Notes: This chapter is a bit of a departure from the usual style. One of the things about Haruno that I've always found difficult to write about has been her emotional side, since it's pretty much never shown in canon. So I dunno how her story here really reads, but it's how I envisioned things and at this point there's no turning back.

oOo

Shimada-kun is the son of a wealthy venture capitalist. Hmm? You don't know what that is? To put it simply, a venture capitalist is someone with a lot of money. They usually like to invest money in small, growing companies in exchange for a stake in the company. They're basically throwing money around betting that these small companies will become profitable and they make money off of those profits with their stake in the company.

Anyways, it's a fairly lucrative, if risky, business. But Shimada-kun's family has quite a lot of capital to spare, and so they've been able to absorb the risks and come out ahead.

Naturally, alongside all of that wealth, they have tremendous influence. They've always been a major supporter of the LDP and have donated considerable amounts of money to LDP candidates.

Now, you might be wondering, how is any of this relevant?

Well, I know that you know a little bit about our family. The Yukinoshita family wasn't exactly born from wealth, but my parents took the opportunities given to them and made a fair fortune out of it. And from that fortune came more opportunity.

Opportunity for what, you ask?

Well, for a lot of things. More connections. More wealth. But really, Mother and Father were only ever focused on one thing.

Power.

See, both Mother and Father are ambitious, and their ambition is what led them to become "successful", at least in the eyes of society. It wasn't as though they were born without means; they were both from middle class families. But to rise to the top of the social hierarchy is not easy. And much of their success is likely attributable to their ambition.

Lately, because they've achieved so much financially, they've turned their attention to other interests. And Father has always been one with political aspirations. He's been preparing to run for office for nearly a decade now, by first running campaigns for others within the LDP party to gain experience and build his platform. And naturally, this meant running in the same circles as a lot of the bigwigs in the LDP.

All of that is to say that I met Shimada-kun a long time ago. Back then, he was just the son of a family friend; someone my parents told me to take note of. He's the son of a very important man, Mother used to say all the time. Pay attention to him.

Attention. It's a word with double meanings. Attention can be a great thing; it can be something we crave. To stand and shine in the spotlight is the dream of many kids growing up. But attention can also be malicious. It can lead to unintended consequences. It can lead to situations that are very much undesirable.

And that's exactly what happened. I caught the, very much unwanted, attention of the very person I was told to take note of. I suppose that was probably inevitable, given my appearance and background. But suddenly, Shimada-kun was making overtures towards me, and they weren't subtle in the slightest. In fact, they were so overt that my parents noticed immediately. Right after that party or whatever it was that we had been attending, they pulled me aside for a private chat. It was just my parents and myself, even Yukino-chan was sent to her room after we arrived back home. And that's when the real trouble began.

To my parents, this was a golden opportunity. An opportunity to make a connection with one of the wealthiest and most influential families in the whole of Japan. And it would do wonders for my father's political aspirations. And so suddenly, I was being encouraged to spend more time with Shimada-kun. My parents pushed for me to accept his invites to social events. Concerts, movies, festivals, you name it. It didn't matter if I was interested in him, or if I was interested in what he was inviting me out to. I was encouraged to go because it would help out my Father.

After a while, I started arguing with my parents. Why did I have to sacrifice so much of my life for the family? I mean, Yukino-chan was free to spend her time however she pleased. Although my little sister has always found it difficult to connect with people, and so she never had anyone she wanted to spend time with, she still had the option to spend time however she wanted. I wanted that freedom too. I wanted to be able to choose my happiness too.

And it wasn't just about the fact that I couldn't do what I wanted to. Shimada-kun was dreadfully boring. He was always going on about what success, or what he deemed as the metrics of success, as if he'd had any ideas about what that looked like. Considering that his wealth is entirely inherited, I can assure you that he has no clue how the world works. And yet, he's going to be able to live his entire life without that knowledge, because his parents will be able to provide for him comfortably for the entirety of his lifespan.

But, well, every time I would raise a protest, Mother and Father would always say the same thing to me.

"Well, who would you rather spend your time with? Do you have a friend or a boyfriend?"

At first, of course, I had no answer for them. I didn't have anyone special in mind that I wanted to spend time with. Sure, there were friends from school, but I was already spending time with them. I had no excuse to see them even more than I already was. But then… then I met you. I met you in that time-traveling cafe. I still remember that day vividly. It was a cold winter day and the wind was blowing rather fiercely, making t feel all the more cold as I ducked into that cafe. I'd just disentangled myself from Shimada-kun, claiming that I had dinner plans after we'd gone to the movies to watch some political drama that I had no interest in. I was feeling particularly… frustrated that day. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I was simply pissed off. Either way, I was looking for a way out. A way to change the past, if you will.

