Author's Note: So…after this story is finished I plan on finishing Renewal…but I already have an idea for another fic in the making. Just be excited that you don't have to worry about me not writing anything for a while. With grad school over and the summer stretching before me, I plan on writing and reading to my heart's content! I had planned on working on this sooner, but unfortunately, the day after school let out I came down with the flu! Now that I feel better, I am able to finish and post this for you all! Enjoy! Please, remember to leave a review if you like something…it helps keep me motivated and I love hearing from you!

Disclaimer: HP does not belong to me…just this plotline…but I'm not making any money.

Letting it all Go

Chapter Twelve: Elastic Heart

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"And I want it, I want my life so bad.
I'm doing everything I can.
Then another one bites the dust.
It's hard to lose a chosen one."
—Sia

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Every New Year's Eve, the Ministry of Magic would throw a lavish party in the Atrium. There were tables full of magical food and treats to eat, and the fountain was filled will champagne. Music would be provided from a band for guests to dance to well into the night. Everyone would cheer at midnight and celebrate with each other and the ones they loved most. Hermione normally would attend this party with Harry and Ginny without issue, but this year her heart wasn't really into it.

However, her new position as the main researcher for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement required her to at least make an appearance. So here she was, in her favorite black cocktail dress, sitting at a table in the corner and sipping a club soda. She hadn't had an alcoholic beverage since she had tried committing suicide, but watching everyone else have fun drinking tonight was really making her wish she was dipping her glass into the fountain.

With a sigh, Hermione fished the coin Harry had given her out of the hidden pocket in her dress. Running her finger over the words, "one day at a time", she was able to push the need for alcohol away for now. It was getting easier, but she did better when there was nothing around to tempt her. Harry had said he still struggled in public because he had tried to keep his addiction a secret. She no longer had that luxury thanks to Padma. At least the woman had moved to France and was working for the paper in Paris now. Apparently, Ron hadn't been happy about her taking the transfer, but Hermione had been thrilled to find out the gossip hungry bitch would be leaving her alone.

The only downfall to this issue was that Ron had taken the children to Paris for the holidays. It wasn't like Hermione was allowed to see them anyway. She had spent her Christmas at Harry and Ginny's house. At least she could spoil her nieces and nephews with love and presents. She couldn't even be sure that Ron had allowed her gifts to be delivered to Rose and Hugo considering she had not heard from them at all. Ginny said she would find out and to make sure they got them.

There was a burst of laughter at the table near her and she was startled back into the present. The band was playing something slow and Hermione could see Harry and Ginny dancing quite closely out on the dancefloor. It made her smile to see just how happy they were after all this time. It also made her sad to think that she had no one to dance with like that—no one to love her like she loved them. Slipping the coin back into her pocket, Hermione glanced at her watch. Ten to midnight. Fifteen more minutes and she could retreat to the quiet seclusion of her flat and go to sleep. Or try to at least.

Her AA counselor advised her not to take any sleeping pills or anything at all. It really made her sleepless nights a lot worse. She had a bottle in her cabinet just in case her insomnia got too horrible, but she was doing everything possible to make sure that when the judge returned in two weeks that she would win back joint custody of the children. Therapy was going well, and so was her new job. Honestly, if it wasn't for that other thing, she would be doing great right about now.

Speaking of him, Harry hadn't bothered talking to her about the situation again since that night he had found her at her lowest. In fact, Ginny never seemed to mention it either. Hermione wondered if they knew more than she did…or that they knew more than she had told them. Emptying her drink, Hermione decided she needed one last refill before midnight struck and it was time to head home. She stood from the table and smoothed out the wrinkles that hard formed in her dress from sitting so long. She made sure to stay to the outside of the crowd to avoid overhearing any whispered gossip about herself. The things some people were still saying were enough to send her over the edge again.

Reaching the refreshment table unscathed, Hermione refilled her glass and even took a moment to sample a mini cheesecake dessert. She let the richness flood her senses and realized she missed cooking and baking. She had been ordering a lot of carry-out lately. Maybe that could be her New Year's Resolution: get back into cooking for herself again. She leaned back against the table and watched as the people dancing picked up their tempo to match what the band was playing now. Feeling a bit indulgent, she popped another treat into her mouth and began to let her gaze travel across the room.

