Here is improved version, I love that.
Beta-ed by GlassSplinter, thank you.
Ianto thought about it for a while. Moreover, he thought, it seemed more logical. Even more, it seemed to be an elegant solution to his problem. He was sick and tired of the pain, fear, and nightmares. He wanted to feel something else, something vivid. He tried to go out and pick up somebody, or let himself get picked up; but the noise, the laughter, the strange faces, the woman that laughs like Lisa, the other one with skin like hers, another one with her posture, her glance, her grace. He would go running from his attempts almost crying, and it seemed like everybody was laughing at him.
After he realized what exactly he wanted from Jack, he went out in search of a man. He discovered a similar difficulty. This one was too tall, that one was too skinny, another too shy, too aggressive, etc. In short, none of them was Jack. He didn't want a man, he wanted Jack. After that, the only question was could he get Jack?
He took his clothes off and stood in front of a mirror. He never reviewed himself in that way before. Tiny mistakes, and flaws didn't bother women, they expected everything from beer belly to back hair. They didn't care, you only needed to act as they wanted you to. Men were a different kind. He knew that, because he watched the world in the same way. They watched closely, and were always measuring, and comparing. Sightseeing, in a way, was very important to a man's hard on.
Toshiko once said that Jack would shag anything if it was gorgeous enough. Was he gorgeous? Sometimes Jack did make him feel that way with his flirtatious comments. But that didn't mean much because he did it all the time, to almost everyone. It was his way of being polite. Sometimes he seemed to do that just to brighten people up, and it worked. He didn't have to shag everyone in sight; he just had to act like he would if it was offered. Gwen was a perfect example of that. She was happy with the thought that she could have him, but she went and slept with Owen, not Jack. Ianto had the conviction that nobody that was able to sleep with the obnoxious doctor Owen would ever submit to Jack. What those two men offered was as opposite as was possible. He didn't want to think about Owen and his diminishing comments. That turned him off instantly.
Instead he focused on the mirror. The image wasn't all that bad. All the work, not eating, and some running had kept him thin. Jack wouldn't mind seeing that in front of him, but how to get to that stage? If Jack had, at some point, expected from him some kind of reply, that was extinguished in the night that Cyberwoman died. He could see it in his angry eyes. Behind the anger there was pain, and a real feeling of betrayal. Jack had thought he was on his side, just to discover that he was seduced, and deceived by an empty suit.
"You hid yourself from us," he said, and the truth was that he hid himself from Jack. Others weren't watching. On the other hand Jack did, very closely. At the time he felt nervous and uneasy under his gaze. He thought that his piercing eyes were searching for his secret. Now when he thinks about it, it looks like he was only admiring the view. Ianto gave the mirror a small smile and felt warmth. That went in his favor.
He threw himself on the bed and went even further in the past to the day he seduced Jack to make up a job for him. That was a horrible day. He knew the pterodactyl was his last chance. He was so tense and desperate that his heart was skipping at every second beat. But Lisa was at stake, so he suited himself up and became the man that Jack Harkness wouldn't resist. The buffed and calm man from his first day didn't work; neither did the begging and pleading man from second day. So, he offered him an action man on that third attempt.
Even through the nerves, while he was blabbing things he could do for Torchwood, Ianto could smell the rich aroma that was Jack. At that time the sensation was suppressed by fear and concentration, but in the rush of catching the pterodactyl he felt pure excitement, almost joy. So when they rolled over and he ended up on top of Jack, noses touching, mouths breathing into each other, he didn't think about Lisa, or the job, he was there, just breathing, not moving. Gravity was pulling him down towards Jack, who was expecting his move, but reality hit him hard, so he got up and walked away from that man. He didn't want to plead anymore. When Jack said he got the job he almost wept on the spot, but he just kept on walking, pretending.
He hadn't even thought about it 'till this moment, but now he stripped his memory from his own emotions and focused solely on Jack. His gestures and expressions, that he learned to read in meantime. Now he could clearly see that Jack was hooked, he wanted more of him, laughing and rolling. 'Till now, he just hadn't cared about what Jack wanted.
He stretched out in bed, satisfied. He was convinced that he could get Jack and that it wouldn't be too hard. After all, he'd made him wait a pretty long time. But now another doubt appeared in his mind. If he reached out and got himself some Jack, could he follow through, or would he hesitate, back down. That wouldn't be good, would it?
Then, he closed his eyes and pictured Jack leaning towards him. The instant shortness of breath, and excitement surprised him. The lack of air was an awakening experience so he let himself linger in it. The night was filled with warm and inviting dreams. Lisa didn't visit him that night at all. She kept her distance.