A/N: Mature content ahead. You have been warned!

Eight and a Half

By ImagineBackstory

Chapter Ten – The Reversal & The Return Home

Jess

"Twenty minutes?"

I pushed her against the wall of the theatre, safely out of sight of any prying eyes. Her hands were swiftly exploring my torso and I could feel her heart beating against my chest as I pressed my body into hers, wedging her between myself and the wall. I attacked her neck with my lips, trailing hot wet kisses down to her collarbone and back up to nibble on her ear. "Fifteen," I corrected her breathlessly, and when I kissed her properly all my inhibitions simply disappeared. I couldn't remember feeling desire so strong in such a short period of time. I pressed my want into Rory's hips and heard her groan in response, her fingers clutching at my shirt, pulling it untucked from my pants.

Running my hands down her body, I cupped them underneath her thighs and lifted her, pressing her up against the wall as I let the vee of her body cradle my hips. I could feel the heat of her through the thin layers of clothing that separated us, and I grunted, undulating against her. A strangled cry escaped her lips and I silenced her by tangling my tongue with her own, and it was all I could do not to take her right then and there, especially when I felt her teeth graze my bottom lip and tug lightly. This time it was my turn to moan into the delicious cavern of her mouth.

I tensed as I felt Rory's small fingers working on the buttons of my vest, prying it open, before sliding lower still to tug at my belt. I pulled back momentarily to stare at her as she fiddled with the difficult buckle. Her eyes were dark with lust, lips puffy and bruised from the rough kisses we had shared. She reached up one hand to tangle in my hair, pulling my mouth back to hers, as the other hand slid the punctured end of my belt from its captive buckle between our connected hips. I was almost at the point of no return and I knew if I let this go any further there would be no stopping me.

"Rory," I groaned in warning as her fingers grappled at the button of my slacks, "stop."

She froze, pulling back to look at me, confusion and hurt washing across her face. "What's wrong?"

I sighed, just as frustrated as she was. "Not like this, Rory. Not here, not now."

Her chest heaved as she stared at me, her face eye-level with mine as I held her hoisted against the wall. Her hands remained immobile on my belt. "But..." she practically whined.

"I know," I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers.

"Hotel?" she asked.

My breath hitched, but I had to shake my head. "You have to...watch the show."

She nodded, trying to catch her breath. She wasn't even heavy. I could have easily taken her against this wall. The thought made my heart ache and my intimate parts twitch. I was silently cursing the romantic side of me that had always wanted my first time with Rory to be special and intimate. Banging against a wall in a relatively public place, albeit sexy, definitely wasn't romantic, and I couldn't bring myself to put those feelings aside and just follow my basic primal instincts. And of course, the little nagging voice in my head kept reminding me that Nora was nearby, inside the theatre, oblivious to my tryst out here on the patio. Or perhaps not so oblivious, which was worse.

She squirmed in my grip, elliciting a wayward moan from me, and I released her, setting her down on her feet in front of me. "I'm sorry, Ror," I said quietly as she smoothed out her dress. "But you know this is a bad idea."

"I know," she sighed defeatedly, reaching up to let her hair down from its now dishevelled up-do. Her long, brown locks fell in soft waves past her shoulders, and I noted in that moment how long her hair had gotten. Even now, in its curly state, it fell past her breasts. "I just don't care right now," she added, pouting.

"Yes, you do." I circled her with my arms, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. "Think about James, and Nora. This is wrong."

"This isn't about them," she said, but I could tell she knew I was right. Her judgment, much like mine, was clouded by desire. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Well, you're driving me crazy, if that's what you mean," I admitted, smirking down at her, "but only in the best way possible."

A smile played on her lips and she hid her face in my shoulder, her fingers curling in my shirt front. "We can't do this." It wasn't a question. It was the pure and hard fact. Timing had never been mine and Rory's strong suit.

"We've been here before, Rory," I reminded her gently. "Twice, actually. Have you cheated on all your boyfriends with me?"

She looked genuinely insulted. "There were others between Logan and James," she protested.

I bit my lip. "Regardless. Remember how it turned out?" Of course, as far as Dean and Logan were concerned, those had been a couple of relatively chaste kisses rather than dry humping against a wall, but tomayto, tomahto.

She was staring at my Adam's apple, her breath tickling my collarbone. "Jess," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, "since when are you the rational one?"