But of course, as we both know, the cafe does not allow for conveniences like changing the past. No, of course not; there's never an easy way out. But it wasn't an entirely fruitless trip, because there you sat at that table by the counter with that stupidly large parfait. I don't really remember what it was about you that so interested me, but you certainly didn't disappoint after I chased after you out of the cafe. And then again when we ran into each other at the library.

I realized it very shortly after we started talking. Properly, I mean. One on one, not like the weird conversation that we had in the cafe with the waitress and the crippled man. I realized why you were so interesting to me.

You could see me, Hikigaya-kun. You understood me, for who I was. And that, to me, was probably the most interesting about you. Because with you, it didn't matter how perfect I looked, or what mask I was wearing. You'd always find a way to tear off all the layers until I was nothing more than just a regular teenage girl. You'd figure out how I felt, regardless of what my face showed. And that… that was amazing. Because I felt like you understood me. I felt like I could say what I wanted to someone else for once in my life. And because of that, spending time with you didn't feel like a burden; like I was simply playing a role that I was cast into instead of doing something that I, that Yukinoshita Haruno, actually wanted to do.

And so, after I met you, whenever my parents would ask those questions about having someone to spend time with again, my mind would inevitably turn to you. Don't give me that surprised look, Hikigaya-kun. Did you really think that our meetings were all random coincidences? Of course not. I wanted to see you and you, it seemed, also wanted to see me. And when two people that live in the same town want to see each other, it becomes significantly easier to run into each other, wouldn't you say?

Those times were fun. Even if nothing really happened, just getting to talk with you, to tease you and get you all riled up, watching you struggle with algebra, well they were kind of a highlight.

Ara ara, Hikigaya-kun. You seem very excited. Did something good happen? Oh? What's that? You're upset because I disappeared on you? Well, I'm getting to that.

Everything was going swimmingly for me. I'd found myself someone exciting, someone I wanted to spend time with. For once, I could beg off of seeing Shimada-kun with the excuse that I was going to see you instead. And so I did, and we met in the library again.

Do you remember that day, Hikigaya-kun? I, of course, remember it very clearly yet again. Which day, you're asking? Do you really not remember? It was that day in the library when you told me that I visited you from the future.

…

…

Why do you look so shocked, Hikigaya-kun? Did you really forget all about that day? I'm hurt, but then I suppose that you're more interested in my little sister these days anyways. So I guess I can only be angry with myself for feeling disappointed that you've forgotten. But yes, on that day in the library, you told me that you'd been to the time-traveling cafe again. And this time, you were visited by someone from the future.

Initially, I'd only thought to tease you, because watching you squirm really was very satisfying and fun. When I heard that the mysterious time traveler was a girl, honestly, it was just too easy. I poked and prodded at you and didn't think much about it. But of course, you turned the tables on me that day. You told me that the mysterious time traveler, the one that you were getting so worked up over while I teased you, was actually me.

I remember you saying this very clearly, as if it happened yesterday.

You're the girl that stole my heart away in that cafe.

Suddenly, things were different. Suddenly, our relationship had moved so far beyond what I had expected or even anticipated that I was caught completely off guard. I must've made some terribly embarrassing face in that moment; something that to this day I wish I could forget.

At any rate, your little confession changed everything. I'd already realized that the time I spent with you was so much more fun and exciting than anything that I did with Shimada-kun. I realized that I didn't want to be forced into dressing up for fancy dinners or showing up to those high-class, snobbish parties that he was particularly fond of.

And much more importantly, I realized two facts about myself that I couldn't deny anymore.

First, I much preferred simpler, humbler places.

Second, and perhaps more importantly…

I liked you. No… maybe… I lo-

Well… it doesn't matter what my feelings were exactly anymore. But the me back then knew that I wanted to be with you, and not anyone else.

So I set about trying to achieve what I wanted. Yukinoshita Haruno always gets what she wants, or at least that's how the saying went back in my days at Soubu. I set about freeing myself from my obligations. But there were so many obstacles in my way. First, of course, was my Father's political aspirations. Cutting ties with Shimada-kun would likely set him back quite a bit in his bid to become a representative for Chiba at the national Diet. Mother would also never approve, and my Mother was particularly difficult to go against. It wasn't that she held more power than my Father, quite the contrary she had always been the one working to support him. But Mother was very particular about seeing her wishes through. And she had… methods of persuasion that she would use against anyone who would attempt to thwart her. Father was honestly easier to deal with, because with him compromises and bargains could be reached. With Mother… well… things usually only ever ended up going her way. But still, I spent months slowly trying to convince her that I was serious. That I really didn't want anything to do with Shimada-kun anymore. That I'd found someone I… I really liked.

