Eight and a Half

By Imagine Backstory

Chapter Eighteen – Everyone Can See That This Still Works

Jess

I said good-bye and locked the door behind Rory, her being the last to leave for the night. When I turned, Isabel was standing in the middle of the room, her hands on her hips, looking at me like I was a dog that had shit on her carpet. "What?" I asked innocently, but I could feel the stupid grin on my face.

She rolled her eyes and stalked back behind the counter to count the till. "I can't believe you. You're such an idiot," she spat, slamming the till drawer onto the counter. The coins rattled for dramatic effect. "That was the Rory, wasn't it? That girl Nora was always worried about? You guys broke up only two months ago and you're already philandering with the girl who broke your heart, what, three times? Isn't she married?"

My grin was long gone. Now I was pissed. "Whoa, whoa. Since when is any of this your business?" I stepped up to the counter, leaning on my spread palms. "First of all, she broke my heart twice, and I broke hers too, might I add—"

"Oh that makes such a difference, I feel much better now," Isabel bit out sarcastically.

I carried right on, ignoring her. "And she's not married, she's...well, she's engaged. But that's not married. And she doesn't want to get married anyway! Why can't you be happy for me?"

"Happy for you?" she cried, incredulous. "About what, exactly? That you're up there making out with an engaged woman two months after your girlfriend of five fucking years left you without warning? It is my business, Jess." She ripped a new roll of quarters open. "I work with you. You're living on my couch. I've had to put up with you moping around and I've had to be the supportive best friend for weeks—no, months! And of course I'm glad to do that, and I mean you can crash on my couch any goddamn time. But for Chrissakes, are you really so self-destructive that you're willing to throw away all these years that it's taken you to get over that girl? While you were with Nora, might I add, who, might I also add, is also one of my best friends?" She slapped her hands down, bracing herself on the counter for a moment while she collected herself. I had never seen Isabel so angry. She took a few deep breaths before speaking again. "Look. Jess. I love you, okay? You now that. You're my best friend. We've been through a lot of shit together. I know these past couple of months have been hard on you, and it kills me to see you so broken. But they've been hard on me, too. To be perfectly frank, you living at my place has kinda put a strain on me and Justin, and I've had to pick up a lot of your slack at work because you're so distracted all the time, not to mention I've now taken over Nora's job, too. What I'm trying to say is, for fuck's sakes, for the love of fucking god himself—do not pursue Rory. Not now, not ever."

I pursed my lips, feeling the vein in my neck throbbing as I fought for control. My fingers were gripping the counter so hard my knuckles were turning white. "Fine," I growled, reaching to grab my coat. "If that's how you really feel, I'll be out of your place before you get home tonight."

She sighed, loud and exasperated. "No, Jess, that's not what I meant."

"Just—save it, okay?" I went and unlocked the door, some loose snow flakes blowing into the room as I opened it.

She called after me, "Jess, no—wait!"

"Just fuck off, Izzy!" I yelled, and slammed the door behind me.

Rory

I shut the door softly behind me and tiptoed around as I shed my jacket and boots. The room was dark and I figured James was asleep—but as I approached the bed I found it empty. Glancing around, I saw a sliver of light under the sliding door to the bathroom, and when I pricked my ears I could hear the sound of James brushing his teeth. I quietly got changed into my pyjamas and swept my hair into a bun on top of my head, then turned on the bedside lamp and climbed into bed to read.

The water ran briefly and then James appeared from the bathroom, jumping when he saw me sitting there. "Christ!" he swore, placing a hand over his heart. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Just got here," I said, putting my book aside as he climbed into bed with me. "I'm just gonna go wash up."

After I'd washed my face and brushed my teeth, I got back into bed. He was staring out the window with glazed eyes, obviously zoned out. Playfully, I snapped my fingers in front of his face. "Earth to James," I said with a smile.

He caught my hand and kissed my fingertips, pausing at the one with my engagement ring on it. "Can I ask you something?" he said quietly, studying my ring intently.

"Anything," I replied, leaning onto his shoulder to join him in admiring the ring.

"Do you want to marry me, Rory?" he asked, his eyes never leaving my ring.

I put my hand down, glancing at him seriously. "What?"

"I'm serious." He met my eyes, and his were full of pain. "I'm asking you if you want to marry me. I'd really appreciate an honest answer."

"Of course I do," I said, frowning. I took his hand in mine. "Where is this coming from, honey?"

