"Alright guys I have news for everyone." Shepard walked into the war room where everyone was gathered for a debrief.

Everyone turned their attention towards her curious about what she was going to say next. It had been a while since everyone needed to be there for a review of what was going to happen.

"Thanks to Traynor and EDI." Shepard grinned in a feral way, "We're going to Cronos Station where our slippery assassin is reported to have gone."

There was a murmur but the crew was generally silent waiting for Shepard to go on with the debrief. The excitement was starting to build in the air as the information sank in. They all knew how important this was, to the mission and to their commander.

"There will be air support from Admiral Hackett, but our mission is to get inside the Illusive Man's base and generally wreak havoc." there was a smoldering determination in her voice even as she made a joke and looked at her laughing crew members.

"ETA is..." Shepard trailed off and then called out to Joker who was in the cockpit listening in on the debrief from there, "Joker what's our ETA?" she asked loudly.

"ETA to Cronos Station 5 hours commander." Joker's voice came in over the intercom speakers.

"You heard him." Shepard grinned, "I'll let everyone know who's going to be coming with me in an hour tops."

"Take Joker with you!" someone suggested loudly and that brought on a burst of laughter.

Shepard laughed, "How about it Joker?" she asked as she gathered datapads with relevance to the impending mission.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny guys." Joker's voice was heavy with sarcasm,"Oh yeah, let's make jokes about the guy with brittle bone disease." people could almost hear his eyes rolling as he spoke, "You guys know that there's a reason I'm sitting in this chair and not rolling around in the mud like you guys."

There was a fresh wave of chuckles as they all turned to talk to each other.

"Five hours guys." Shepard called as she walked out of the war room with an armful of selected datapads, "And keep an eye on your omni-tool messages. I'll be sending out an email." the doors hissed closed behind her.

...

"You're kidding me." James muttered to himself as he read through his omni-tool messages. He had been chosen along with EDI for the ground mission on Cronos Station. There wasn't a problem with that in itself, in fact he was excited to go. But he didn't feel ready for anything yet.

During his month off, he was busy recuperating and going through physical therapy just trying to walk and move his body normally.

As far as James knew, he still walked with a little limp and his right arm was off when aiming. Part of it had to do with adjusting to the new cybernetics in his body and the other part was that his body was still stiff from the injuries. His body wasn't moving the way he wanted it to.

Are you sure about this Lola? He had to explain himself to her. This was the chance she had been waiting for and he would not be the one to ruin it for her.

His omni-tool lit up.

Is there a reason you're questioning my decision?

Short and straight to the point. James sighed and sat down on one of the cargo boxes next to his station in the shuttle bay.

I just don't know if I'll be able to move the way I want to. He sent the message and shook out his right arm hoping to relieve some of the stuffness in his joints.

Sounds a little kinky lieutenant. James could feel heat rush to his face as he read through that. There was no way that he meant to make it sound a certain type of way. He could almost hear Lola laughing from wherever she was.

You know what I meant Lola. James responded quickly trying to salvage the situation.

I know I know don't overreact lieutenant. Anyway, don't stress too much about the mission. You'll do just fine. Her reply came a little later as if she had been deliberating on what to say...or maybe it's because she'd been a little busy.

James paused trying to think of what to say in response. In the end he could only send two words back.

Thanks Lola.

...

"To the right!" Shepard roared to her ground team when Phantoms began to drop in along with Cerberus soldiers.

James grunted and lunged to the right just as a Phantom swung a sword down where his head had been moments before.

Of course the Illusive Man hadn't been there. James carefully aimed his shotgun at the head of a busy Cerberus soldier and pulled the trigger. But on the plus side, the Leng bastard was here himself and that was more than a good reason to keep fighting. Other than getting out alive that is.

The ground shattered in a burst of black shards that rained down on them almost like rain. That was getting really annoying.

"Is that the best you can do?" Kai Leng taunted as he dodged a spray of bullets.