I know that during this time, we didn't meet. And I… I'll admit that I wasn't… that I didn't really know how to face you. I didn't know what to think about your story; about how a future version of me came back to the cafe to see you. I mean, we'd obviously visited the cafe together, but I never really proved, one way or another, the veracity of all those rumors. So I just wasn't sure… I mean, I didn't know what to think about what you said. And so I just… I didn't try to meet up with you. I promised myself… I promised that I'd meet you and explain everything after I'd sorted things out with my family. After I could respond to what you'd told me properly, without any unwanted outside influences.

Because… because at that time Hikigaya-kun, I think I would've wanted to believe that the cafe could really send people back in time.

I wanted to believe in the future you told me about.

oOo

Haruno made to take a drink of coffee from her cup, only to find that the cup was already empty. He saw this and headed back to the counter without a word, requesting a refill for both of them. His cup was also almost empty and they'd probably be here for a while. He also needed the break. He needed the time to calm down. So much so that after requesting the refill, he then quickly excused himself to the bathroom, slipping inside the men's room and locking the door.

The simple fact of the matter was that he had been surprised… no… downright shocked by what Haruno had said. He'd forgotten about what he'd said that day in the library. During their last meeting, right before she disappeared; the last time he saw Yukinoshita Haruno before the fateful Saize incident.

It had seemed so simple back then. He'd just been trying to one-up her; she'd been teasing him mercilessly and up until that point he'd never really been able to fire back. The few times he'd tried making fun of Haruno for having a boyfriend backfired spectacularly; suggestive comments about her boyfriend not only failed to produce embarrassment, but instead they seemed to only irritate Haruno. Almost as if she wanted to talk about anything else except her own boyfriend.

He didn't think too hard about it all back then. After all, if she had a boyfriend, then it stood to reason that she loved him, right? He had been too naive back then to understand that a relationship didn't necessarily imply love. That not all relationships were happy ones.

So he didn't really think too hard about his little white lie at the time. It was just a way to tease her back, and what's more, it had worked spectacularly. She'd been so embarrassed that she hadn't said a word to him for the rest of that meeting.

But the problem was… Haruno had taken his words seriously. Perhaps more seriously than she had taken anything that he'd said up to that point. So how could that really be his fault? How could he have known that she wouldn't question anything that he'd said? How could he have known that she… that she saw him as a potential partner?

You still should never have said it, a small voice in the back of his head whispered. You knew that it was going to be a misunderstanding; that you were being irresponsible with your words. After all… you never even met the future version of her in the cafe. It was Yukinoshita you saw, not her. So not only did you cause her immense turmoil with your little attempt at teasing her, but your words and the meaning that they conveyed were built on a lie in the first place.

A liar. That's all that he really was. And Hikigaya Hachiman was supposed to hate liars.

oOo

When he returned to their little table, Haruno was already working on the second cup of coffee. She didn't offer much acknowledgement of his return; she simply pushed his cup of coffee over to him.

"Right… well, I'd like to hear the rest of the story, if you're okay with it." He said awkwardly. It felt like the break had changed the atmosphere, and not necessarily in a good way. Before, there had been tension and some regret, but now things felt darker. The tension was thicker now as well; it seemed as though Haruno had only become more upset during this pause in the story.

"I can continue whenever you're ready," she responded, her tone once more short and cold.

He gestured with his hands for her to continue.

As I had mentioned, I really wanted to believe in the future you'd painted so prettily for me. The idea that I had a future with you came as perhaps the ultimate blessing. To be told at a time when I had become increasingly frustrated and hopeless at my own future romantic prospects that I had other options, that I had the ability to choose you… well that made me irrationally happy. Hope bloomed inside me, and it wasn't just because I thought of our future together. No, it was bigger than that. Because if the future you told me about was real, then that meant that I had taken control of my life away from my parents. I'd had the ability to choose you. Coming at a time when I felt cornered and trapped by Mother's will, your story made my whole world brighter.

And so I spent months trying to make that future that you'd shown me happen. I argued and fought with my parents, I made my feelings and intentions clear to Shimada-kun, and in general I did everything in my power to resolve my own personal issues. After all, I didn't want to approach you as anything less than my very best. Even if you've always been able to see through the different faces and roles that I've played; I still wanted to be as close to perfect as possible… for you.

You know… I never knew until that moment that putting in effort for someone I cared about could be so easy.

Anyways, I know that I made my fair share of mistakes with the way things ended between us. I'm not so delusional that I think that I did nothing wrong. I know that I shouldn't have disappeared on you for all that time. I know how it must have looked and felt on your side. But I was really trying, you know that? Maybe I didn't handle things in the best way, but I was putting my all into being together with you.

