They both looked at each other and then grinned before throwing back another gulp of tequila. There was a moment of silence as they each refilled their own cups. Drinking it on the rocks proved to be an effective and fast way to get to the stage where your mind was feeling deliciously fuzzy and your thoughts became more free flowing.
"EDI, lock the doors and don't let anyone in without my say so." Shepard instructed the AI in a slightly slurred voice. She didn't want anyone to see her drunk and she felt comfortable with James knowing that he wouldn't judge her, not that she was suspicious of Garrus ever shit talking her. She just didn't want to bury her turian friend with her problems when he was clearly having his own.
"Understood commander." the cool voice complied and went silent.
"And can you cut off your surveillance in here?" Shepard spoke up again quickly,"Thanks." she breathed when EDI obeyed. She never knew if Joker would be peeking and she wasn't about to subject herself to his sarcasm and jokes.
"Wanted me for yourself?" James joked as he sipped at his drink now. He wasn't about to get wasted in front of his commander. The buzz was good enough for him.
Shepard just laughed and poured herself a glass of whiskey,"You know it." she played along and set the glass down on the table in front of her to lean back in her seat, she could see the open space of the galaxy in front of her and behind James.
The view both captivated and frightened her at the same time. One look was enough to send her heart racing and body shivering but her fascination with space was undeniable as she lost herself inside the vastness of space. Her death was still fresh in her mind and although months had gone by, the feeling of death slowly closing in on her was unshakable. She could never forget that feeling, not even in sleep.
Floating in zero gravity space. Silence. Ship debris scattered around her. Oxygen leaving her suit slowly. No one to help her, nothing to hold onto, nowhere to run to. Facing death and darkness as they slowly but steadily closed in on her like an iron claw. Inescapable. Helplessly caught in space. It was unbelievable how more than a few humans displayed bold arrogance about how they could be rulers of anything. When in reality there was nothing more pitiful and weaker than they.
Helpless against themselves...Helpless against nature...
The sensation of the lack of oxygen. Gasping and straining for one more breath of air. The feeling of having the life literally sucked away from you in the form of atmosphere particles. Darkening vision. The desperate struggle for air. To breathe just once more. To fill your lungs just one more time. To hold onto something at least. To see a familiar face...
"-la, Lola!" a hand shook her snapping her out of her thoughts, she blinked and found herself looking at James who was now sitting next to her. She realized that he had turned her to face him instead of the window when she wearily gave her surroundings a once over. An unbreakable habit she had as a soldier.
"You okay there?" he looked at her with a slight relieved expression on his face as he took a seat next to her.
"Um yeah." Shepard shook her head and then reached over for her glass of whiskey, she wasn't feeling the alcohol enough. With a grimace, she drank all the liquor that was in her cup and reached over to pour herself some more. Her body could still remember with perfect clarity those moments.
"You kinda froze up and had this weird panicking look on your face." James looked carefully at her with glassy eyes. Yes, he was drunk now and yes, he knew what he was doing. Although anything requiring finesse and emotions would have to wait.
There was a pause and in her tipsy state Shepard looked at James sitting next to her, glassy eyed and cheeks glowing pink in the dim light,"I was thinking about the moment I died." the words tumbled out before she could stop them. This was not something to be discussing with a lieutenant.
James blinked a little surprised at his commander's confession, it seemed that all that rapid drinking was starting to catch up to her,"What about it?" he asked turning his body and sitting sideways on the couch so that one arm draped over the top of his seat. He wouldn't deny that he was curious, he had heard the rumors about Shepard dying and then being reconstructed and brought back to life by Cerberus.
It was a little strange talking about it with her though, he never expected it to come up since she seemed to be such a private person. It must be the alcohol talking, he realized belatedly.
"I like to look there." she gestured towards the window but her eyes didn't follow,"But everytime I do, my death comes back and then I start to question myself." she took a sip of her whiskey before continuing,"What if I'm just a high-tech VI or something. I mean, I really died." she looked at him with a pained look in her eyes. The confusion, the wandering, it all showed clearly now.
James sat there thinking for a moment unsure of what to say. Strange...these days he was being reminded over and over again that Shepard had personal struggles like everyone else. She just never let it show.