Her gaze locked onto a pair of steely grey eyes in the corner causing her to nearly spit out her dessert. Coughing slightly, she managed to compose herself and maintain eye contact with Draco. It was the first time she had seen him in over a month and her heartbeat instantly began to race. Hermione continued to stare at him completely frozen in place. He looked just as good as she remembered. He was wearing dark grey dress robes with a navy blue shirt underneath. His eyes looked a bit tired, but he seemed alright overall. She didn't even notice that the band had stopped playing and everyone around her was counting down. She started to make her way towards him.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

The party-goers cheered loudly at the chime of the large clock on the wall. Everyone around her was yelling "Happy New Year" and setting off confetti poppers. Hermione was distracted for a split second, and when she glanced back where Draco had been, she found that he had disappeared into the madness of the party once more. She hadn't even known he was there at all. Feeling crestfallen, Hermione set her full glass down on the nearest table and headed towards the exit. She may be doing well with her therapy and new job, but her heart was still shattered into a million tiny pieces.

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Hermione rushed into the Leaky Cauldron, snowflakes flying about her head. It had been three days since the New Year's Eve party and Harry had insisted meeting her for lunch. Seeing as he was out on a mission, he had asked her to meet him here instead of the cafeteria in the Ministry. Hermione shrugged out of her oversized coat, and placed it on the rack by the door. Giving a wave to Hannah Longbottom, she made her way towards their favorite table in the corner. Harry hadn't arrived yet, so that gave her some time to prepare herself for the many questions he was going to ask her. He was her AA sponsor after all and he would no doubt be wondering if she had been able to keep away from the alcohol the past few days.

While she was waiting, she also decided to pull out her self-inking quill and finish her letter to her children. Ginny had promised to make sure they got it. The custody hearing was in less than two weeks and she wanted the children to know she was doing everything in her power to make sure they could come see her at Easter. Resting the quill against her lip she stared down at the letter. Hermione didn't want to sound needy, but she wanted to convey how much she missed them in her life. She wanted them to know she hadn't abandoned them! With a sigh, Hermione finished her letter.

Rose and Hugo,

I am so very sorry for not being able to spend the holidays with you. I know that you had no idea, but I have been going through some very troublesome times these past few years. I want you to know that the rumors are true. I am an alcoholic and I did try to commit suicide. Please, do not think that it was your fault in any way. It was mine. I let the world and its problems get into my head and allowed my depression to take over. It is an everyday battle and I have my good days and my bad days. Now, though, more days are good than bad. Thinking of the two of you being able to see me again helps me to see the light in every day. I hope that you two liked your Christmas presents. Aunt Ginny told me that you got them, but I wanted to make sure. Your father has been difficult about the situation, but please do not be mad at him. He is doing what he feels is best. I was not at my best, but I will be soon. Like I said, every day is a battle. Uncle Harry is helping me to take one day at a time so that I can get better and be the best mother possible. In a few weeks this could all be over. I want you to go back to school and work hard. Do not worry about what is going on between your father and me and just worry about your schoolwork. Rose, you will be graduating soon and I trust that you are preparing for your NEWTS. Hugo, I want you to do your very best on your OWLS as well. Behave, and I hope to see you soon!

With love always,

Mom

Hermione sniffed and rubbed at the tears in her eyes so none would fall onto the letter and smudge the ink. She was just folding the letter into an envelope when Harry dropped down into the chair across from her and shook the snow from his messy hair. He gave her a quick look and the smile dissolved off his face.

"What's wrong, Hermione? Are you okay?" He reached across and took her hand into his.

She smiled tearfully and shrugged. "I'm alright, Harry. I was just finishing up this letter to Rose and Hugo." She sealed the envelope and handed it to her long-time friend. He took it and quickly tucked it away.

