Betrayal

Disclaimer: I wished I owned these wonderful characters and universe but I do own this plot.

Chapter 15

Buffy was an emotional mess ever since she left Spike's apartment in tears. He had been so harsh and hurtful. The problem was he was right. She took a long hard look at herself in the days after it and she didn't like what she saw. When did she become this horrible person and why was it that when she was being a bitch it was nearly always Spike that got the brunt of her ire? She was learning too little too late the lessons that would have served her well. It didn't take long for Buffy's rage to abate after she left Spike's apartment. She knew she had no right to go all Glenn Close on him, but when she had seen Faith leave his apartment earlier that day, she couldn't stop thinking about them. She had to talk to him and that turned out to be a disaster of epic proportions. She knew now how Spike had felt when she told him about her and Angel, and he hadn't actually slept with Faith. He had wanted to though and that knowledge really hurt. "To think that I loved you." She had been stunned when he used the past tense. Somehow through all this she hadn't truly believed he could ever stop loving her. He might not forgive her, but surely he wouldn't stop loving her. If she was truly honest there had been a little part of herself that had been convinced he would come back to her eventually and that somehow everything would turn out to be fine in the end. Then she had found herself ruminating over her ability to raise a child. The worse thing about his cruel words was that it was nothing that she hadn't thought about herself. What if he was right?

It had been four days since that terrible fight with Spike. She had pulled herself together but from time to time she felt emotionally overwrought. If possible her home felt even lonelier now that she knew Spike would never be coming back. Her eyes welled up with tears at the thought. She knew it was foolish to have held out hope for so long. It's just you and me now kiddo. Angel would be there for them. Despite all his faults she knew he would be a good father. She knew she had to keep a good relationship with him. Her child would be loved. She was adamant of that. She rubbed her swollen belly. She could feel the child moving within her and a terrible thought struck her. She wondered if her sadness was being passed on to her unborn baby. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes.

"It's not your fault," she said softly and started rubbing her belly again. "It's not your fault. I love you. I never thought I could love someone else so much and I haven't even met you yet. I promise I'll do my best to be a good mom." There was a lump in her throat. More than ever she missed the warmth and love Joyce had shown her. "My mom would be so excited. I wish you could meet her. She was the best Mom and she would always know exactly what to say, what to do."

She may feel lost and all alone, but no matter what she resolved this baby would come first. Her heart was breaking, but she had to put that aside for now. She had someone to take care of now. Her baby had come into the world because of an indiscretion. She and Angel were the ones that made a mistake. Her baby would not pay for that and should anybody attempt to harm a hair on her baby's head then they were going to find out exactly how brutal a slayer could be. With that thought she went and washed her face and resolved to not dwell on her doomed love life.

Several hours later, Buffy was sitting on the sofa with her feet up. She may have been blessed with Slayer resilience but being pregnant still meant swollen ankles, a sore back and exhaustion. She was enjoying a tasty bowl of ice cream when she was interrupted by a knock on the door. She sighed heavily and went to answer the door. Angel was standing on the other side. She smiled in greeting and invited him in. He walked inside and smiled back at her. "Hi, Buffy. How are you?"

She could see the affection and the concern in his eyes. She looked away not wanting a reminder of what he felt for her.

"I'm good," she said with an overly bright smile. She was lying her ass off but Angel didn't know her well enough to tell.

"How's Junior?"

"Good." She smiled again and this time it was a real one. "Do you want something to drink?"

"I'm fine. I just had a coffee."

She made her way back over to the sofa. "Come let's sit."

The two of them sat down next to one another. There was a moment of silence as they both regarded one another.

"So what brings you here to see a fat pregnant woman when you could be out seducing beautiful women?"

"You're still beautiful, Buffy."

She made a scoffing noise. "It's that caveman instinct. I'm carrying your baby, therefore you think I'm still pretty Buffy when every other male or even lesbian thinks I'm fat Buffy."

It was hard to be flippant with his intense gaze. She decided to change the subject before Angel got to talking about them getting back together again. "Have you been investigating any interesting cases lately?"

"No - business is slow at the moment. I didn't come here to talk about business."

She sighed. "We've had this conversation. Angel, it's important to me that we be friends for the baby's sake. I can't be with you when I'm still in love with Spike."

He rubbed his temple. "I know that. I'm not pressing anything. You're having our baby, Buffy, and you talk about us being friends. Even so you keep pushing me away. I'm not asking you to be with me just that you start treating me like I am the father of your child. Junior is going to be here soon and we need to work out how to be parents together."

Angel had a point. Buffy had jumped into bed with him willingly.

"I'm sorry. I'm no good at this. I miss Spike so much and I guess I keep taking it out on you."

He shook his head. "Why are you still mooning over him? He doesn't want you anymore and besides he is leaving the ciry."

Buffy's mouth flew open. "What? Where did you hear that?"

"I have friends in the Council. Apparently, he asked Giles to send him out of the county."

It felt like a smack on the face. It couldn't be true, because if it was Dawn would have told her. After all Dawn would have to be one of the first people he would have told.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I thought you would have known." His eyes looked contrite but she was still annoyed at his outburst.

"I really don't want to do this right now, Angel."

"We have so much to talk about. The baby's going to be here soon and we need to be ready."

"I know," she said softly. "Not tonight, Angel. I have a few things to sort out. We can hash this out over the weekend."

She rushed him out the door. As soon as he was out the door she picked up her phone and dialled Dawn's number.

Her sister sounded cheerful. "Hi Buffy."

She got straight to the point. "Is Spike leaving town?"

"Oh you heard."