Objectively, I know that it was really difficult for you to see everything I was doing, because you don't run in the same circles as my family. So I get that you couldn't understand just how hard I was trying to make something work with you. You couldn't see all the fights I had with Mother about what I wanted. All the times I'd been forced to redo my mascara because Mother had the uncanny ability to ruin my makeup in the worst way possible. All the horribly uncomfortable conversations that I'd had with Shimada-kun. You couldn't see any of that, so you couldn't have known why I wasn't reaching out to you.

But Hikigaya-kun… I thought you loved me.

And if you loved me… I thought that you'd be able to man up and say that out loud. I thought you'd be able to declare to the world that you loved me.

When I saw you in that Italian restaurant that day… Shimada-kun had been pestering me for weeks on end, wondering why I'd taken to ghosting all of his messages and requests to meet up. And it was more serious than I'd thought; he'd gotten his father involved. Mother was lighting up my phone with messages about how I was ruining the family over my own selfish desires.

But you know what? I realized that I didn't care. I realized that… for my whole life, the only thing Yukinoshita Haruno has ever done is sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of the family.

I decided then and there that I was going to be selfish for once. That I was going to pursue what I thought was my own happiness.

And so that's how we met again. And I'll be honest, I thought that you'd be a little more excited to see me. Or at least happier. I didn't expect you to try to hide away from me. And I definitely didn't expect you to be confused; almost as if you'd never expected me to show up again.

Looking back at it now, I'd guess that you probably resented me for being so distant. But I had no choice! And I would've explained it all to you too, but there was no time at that moment. Shimada-kun was there and he'd been incredibly obnoxious as per usual, so I decided to take a risk. I'm a good actress after all… I can play the role of the girl in love quite well.

And so… I fucking threw myself at you. Do you know how much I wished that you'd wrap your arms around me and kiss me back; how much I wished that we could really take that next step in our relationship together? Do you know how much I needed you to affirm how I felt in that moment? Sure… the whole moment was built on a farce, on a desperate gamble I'd made to get out of my situation with Shimada-kun.

But Hikigaya-kun, that didn't make it any less fucking real. Do you understand that? Can you even comprehend that?

It doesn't matter if something is built on a lie… as long as the feelings that are conveyed at the end of it all are genuine.

But you didn't say anything. You looked at me with wide eyes, as if you'd never expected me to kiss you. As if I were some crazy woman that you'd never met. I'll never forget that look in your eyes. Even as I asked you… no… pleaded with you to say something. Anything to give me even a sliver of hope. You just stared at me as if you'd never seen me before.

And that…

I said that I'd be honest with you, and so I will. I will… even if every fiber of my being wants to lie.

But when you dropped your head, when you didn't say a single word despite what I was trying to convey to you… that fucking broke me.

And now, after all this time, you have the audacity to show up and tell me that you want to help me? That you want to make amends?

I think it's much more likely that you're just guilty. You're feeling a mixture of guilt over your inaction and pity for me. You want to make amends because it'll make you feel better. And sure, I can believe that maybe theres a part of you that does really want to help me. But in the end, Hikigaya-kun, you're just being selfish.

You want to make amends so that you don't have to feel so guilty anymore.

So I'm sorry Hikigaya-kun, but I'm simply not kind enough to assuage your conscience like that. I won't give you a way for you to forgive yourself. I know that it's bitter and petty, but I want you to feel that guilt and regret for as long as you live. You've lost your chance to save me… and you'll just have to live with that.

Hmm? What's that? You said that you're still going to try to help me? Heh, don't make me laugh. Even if you could find some way to help me, it's too late now. Father's running for office this election cycle and my engagement is meant to be his crowning PR achievement. Marrying into Shimada-kun's family will bring in the conservative votes to ensure his victory, not to mention a large amount of campaign funding. And so the wedding will occur as soon as I graduate. There's nothing more to be done about it. I've grown to accept this situation. It's not what I would have wanted, but then again part of growing up is learning that in life, there's not always a happy ending waiting for you at the end of the story. Sometimes, we simply grow up and find ourselves disappointed in what we find in our life. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice our dreams.

But that's okay. I'll be fine playing the role of the trophy wife; it's a whole lot easier than being star-crossed lovers, after all.

So please don't come and reach out to me again. I don't want you barging into my life again, so let us part ways here, Hikigaya-kun.

Our time together is at an end. But hey, if Yukino-chan really does take after me in everything, then maybe one day we'll still be able to sit across from each other as family.

Wouldn't that just be poetic?

oOo