Author's Note: Love me or hate me…but I managed to get a chapter written for you. It's shorter than I normally write, but I wanted to write, so here it is. I have missed you all! Please review if you can!

Disclaimer: All this wonderfulness belongs to the fantastic J.K. Rowling…well, except the plot.

Letting It All Go

Chapter Eight: Help

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"I'm sick and tired of being afraid.
If I cry anymore then my tears will wash me away.
But when I hear you call my name,
I whisper the word that I never thought I'd ever say."—Hurts

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As promised, Hermione returned to work the Monday after the incident at King's Cross. Everything seemed to resume a normal schedule and it had been a few weeks since she had heard from Ron. She had been surprised that her lawyer had not contacted her about what had happened. However, she was not going to poke the sleeping dragon. Letting him be, she felt, was the best way to go. Besides, she was back at work full time in the ER, and Ernie was even having her work on the Psych floor now and then too. He kept telling her it was good practice for working with Draco.

And speaking of Draco, Ernie was constantly hounding her on his progress. She assured him that he was doing better, and he was, but Ernie kept wanting to see for himself. Draco refused to visit the hospital just yet—he was afraid it would send him into one of his fits. Hermione couldn't really blame him, so she was forced to tell Ernie that Draco did not wish to see him. Ernie said he would come to her house, but Hermione refused this as well. She knew he had feelings for her, and basically, she was far from interested. She had too much going on right now to try and have a relationship with anyone.

She was trying to get sober. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done. Draco asked her why she didn't just go and get professional help, but she was afraid that the news would get out that she had a problem. She was embarrassed. Hermione Granger, War Hero, The Brightest Witch of her Age—all these things would crumble if the world new of her alcoholism. No, it was better to try and deal with this on her own. She was doing what she always did; reading. She had purchased a number of self-help books from a Muggle shop (so no one she knew would see her), and doing as much research on Alcoholism as possible. For the most part it was working, but there were days where work would just be too much and to the bottle she would go.

Today was quickly turning into one of those days. The ER had been busy and Ernie was due to "check up on Draco" any moment. Hermione was trying to finish her paperwork for the day as quickly as possible and get the heck out of there before he made an appearance. No such luck though—there was a knock at the door and Ernie's head popped in.

"Hey, Hermione! You have a minute?" He was completely inside her office now and she quickly checked to make sure she had put away the book she had been reading during her lunch. She had.

"Just a minute, really. I am exhausted. I'm at the end of a two day stretch and I have another starting tomorrow night." She placed her finished paperwork into the "Out" bin on her desk and made to stand up. Ernie had a seat across from her so she was forced to sit back down.

"I just wanted to see how Malfoy was doing this week. You said he had another bad night when we last talked about it, and I wanted to see if he was doing any better since then." Ernie crossed his legs and settled his hand on his knee. Hermione felt he looked way too comfortable for only wanting to be there for a minute.

She blinked slowly thinking about how best to answer. Draco had indeed had another bad night—not as bad as the last though. She had found him standing on the balcony in the pouring rain. She had just finished showering and was going to bed when she decided to check on him before bed. Hermione had been able to coax him back into the flat and into a hot shower (clothes on mind you), but he refused to talk to her. He kept repeating, "I'm so sorry, Astoria. So sorry." Hermione asked him what he meant but he would only shake his head. After warming him up with the shower, he seemed more responsive and was able to dress himself and go to bed. Hermione had been unable to sleep after that, so she grabbed her newest book and sat by his bedside reading all night. Luckily, Draco slept the rest of the night without any problems, but the incident still stuck in her mind. She still wanted to know what he was sorry about and why it had upset him so much.

Finally, Hermione shrugged and told Ernie, "He seems better. No incidents. Actually, he's been sleeping more—getting five or six hours versus the three or four he was getting before. I'm not sure what brought about the change, but we have a sit down coming up in a day or so where I intend to find out." She grabbed her purse out of the drawer in her desk and stood up this time. "Now, I have a date with a shower and my bed I don't want to miss."

Ernie stood up too but did not move towards the door. "Actually, I wanted to ask you something else. Speaking of dates, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to grab a drink at the Leaky Cauldron sometime. Maybe we could go next Friday?"

This is what Hermione had been trying to avoid for some time now. She knew that Ernie was itching to get her to go out with him, but she had no intention of that. She liked keeping her work and social life separate; especially with everything going on in her life. She really didn't need a relationship right now. She didn't even really need a social life to be honest. Unless she said yes, there was no way to make Ernie happy. It was better just to bite the bullet and get it over with.

"Oh, Ernie, thank you for the offer. Unfortunately, I don't date coworkers. It makes for bad situations. I value your friendship and I don't want to ruin that." She gave a sad sort of smile and hoped he would take the bait. Inside her head she was screaming to just get out of the situation.

