Kili expected to find Betta down by the tunnel again, but she had taken no torch when she left the cave and she was not yet so far gone that she would walk blindly into the pitch dark. She stood at the very edge of the dim circle of light from their cave, however. She was close enough that, though he had no reason to think her hearing was as keen as a dwarf's, he was glad that Fili had thought to hide his speech from her.
She did not turn when he approached. He stepped up beside her, looking into the dark and remembering another night long ago when it had been his brother who had argued with her and driven her from the camp. Yet it seemed always to be Kili's task to bring her back again.
"You are still angry with me, I think," he said softly.
Her arms were crossed, and even in the dim light, his sharp eyes could see that her fingers pressed hard into the sleeve of her coat as her grip tightened in answer to his words. "I was not the one who questioned your love for him," she said.
He looked at her and, though her eyes were dry, he could hear the sorrow in her voice. "I was angry, and anxious," he told her. "I was afraid that my brother would die and I spoke carelessly to you. It was wrong, and I apologize."
"You were wrong in what you said, or you were wrong to say it?" she asked, turning to look at him, but she could not see his face as clearly as he saw hers. She thought herself calm and did not know that grief was written plainly in her features.
"I was wrong on both counts," Kili said. "I hope that we are still friends, and that as a friend, you will allow me to speak frankly with you."
She frowned at him, but nodded. "If you are truly sorry, and this apology is not only made for your brother and not for me, then we are still friends," she said. "Even if you were my enemy, I would rather you spoke your feelings honestly. We have had enough of secrets and lies."
Kili heartily agreed. "I am sorry for what I said, and I have learned since that my words were false, but you must admit that you have not often shown your love for my brother. Your looks are guarded and you keep your feelings close. He has offered to marry you, and in our culture, that is no small thing, yet you gave him no answer. Is it so hard to believe that I might find cause to doubt and, in doubting, seek to protect my brother from the pain of a broken heart?"
Betta sighed, and then she smiled. "You are a good brother," she said. "You make me miss my own all the more, but I do not think that even Calenas could have been as loyal to me as you are to Fili. As for his proposal, Fili knows my answer; I have given it to him." Her smile faded.
"In answer to your doubts, however, think where I stand, Kili. Your brother is a prince among Dwarves, the heir to a great mountain of treasure and nephew to a stern and stubborn king. By the standards of my own people, I am an old maid, poor and without property. What virtue I may once have had is tarnished beyond repair. I have no home, no family. If a man of my own race in similar standing to your brother offered me the same prize, I would turn my back on him. I would trust him less than I trust your brother. Fili speaks fine words, but when this journey is over and he returns to his uncle's halls, how likely is it that he will keep his promise?"
"He will try," Kili said, and then he shook his head. "I do not know," he admitted. "He loves you now and will take no other wife. But I do not know whether he will go against our uncle, how much he is willing to give up for you."
"Then how much should I be willing to give up for him?" she asked. "Should I allow my heart to be bruised and battered yet again? I have no brother to protect me from that pain. I do love him, Kili. I will not see him harmed. And I love you as I loved my own brothers. Do not doubt that." She smiled and looked ahead toward the tunnel that was invisible in the darkness beyond their lighted circle. Her eyes narrowed. "But also do not doubt that I will not turn back, not now that the land itself has insisted that I go on. Our paths lie together again, for a time. Do not stand between me and my goal."
Kili stared at her in surprise, but she had turned her back on the darkness and was walking slowly up the cavern and back to the cave. He frowned and was troubled in his heart, but hurried to follow her. Fili was right, and they had little choice in their direction now, but he agreed with his brother, and it would have been better if they had never brought Betta to this place.
.
With the three of them together in the cave, Betta ate her meal and Fili, at the insistence of his brother, ate a few bites more as well. There was little to be decided, however; both dwarves agreed that there was no way out through the front of the cavern. The snow was too deep for tunneling, even if they had wood for the bracing and supports that would be needed. Even at the top of the hill where the drift would be softer and not as deep, it was too dangerous a climb and a too long a fall down to a hard landing if they failed. If they had more wood to spare, Kili suggested that they might try to melt the snow with a large fire, but Fili pointed out that it would take a whole forest full of trees and the wet wood would undoubtedly fill the cavern with smoke.
In the end, they agreed that they had no other choice. They must explore further into the mountain and hope that one of the tunnels they found would lead them out again.