I chuckled, my fingers coming up to tangle in her long hair. "Trust me, not all of me is being totally rational right now."

A blush bloomed across her cheeks and I knew she could feel the evidence of that against her abdomen. "Ah... so, this is new," she said quietly, biting her lip.

Damn. When she looked up at me like that, I almost lost it. She was right. This was new to both of us. It's not like I'd never been sprung the few times we'd gotten hot and heavy when we were together as teenagers, but those moments had been brief and still rather chaste compared to this. I was starting to see a side of Rory that I had never gotten the privilege of seeing before, the side that wasn't as sweet and sugary as the rest of the world perceived her. For all my teenaged fantasizing and the curiosity I had always felt regarding Rory's sexuality, I had imagined her being a shy and submissive lover. But her demanding hands and wanton attack on my mouth was beginning to prove me wrong, which only made my curiosity that much stronger.

And on that note, I finally released her, knowing I was far too close to just giving in to my carnal instincts. I stepped back a bit, rubbing a hand over the back of my head almost sheepishly. "I'm sorry. That got out of hand."

"Don't be sorry," she replied. "It's not like I was stopping you."

My eyebrows shot up. "That, you weren't."

"Jess, um." She paused to smooth out her dress and find the words she wanted to say. "I don't know what this is, between us. What I'm doing, what you're doing to me. But I'm tired of denying that whatever this is—it's here. And it's real. And...it's not going away so long as we're near each-other. This has...this has been about ten years in the making, and...it's just so much..."

I nodded, silently doing up my belt and tucking my shirt back in. I wanted to tell her everything I was feeling—the realization that I still loved her, the ache I felt to touch her, that for once my fight-or-flight instinct wasn't kicking in and ruining everything—but I felt my walls go up again, felt the guilt eating away at my gut, heard Nora's name in the blood rushing in my ears. Was this what being a responsible adult felt like? I knew I was no longer the impulsive, ne'er a care teenager I once was, but I had always thought of myself as one to give in to most desires, to live and let live no matter the consequence. The difference was that unlike teenaged me, I now had something to lose. And that was my girlfriend, and if I lost her, I'd lose everything else: my job, my home, my company, my life. The life I had created for myself, from scratch. Yes, I loved Rory. But with the way things were, I couldn't risk everything in a bet on her, because she was now so upredictable it made my head spin.

I sighed, hating myself as I said what I knew I had to say. "Maybe we shouldn't be near each-other, then."

Her face pinched with hurt and I barely resisted the urge to reach out and smooth away the crease in between her eyebrows. I hated hurting Rory, even though it was something I'd mastered over the years. She looked away, folding her arms across her chest. "Yeah. Maybe," she said firmly. She lifted her eyes to mine, and they were hard, determined. "But that's not going to happen is it? It can't, with us. You know it. I know it. Why are we fighting this, Jess?"

I couldn't suppress a chuckle at the irony of the situation. "This is a bit of a reversal, huh?"

She frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"

"You asking me to be with you. Unfamiliar territory."

She exhaled loudly, her cheeks turning pink. "Come on, Jess, stop joking around," she snapped. "I'm serious. Look at us! Eight and a half years with no contact and here we are again. After everything we've been through, even though we broke up ten years ago—we can't stay away from each-other, Jess. That's evident, now."

A coil of anger began clenching in my gut as I raised an eyebrow. "That's not fair, Rory."

"What's not fair is that you're lying to me!" she cried. "And you're lying to yourself, too."

I looked away, then, too mad to be able to look her in the eye. I shoved my hands in my pockets. "No, Rory," I said, my voice low, dark. "It's not fair because I already gave you this chance. Three times I've asked you to be with me, no matter what anyone said or thought, to forget everything and everyone and just be with me. The first time, it worked, but I blew it, I know that. I was a shitty boyfriend and I let you down. But the other two times, I was ready for you, Rory. At Yale, in Philly. But you didn't want me, then. You'd moved on. You were the one with something to lose. And now you have James, and Rory, now I have a life, too. All those times I asked you, I didn't really expect you to drop everything for me, and it's not fair for you to expect me to do the same, now."

She bit her quivering lower lip stared down at her feet, blinking rapidly to clear tears away. "That was so long ago, Jess..." she said quietly.

"It doesn't matter," I replied gently. "You were...you were the one that got away. That kind of hurt...it doesn't heal, even after so many years. It doesn't just go away."