Ernie shuffled his feet and ran a hand through his hair causing it to stand up in an unattractive way. "Well, it was worth a shot." He smiled and playfully shook her shoulder. She tried not to look irritated with the fact that he touched her. "Just do me a favor and try and get Malfoy to meet with me soon, okay? All will be forgiven." With that he gave her one more smile and left her office. With a sigh of relief, Hermione slouched against the wall. All will be forgiven. What the hell did that mean? This was why she refused to date coworkers…it never ended well. Gathering her thoughts, Hermione left her office and headed to the Apparation point to return home.

…

Draco was bored. Hermione was due home at any moment and he already had dinner ready. A lovely lasagna and crisp salad were set on the table with a spell to keep them ready to eat without getting cold or wilted. Draco had even done the dishes—by hand. He was now standing looking outside at the balcony. He hadn't been back out there since Hermione had found him the other night. Not that he didn't want to or that she had asked him to, but simply because he didn't want to think about what he had on his mind that night. That was difficult though as he found himself reliving that night over and over again.

For some reason he hadn't been able to stop thinking about kissing Hermione. He could hear her upstairs in the shower and all he wanted to do was go and join her. Of course this thought was preposterous. Draco Malfoy taking a shower with bloody Hermione Granger. Unheard of. Despite his best effort to get the wild haired woman from his mind, Draco found that he just couldn't. It seemed an impossible task. So to try and get these ridiculous thoughts out of his head, Draco had walked straight out into the cold, pouring rain and stood staring at the street below.

He eventually closed his eyes and began to remember Astoria. He tried to recall a time when he and Astoria had taken a shower together, and couldn't. Had they ever even done that? He was certain they had. If so, had it been passionate or was it just a simple shower? Why couldn't he remember? And most importantly, why, as he was trying to imagine his late wife naked in the shower, could he only picture Hermione's body under the spray of warm water? The rain was freezing, and it was starting to freeze him as well. A simple warming spell would do the trick, but he had no desire to warm up. He was a bloody scoundrel; imagining his Healer doing despicable things with him instead of his wife. Late wife. Astoria was dead. Dead. Gone forever.

"I am so sorry, Astoria. So sorry."

And then he felt warm hands on his shoulders guiding him away from the balcony edge. It was Hermione. She was saying something while trying to get him inside the door, but all he could do was keep repeating the same words over and over and over again. "I am so sorry, Astoria. So sorry." Then, there was warmth all around him, but he was still wet. Hot water was cascading around him and Hermione was there. In the shower.

"I am so sorry, Astoria. So sorry."

He couldn't say anything else no matter how hard he tried. After the water stopped falling, Hermione left him alone in the bathroom with a warm towel and a set of dry pajamas. He went through the motions of stripping off his soaked clothing, drying, and redressing without really paying attention.

"I am so sorry, Astoria. So sorry."

He went to bed, but didn't fall asleep until Hermione had settled herself next to his bed with a book. Finally, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him; one last time uttering, "I am so sorry, Astoria. So sorry," before falling asleep.

He was better since then. He didn't know what had changed. All he knew was that he could sleep a bit better, and he wasn't as sad as he had been. He was still grieving, that hadn't changed, but he did feel a bit lighter when waking up each morning. It was easier to deal with everyday life. It was easier to imagine that he would never see his wife—late wife—again. There was still a long road to go (stupid Muggle saying), but he felt more prepared. Hermione really was helping him. If only he could stop having feelings for her, then he would be all set.

Turning away from the balcony door, Draco made his way back to the kitchen where dinner was set up. They had not eaten in the dining room since Scorpius had been there, so they were back to eating in the kitchen. With it being just the two of them, meals would be quick affairs normally, but for some reason—most likely the boredom—Draco had felt the need to prepare a larger dinner for the two of them. Either way, Hermione had been at the hospital for two days, and she was most likely looking forward to relaxing when she got home. Just as he was about to sit down, Draco heard the front door open. Footsteps were heard from the hallway, and then Hermione appeared in the doorway looking tired but with a smile on her face.

"What smells so good?" She asked plopping down in her usual seat. Draco undid the sustaining spell and sat down as well.

"Just a simple salad and lasagna," he replied while scooping some onto her plate. "I thought you might need something good after working two days straight."

She nodded. "After the days I had, I need more than just a good meal—but this is amazing. Thank you, Draco." She smiled and began to eat, leaving Draco to quietly wonder what she meant by her comment. Probably alcohol, but it didn't stop Draco from wishing she meant other things. Okay, seriously, Draco was not over these strange new feelings. He took a drink of water and tried to refocus his thoughts. Hermione had a lot going on and she didn't need him talking about feelings he may or may not have for her.