"How are your legs? Getting tired?" Shepard snapped back as she leapt from cover and took down three soldiers as she dove back down to hide from another wave of soldiers.

It took time. But when it was over, Shepard sat down in the solitary chair still miraculously in one piece and began to hack into the system.

He didn't notice it at first. Maybe it was because he was getting old or maybe it was because he still wasn't at 100% as a soldier, but he didn't notice Kai Leng get up. He didn't notice the assassin raise his sword and aim for Lola. If he had, then he wouldn't have let the bastard get away with pointing a sword at Lola's back.

In that moment, Shepard had gotten up, her omni-blade unfolding and she turned to face Leng with a hardened look on her face.

"That was for Thane you son of a bitch." Shepard spat as the omni-blade sank into the assassin's stomach.

James was frozen to his spot. He hadn't been able to let out so much as a yell and the moment had gone by in what seemed to be a split second. If it had been anyone else but Shepard sitting in that chair, they wouldn't have survived.

...

Shepard had gone to report to Admiral Hackett about the Catalyst being the Citadel while the rest of the crew gathered around in the war room waiting for the post-mission debrief.

James was still stuck in his thoughts about what happened before. He couldn't get over it.

"You okay there?" Garrus sat down heavily next to the lieutenant while everyone chatted away excitedly about a rumored shore leave before finally going to war.

"Um yeah." James cleared his throat and looked up to see that Scars was scrutinizing him.

"Are you sure?" Garrus looked him up and down trying to dissect and examine James' behavior and displays of emotion. Humans could be such an expressive race that it was hard to determine what was going on, "Because I know how tough it is to keep up with my headcounts." he tossed out a little bone for casual conversation.

"Yeah." James replied, "Everything is fine Sc-" but before he could continue the conversation with a quip of his own he was interrupted.

"Alright!" Shepard walked back into the war room still geared up in her armor and fully equipped with weapons, "Good work on Cronos Station everyone." she grinned at all the individuals in the room, "We got the bastard for Thane and now..." she paused trying to hide a chuckle when she noticed the looks on everyone's faces.

Shore leave. Their faces said.

Shore leave.

"We all get some well deserved shore leave!" she laughed when everyone stood up cheering, "We'll be arriving at the Citadel in a few hours. Don't forget to check your messages when you leave the Normandy!" she called as she picked up her helmet on the way out, "I might throw a party or something..." she flashed everyone another quick grin before letting the doors close behind her.

The crew all chattered among themselves, discussing plans, talking about the kind of party their commander might throw, talking about other things that James had no interest in joining in on.

The lieutenant nodded to Scars and stood up after a moment to exit the room. He just wanted to struggle with his thoughts alone right now. He didn't know why, but it felt like there were a lot of issues that he had to work out at the moment. And for some reason, most of them had to do with Shepard.

...

Shepard let out a sigh as she walked inside her cabin and threw herself onto the black couch near her bed. She was too tired to take off her dirty armor, too tired for a shower, too tired for anything.

She could sleep for an entire year and it still wouldn't be enough.

I got him for you Thane, Shepard thought as she turned onto her back letting her helmet drop from her hands and roll away from her, I got the bastard. She could feel a clench in her heart as she thought about him. Hypnotizing black eyes, the deep grating voice that had a strange pull on people, his calm but strong presence.

A strange feeling came over her body and suddenly she felt relaxed and at peace, almost as if the Drell himself was there with her.

"Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention..." Shepard whispered to herself, "Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve." she could feel her throat begin to choke up as she thought about Thane and yet, remarkably her eyes remained dry, "Guide this one Kalahira." her voice broke but the tears never came.

And she will be a companion to you as she was to me.

There was silence as Shepard lay there absently looking up at the ceiling while becoming engrossed in her thoughts. It seemed like it had been a while since she had spent some time alone with her thoughts.

She had been unaware of the knock on her cabin door, she had been unaware of the doors sliding open from an accidental push, and she had been unaware of lieutenant Vega standing there awkwardly and a little surprised at what he had witnessed.