He leaned forward and grabbed something from the end of the bed. It was my phone, which I only now realized I had left behind. "Your boss kept texting you asking if you were at Truncheon Books," he explained, his fingers curling in the bedspread. "I'd no idea what that was, so I Googled it."

I closed my eyes, exhaling slowly. "James..."

"You went to see him," he said, his voice low and dark. "I drove all the way here to surprise you and spend the night with you...after nearly a month apart...and you went to see him instead."

"It's not what it seems," I insisted, grabbing his hand again. He pulled it away quickly. "It was for work. I was reviewing a play reading there."

"What a coincidence," he snarled. He climbed out of bed and paced the room, drumming his fingers agains this thighs. "I didn't even know this guy existed until this summer, and now I suddenly feel like I'm competing with him. Like I've always been competing with him. Don't think I missed anything at Thanksgiving with your folks. He was making bedroom eyes at you over the fucking stuffing."

My mouth fell open. "He was not."

"Everyone can see it, Rory!" he roared, splaying his hands out towards me. "Except you, aparently! Even your mother noticed, I saw her looking between you two like it was a goddamn cricket match!"

I winced, and suddenly I was brought back to a time when I was seventeen, standing like a lost duck on the dance floor in the gym at Stars Hollow High as Dean yelled at me, breaking up in front of everyone, with Jess looking on from the sidelines. Everyone can see it, Rory. You've been into him since he got to town. And I'm tired. But I'm over it. So go on, be together! There's nothing standing in your way anymore, because I'm out. Burying the memory quickly, I stuck my chin out, indignant. "So what if he was?" I shot back. "How is that my fault? It's not like it was reciprocated. I have no control over how Jess looks at me."

"And yet here you are, back after midnight from a quote-unquote play reading at his fucking bookstore. Three hours tops, you told me. You left at not five o'clock this afternoon, Rory! You expect me to believe this is all perfectly innocent?"

"Yes, I do," I replied, scooting to the end of the bed and rising onto my knees. "Because I've never given you a reason not to trust me."

"Oh really?" he asked with venom. "So over the summer when you lied about where you were, who you were with? When you purposefully hid him from me? That's not supposed to send warning flags?"

I was stuck. I glared at him, chest heaving as my brain raced to think of some sort of comeback. But he had me. In our game of chess here, I was the queen backed into a corner with little chance of escape. Floundering, I decided to hurt him. "This is all you, and you know it. You're just insecure and taking your trust issues out on me."

His eyes narrowed and he looked away, telling me I had succeeded in wounding him. He stopped pacing and scrubbed a hand over his face, fingering the pale stubble there. "It's not all me, Rory. It's not. This time, it's not." Lowering his hand, he looked at me again. "I'm gonna give you a chance here, Rory. You tell me nothing happened with Jess, you look me in the eye right now and tell me that, and I'll believe you. Otherwise, well...we'll see."

I paused, taking a deep breath. I thought back to that phone call Jess had made to me in September, when he had asked if we were attracted to broken people because we thought we could fix them. When I'd met James, he had been very...broken. He'd been going through a really horrible divorce after coming home to find his wife in their bed with his best friend at the rarely talked about it because it was obviously a sore spot for him, and I didn't know if he'd ever fully get over it. He and his ex had been high school sweethearts, moved to America together from Ireland, and the split had threatened his green card. He'd almost lost everything thanks to her. Thankfully, though, he had been able to stay in the country, but yeah, he had had a pretty hard time trusting me at the start of our relationship. He'd been wary of every male friend I had, and hated it when I went to Stars Hollow without him. It was part of the reason I'd never told him about Jess. I knew it would make him too paranoid and jealous—my relationship with Jess was just too contentious and I knew that if James had gotten riled up over Kirk, he'd go crazy if he knew I'd maintained a very complicated and passionate connection with Jess over the years. But James and I had worked through it together and he had come a long way since then.

Remembering all this now, as James waited for my answer, I realized I couldn't lie to him anymore. It just wasn't fair. "I can't," I whispered, and tears sprang into my eyes immediately, dropping onto the sheet in front of me. I shook my head. "I can't."

His eyes filled with tears as they darted to the side, and his jaw clenched. He shifted his weight, putting his hands on his hips. "What happened."

"We kissed," I sobbed, wiping my nose on the back of my hand. "And not just tonight. We...we kissed when I was here over the summer, when I reviewed my first play for the Times. Twice."