They exchanged idle chit chat while they ate, but overall it was a quiet dinner. Both were more interested in their thoughts. Afterwards, Hermione wanted to clear up, but Draco insisted she go and get a shower and relax. "Besides," he said, "I have nothing else to do." Hermione shook her head with a smile.

"You are too good to me, Draco." She walked out of the room but quickly stuck her head back in, "You could go back to work, you know?" Then, she was gone. Back to work? That was certainly something to think about. He had been sending an owl to his employees and clients to check in occasionally, but he had never really thought about going back. The grief had been so intense at first that he had no desire to work at the company he and his wife had rebuilt after the War. His father had let the family fortune and company dwindle during the second rise of the Dark Lord. Astoria had been so keen on helping Draco rebuild the empire. He had loved that about her. She was always so willing to work and lend a helping hand. She was completely different from any other Pureblood Slytherin he knew. That would also be her downfall as it were.

Draco had much to think about, so he cleaned up dinner with his wand rather than by hand. Then, he retired to his room and sat on the bed to do his thinking. Maybe he would go into the office tomorrow. With him out of the flat, Hermione would get some time to herself for once. He owed her that much. With a chuckle, Draco laid back and allowed his thoughts to drift him to sleep.

…

Hermione had not been surprised to find Draco asleep after she had gotten out of the shower the night before. What had surprised her was that he went into work today. She had been sitting reading The Daily Profit and having her morning tea when Draco had walked into the living room, told her he was going to work, and then left without another word. She had smiled for a good hour at the progress he had made—progress that she had helped him achieve. Originally, she had planned a sit down session for later in the day, but now that would have to wait until after her next two day shift. Ernie would just have to deal with that. She smirked at the thought.

"Oh, Merlin. He's rubbing off on me," Hermione mumbled as she got up to take her cup into the kitchen. Smirking was not a normal occurrence for her. It didn't matter though. Smirking was not a bad habit really. She could handle a bit of smirking. After cleaning the morning dishes, Hermione decided she might as well clean the rest of the house too. The morning merged into the early afternoon, and by mid-afternoon Hermione was done with the major cleaning. All that was left was to organize her office/Draco's room. She felt a bit weird going into the room without its current resident there, but it had been ages since she had reorganized her bookshelves.

That is exactly what she was doing when there was a rustle behind her. She whirled around, wand at the ready, only to find Ron standing in the doorway. All the air rushed out of her lungs at the angry look on his face. It was good thing she had her wand ready, or maybe that was a bad thing.

"Cleaning your prisoner's room, I see." Ron crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. Hermione scowled and asked, "What are you doing here, Ronald? Uninvited no less." She took a few steps back to ensure there was enough space between the two of them.

"I was just coming to hand deliver the new custody papers I had my lawyer draw up." He handed her a sealed envelope. "I apologize that it took so long. My lawyer wanted to make sure the papers were very specific in my regards. There should be no loopholes to be found you'll see."

Hermione didn't know what to say, so she made to open the envelope. However, Ron stopped her. "Oh don't bother. I'm leaving." And sure enough, he turned and walked back down the hall. Hermione stood there until she heard the whoosh of the Floo and then her knees gave out. Luckily, Draco's bed was right behind her or she would have hit the floor pretty hard. She sat there for a good while before getting the nerve to actually open the envelope. The worst part about the whole thing: Ron was right. The papers were indeed very well done. They stated so many personal details about her life that Hermione felt herself blushing at times. If she didn't go along with his wishes this time, there was bound to be a large trial—a large trial that the Profit and every other Wizarding publisher would want to over.

Basically, Hermione was fucked.

It was a good thing that she had a fresh bottle of Firewhiskey hidden under her bed.

…

Draco's day at the office had gone exceptionally well. He was surprised, really, at how welcoming everyone had been. He had even managed to get most of the papers in the "In" box on his desk into the "Out" box. It was fairly late in the evening when he had finally left the office and headed towards the exit. Normally he would just Floo home or Apparate, but tonight he decided to walk. It was only a few miles to the Leaky Cauldron, and the evening was fairly mild for an evening in late October. Finally, arriving back at the flat, Draco was surprised to find how dark it was. He could have sworn Hermione would be home. He had hoped they could order some Thai food for dinner before she headed back to the hospital for her shift.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside quickly, shutting the door behind him quietly in case Hermione already was asleep. Feeling for his wand in his sleeve, Draco allowed his senses to do the work in the darkness. It had been a long time since he had felt this uneasy…

All appeared quiet on the main floor. He crept past the dining room and kitchen until he was at his bedroom door. "Lumos," he whispered to light his wand. Peering inside, he was surprised to find the room a complete disaster. Books were scattered all over the floor. A lamp was shattered on the floor. And there was a crumpled up envelope right by his foot. He bent over and picked the paper up, but before he could see what the front said, he noticed something peculiar. Out of everything that was destroyed in the room, there was only one thing was left undisturbed: his bed.