Nearly all of the discussion was carried out between the two brothers. Betta sat silently and only spoke to agree with one or the other of the dwarves when they insisted on having her opinion. She ate quietly and drank when the mug was passed to her, but her eyes were on the fire. There was no reason for her to speak up. The only choice, as far as she saw it, was to go the way that she wished to go. The only question she had was when they would leave.
Fili watched Betta closely and did not know what to make of her silence. She and Kili had both assured him upon their return that their friendship was mended and there was no more anger between them, but Fili did not miss the cautious glances that Kili continued to cast her way. If Betta saw them, she ignored them.
Fili sighed and lapsed into his own thoughts. He had admitted many of his doubts to Kili, but he had not told him of his dream, and of his greatest worry. When he had accused Betta of madness, he had meant only that her obsession with the quest was making her blind to all else. He had meant it when he said that he did not think she would willfully lead them to harm, but how much will did she have left, he wondered. How much farther could they go before she could no longer turn back even if she wished it?
"Fili?"
He looked up from his thoughts and saw Kili frowning at him. Even Betta was looking at him curiously. "Hm? I am sorry, brother. I was…" He shook his head.
"You are tired," Kili said. "You have not yet recovered from the cold, and you need your rest. But I only asked whether you agreed that we ought to explore the larger passage on the eastern side before we committed ourselves to the western path."
Fili considered it. Unconsciously, he glanced at Betta to see what she might think of the plan, but Kili saw his look.
"Our guide has already expressed her opinion on the matter," he said. "She thinks that we should go west."
"And you say east," Fili said, nodding.
"I say that it would do little harm to walk half an hour down the eastern passage and see what we may find. If it is blocked or proves fruitless, then we will lose only an hour of our day. If not…"
"And if you find a pocket of your burning gasses down there, what then?" Betta demanded. "Who would you send into that tunnel, I wonder? I will not go that way. I will not let you take your brother."
Fili raised an eyebrow. "I do not know whether it is your place to let anyone go anywhere," he told her gently. "I am not so badly injured that I cannot walk half a mile down a smooth passage."
"I will go myself," Kili said. "I will go alone because it is only for a short distance and only to see what lies ahead, but there is equal danger down both passages. We do not know what we may find if we choose the western way either. Who are you to…"
"Kili." Fili's voice was stern and a little tired. He gave them both severe looks. "I will hear no arguments," he said. "We must each be free to speak openly and to consider all options. To wait here is to wait for death." He looked hard at Betta and was relieved when she lowered her eyes and her expression was contrite.
"I am sorry if my words were too sharp," she said, her apology directed at Kili. "I do not like that passage."
"Nor do I," Fili said, "but Kili is right and we cannot discount it only because we think it strange. Whatever our original quest has been, our goal now is to find a way out of these caves. Do you understand me?"
Betta looked at him and for a moment they sat in silence, matched eye for eye, and Kili felt the old discomfort returning as they each clung to their stubborn pride. He remembered what Betta had said about staying out of her way and wondered whether the admonition would eventually be applied to Fili as well.
In the end, Betta nodded and hung her head, but she was not defeated. "We must find a way out," she agreed, "and the only place to look is down those tunnels. If Kili would like to search on the eastern side, then I will not prevent him, but I think we would have better luck if we turned our faces westward. From that direction has always come hope, even to the Dwarves, I think."
"It is true for the Dwarves as well," Fili agreed. He sighed and finally admitted to himself that he was tired and still weak. "It has been a long day already. We all need to rest," he said. "Though there is no day and no night in this place, I think that a few hours' sleep will do us much good before we begin our march. I know that I am not yet as strong as I would wish to be."
In an instant, all grudges were forgotten. Kili and Betta both quickly agreed that a rest was needed, and Kili volunteered to take the watch so that Fili could sleep. Betta insisted on taking half as well so that Kili could also rest saying that he had done the more physical part of their labor that day.
With their hours agreed upon, Kili left to sit in the angle of their screen, and Betta stretched out where she was. Fili lay at the back of the cave, but he was uncomfortable sleeping in the place that she had in the past claimed for her own. He remembered the night before when he had lain beside her with his arm around her waist.
"This is your place," he said quietly. "Would you rather not lay here?"
She opened one eye to look at him. "This rest is for you most of all," she said. "It would be wrong for me to insist that you stand up again only to trade places with me. My stone mattress here is no softer than yours, but if you wish to lay here, then I will move." She began to sit up.
"No," he said. "If you are comfortable where you are, then I will not ask you to move."