"Did you sleep with him?"

I shook my head. "No. Never."

Tears rolled down his cheeks. "Do you love him?" he asked, his voice crackling with emotion.

I just cried harder. "No." Was that a lie? I shrugged sorrowfully. "I don't know." I was full on ugly-crying now. I reached over to grab a tissue from our nightstand, burying my face in it.

James nodded a few times, slowly, before reaching for his jeans and pulling them on. He grabbed his coat and his suitcase, which I only now noticed was already packed, and, leaving his keys on the nightstand, left the apartment, the door shutting softly behind him.

Jess

"Rory?" I was surprised that she was calling so soon. I ducked into my favourite coffee shop, which thankfully was open twenty-four hours, and sat in my usual booth in the corner where the uniquely-shaped building made a tight V. New York was full of buildings with strange architecture, and this one was no exception. From here, I was surrounded by windows and could practically see the street at a three-sixty-degree angle.

"Sorry," she said, and I knew right away she was crying. That was all she could get out.

I shrugged my coat off, cradling my phone between my ear and my shoulder. "What's the matter?" I asked as I sat down.

She cried quietly for a few minutes until she could talk again. "James just left," she choked out. "He found out where I was and he knew something happened."

I scrubbed a hand over my beard, sighing. "Shit. I'm sorry, Rory." And I really actually was. I hated to hear her cry. "I just got in a huge fight with Isabel, too. Tonight is not our night." I was trying to make her feel better, but I doubted it was working.

To my surprise, though, I heard a short laugh come out through her tears. "I wouldn't say that." There was a long pause while her breathing returned to normal. "Jess?"

"Yeah, Ror?" I asked softly.

"Can you come over?"

I barely breathed. "What's your address?"

Since Rory's place was on the upper west side and Truncheon was in SoHo, it took me awhile to get there with all the weekend night traffic. By the time I arrived at her walk-up, it was nearly two in the morning. But she answered when I buzzed her apartment, and then I was climbing the stairs, my heart pounding loudly in my chest with every step I took. It was exactly the kind of building I'd imagined Rory living in, modern but cute in an eclectic sort of way.

She was adorably in her pajamas when she opened the door for me, a loose-fitting t-shirt and a pair of boxers. Her hair was in a messy bun and she looked exhausted. "Hey," she said, stepping aside to let me in.

"Hey, you." I kicked off my shoes and she took my jacket to hang up. I glanced around the dimly lit studio space appraisingly. "I like your place. Very you."

"Thanks." She folded her arms over her chest, standing there awkwardly.

I stepped towards her and pulled her to my chest, leaving her arms folded between us, and tucked her head under my chin. Wrapping my arms around her, I just held her there for a few minutes, feeling her cry silently into my neck. I rubbed her back gently, knowing she just needed a few moments like this to collect herself. When I pulled away slightly to look at her, she was done. "Tell me what happened?"

She chewed on her lip, then shook her head. "Not right now," she said. "I kind of just want to go to bed."

I nodded, knowing she meant to sleep. I let her lead me to her bed, and watched in silence as she climbed in and curled up. Hesitantly, I pulled off my shirt and socks, then, seeing that she wasn't stopping me, I unbuckled my belt, letting my pants drop to the floor. I crawled into the bed next to her and, after she'd switched off the light, I spooned her, holding her body tightly to mine. She sighed and soon her breathing was even with sleep, and I was so comfortable that it wasn't long before I dropped off, too.

I woke to the sound of rain pounding against the windows and roof of Rory's apartment. Huh. So much for a snowy winter in New York. Stretching, I rolled over, finding the bed next to me to be empty and cold. It was barely light outside, though with the weather as it was that didn't really help in giving an indication of what time it was. It could be early morning, or it could be mid-afternoon, for all I knew.

I sat up, running a hand through my long hair, which had fallen out of its bun overnight, and reached for my pants, extracting my phone from the pocket. It was nearly ten in the morning. I heard the shower running in the bathroom behind an opaque sliding screen door; I could see the steam rising above it. Satisfied that Rory was taking a much needed hot shower, I settled back onto the pillows, breathing in the scent of her on the sheets. I grabbed the book off her nightstand, pleased when I discovered it was a biography on Guns & Roses, and opened it to where her bookmark marked her place.