"Don't you worry. I will make sure this gets to them safely. Ginny is headed over to see them later since they head back to Hogwarts tomorrow. Ron is supposed to go back to the Paris shop so Ginny is taking Rose and Hugo to King's Cross with our kids." Harry gave her his most reassuring smile, and opened the small menu that was on the table. "I'm thinking of getting Sheppard's pie. How about you?"

Hermione struggled to return his smile all the while thinking about how she wasn't really hungry at all. She managed to nod in agreement and didn't even fuss when Harry ordered for her. They sat in silence until their steaming mugs of hot chocolate arrived. Hermione was the first to speak as she realized the silence was becoming awkward.

"Did you and Ginny have a nice evening the other night? You two looked happy dancing all night long." She took a sip of her drink, nearly scorching her tongue in the process.

Copying Hermione, Harry managed to burn his tongue as well. He made a face but spoke anyway. "Yeah, we had a great time. We went looking for you after midnight, but you had already left. You were okay, right?" The unspoken question was: Did you drink any alcohol?

"I was fine."

He gave her a worried look but it was gone as quick as it appeared. "That's good. We haven't had a chance to talk since then. Why did you leave so early?"

"I saw him there."

Harry spat out the mouthful of hot chocolate he had just tried to swallow. "What?!" He quickly scorgified the mess with his wand. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to worry you. Besides, it's not really that big of a deal. We locked eyes. He didn't smile or acknowledge me. Midnight arrived…and he disappeared. Very anticlimactic." She looked down at the table and traced the rim of her mug. It was still warm to the touch.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione. I didn't know he was going to be there." He glanced away, an embarrassed tinge to his cheeks. "I should have known and prepared you for it."

Reaching across the table, she took Harry's hand in her own this time. "Listen, I work at the Ministry now, Draco and I are bound to bump into each other from time to time. He is an avid donor and from one of the oldest and most prominent Pureblood families. Of course he's going to be at Ministry functions. And even though it hurts to see him and know that he chose to leave me, I will put on a brave face because I want my life back. I want to be happy again. Eventually, I think I can get there."

Harry squeezed her hand and allowed her to let go. She kept her eyes on his face and thought for a moment she saw something more flicker across it, but it was gone before she could figure it out. "I know, and you're going to get Rose and Hugo back, and maybe someday, even Malfoy."

Slouching back in her seat, she sighed and shook her head. "I don't know Harry. Draco had his own demons he was dealing with. The anniversary of Astoria's death is coming up and my issues are definitely not what he needs in his life right now. He may have said he loved me, but I'm not sure I'm what he really needs. I am toxic—no don't make that face. I am and I need to fix myself before I can be with anyone else."

"You're not nearly as toxic as you think you are."

Before she could ask what he meant, Hannah brought over their lunch and they had to hurry and eat before heading back to work. They kept to idle chit-chat the rest of the time, and before they knew it, it was time to head out. Harry gave her a quick goodbye and headed out into Muggle London, while she headed back towards the Ministry. A trip into a public restroom and a quick flush later and she was back inside the warm Atrium. Walking briskly, she entered the lift and headed towards her office. She had some last minute research to do for a case that would be going to hearing tomorrow and she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. It was the perfect way to push thoughts of Draco Malfoy from her mind.

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A few hours later, Hermione was still working adamantly in her office. She had shrugged out of her work robes and rolled her sleeves up. A quill was stuck behind her ear and a half empty tea cup sat on her desk long ago gone cold. She was studiously highlighting important notes for the Law Enforcement wizards to use in the hearing so she didn't notice that someone had stopped in her doorway. It wasn't until the person knocked three times on the doorjamb that she managed to acknowledge the noise and look up, her hair a disheveled mess.

"Oh! Mr. Chapman, I am so sorry I didn't notice you right away," Hermione exclaimed, quickly trying to tame her hair and knocking the quill behind her ear flying onto the floor. She scurried to pick it up and smoothed out her tousled appearance as best she could before looking her boss in the eye. He was smiling, so she figured she wasn't in trouble for anything. "Please, come in," she told him and gestured to the one small chair she had in her tiny, box-sized office. It barely had enough room for the medium sized book shelf she'd finagled inside or the tall filing cabinet tucked into the corner behind her desk. There wasn't even a window but she wasn't complaining. She was glad to have anywhere to work at this point in her mid-life crisis.