Draco's brow crinkled with confusion but he turned his attention back to the crumpled paper in his hand. Smoothing it out, he read the front: Hermione J. Granger. That was all it said. He could tell that it had been crumpled up in a fit of anger. The mess of his room indicated that as well. Stuffing the envelope into his pocket, he turned and headed up the stairs to the second level of the flat.

It was eerily quiet and dark as he reached the landing. Hugo and Rose's bedroom doors were shut as they always were. The bathroom door was ajar but Hermione was not inside. Draco's heart seemed incredibly loud as he neared her bedroom door. He suspected what he might find inside, but he was not ready for what was awaiting him.

Swallowing, Draco gently pushed open the door. The room was trashed like his had been, but this was worse. The curtains were ripped to shreds. Photo frames torn from the wall. Glass was shattered on the floor. What scared Draco the most was the smell. The room smelled of blood and vomit. Using the light from the tip of his wand, Draco entered the room and looked around.

All the air seemed to rush from his lungs as he spotted Hermione.

She was laying on the floor as if she had fallen off the bed. Her hands were covered in dried blood and her feet were too. She had fallen into a puddle of her own vomit. Draco ran to her side dropping his wand next to himself as he fell to his knees.

"Hermione!"

His knees landed in crushed glass, but he didn't care.

"Oh, Merlin, Hermione you have to wake up." He gathered her in his arms and shook her as hard as he could. He did this three times before she cracked her eyelids.

"Draco."

It was barely a whisper but it was something. He hugged her body close trying to get her warm. She felt so cold in his arms.

"Draco." She said again. Her hand came up to his face and ran across his cheek. She brought it to her face. It was only then that he noticed he was crying. Her hand was covered in his tears. His tears were making the dried blood on her hand begin to run, but he could barely see it because now he was sobbing.

"Hermione, what have you done?" He said using his shoulder to wipe his eyes, he tried to control his ragged breathing. She needed him to calm the fuck down.

She struggled to keep her head upright so Draco put his hand behind it to help keep it steady…just like he did when Scorpius was a baby.

"Drank two bottles of firewhiskey." She slurred as her eyes went shut again.

"But you've done that before." It wasn't pretty, but it was the truth. "Come on, you have to stay awake. You can't fall asleep right now. You need help."

She shook her head. "Pills."

Draco's pure blood ran cold.

"What? What did you just say?" He asked getting his face as close to hers as possible so that he could hear her answer.

Hermione's eyes opened a crack and her brown eyes glistened with tears of her own. "I took pills. Two bottles." She blinked, slowly, but opened her eyes again. "I can't do it anymore. He won. He's going to take them away. Rose. Hugo. My babies."

Draco shook his head. "No. No, you are not doing this." Hermione's eyes closed then, and her head fell back against his hand. Draco screamed, "HERMIONE!"

"SHIT" He cradled her body in his arms and stood up. She was like a rag doll in his arms. He didn't have much time. She might have puked up the pills, but she had drank two entire bottles of firewhiskey on top of them. She needed to get to the ER and fast.

Draco ran down the stairs and out the door of the flat into the street. It had started to rain, but that didn't stop him. He ran as fast as he could while carrying Hermione. It wasn't until he reached the main road that he realized he'd left his wand behind. It didn't matter. He knew they didn't live far from a Muggle hospital so he ran there. He only saw a few Muggles as he went. All the while he kept mumbling to Hermione.

"Stay with me."

"You're going to be okay."

"I'm getting you help."

"Please, Rose and Hugo need their mother."

Hermione remained lifeless in his arms. The woman behind the desk screamed when he barged into the ER and collapsed on the floor. He didn't blame her really. They were both soaking wet and the blood and vomit that had been on Hermione has managed to find its way onto him.

"Sir, can I help you?" She asked coming round to stand in front of him.

He looked up into her eyes. His chest was heaving and his heart was aching. Draco said, "Please, I think she's dying. Save her."

What happened next was a blur. The nurses and doctors went into action putting Hermione on a gurney and getting ready to take her back to wherever it was the Muggles would do what they needed to do to save her.

He stood slowly and looked down into the face he had grown to know so well over the past few months. Just as the Doctor was telling him he had to get out of the way, Hermione opened her eyes.

"Draco." She whispered.

He leaned towards her. He didn't know what he wanted to hear her say, but he knew he was hooked. There was no going back. This was it.

"Help."

Her eyes closed and the doctors wheeled her away. All Draco could do was stare after where they had gone. He didn't even notice when the nurse put a warm blanket around his shoulders.

He had thought he felt empty after Astoria died.

That was nothing compared to this moment.