Chapter 9: My Motivation

"With all due respect, Byakuya-taicho, this is what is holding me up right now," I said bluntly, my vision going a little fuzzy for a second before clearing back up. Byakuya-taicho closed his eyes in what may have been annoyance, but he disappeared out of nowhere.

Suddenly, I was lifted up bridal style. I yelped in surprise and turned to see Byakuya-taicho holding me. The looks on Ikkaku, Renji, and Yumichika's faces told me all I needed to know. I was not wrong to be shocked by this. This was not normal for him.

"Sheath your sword, Shankiro-san. It would be dangerous for me to carry you with it unsheathed, and people would assume there was a threat. It would cause unnecessary panic," Byakuya-taicho said stoically as though him picking me up like this was totally normal, which for the record, it is NOT! I could feel my face heating up as I sheathed my sword.

"You do realize you carrying me will probably draw plenty of attention in and of itself," I said matter-of-factly, "I can walk." 'No you can't,' I heard Kagekishi say in my head, 'You are completely out of spiritual and physical energy. If you push anymore, you could force yourself into another coma.' Well crap.

"Can you?" Byakuya-taicho challenged, looking me straight in the eye. This would not be near as intimidating if he wasn't four inches from my face. My face heated up even more. He's got really nice eyes. I wonder if his hair is soft as it looks. And now I'm sure my face looks like a tomato. Whoops… I looked down at my lap and shook my head. He sighed.

"That's what I thought," Byakuya-taicho said calmly. I heard Ikkaku snicker and looked up to see Byakuya-taicho silence him with a glare. "Ikkaku Madarame, while I know the eleventh division is not well known for its intelligence, you should have realized she was too weak to fight someone at your level."

"Hai, Kuchiki-taicho," Ikkaku said bowing slightly. Now, it was my turn to glare, but they were right. I was still weak. I needed to get stronger, so I just bit the inside of my cheek and waited for Byakuya-taicho to carry me to wherever the heck he was going to take me.

Then, we began to move. I merely looked at my lap to avoid the various stares I knew I was getting from people. I hated this feeling. Never again would I be weak. Byakuya-taicho said he would train me to make me strong, but I know now that I can't depend on him to do all the work. I needed to learn as much as I could.

When we finally went inside a building, I looked up. We were in the Kuchiki manor. No one here dares to look Byakuya-taicho in the face, so I didn't really care. To my surprise, he took me to his study and laid me down on the couch on the left wall, close to his desk.

"We need to talk," he said sitting beside me on the couch. I laughed a little. "What is so funny?" he asked, obviously confused though he didn't show it.

"I don't know how dating works here in the Soul Society, and I never dated in the world of the living, but I do know that in the world of the living that is typically what someone says when they want to break up with someone," I explained still giggling at my own sense of humor. Byakuya-taicho just shook his head at me.

"I'm being serious, Shinkiro-san," he said looking me dead in the eyes. I nodded.

"I know. I'd be more surprised if you were joking honestly, Kuchiki-taicho," I teased slightly, and he looked at me, "I'm just messing with you, Byakuya-taicho. It's a joke." I sighed. I said the Kuchiki-taicho thing to mess with him on purpose. He doesn't get jokes I don't think.

"Shinkiro-san, enough," he said more sternly, obviously getting a little irritated, "What you did today was highly irresponsible and irrational. Ikkaku is the third seat of the strongest fighting company in the Seireitei." I looked at him a little annoyed. I mean yeah, I shouldn't have gotten into the fight with Ikkaku, but still.

"You were the one who sent me there to spar with people anyways," I reminded him, "And I don't recall getting any restrictions from you on who I could and couldn't fight while I was there."

"That's because I sent Renji with you, and I thought you would be able to sense who was too strong for you to handle," he responded back. Now that hurt a little bit. It hurt because now, I feel like I was letting him down.

I looked at my lap as tears welled up in my eyes. I suddenly realized I had only been here for like two days, and he expected me to understand all of this. I grabbed the fabric of my uniform pants as I balled up my fist.

I felt a hand on my chin as Byakuya-taicho tried to lift my head so I'd face him. When I did, I was met with a look of annoyance and stoicism. I have no clue how he managed that but he did. My eyes widened, and the tears fell as all the pent up emotions of fear and anger and sadness finally broke the wall I had been using to hold them back.

"I don't know any of this, Byakuya!" I said angrily, "I died in the world of the living not very long ago, and have only been in the Soul Society and aware of what was going on for not even a full two days! I lost the life I've had for the past 18 years, and, while it definitely was not perfect, it was mine! I was murdered by my own parents who are probably celebrating finally making my body give out after all the years of abuse! I have had no formal training except what YOU have given me, which at this point is not much! I'm sick of everyone treating me like a child, and then doing nothing to make me more independent! Yamamoto-soutaicho assigned you as my mentor because he believed you would not baby me, and I'm not asking you to! I'm asking you to teach me and train me! I'm willing to do what it takes, but I have to know where the hell to start!"

I looked at him to see his mouth open slightly in shock and his eyes wide. I heard a gasp. Then I looked at the door and saw Rukia looking at me sadly. It wasn't pity. She was in tears for me because I was almost out of tears myself. She ran over to me and hugged me tightly. I felt my uniform getting wet as she cried for me. This stopped my tears. No one had ever cried for me. I think it healed me more than my own tears.

"It's okay, Rukia-chan," I said softly as I rubbed her back and gingerly returned her hug, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right?" She looked up at me, and I gave her a weak smile. She smiled back and hugged me again.

"Come on, Shinkiro-chan," she says suddenly stopping the hug but grabbing my arm with a huge smile on her face, "I know someone we could go talk to and have help you with the books stuff!" I smiled my thanks as she pulled me up and almost out the door.

"Shinkiro-san," Byakuya-taicho called out before I made it out the door. Cursing to myself, I turned back around to see him composed with a bit of a smirk on his face, which threw me for a loop.

"Yes, Taicho?" I responded curiously. Next thing I know he appeared behind me.

"Training, 4am. Do not be late, and be prepared," he says calmly as he shuts the door to his office and walks down the hallway.