She sat down and tidied up her files as Mr. Chapman made himself comfortable. He still wasn't speaking, and that made her nervous. Once she was settled, she chanced a glance at his face. He was still idly smiling. "Mr. Chapman, what can I help you with this evening?" A look at her wall clock did show it was nearing seven, and she was surprised he was still here. Usually she was the only one who stayed this late.

Chapman leaned back and crossed his legs, smoothing his tan work robes out. "Oh, no worries, Ms. Granger. I was waiting to catch you as you were leaving, but it seems you will be staying far later than myself this evening." There was humor behind his words but Hermione felt bad about having him wait.

"I'm sorry. I just want these to be ready for tomorrow. I was leaving soon."

"Honestly, Ms. Granger, your work ethic is not under scrutiny. In fact, it is the reason for my seeking you out."

"Really?" She questioned, leaning forward slightly and clasping her hands together.

"Certainly. You're always the first here in the morning, and the last to leave at night. Your files are kept ridiculously organized and everything has been running smoothly since you've started back here. I came to ask if you wanted to present that case you're working on to the Wizengamot tomorrow by yourself." Chapman gestured to the file in front of Hermione. She simply looked at the file then back up at him and blinked.

"Really?"

She knew it sounded silly to repeat that, but she didn't know what else to say.

Chapman uncrossed his legs and stood up, and Hermione instinctively jumped up to join him. "I can see you going quite far here, Ms. Granger. Give it a shot tomorrow. I think you're going to be brilliant." With that he tipped his head in farewell and left her office. Hermione stood there for a few minutes just staring at where her boss had disappeared. Surprisingly, she had just received a promotion out of the blue. It might be just what the court would be looking for to prove she is getting her life together so she can win the custody battle.

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Hermione stood in her best work robes, her file in hand as she waited for the Wizengamot courtroom door to open. Everyone was standing there with her: Harry, Ginny, Molly, Arthur, Ron, Padma, and even George. The day of the custody hearing had finally arrived and she was more nervous than she had thought possible. Her breakfast hadn't even made it five minutes in her stomach before she'd been rushing for the loo. Despite her luck with the past two weeks as a case worker in the Magical Law Enforcement office, she was still worried about this hearing the most.

Ginny sat down next to her and handed her a bottle of water. She took it but didn't bother opening it. If she drank anything, she'd have to find the loo again. Ron was pacing and Padma was scribbling something in a notebook. Molly and Arthur were talking quietly to the side while George watched his brother pace. Harry was facing the door to the courtroom, his back adamantly positioned towards everyone else. He hadn't said a word to anyone since they had all arrived about fifteen minutes ago. It made Hermione nervous, but she didn't voice any concern as she didn't want to lose her cool.

At half past ten, the doors opened and they were all beckoned inside by a short, bald man wearing flowing black robes. Filing inside, everyone but Hermione and Ron made their way to the stands in the back while she and Ron took their places in the middle of the room. Her lawyer was waiting for her there. Mr. Bell was a tall man who wore expensive robes. Honestly, she had no idea how her payments were covering him. He looked as if he was hired by rich Pureblooded families, not Muggleborn girls like herself. He gave her a small smile and a nod as she took her place next to him. She mumbled a good morning, and then handed the file she had been holding to him. He had asked her to look over it and make sure all the content was accurate before they began the trial today.

Sure enough, Mr. Bell had done an excellent job when taking over her case. He had dug deep and made sure that she came out smelling like roses, even with her background in alcoholism and attempted suicide. He was going to make sure the court knew she was fit to be a mother even with those little hiccups on her nearly spotless resume. Hermione snuck a glance at Ron and his lawyer through her curly hair. He seemed rather fidgety and his lawyer seemed a bit perturbed at seeing Mr. Bell working her case. She had heard Bell's reputation was well known, but she didn't realize it would irk her ex-husband's lawyer so much. Mr. Cox looked rather pale indeed. Hermione smirked.

A moment later the Wixengamot filed in and the trial began.