"So, that's it?" she burst, throwing her arms out. "This is your revenge for me hurting you? You want to get even, is that it?"

I rolled my eyes before I could stop myself. "It's not about you, Rory."

"Bullshit," she spat. She bent to collect her discarded purse and clipped past me, her heels shotgunning off the cold marble of the patio floor. "This was a mistake."

"I couldn't agree more," I hissed at her back.

She turned as she pulled the door open, fixing me one last withering glare before she stormed inside, letting the door bang shut behind her.

Figuring we shouldn't enter the theatre together, I watched her go, scrubbing a hand over my jaw, my heart sinking down to my toes. Taking a seat once again on the bench, I downed my beer and the rest of hers, and lit up yet another cigarette. I hadn't known any of those things I'd said to be true until I'd said them. I told myself it wasn't revenge; I was just protecting myself. I couldn't let her hurt me again, not with our history, not with my current situation. As much as I loved that girl...I just couldn't do that to myself. Or to Nora.

I groaned, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. Nora. How was I supposed to face her after the show? She could read me like a book; she'd know something was up, especially since I had all but disappeared before the show started.

I took my phone out of my pocket and sent Nora a quick text.

Must have some sort of stomach bug. Gonna head home. Sorry babe. Love you.

God, I was such an asshole.

Rory

Of fucking course, the goddamn play was all about a pair of ex-lovers who found each-other again later in life, and all the drama and heartache that went along with it. As I sat there in the theatre, dealing with the uncomfortable evidence of mine and Jess' activities between my thighs, I found myself bawling my eyes out during the play's climactic scene where the characters decided they just weren't able to be together. Thank god it was generally an emotional play so I wasn't the only one crying, but I was literally snotting everywhere, and it wasn't pretty. The gentleman next to me sympathetically handed me a pack of tissues which I quickly went through.

As I left the theatre, emotionally drained and completely humiliated, I worried about how the hell I was going to write a review about this show while keeping personal influences out of it. Thinking about it now was just painful, but I knew I would have to spend at least a few days analyzing and writing about it, and potentially answering reader comments and questions in issues to follow.

Have you cheated on all your boyfriends with me?

Dean, Logan, James. They were the most serious boyfriends I'd had besides Jess himself—yes, I'd dated a bit after turning down Logan's proposal and before meeting James four years later, but none had lasted as long as even Dean had, and that had been off-and-on only a couple years. Was I a serial cheater? Or was it just that Jess had some sort of supernatural influence over me that I could never resist? Why was it always him? Why did he have the power to undo me over and over again?

I had forgotten the sheer power of being hurt by Jess Mariano. I dearly wished I'd never been reminded.

I had a good long talk with myself that night as I sat in the shower upon returning to the hotel. I came up with a plan: I was going back to New Haven. I was going to write the review of the play immediately, just get it over with, and send it to Tucker. Then, I was going to phone James until he finally picked up, and if he still didn't, I was going to fly to Ireland myself and make him talk to me. I was going to beg for his forgiveness, which I knew he would eventually grant me, and I would meet his family, and then we would return home together and go back to the way things were before we travelled to Stars Hollow for the wedding, and begin the process of planning all over again. Perfect, harmonious, and competely ex-free.

There were no cons to this list. I was swearing off Jess and checking into Mariano Rehab as a top priority patient, starting immediately.

Yeah, right.

The next day, the heat radiating off the leather seats of my car threatened to suffocate me singlehandedly. New York was a killer in the summertime. Point duly noted. Suddenly far too hot, I opted to roll my windows down because the AC just wasn't cutting it. As I began the long drive back to New Haven, I had what if scenarios playing over and over in my head. What if he hadn't stopped me? What if I'd gotten his belt undone, what then? What if we had just let ourselves explore, do what we felt in the moment? What if I had finally discovered what Jess Mariano felt like?

Shaking my head to clear the blasphemous thoughts, I stepped on the gas, speeding the rest of the way home.

The TV was on as I finally barged into my apartment, dragging my suitcase behind me while balancing my coffee tumbler and my keys in my other hand. "Hello?" I called out with uncertainty, wondering if Lane or Paris had stopped by to house-sit or feed the cat.

"Rory?" came the soft reply.

I nearly dropped my coffee as I bounded into the living room, and promptly burst into tears when I saw James lounging there, on our couch, Sherlock curled comfortably in his lap. "Oh my god," I sobbed, placing my face in my hands. "You're here."

