Let's start the first Aftermath. Thanks for reviewing, OmniIBIBUltraInstinctGodzilla.

There was a theme tune that played before the cameras cut to the two new hosts. "What's going on, everyone?" Geoff greeted the studio audience, raising a hand. "Welcome to the brand new, totally off-the-hook, Total Drama Action Aftermath show!"

"We're coming to you live," Bridgette joined in, "To dish everything Total Drama Action!"

"This is where the real action is! I'm Geoff!"

"And I'm Bridgette!"

The two of them went on talking about how they got voted off and how cool the new season was, all about how exciting it was.

"We are so psyched to be here," Geoff added.

I glanced around at my castmates (I was sitting between Cody and Noah). "Are you sure?" I muttered.

Not quietly enough. I'd forgotten the set was pretty much amplified for everyone. Geoff looked up at me. "I would hope so," he said, "But glad you reminded us you're here! Peyton, everyone!"

Cheers rose from the studio audience. I smiled and timidly waved, before jumping up to do a quick cartwheel, just to remind everyone what I really wanted people to remember.

After that, Geoff introduced all the other castmates from the first season who didn't get to compete. Most everyone just smiled. I even got reintroduced, and later found out that they used a clip of me from Episode 2 of Island to remind everyone – it was when I made a point to Ezekiel by doing the splits.

Courtney, meanwhile, was on her cellphone, trying to organize a lawsuit against the producers for not letting her on the season (she'd lost one for wrongful dismissal when Harold got her kicked off) and had been muttering for days about Duncan and Gwen hanging out on the show – like they acted like anything more than friends (I didn't get what Gwen saw in Duncan as even a friend, but it wasn't like I had to be friends with him, so I wasn't going to say anything when I next saw her).

Tyler was the last to be introduced. "There you are, dude!" Geoff grinned. "Would somebody please tell Lindsay?" Yeah, she kept mentioning him. When Trent was choosing his teammates, she wanted him to choose Tyler, she suggested they get him to pull a trailer up a hill and when Beth asked her if she thought Trent was a little weird, thought she'd said Tyler was there. Either way, Geoff's joke got a laugh out of the studio audience.

The aftermath was…actually pretty good. I won't go through all of it. When Izzy came out, one of the first things Geoff asked her was how it felt to be the first one voted off. She replied, "I don't know, Geoff, how did it feel?"

"We were the first ones voted off," Bridgette reminded Geoff in a low voice.

Geoff started talking about it, before remembering he was supposed to ask Izzy. She didn't say too much about it until stating that she couldn't lie about it…not that it was painful, but she couldn't lie because she had a lie detector outfitted that gave her a little electric shock the second she started lying. "That's a really nice top, Bridge," she added before the detector shocked her. "See?" Okay, so Bridgette's hoodie wasn't the prettiest thing ever. But it wasn't ugly or anything. Did she have to lie about that?

After a detour into Izzy's previous chocolate sculpting class (because she missed out on the chocolate Gilded Chris Award), Geoff announced a game of "Truth or Hammer". It was just what it said. If Izzy told a lie or answered a question wrong, a giant hammer would come down and knock her out of her chair. Well, it was more forceful than painful.

"Season Two started off so well for you," Bridgette began. "Where did things go wrong?"

Izzy thought for a moment, then said "I think it was when I turned down that secret alliance with Chef."

No hammer. Okay, that was a shocker. Chef wanted to make an alliance? I mean, I'd seen him talking to DJ about toughening him up, but I hadn't realized he'd asked Izzy first. DJ made more sense – sensitive, kind, easily scared. I hadn't seen too much yet, but now I guessed Chef must have been trying to make an alliance and get his hands on half the million from the start of the season.

And to prove it, there was a clip of Chef proposing the alliance to Izzy, and her refusing with a karate kick. "Look at that intern!" Geoff laughed, pointing at one in the frame. "He thinks he's next!"

"I would never hurt that intern," Izzy declared…just as the hammer swung down.

"Liar, liar, wrap skirt needs fire," I whispered to Noah. He rolled his eyes at me.

Nothing really interesting happened until it got to a mention of Gwen telling Trent's team to vote him off. We got a shot of Trent, who was still waiting in the green room, and his live reaction.

"Oh, man..wha…are you kidding? Gwen did WHAT? This is a joke, right?"

"Did someone not tell the dude?" Geoff exclaimed, looking up at the screen. "Sorry, man."