She found me like that, sitting in her bed reading her book. She blushed when I looked up, seeing her standing there wrapped in only a towel. Smiling knowingly, I got up and went to stand in the corner so she could get dressed. Even though there was a crackling tension between us, I didn't know exactly where we stood, and knew boundaries were more important than ever at this point.

"Decent," she called out softly, and I turned. She looked cozy in sweatpants and a long-sleeve t-shirt. She crawled back into the bed, picking up her book, blanching when she saw how far I'd read. "Do you just scan the page once over or something?" she asked, her eyes huge.

I smirked, sitting on the bed beside her. "You of all people should know I'm a fast reader." I reached out to run a finger down her arm. "Besides, I've read it before."

She made a face. "Of course you have." She watched me watching her, her blue eyes round and full of questions. "I guess we should talk." But it was clear she didn't want to just yet.

I hesitated for a moment, just watching my fingers on her skin. "Nah." I let my hand drop and smirked at her. "I think I need a haircut, first. And probably a good shave."

Her face lit up. "I know just the place."

"Thought you were going to cut it?" I teased, eyebrows raised.

She matched my sarcastic expression. "You honestly trust me with a pair of scissors? I only ever trimmed Logan's hair. I don't think I'm qualified to get your perfect devil-may-care 'do."

I laughed. "No, only copious amounts of stinky hair gel can achieve that look," I said, remembering how cool I'd thought I was as a teenager. What a fool I'd been. Though I'd still not managed to completely shrug the chip off my shoulder.

I couldn't help but smile as she threw her wet hair back into a bun and slid on a pair of Toms, not bothering to change out of her comfy clothing. She clearly wasn't a New York native and it was charming. She lived in a studio on the upper west side, and yet she walked around in basically her pajamas. She caught sight of my grin and furrowed her brow. "What?"

I shrugged. "Just admiring your outfit choice."

She blanched, looking down at herself. "I like to be comfortable," she said, but there was doubt in her eyes now.

Gently, I pushed her towards the door. "You'll learn how to be a proper New Yorker eventually," I teased, chuckling softly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She just stood on the doorstep worriedly, so I took her key from her and locked her door behind us as she waited for my answer. She made a loud noise in frustration when I only smiled and brushed by her, leading her down the stairs and out onto the street.

She took me to a barber shop I had actually been to before. I got a straight razor shave and everything, and the old Italian barber tsked at me as he ran his fingers roughly through my unruly hair. When it was all gone, I barely recognized myself in the mirror. I looked about ten years younger. Freshly shaved, I could see my eighteen-year-old self staring back at me. My hair was short on the sides with a bit more length on the top, the perfect condition for the tousled look without any gel being necessary. I caught Rory's eye in the mirror; she smiled and I knew she was thinking exactly the same thing.

While we were there she decided to get her hair trimmed, too, and I sat and read the Guns & Roses bio I had snatched from her place. She narrowed her eyes playfully at me when she saw the evidence of my theft, and I shrugged, returning the grin wholeheartedly before returning to the book, pen in hand as I casually scrawled random thoughts into the margins for her to find later.

Once she was done and her hair about two inches shorter, we headed out to find a good place to get some brunch. Settling on a hole-in-the-wall bagel cafe on forty-sixth street and ordering enough food to feed thrice our party, we tucked into our food and conversation as easily as we had over ten years ago. It was strange and comforting to know we could so quickly fall back into each-other as if no time or drama had happened at all. Even though we had no idea what we were or what was going to happen, I thought it was safe to assume we were both game for just enjoying the moment for what it was while it lasted.

As we finished off the last of our meal, Rory cupped her mug of coffee between her hands, staring at the black liquid thoughtfully. "We can keep putting it off, but I don't think that's advisable," she said quietly, peeking up to look at me.

I sighed, running a hand through my new hair for the millionth time. "I know. We should talk."

"Yeah." Her voice took on the baby-ish quality I remembered so fondly. "Do you want to start?"

"I don't really know where to begin," I admitted.

"Neither do I."

"Huh."

"We could put it off."

"We could."

"But we have to eventually, right?"

"Right. Eventually."

She sighed, placing her head in her hands. "Well the thing is, I don't know where I stand with James. I mean, he left, but we didn't talk really, he just kind of...walked out. I don't know if that means we're over, or he just needs time, or what."

"Needs time?" My brow furrowed. "What are you saying? Would you go back to him if he agrees to take you back?"