"Surprise?" he asked, a confused grin on his face. He stood and came to me, pulling me in for a tender hug. "Hey, hey. I didn't expect this reaction."

I pressed my face into his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of soap and tobacco, and wrapped my arms around him. He was stocky and he gave the very best hugs; I'd nearly forgotten. He pulled back slightly to place a gentle kiss on my lips, beaming down at me with a playful twinkle in his eye. "Everything okay?"

"It is now," I replied, returning his smile before hugging him tightly as I shed the last of my tears.

We moved onto the couch, me curling into his side as he rested his arm casually over the back of the couch, his hand coming down to stroke my hair lazily. I sighed, closing my eyes, suddenly feeling very sleepy. "I owe you an apology," I said quietly. "And an explanation."

"Yes. You do." James cleared his throat. "It seems we have a lot to catch up on."

I sat up, wiping my face, and looked at him, curling my legs up and under me. "I am so, so sorry," I began, my fingers meshing nervously. "I should have told you about New York, and the Times. But the reason I didn't is not because I wanted to hide anything from you or lie to you. I just knew you were going through such a rough time with your mom and everything, and I didn't want to take any attention away from you because I got the article with the Times. I just felt guilty; you were going through so much, I didn't want to be happy if you weren't."

"Rory," he groaned, taking my hands in his. "You really think I would have thought of it that way? You know that when it comes to your accomplishments, I will always support you, I will always be happy for you, regardless of what's going on in my life. It was just silly of you to even think like that."

"I know, I know," I replied quickly, shaking my head. "It was stupid. And I'm sorry. There was just so much going on; I didn't handle it properly. At all. I know."

He sat there for a moment, contemplating my words. His thumb brushed absently over the back of my hand. "And...Jess?" he asked quietly.

I swallowed, knowing this moment had been coming. "Jess is...Jess is Jess," I said, staring down at our entwined fingers. "It's kind of a long story."

"I'm listening." His voice had an edge to it, now. Oh, boy.

"He's Luke's nephew," I explained. "I've known him since we were, like, seventeen. He lived in Stars Hollow for a while. We had a...turbulant relationship."

"So you dated." It wasn't a question.

I bit my lip. "Yes. Briefly. A few months. But we were teenagers and...he left. And that was that."

"That doesn't seem like a very long story to me," James sniffed, pressing his lips together. "I'm having a hard time believing that was that."

"He was...he was my best friend, and my first real love, I think," I said. "He really hurt me, more than once. And we weren't really ever able to be friends after he left. It still kind of hurts, and he's...hard to talk about. That's why I never mentioned him to you before."

"You say he left. Where did he go?"

"A lot of places," I said. "Before I mailed him the invitation to the wedding I didn't even know he was living in New York. Last I'd heard he was in Philadelphia."

"Yeah, about that. You never told me you'd invited him to our wedding. A heads-up would have been nice," James added bitterly.

I nodded, squeezing his hands. "I know. I just never really expected Jess to show up. It was more of a courtesy thing, really. After all, now that Mom and Luke are practically married he and I are technically related. Like, common-law step-cousins, or whatever." Ew. I hadn't even thought of that.

He ran a hand through his short blond curls, sighing. "Rory, you have to understand how this looks to me," he said. "You didn't tell me where you were, what was going on. Then I phone you and some bloke I'd never heard of answers and says you'd left your phone at his place...what was I supposed to think?"

"I know, it looked really bad. But it was nothing, really. We grabbed a drink and caught up a bit. We shared a cab, and I went up to his place to borrow a book from him, and ended up leaving my phone. Then I went to my hotel for the night. I went over the next day to collect my phone, and that was that."

Why was I lying?

Because even I couldn't face the truth at that moment. It was just too painful, too unreal, to me.

He'd let go of my hands, but now he took them again. "Rory, you've never given me a reason not to trust you before. I know I'm a jealous man, unfortunately, as you know, I haven't had the greatest experiences with women in the past. But I don't want to be that guy who takes that all out on you. So please, don't give me a reason not to trust you now. Tell me that you're telling the truth."

Because I was a terrible person, I looked him straight in the eyes, and lied. "It's the truth."

He hugged me, then, and that was that.

A/N: This chapter took me awhile to write; I kept starting it and not being happy with it, so I scrapped it a few times before I was finally satisfied.

Let me know what you think! You guys' reviews are seriously SO helpful.