

Authors note:

I'm so sorry that it has been so long. Here is the third chapter and the longest yet. There's a flashback here and I hope it makes sense. There is some Bangel here, but I assure you this is a Spuffy story. The Bangel had to happen for Buffy to get pregnant after all. I'm trying my best not to bash as I love all three characters dearly. Thanks again to all who have reviewed. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter Three

Buffy rubbed her eyes groggily as she awoke. Her eyes automatically searched for her vampire. The events of the previous night came back to her in a rush. She grabbed Spike's pillow to her. It still smelt like him. Reluctantly she put it down. She suppressed a sob and took a deep breath. Dawn was downstairs, having accompanied her home the previous night. If she starting crying again she might be crying on her sister's shoulder again for a couple of hours. Besides, it was not as if it would accomplish anything besides make her look worse than she already did. She checked her clock and was surprised that it was midday already. Her sister had let her sleep the morning away and she was late for work. She really could not bring herself to care much. No doubt Dawn had rung in with an excuse. Nevertheless, she couldn't stay in bed all day. She grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom.

After a nice long shower, Buffy carefully examined her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. I look like shit, I feel like shit, and I am a piece of shit. She deserved this self loathing. After all she brought it all on herself. She was interrupted from her musings when she heard a hesitant knock on the door.

"Buffy."

Buffy answered the door and let her sister in. Dawn gave her a reassuring hug. "I heard the shower running and I made some pancakes. I figured there might be a hungry slayer."

"Thanks, Dawnie!"

Dawn gave her a sheepish look. "I'm kind of hungry too."

Buffy gave a little laugh at that. "I don't mean for breakfast. Thank you for being there for me."

Dawn took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "What else are sisters for?"

"Thanks, anyway."

Buffy followed her sister into the kitchen, where a delicious smell met her nostrils. Dawn made herself busy and loaded their plates with pancakes. Buffy poured herself a mug of coffee and sat down at the table, while Dawn put her breakfast in front of her. Despite the delicious smell, Buffy could hardly manage more than a few mouthfuls and settled for moving her food around the plate instead.

"You're not feeling nauseous are you?"

Buffy shook her head. She hadn't had any morning sickness yet.

"You should eat," Dawn said. "You are carrying around a little guy or girl in there now."

Buffy rubbed at the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. "I know, but I'm just not hungry."

Dawn's eyes were concerned. "Do you want to talk about it? It might help."

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well, it can't make it any worse," Dawn pointed out.

"That's for sure," Buffy said, with a sad smile.

Just over a month ago..

It had been a hard day and Buffy was feeling aches all over her body. She had spent a day chasing a Churok demon and slaying it had proved to be a nightmare. She had been looking forward to coming home to her vampire at the end of it, but Spike had to leave after he had received a call from a desperate Clem enlisting his help in a vampire problem up the country. Spike had tried calling her several times, but her phone had little or no coverage and in the end he had left an apologetic voice mail. Buffy was pissed. Couldn't he have waited until she arrived home? Stupid vampire. She grabbed the phone and dialled Spike's cell phone number.

"Hello, love." Spike sounded relieved. "I was starting to get worried when I didn't hear from you."

"No coverage, demon who didn't want to die, typical day in the life of Buffy Summers."

His response was a laugh. "Poor Buffy."

"Couldn't you have waited till I came back to leave?" she asked, with a pout.

He sounded contrite. "Sorry, love. Clem was sounding desperate and I haven't had a good spot of violence in a while. I'll make it up to you when I get back."

"You better, because I'm more than a little pissed at you."

"I promise. Name it and old Spike will jump."

"Hmm, maybe massage, chocolate-"

"I'll be your own personal slave, pet." His voice was husky.

She smiled thinking of all the things she could make him do.

"You mean like my very own Spikebot," she quipped. "I'll keep you to that."

Suddenly there was a crash on Spike's end of the phone. She sighed.

"Sorry, love. No rest for the Big Bad. I've got to go. Love you."

He had hung up before she could respond. Things had been easier in a way when he had no soul. There would be no playing knight in shining armour, when there was the prospect of a night in with a horny slayer. Stupid soul.

Buffy replaced the receiver and decided she was in the need of some comfort food. She headed to the freezer and took out a carton of ice-cream. She headed into the sitting room and rifled through her dvd collection. She was about to sit down when the door bell rang. A call this late at night usually meant something bad. She tore over to the door and to her surprise there stood Angel.

He had a huge grin on his face. "Sorry, I didn't call first."

She exclaimed in surprise but remembering her manners she moved out of the way to allow him access. "Come in, Angel. It's good to see you."

He followed her in and looked around the living room. "Nice place, Buffy. Is Spike home?"

"Thanks and no. He's out doing some work for a friend. So what brings you to my doorstep at the time of night?"

He had an earnest childlike expression on his face. "There's something I need to tell you."

Buffy was intrigued and raised her eyebrows.

"Buffy, I'm-" He broke off as if he couldn't get out the word. "I show you instead." His voice was barely more than a whisper. He took her hand and placed it on his chest. He felt warm to the touch and she could feel a steady thrum of a heart beat. Her mouth flew open in surprise as the implication hit her. He was human.

"Oh my god, Angel. I'm so happy for you. How did you do it?" She hugged him impulsively. It was strange to feel his heart beating and his body heat. She pulled away and looked at him.

"It's a long story," he replied, with a little smile.

Buffy shook her head as she headed for the kitchen. "No way do you get not to share. Let's have a drink. I think I've some wine somewhere."

They walked into the kitchen, where she pulled out two glasses and a bottle of red wine. She poured two generous glasses and handed him one.

She gestured to the living room. "Let's sit and you can tell me how you're suddenly all human."

"Have you heard about the Shanshu prophecy?"