She shrugged, sighing. "I don't know."

I clapped my hands together and touched them to my lips, closing my eyes for a short moment. "Rory."

"Well, I don't know! I don't know, I don't know. God, believe me, this is just as frustrating for me."

I raised an eyebrow. "Wanna bet?"

She blew a raspberry and shifted in her seat. "Jess, I have to be honest here. I don't think I'm ready for this. For us," she added, gesticulating between us with a wave of her hand. "I've spent the last three years of my life with someone who probably doesn't want me back, and you and I are...well, we've always been complicated. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to jump into anything, regardless of what James says."

I stared at my own coffee, which I knew was going cold. The pit in my stomach rolled with nerves. "I understand," I said after a long pause. I met her eyes with my own. "I guess I'm probably in the same spot. I mean, with Nora and everything..."

She nodded, relief washing over her lovely face. "I'm glad you feel that way."

"Yeah." I pushed my mug away and sat back in my seat, hands going to my hair again. "So what now?"

"Now?" She finished her coffee, wiping the rim with her thumb. "Now, we're friends."

I raised a skeptical eyebrow and let out a snort of laughter. "Friends?"

"Friends."

"Since when have you and I ever been just friends?"

"We've always been friends, Jess."

I rolled my eyes. "You really think we can do just friends?"

Her expression was dead serious. "We have to be. At least for...we have to be," she said again with a shake of her head. Her gaze dropped once again to the table.

"Why?" I challenged, leaning towards her. "What's the alternative?"

"Alternative?"

"To being friends."

"Well, there's options, I think."

"Let's hear it."

"Okay." She took a deep breath. "So. Option number one. We could just say fuck it and start dating again."

I grinned devilishly. "Living on the edge. I like it."

She rolled her eyes, ignoring me. "Option number two. I wait until I hear what James has to say and...go from there."

I scrunched up my face. "I don't really like that one, sorry."

She smiled. "Option number three. We...remain friends. Hang out once in awhile, chat on occasion. But nothing more."

I pretended to contemplate it, nodding slowly. "Meh."

"And, lastly..." She sighed. "We stay away from each-other altogether."

I grinned. "That shouldn't even be an option."

"I'm glad you agree." Her smile mirrored my own. "So that leaves..."

"Date right away, wait for James to bail and then date, or be friends for a bit before saying fuck it and dating eventually anyway," I summarized, laughing when she swatted at me with her napkin. "Face it, Rory. Aren't you tired of dancing around this thing? We're both single, now. Why not just go for it? What's the worst that could happen?"

Her eyes went wide. "First of all, I don't know whether I'm single," she said, glancing down at the ring that was still annoyingly on her finger. "Second, the worst that could happen? Really? Do I need to answer that?"

"Yes," I said.

She rolled her eyes yet again. "Come on, Jess. You and I have never exactly had a happy ending."

"Tell me, then," I challenged. "Tell me what could happen." I tried to hide the fact that I was practically giddy with nerves. I was a total fidget, unable to sit still for long.

"You break my heart," she said forcefully. "Or I break yours. Or we both break each-other's. Yet again."

"So nothing new." Feeling bold, I reached out to grasp her hands. She didn't pull away, but I felt her stiffen. Rubbing my thumbs over the backs of her hands, I shook them gently to get her to look at me. "Come on, Rory. We're not kids anymore, we've changed. Everything is different now. But what hasn't changed is this." I nodded between us, at our linked hands. "You and me, together. And it still stands that no matter what happens...this always works." And with that I stood and leaned over the table to press my lips gently to hers. Her response was immediate and intense; her hands came up to tangle in my newly cut hair, pulling me closer, gasping as I gently bit down on her lip. Remembering we were still in public, I pulled away, smirking at her whimper of protest. "Remember?" I was breathless.

So was she. She just nodded, her pupils dilating as her fingers curled in my shirt front. "Jess..."

I sat back in my seat and raised my hand to signal the server. "Check, please."

A/N: Whooooooaaaaaaaaaaa! I LOVED writing this chapter. The past few have been a bit more difficult but this one just sprinted out of me. Can't wait to hear your guys' thoughts on this chapter! You guys are seriously so insightful and helpful. It really aids me in writing to hear your thoughts and observations. Often times you guys point out things in the story that I never noticed myself! I love waking up and reading all your reviews in the morning. So keep em coming, please and THANK YOU!