Shepard blinked once and let out a silent sigh as she looked away from her lieutenant. Hell, this was no time to be having an identity crisis. They were on the verge of mass slaughter and extinction and here she was getting drunk and wondering who the fuck she was.
The lieutenant took another gulp of tequila and turned his attention back to his commander, he was really feeling the buzz right now,"I mean, as far as I know, you seem pretty you..." he rubbed the back of his neck with a hand,"But no one else seems to think you're a VI or something." he referred to the crew, "Come on Lola, you can't doubt yourself now. If you're not sure of yourself then how is anyone else supposed to be?"
Shepard looked down at her hands still holding the cup half filled with amber liquid,her face was lightening up slightly at his words but there was a darkness that still remained in the shadows of her eyes and in the curve of her lips.
"I mean...um." James fumbled with his words when Shepard didn't respond, he began to feel himself grow hot. He was definitely not the person for this. He wasn't someone to outwardly show the public the depth of relationships he had with people. He preferred to keep it light and real even if someone was like family to him. He cared even if he didn't...or couldn't show it.
"Thanks lieutenant." she looked at him, her voice was quiet. Her eyes were bright (slightly bloodshot from drinking) and her face was red now.
They shared a long look at each other in silence, both of them unsure of what to say next. This was not the way either of them had envisioned the night to go and it instantly became awkward.
Suddenly James felt something soft and warm press against his lips. He froze, he may be really drunk, but he knew what was happening,"Um Lola?" he mumbled as she leaned away from him, her face was looking red and hot and her eyes were glazed. Oh man, she was wasted, drank all of that alcohol too fast and now it was hitting her all at once. She looked so embarrassed and shocked at herself that James was feeling a little bad.
Unconsciously he brought his hand up to the back of her neck and brought her in again for another deeper kiss. She was warm and soft and tasted of whiskey. They broke apart and stared at each other for a moment still unsure of the situation.
The only sounds that could be heard was the purr of the Normandy's engine and their heated breathing mingling with each other.
Then something seemed to snap in Shepard's eyes and she blinked rapidly, "Fuck." she muttered and shook her head rapidly and stood up, "I'm sorry." she stumbled a bit but waved James away when he tried to help steady her, "I'm sorry." she mumbled as she instructed EDI to unlock the door and exited the lounge with clumsy and heavy steps.
James stared after his commander and when the doors hissed close behind her, he heavily sat down on the couch and poured himself a tequila shot. The liquid burned down his throat and a bitter taste remained lingering in the back of his throat but he poured himself another shot and tossed it back without another thought.
Of all things to happen, this was definitely not the way he had imagined the night to go.
James sighed and let his gaze wander over to the open window revealing the dark expanse dotted with billions and billions of lights all representing galaxies faraway.
Sure it was just a kiss...it wasn't like they had done the deed, which he thanked every higher power in existence out there in the galaxy for that, but in some ways, it made the situation more complicated. Especially when he thought about the way Shepard had left.
Oh man, James smacked his forehead with a rough palm and let out an exasperated sigh, this was so awkward.
On top of having to worry about surviving mass slaughter by twisted robotic prawns, the Illusive Man and his assassin, and the Council, he now had to worry about something like awkward situations with the legendary Shepard and the sarcastic quick witted crew she handled. Especially Joker and Garrus.
He stood up wearily and straightened up the room, throwing away trash and recapping almost empty bottles of alcohol. Why of all times did it have to be now, and why of all people did it have to be Shepard? And why did this bother him so much?
The lieutenant turned the lights off in the lounge as he left and made his solitary trek back to the engineering bay stumbling slightly from the effects of the alcohol but still clear headed enough to give himself more grief about the earlier situation with Shepard.
"Had a good time in there?" a voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he turned to look at the source of the voice. Once he realized it was Garrus, James froze to the spot, "Don't worry Vega." Garrus held up his two hands up as if in surrender, "Your secret is safe with me."
"Don't make fun of me Scars." James muttered turning red. He was sure that Garrus knew what went on and that made things even worse.
Garrus chuckled, his subtones grated and lilted along, "Easy there Vega. I was just getting a snack from the fridge." he held up a clear plastic container of what looked like orange and purple ribs. Garrus turned to walk..no saunter away and as he left he said something that made James cringe, "It's a human thing Vega, don't take it so personally."