Vega could have easily gotten away with this. Quietly step out and never breathe a word of this to anyone, and just as he took one step backwards, he clanked into the metal door behind him.

Fuck.

He realized too late that the doors had already shut behind him.

"Lieutenant?" Shepard was up in a snap and she was already making her way towards him. Her face was expressionless and James couldn't tell if she was beyond pissed or if really she didn't care.

"U-um hi. " James straightened up trying to act like he had just gotten there, "Lola." he was unable to meet her eyes for some reason.

There was silence as Shepard stared at him expressionlessly, "Did you need something?" she finally asked. Her body had relaxed after the initial reaction and she was now just patiently waiting for an answer. She wouldn't ask if he heard her or not, chances were that he heard everything.

"I...was..I was um just." James stuttered trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make him sound like an ass.

"You know you sound like an ass right now?" Shepard raised an eyebrow at him and then grinned trying to lighten the situation. She hoped he would forget what he saw.

The grin sort of pissed off James for some reason but he just shrugged at her question.

"Well...why don't you have a seat?" Shepard said after another moment of silence and gestured towards the couch she had been lying on only moments ago.

"Why don't you ever get mad?" James suddenly asked not budging from where he stood. By all rights, Shepard should have gotten at least a little angry right? He had seen something he wasn't supposed to have seen.

"Mad at what?" she looked at him as if he was a little strange, "For coming into my room while I wasn't paying attention?" she sat in the chair near her desk since she was too tired to stay standing. James wasn't moving towards the couch and it would be weird if she was the only one sitting there.

James frowned, "You know...mad that I saw that. Mad that I invaded your privacy." he looked at her as if it was obvious. Lola was his CO, his commander, higher up in the chain of command than he was. She could demand his respect and he wouldn't hate her for it, hell, no one would or could for that matter. Why did she act like her problems didn't matter? Why did she act like her struggles didn't hurt? She was human too. She deserved to be a little selfish didn't she?

"What's the point you're trying to make here?" she asked in confusion, she was a little thrown off at the direction of the conversation.

For what it was worth, James never needed to try and make a point like this to anyone, "I mean...it's okay to...to be human." he tried to explain, "You know...like getting annoyed at not being able to have a moment yourself or...something." he mumbled suddenly embarrassed. Agh...por dios...if there was only someone else who noticed stuff like this about Shepard and was able to talk to her about it. Better the other person than him.

Shepard blinked at him in surprise.

"What I mean to say is." James cleared his throat and then looked at Shepard, "If you need someone to listen then you know...I can listen." his voice softened slightly at the end. God what was he saying to his CO right now? This was off the charts, this was not supposed to be happening. There was supposed to be a fucking boundary between ranked officers. Especially between him and Lola.

"Oh." Shepard looked at him for a moment and then a genuine smiled spread across her face. There was a warmth in her chest that she couldn't explain, "Thanks lieutenant." her voice was quiet.

"No problem Lola." James replied gruffly and then walked over to the couch letting himself sink into plush seat, "So anything on your mind?" he asked looking over at her casually.

Shepard paused for a moment before getting up and laughed softly as she made her way towards the seat across from James, "I must be too easy to read." she joked as sat down in the seat forgetting about her fatigue and forgetting about her pain.

It was okay to assume that this person wasn't going anywhere right?

The first person to ever make an effort like this wasn't going to leave her right?

She knew he was a lieutenant and she also knew that ranks mattered to him. But it was okay to have these kind of feelings as long as she kept quiet about it right?

"Well...I mean that prayer was something." he teased and laughed as he dodged a cushion that flew towards his head. If he could help in anyway, he would. Even if it meant crossing the boundaries he had set for himself years ago.

...

Reviews will be much appreciated :)

And thank you for reading everyone.

**updated. Horizon switched to Cronos Station. I made an error haha. Thanks for the catch.