The next two hours every day of her and Ron's marriage was laid out to those in attendance. Both Ron's and her own dirty laundry was put forth to the Wizengamot. The pair answered a variety of questions and were asked to explain situations. Her medical records were examined and it was discovered that Ron had a bit of gambling habit she hadn't known about. Again, Hermione was astounded by Mr. Bell's research and wondered how she was going to afford this when it was all over. Mr. Cox was struggling and it made Hermione feel a bit better knowing that the Ron was looking worried. They finally reached the recent years and Hermione's work as a Therapist Healer. Of course Draco's name was brought into account.

Cox had plenty to say about his time as a Death Eater and work for Tom Riddle. It was also noted that her attempted suicide was during the time he was staying with her. Ron's lawyer went on and on about how this had affected her relationship with her children and that she had gone drastically downhill. It was at this time that Bell decided to bring forward the Character References he had acquired in her defense. She was surprised to find that he read one from her current Head of Department, Mr. Chapman and another from her previous Department Head, Healer Devon. Both had wonderful things to say about her work ethic and the changes she had made while working for each of them.

The next Character Reference was from Harry, who willingly stepped down next to her to read his own letter. Ron looked a bit livid as did Arthur and Molly that Harry had done this for her instead of Ron, but Hermione knew they would forgive him. Ginny nodded her head in agreement throughout the entire reading and kissed her husband on the cheek when he returned to sit next to her. Hermione gave her friends a bright smile which was returned to her. Taking a deep breath, Hermione turned back towards the Wizengamot expecting them to be ready to make their decision. She was surprised by Mr. Bell's sudden clearing of his throat.

"We have one more Character Reference letter to read before you make your decision. This letter was sent to me this morning, so I have not yet had a chance to read it or discuss it with my client." Mr. Bell pulled out of his case an envelope that was sealed with a blob of hardened green wax. In the wax Hermione could distinctly see the Malfoy family crest. Her heart thudded in her chest and she turned wide-eyed to face Bell. He was looking at her calmly as he flicked open the seal and unrolled the parchment. Her heartbeat was so loud she was sure they could hear it upstairs in her department. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Harry and Ginny stand up as if they wanted to be closer to her in this moment. Padma was furiously scribbling in that annoying notebook of hers.

She couldn't see Ron or Cox, but she could tell they were in an uproar. She barely registered the Wizengamot approving the reading of the letter. Her sole focus was on that single piece of parchment Bell held in his hands. Draco Malfoy had written a Character Reference letter for her. What did this mean? She clasped her hands together and waited with baited breath has her lawyer began to read.

"To Whom it May Concern,

I have known Hermione Granger for the better part of my life. I have come to know her as an honest, brave, brilliant, and nurturing woman. She is also one of the most caring and selfless witches I have ever met.

She has been there for me more than anyone could ever know since the loss of my wife, Astoria. I lost myself after my wife died, but when Hermione took me in and became my Therapist Healer, I was able to find myself again. Hermione and I have had our ups and downs over the years, more downs than ups, but through it all, her character has never changed.

She has always been there for the people she cares about no matter what. She was there to help Potter defeat the Dark Lord, she was there to rebuild Hogwarts and St. Mungo's after the war, and she was there for me when I needed her the most. She helped repair the fractured relationship I had with my son, Scorpius, after the death of his mother. With her own children, I have seen her show nothing but compassion and love. Her children always come first. Once Hermione Granger becomes a part of your life, she's there forever whether you want her there or not.

I know from personal experience what an amazing gift this is and to not allow her access to her children would be to seriously deprive them of all this woman has to offer, and she offers so much.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy" *

Tears glazed Hermione's eyes as Mr. Bell finished reading. Blinking rapidly while turning to look at Harry, she found that he too had tears in his eyes along with his wife. Molly was dabbing her own with the corner of her jumper and Arthur was adamantly clearing his throat. George was leaning forward with a look on his face that suggested that he was trying to keep his emotions in check as well. Padma's mouth was hanging open and her notebook had disappeared from sight. Mr. Bell folded the letter and set it on the table in front of her. She picked it up and held it to her heart. That was where Draco belonged, in her heart. She knew now more than ever that no matter what, she would always love that man. He had written the most beautiful letter for her. She refused to glance at Ron and Mr. Cox. Looking at them would only ruin this moment for her.