She lay down again. She bid him good sleep and closed her eyes. Fili sighed and turned onto his back. He could rest, he thought, but he would not sleep. His body ached and his mind was troubled. After the danger of the avalanche, he had a whole new reason to doubt his leadership. It was his fault that they were trapped, and it was he who could not get them out again. What would Thorin think to see him now?
Fili turned and looked at Betta again. From the rise and fall of her chest, he knew that she was fast asleep already. Her face was calm, and he was glad to see that however deep the quest clung to her and however dark was the shadow that it had drawn over her heart, at least in sleep she could yet find peace. He was afraid for her, and afraid of what she might be driven to do if he could not get her away from this place.
.
After two hours, Kili returned to the cave and woke Betta for her watch. More than two hours later, Kili woke suddenly and realized that he had overslept. He looked around and saw that Betta still sat up beyond the screen. Fili was leaning back against the back corner of the cave, dozing lightly and his face was calm. All was calm.
Kili breathed a sigh of relief. He would have let his brother sleep on, but as soon as he stood up, Fili opened his eyes.
"Well, we have much work to do," he said.
"Stay, sleep a little longer," Kili said, but Fili shook his head.
"I cannot sleep."
The dwarves pulled back the screen and built up the fire, and in its light, they began the work of pillaging what remained of the troll's hoard and building the best they could the packs and slings that they would need to carry their supplies.
Iron rods, they needed, and found in abundance, though it was difficult to find those that were strong enough to bear the weight they planned to put on them. Leather and cloth was harder to come by, but Betta showed them where she had found the scraps that she had used to carry the frozen meat, and Kili was able to dig out a few more rags that were not wholly rotten. The cloak from their screen they took down again. There would be no use for a built shelter while they journeyed underground. What they might need once they came out the other side – if they came out the other side – they did not speak of. Their strength would be stretched to the limit carrying their food and the wood that they would need to cook it and to light their way. They did not know how long they must wander before they found a way out.
From the scavenged leather, Fili cut several long straps and bound together many bundles of wood while Kili bent the iron into hooks that would rest with relative comfort on their shoulders. With the mouth of the cavern blocked up, the dwarves were surprised to find that the place was much warmer than they had come to expect. Kili said something about the hot springs underground, and Fili did not disagree, but they both shared a look that Betta was reluctant to have explained to her.
Her pack was the only one they had left, and in it they put the tinder box, their fragment of bowl, and all the other little things that they would need. The rest was filled with frozen meat wrapped up in rags. Kili insisted on carrying it because it was the heaviest load, and Fili did not miss Betta's anxious looks. He had packed the bag himself and knew that buried at the bottom of it were still her own belongings, her father's razor and the old steel box.
Finally, their supplies were packed and Kili reminded his brother of the eastern passage. Fili meant to go down with him, uncomfortable letting his brother wander out of his sight, but Betta stood firm and even Kili agreed that there was no use in wasting the energy of the two injured members of their party.
"After all, my bruises have healed. It is your turn to be the invalid among us," Kili said, smiling.
"I suppose I cannot stop you," Fili said, "but do not go far, and if you meet danger, shout and we will come to your aid."
Kili nodded and set out down the passage. Betta stood at the mouth of the tunnel, her arms crossed and her face stern; she had argued even with Fili himself to prevent him entering that passage.
They sat in silence, but Kili was gone far less than the half an hour that they had agreed upon. The passage was too dangerous, he told them, and the smell of gas only grew stronger the deeper he went on. The air grew hotter, too, and that undoubtedly was the reason that their cavern seemed to grow warmer. If they stayed there any longer with the cavern blocked up as it was, then they would certainly suffocate in the foul air.
"That is the end of that, then," Fili said, rising slowly to his feet. "We must go west, and let us trust that Betta's words will prove true and hope lies in that direction."
They each shouldered their own packs and slings, and Betta led the way to the tunnel cut with the mark of her quest. On her back, Betta carried a bundle of wood and a sling full of meat. Fili carried the same, but he had insisted on a heavier load, though both Kili and Betta protested.
Betta glanced up only once toward the cave where they had spent their last two nights. It was as close to a home as they had had on this journey, and she might even say that there were a few happy memories made there, but she did not regret moving on. She turned her eyes ahead to the black mouth of the tunnel, and Fili raised his torch, shining the light on the outer walls. He looked at her and then back at his brother.
Kili sighed and shook his head, but there was no denying that they had no other choice. He shrugged his shoulders. "Lead on, Fili," he said, and they stepped into the tunnel.