"No but it sounds familiar." She screwed up her eyes in thought. "Hang on, Spike mentioned that once you two fought over a shoe. Or was that a cup?"

Angel left out a laugh. "We fought over the Shanshu prophecy and there was a cup involved."

She turned beet red, but despite her embarrassment she laughed too. She was never one for remembering names.

"Spike once said I slay the English language."

Angel snorted between sips of wine. "I hate to admit he's right and I rarely agree with anything that comes out of Spike's mouth."

"Hey!" She playfully punched his arm. "Apologise or you won't get any more wine."

"I'm sorry, Buff."

She poured more wine, and they settled down to chatting once more.

An hour later, she felt giddy with the alcohol buzzing through her system. It was nice to be spending time with Angel again. This reminded her of the days when they were together. She watched as he sipped from the glass and she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss him now with warm lips and a heartbeat. They would actually be able to make love without the fear of the curse. She was with Spike now though, and she loved him. However, Angel could give her those things that she was unable to have with Spike- walks in the sun, children and a normal life. Did he still love her? Did she still love him? She hadn't thought so, but now she wondered. Maybe it was the alcohol, the Shanshu or the possibility of a different future? They were sitting close together and suddenly she felt the familiar press of his lips to hers. She kissed him back. It felt strange for those lips to be warm, but they tasted the same. She was sixteen again and she didn't have to think just feel. She just revelled in the sensations- his breath, his heart beating and the warmth of him. She pushed all thoughts of her actual boyfriend out of her mind. Their kisses got steadily more frantic and hands were wandering exploring forgotten territory. She knew where this was leading, and that she should put a stop to it now. She didn't though.

The following morning, reality finally caught up with Buffy. She awoke to find Angel in her bed and the realisation that she had cheated on Spike. She had sex with Angel in her and Spike's bed. Oh my God, what have I done? What if Spike finds out? The very thought of it turned her blood cold. Suddenly the questions that plagued her the night before were answered. She was over Angel and Spike was the one she loved. She had to get Angel out of the bed. He didn't appear to be stirring.

"Angel!" she called out his name and his eyes fluttered open.

He looked at her blearily for a moment before giving her a slow, satisfied grin. Her heart dropped. She had to tell him this was an awful mistake and now he was going to hate her, like Spike would if he knew. Buffy licked her lips in nervousness. Angel mistook the gesture and made to kiss her. She pushed him away and slipped out from the tangled bed clothes. There was hurt and confusion etched on his features. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I just let myself get carried away. I have a great life here with Spike and I love him."

"You love him?" Angel shook his head disbelievingly. "No, you can't! You care about him, but it's me you love. Otherwise, you would not have been making love to me last night."

Buffy looked at him sadly. "I have a history of making the most stupid decisions when it comes to sex. Angel, you have no idea-"

"But Buffy-"

"You have to go. I am sorry. Last night was special, like a dream come true. But that is all it was. I am not a little girl anymore and I'm not in love with you. I really don't know what I was thinking and I hate myself for hurting you."

Angel seemed to finally get the message. He reached for his clothes and pulled them on, while Buffy fought back the tears.

"Maybe you just need some time," Angel suggested softly once he was dressed.

Buffy shook her head, but Angel didn't look convinced. She grasped his arm and pleaded with him. "Don't tell Spike, please. He would never forgive me."

Angel didn't answer just giving her a wounded look, and she just hoped that he would keep his mouth shut. He left the room and a moment later she heard the front door slam.

Dawn had listened without comment to the story. Buffy knew that her sister was disappointed in her, but it felt good to share the burden. She had kept this to herself for so long.

"Oh Buffy, what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't obviously."

"When are you going to tell Angel?"

"What?"

Dawn had an adamant look on her face. "Buffy, you have to! You don't want him finding out this from somebody else. It needs to come from you."

Buffy knew she had a point but it really was not something that was best delivered on the phone. Moreover she didn't know where to start. "How do you deliver that news? Hey Angel, remember that time we boinked? Great, you do! Well, now we're pregnant!"

Dawn looked her directly in the eye. "You know I'm right."

"Maybe," she admitted. "I'm just not ready to tell him yet. Look we have time. It's not as if they're in danger of running into each other."

Dawn sighed. "Buffy, I wouldn't be surprised if Spike managed to run into him, and he's pissed enough to kill him on sight."

"Dawnie, don't say that!"

"Buffy, I'm sorry but you have to man up. You have to take responsibility for your actions."

The slayer had been expecting this. Dawn had always been loyal to Spike and regarded him as an older brother. She knew that her sister had been on the cusp of saying something many times but she had bitten her tongue.

"I know I screwed up big time and I don't deserve sympathy."

"Being your sister means I don't have to sugar coat it. You know I love you no matter what type of bitch you're being."

Buffy couldn't help the tiny smile her sister's banter had brought. "I love you too, Dawnie!"

Both women were quite for a moment. Next to her, Dawn probably knew Spike the best. She might know where he was. "Where do you think he is?"

"Buffy, I don't know, but even if I did I wouldn't tell you. You have to give him time. He deserves that at least."

"I know," she admitted.

"I really need to leave." Dawn looked apologetic. "Will you be alright?"

"Of course," Buffy lied. "You're needed at home."

Dawn gave her one last hug and headed out the door. Buffy gazed around the room looking for something to occupy her mind. Her sister had cleaned the place from top to bottom as far as she could see. Her eyes lingered on the phone. She had told Dawn that she accepted that Spike needed time, but it couldn't hurt to try and talk to him. There were several unsuccessful attempts the night before, but she desperately wanted to hear his voice. She picked up the phone and dialled his cell phone number. The phone rang twice before the call disconnected. She sighed but resolved to try again. After all he couldn't ignore her forever, could he?

To be continued...

Please let me know what you think.