"I'll take that as a yes then. Why didn't you tell me? I had to find out from Angel of all people. He came here lecturing me about being still hung up on Spike and then spitefully told me he was leaving town."

"Oh I only found out two days ago. I didn't think it would be common knowledge yet. I wish you didn't have to find out like that."

"It's okay, Dawnie."

"Do you need me to come over?"

"No – I'm a big girl. I made my own bed. I can lie in it."

"You'll call me if you need me though."

"Yeah – I will. I love you, Pumpkin Belly."

Dawn laughed loudly at that. "I love you too, Buffy."

Buffy put down the phone and she sunk into the nearest armchair. After all they had been through it was coming down to this. What if something happened him or if she never saw him again? She didn't want things to end this way. She knew there was no reconciliation or friendship on the cards. Still, she needed him to know how sorry she was. She resolved to go and see him before he left.

The evening morning Buffy went to visit Giles. She had not seen him as often as she would have liked lately. He was more of a father to her than Hank Summers had ever been. She missed him as she was not reporting to the Slayer HQ any longer. There was a lot of excitement to see her and several people stopped her to chat about her about her pregnancy. She finally reached her destination after been waylaid for the fifth time and rapped on the office door.

"Enter!"

He raised his brow when he saw her at the door. "Hello, Buffy. What a pleasant surprise? Come in my dear."

Buffy walked in and smiled. "Just come by to see my favourite Watcher."

He smiled fondly at her before giving her a warm hug. She relaxed in the embrace for a few moments before she pulled away.

"How are you, Buffy?"

"I'm okay," she lied.

Giles knew her too well and gave her a challenging stare.

She flushed. "I'm getting there. I'm not great but I will be okay."

"I heard Spike is leaving town," she blurted.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh did he tell you?"

"No," she said grimly. "Angel told me."

He shook his head. "How the bloody hell did Angel find out? Spike only came to me three days ago."

She rolled her eyes. "You know Angel. He always has his contacts."

"Indeed," Giles muttered darkly.

Her Watcher had made his dislike of Angel well known. What surprised her was his behaviour with Spike. It wasn't like they had been friends before Spike had broken up with her.

"You and Spike are being very pally lately. There was a time when I would have listed that next to earthquakes as being a sign of the apocalypse."

He snorted at that. "True. We'll never be bosom buddies, but I understand some of what he is going through."

"I'm a terrible person, Giles. I hate that I hurt him so much."

"Buffy, you've done a foolish thing. It's what you do now that's important. Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel somebody has to be honest with you. You're going to be a mother and you need to grow up fast."

Buffy bristled at that. "I do accept that I was in the wrong. I'm not stupid, Giles."

His tone was gentle even though his words were sharp. "I know you do, but you still have a lot of growing up to do."

She blinked rapidly to try to prevent the tears that were threatening to fall once more. He took her into his arms and gave her a comforting hug. He pulled away and gestured for her to sit down. She sat down and composed herself.

"You asked why I have been nice to Spike? Let me tell you about something that happened to me. Do you remember Olivia?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. Your ex. What does this have to do with Spike?"

"We broke up because I didn't want children and she did. Then I bumped into her two years later only to find out she had gotten her wish and was married with a child on the way. It hurt even though we had been over for a while because I never really gotten over her. I can just about imagine how much worse it was for Spike."

Her eyes were welling up once more. Her Watcher was showing her a side of him she had never seen as well as delivering a few home truths she needed to hear.

"I'm sorry," she said. She was talking about more than his pain.

He smiled at her. "How about I cut my day short and take you out to dinner?"

"That sound's wonderful, but there's a vampire I need to see first. I will meet you here afterwards."

"He is in the office today. He is working on some Fyarl translations for me. He still has the same office in the basement."

She kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you. I think I needed to hear that."

She left Giles and took the elevator down to the basement. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest. She took a deep breath to calm herself as she approached his office. She knocked on the door and it flew open straight away.

He was visibly surprised to see her. "Buffy."

She smiled sheepishly. "I just came to talk. I heard you were leaving and I just wanted to say goodbye and wish you luck."

His mouth was agape as he starred at her in astonishment. It was a minute before he found his voice. "You heard right, and thank you."

God, this was awkward. She smiled anxiously at him and he smiled back. Her heart constricted a little. "Listen, I did a terrible thing to you and I had no right playing the victim the other night. What you and Faith do or don't do is none of my business."

"I'm sorry." They spoke in unison and they both laughed nervously.

"I'm going to miss you not being around." Her eyes were filling with tears despite herself. "If anyone deserves happiness it's you. Maybe you will find someone who will give you what you deserve."

He walked over to her and for one moment she thought he was going to wipe her tear from her cheek. He didn't. Instead he patted her arm awkwardly like he had that one time when he had come to Revello Drive to kill her and instead ended up comforting her.

"Thank you, Buffy." He smiled wistfully. "I'll be back again in a while. I need to get away from here."

He said "here" but she knew he meant "you" and she couldn't blame him for it.

"It's been a while since we have managed a civilised conversation."

"It's a new thing. I'm a new Buffy."

"I like this new Buffy," he said quietly. She looked at his face and wished desperately that this would end some other way than her walking out the door and not knowing when she would see him again. She wanted him to take her into his arms and forgive her. It wasn't going to happen; she knew that. She decided to go before she started bawling her eyes out. There was no sense in picking at the wound.

"Goodbye, William." She turned quickly to hide her tears which were flowing fast now.

"I'll miss you too, Buffy Summers."

She closed the door behind her and got the sense she was finally closing the door on her relationship.

To be continued…

Note: Don't worry this is far from over yet. I would love to know what you all think. Thank you all for reading.