The Head of the Wizengamot cleared her throat and called for any Character Reference letters that Ron may have. There were none. With a solemn nod of her head, she indicated it was time to vote. Those in favor of Hermione gaining custody would raise their wands with glowing purple tips, and those opposed would hold up glowing blue wands. Hermione wanted to close her eyes. She wanted more than anything to look away because the beating of her heart and the tensing of her stomach was enough to drive her to the brink of passing out from anxiety.

Despite the coolness of the dungeon courtroom, Hermione could feel a trickle of sweat drip down her spine as the Wizengamot began raising their wands. One by one they raised those wands—slowly at first, and then more quickly. Hermione's eyes grew wide the more wands she saw—they were mostly purple! In the end only six witches and wizards had raised blue wands. Hermione's breath left her in a rush as the tears cascaded down her face. She put her face in her hands and crumpled to the floor in joyful tears. She could hear Ron's outraged cry as he berated his lawyer for losing. She glanced up and saw Ginny coming to her aid and helping her to her feet. She saw Harry shaking Arthur's hand and giving Molly a hug before they exited the courtroom. Hermione even felt the hand George placed on her shoulder as she looked into his sad, brown eyes.

When she was sure she could control herself, Hermione turned to her lawyer. "Mr. Bell, I don't think I could have done this without you. Thank you so much. I don't know how to thank you enough." She reached out and shook his hand.

He gave her a small smile while turning to close his briefcase. "Ms. Granger, it has been my pleasure to work on this case with you. When I was told I would be taking on this case I was quite surprised. It wasn't until I read that letter just now that I truly knew why Mr. Malfoy asked me to replace your previous lawyer."

Hermione's smile faltered, but Ginny spoke before she could.

"Malfoy put you on this case?"

"Oh yes, he told me it was pertinent that I drop all other cases and take this on full time. Of course I acquiesced. One does not say no to a Malfoy." Mr. Bell picked up his briefcase and turned to Hermione. "Good luck, my dear. I believe that Mr. Malfoy cares for you much more than you know. I hope that you enjoy your time with your children as well." Hermione gaped after him for a moment before whirling towards her two friends.

"Draco paid for an expensive lawyer to take my case."

"He did." Harry said with a nod. He reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

Opening her mouth to say something proved fruitless because in the next instant she found herself running out of the room and towards the stairs rather than the lift. She was thankful she had thought to wear flats instead of pumps as she took the stairs two at a time. Her hair and robes billowed out behind her as she raced through the levels of the Ministry. She reached the Atrium much faster than she thought she would, and with much less breath than she needed to think clearly. She pushed through the crowd of witches and wizards making their way to wherever they needed to be until she was standing in the hall of blazing fireplaces.

She stopped and stood scanning the area for what she was looking for—or rather who she was looking for. She spotted him a few fireplaces away. He was gazing at her with eyes full of an emotion she had missed dearly and thought she might never see again—love. She took a step towards him but he shook his head. She tilted her head in confusion as the tears sprung to her eyes once more. People continued to push past her, but all she could see was Draco.

Shrugging her shoulders she let the tears fall free. "Thank you," she managed to say as she sobbed uncontrollably now. She took another step but his hand was already raised. Hermione watched in anguish as the man she loved, the man that helped her get her children back, nodded in understanding and then threw floo powder into the fireplace.

The next instant he was consumed by the bright green flames.

Hermione blinked, and he was gone.

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A/N: Sorry for this endnote but I wanted to address a few things. First, sorry for the boring parts of this chapter. It was meant as filler to get towards the trial. Also, please take note of the * after the letter. The letter is a refurbished version of the letter Lorelei wrote for Luke in Gilmore Girls. I just wanted you all to know I am not plagiarizing and that it did come from someplace else. Lastly, please take time to review. We're getting towards the end of this story and I want to know what you think! Thank you!