This actually started an argument between Bridgette and Geoff. Bridgette felt bad for Trent, but Geoff insisted the team would have voted him off anyway and he shouldn't have been throwing challenges. When Bridgette argued back, Geoff brought up the incident with the kiss between him and Heather, to which Bridgette rightfully said that was all Heather's fault because she tricked him.

Now, I'd kind of been on the fence about where I fell on this, until Geoff said "A dude hardly needs to be tricked into kissing the hottest chick on the show!"

The audience gasped. I gasped. He'd just said, in front of his own girlfriend, that Heather was hotter than her. Okay, he tried to backtrack by saying Trent shouldn't have kissed Heather and he wouldn't. "You're superhot too, Bridge! You're sweet and caring, you know, Heather's just got…an edge."

"It's called being mean!" Bridgette pushed Geoff to the ground. "Or have you forgotten how awful she was to me first season?"

"She was like that to everyone!"

"Oh, and yet you still think she was the hottest chick on the show! Maybe you should be dating her!"

"Well, maybe you should be with Trent! Sure are defending the dude enough!"

Izzy quickly tried to break up the argument while we had an ad break on the show. By the end of the break, Izzy was actually trying to host with the two of them against each other, explaining that we needed help to settle who was right – Bridgette on Team Trent, or Geoff on Team Gwen. "Thanks for all your texts and emails!" she said. "Oh, and feel free to use ESP. I'm psychotic."

"I think you mean psychic," Bridgette said, looking a little less hostile.

"Pretty sure my therapist said psychotic," Izzy replied, almost laughing. "Okay. Shall we check on Trent first?"

Big mistake. The green room footage just showed Trent bawling.

Instead, we had a video of their relationship, again with meaningful commentary by the hosts. It went through just about everything, starting another argument between the hosts. Izzy smoothed it over. "We already know how you two feel. Let's hear from everyone else!"

I had to think about this. Sadie spoke up first. "At first I was totally on Team Trent. I mean, poor guy! But seeing that video reminded me of how devastated Gwen was when Trent kissed Heather."

"You mean when Heather kissed Trent." Katie corrected.

They started getting into another spat about whether it was the same thing or if it was like saying one girl got their favourite swimsuit before the other when it was the wrong way around.

"I'm definitely on Team Gwen," Cody declared. "She's hot. And I have her bra." He held it up. Why on earth was he carrying it around? That was creepy.

It had to be my turn. "I don't really think either team," I admitted. "No one else got this, but Owen was the one who gave Trent the idea to start throwing challenges, and he kept spying on them and ruining their alone time, so it's actually his fault."

Okay, that got a reaction out of everyone. Noah turned to scowl at me and whisper "He didn't mean any harm! Leave the dude alone!"

Maybe I was scared of some people, but scrawny Noah, even with his acidic tongue, wasn't one of them. I scowled straight back and said "Yes, you heard me. Owen's nice, friendly and I like him, but I can't pick sides because he was totally involved in this and the episodes say the same!"

Courtney said she was on Team Gwen, "Not because I like her, but because Trent is a loser. By choice!"

"Maybe it's time we bring out Trent," Izzy suggested.

At this point, Trent was less tearful, but playing an angry song on the guitar. Yep, time to bring him out. He managed a smile as he appeared, guitar in one hand and waving with the other.

After that, he just talked a little bit, saying he didn't know exactly what happened. And then, Geoff asked him about his number nine obsession. It turned out it had nothing at all to do with Gwen. The amount of letters in their names was coincidence. Trent explained that he had this toy train his grandpa gave him, and just before he died, a wheel fell off, leaving nine. "My mom said that nine was now my lucky number."

We also heard from Ginger on the webcam, a Trent fangirl who said she'd love it if he was crazy about her. Even if it was "psycho crazy" as she put it. Then we got another webcam from someone calling themselves Steve the Yeti, who we found out was actually Chris dressed up in a yeti costume, demanding to know how Geoff and Bridgette got their own show. Chef showed up as well, telling us not to believe a thing Izzy said. Right, like he wasn't making a secret alliance with DJ as we spoke.

Afterwards, the hosts allowed Trent to sing a break-up song. Izzy and Trent had to end the show afterwards, because Geoff and Bridgette got all sentimental and started trying to make out while ending it after Geoff apologized for what he'd said about Heather and told Bridgette she was the hottest chick on the planet.

I was not looking forward to more Aftermath shows, to be honest. Not if Geoff was going to act like he had today. He stopped being the nice guy I knew and started getting a little mean.

Sorry, Peyton, but that's going to be the norm for a while. This is the only Aftermath I've written out, which is why the last part is summarized. But I had to keep the bit where Chris comes in.