All things considered, I'd say that being stabbed in the heart with razor sharp Adamantium claws is not what I'd call a fun experience.

About the only good thing I have to say about it is that at least I didn't die. Which is a pretty significant accomplishment when you think about it. Most folks who are stabbed through the chest with razor sharp Adamantium claws don't live long enough to complain about it.

I have vague memories of being carried into the X-Men's Blackbird aircraft. I can recall snatches of conversation between the X-Men as they tried to keep me alive. Angry accusations from Rogue and Remy that were met with indifferent replies from Wolverine while Hank and Kitty worked on keeping me alive.

"Ah can't believe you, Logan!"

"Remy think that maybe Logan's mask is too tight or he'd realize that trying to kill Remy's best friend right in front of him was not a smart thing to do."

"You both saw what he did. We can't trust him. He'll do this again. You think he's your friend, but he'll choose power over you every time."

"When we first met, I asked Kyle if he was a good man." It was the cool voice of Emma Frost. "He said, 'I was, once.' He's not what you think he is, Logan. If he had been, he wouldn't have been so honest with me."

"Doesn't matter what I think- or you either." I could practically hear Wolverine shrug. (Yeah, he's not Logan to me. I don't tend to feel friendly with people who stab me in the back … literally.) "He's not going to die."

"'Cause you were nice enough not to kill him?"

"Oh I was trying to kill him all right. And he should have died. But he's healing right now. I can smell it."

"He's right. While I would like to claim to be the greatest doctor since another McCoy we all know and love from a well-known science fiction program, Kyle should have died before I was able to administer any first aid to him. I can literally see the wounds close."

I opened my eyes. It hurt. "She won't let me die." Speaking hurt too. Breathing wasn't a walk in the park either. In fact everything hurt.

"Sugah! You're awake!"

"Umar. She won't let me die. Not at anyone else's hands. She wants me to be around when she does find her way back. She wants to finish me herself."

"But isn't she dead now?"

"She's a Faltine. She can't die. Not by anything I can conjure up." I tried to turn my head to look at Wolverine … and yep. You guessed it. That hurt too. "You aren't going to try to kill me again, are you?"

"Not right now, no."

Notice how he wasn't saying anything about the future? Yeah. I did too.

"Good. 'Cause unless we really need to talk any more I'm going to pass out again. That cool with everyone?"

Whether it was or not, I did it anyway.

I woke up in my bed... well not really my bed … but the one that was in the room that the X-Men had let me stay in before.

I wasn't alone.

Remy was seated in a chair to my left, dozing lightly. Rogue was in a chair to my right. She was smiling at me. "How are you feelin', Kyle?"

"Better than I was."

"Hank thought there weren't much sense in putting you back in the infirmary since you were practically all healed up when we got back to the mansion. Remy and I thought we better stay with you in case Logan decided to try to kill you again."

"Is he likely to do that?" I admit that I woke up a bit more at the thought of Wolverine and his built-in Ginsu knives.

"No. Logan, he not big on subtlety." Remy yawned. "He want to kill you, he won't lie about it."

"That's something anyway." I closed my eyes again. Lady? Umar? Can you hear me?

Silence.

It's a strange thing, but I felt a strange sense of loss at that silence. The Lady- Umar- had been a constant- if immaterial- presence in my life for over ten years. I could barely remember who I had been before she came into my life. For good or ill, she had made me into the man I had become.

And now she was gone.

I was alone.

My life's work was done.

I had no idea what I was going to do now.

I had no idea who I was now.

Something of what I was feeling must have shown on my face for I felt a gentle lace gloved hand lightly caress my cheek.

"Kyle, it's okay, sugah. We're here. You ain't alone. You hear me? You ain't alone."

"Thanks, sugar." I smiled up at her. I still felt the emptiness, but it wasn't quite as encompassing as it had been before. "I appreciate it."

"Remy think that you should go back to sleep, Kyle. You look like hell, mon ami. Don't worry. We be here when you wake up. Rogue and Remy, they always be here for Kyle."

I smiled at that. "That's good to know."

And the funny thing is, I did believe it.

I cared about Rogue. I cared about her a lot more than I probably should have given how little time the two of us had actually spent together. I cared about her a lot more than was probably good for me given how complicated things were.

And then there was Gambit. Remy.

He was my friend. He had called me his best friend- and I had believed him. Like Rogue, we hadn't spent enough time together to realistically have such a strong bond- and the fact that I felt for Rogue as intensely as I did should have made friendship unlikely to say the least.

But he was my friend. The best friend I had had in years … maybe in my entire life.

Only I could wind up in such a screwed up situation.

I sighed and closed my eyes again.

I was still scared that the moment I turned around Wolverine would pop up like some short hairy Canadian Freddy Kruger … but I was still too tired to care …

Much.

I literally had no idea what I was going to do with my life now, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay with the X-Men. Not forever. There was no place for me there.

Maybe there was no place for me anywhere.

And maybe … maybe that was what I deserved.

I had screwed up … messed up so badly that only the fact that my life had gotten tangled up with the X-Men had let me fix my mistakes before the world paid the price for my greed, my arrogance … my compete and total lack of common sense.

I had helped saved the world from Umar... but it never would have been in danger at all if not for me. Try as I might, there was only conclusion I could make:

I'm an idiot.

But at least I was an idiot with people who cared about me.

"Will you guys be here when I wake up?"

"Mon ami." And I felt Remy take one of my hands while Rogue took the other. "We will ALWAYS be here."

And I closed my eyes and slept.