Beta-ed by GlassSplinter
Spoiler alert: Fragments, Cyberwoman
Something was different with Ianto that day. Jack couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it was his imagination but it seemed like he was even better looking than usual. It seemed like he had gotten over the 'behind your back' routine and replaced it with a 'can you see me' attitude. It must've been accidental, nothing Ianto would plan, or would he? If he did, it was a twisted way of punishing him, because he actually enjoyed the view. Stretching, leaning, bending, it was all very welcome, and after a century of lovers and disappointments Jack was able to just enjoy the beautiful sight. After all, they all looked different from a closer position. It took years but they all revealed their fearful and angry side. After they got to know him anger and fear eventually faded away, but only to be replaced with resentment, envy, and accusations. He couldn't really grow old with someone, and that seemed to make a world of difference to many. He didn't grow old fast enough for anyone to see, except himself, and that was too much for vanity of his lovers. He couldn't contain himself in one place and one person so the arguments went on, and on.
It was easier back in the days before the Doctor, before Rose, before the immortality. He was playful and young, and was able to admire and adore almost anything in sight. Centuries later he still played the role, but too much time has roll over him to truly be that innocent in search for flesh and lust. In the first years after the Doctor abandoned him, the anger had consumed him, and he'd been roaming for lovers to punish him and with the others, he pretended he didn't care, that the Doctor hadn't changed him in more ways than simply taking his mortality from him. When those emotions started to drift away from him, he was standing in the middle of Torchwood, tied down by the very same contracts that had granted him freedom. He was spotted, exposed, and even if he wasn't able to stay dead, that didn't give him super strength, or immunity to pain. On the contrary he discovered that far worse things could happen to him than to people that could die. Sooner or later death would come and deliver them from pain. He didn't have that luxury. That's why Torchwood owned him, and he did what they asked him to do.
He wasn't too eager at first, he worked without emotions, like his acts weren't his own, but time had its way of lingering on. As time went on and on, he felt more and more uneasy by some of the things he had to do. For some of them, no matter how horrible they were, he knew the reason, he understood what was at stake, and he just knew it had to be done. For those kinds of things he would put on his smile and carry it through. He felt the burden, and the guilt of that, but times, and resources were limited, the lack of technology was a big factor. That wasn't easy to accept for a limitless 51st century man, but he wasn't in the 51st century anymore. He was stuck, stranded in a year without street lamps, let alone anything else. But time went on and it didn't just take people away; it also brought lamps, electricity and all that wonderful technology. He wouldn't ever again take for granted simple things like radiators and toilets.
Other things he didn't like, and didn't understand, or couldn't find justification for, those kinds of things he started to fight. Sometimes secretly, sometimes openly, but he was taking little steps towards improvement. Towards something he could be proud of. And there were things he was proud to do.
So in time, as the peoples' minds began to change into something almost modern to him, he started to do his job at Torchwood Institute with purpose and meaning. Such was the state of his mind when he found all of his colleagues dead, killed by their leader. Before that he almost felt the joy of a meaningful existence. Torchwood was the closest thing to home he had on Earth, everything else just faded away. That's why he didn't just burn his personal files and run. He had the technology at hand, and he knew how to use it, but still he stayed. However small and before his time, this time and space became his time and space. He didn't just wait for Doctor anymore; he was doing something he could show to the Doctor when he shows up. Or could he? Would the Doctor be proud of this, he wondered through his tears. No, he knew instantly, there were too many compromises, too many sacrifices, too much fear. He would have to do it all over again, from scratch, like it should be, for the Doctor. In that moment he realised he forgave Doctor his departure.
So he went out in search for people, the right kind of people, the ones that would understand. The ones who could feel the need to do right thing, who could care so deeply that they would care for someone they don't understand, for someone who is literally alien, and courageous enough not to stand down in fear. He went out and found them. He was patient, looking for events that would light up someone from within, so that their actions showed their true measurements.
First it was Tosh, turning the world upside down for her mother. It didn't bother him that it was called terrorism at the time. She had done it from love, she'd defied fear, and made the impossible possible, turning the world a little bit closer to Doctor. And it was beautiful. Leaving someone like that in a cell, that was the crime, not saving someone you love.
Later on came Owen with his passion for life, with his love, his loving heart that he hid underneath his cynicism. Jack didn't mind that, because he saw him, he saw his dedication, and sorrow. His will to save others. He needed that, true drive to keep people alive. Most men didn't really understand the need to keep living.
How could he get it so wrong with Suzie, he looked at the trail of blood that took him back to her. The fierceness he had once admired had turned into a cold unsympathetic heart; her determination into obsession. Her almost shy withdrawn nature turned out to be separation from others, coldness towards life and death, even her own.
Luckily that led him to Gwen. He would never have found her by himself. She was hidden beneath her little uniform, buried under hundreds of little tasks. She was all so ordinary, Gwen Cooper, but she was exactly what they weren't, and what they needed. With her compassion, her determinations of what was right and wrong. She stood up to him, defied him, even learned his secret, she saw it with her own eyes. It didn't make him any bigger in her eyes and he needed that, to feel normal. It was comforting to have somebody to stop him when he went too far. He had lived too long not to ignore small steps and the people that stood in the way.
Finally there was Ianto. Jack put the pictures back in the folder; he didn't want to look at them anymore. Instead he stared at Ianto, who was cleaning something at the bottom of the kitchen and was leaning just right. Jack smiled; maybe he was doing that just to brighten him up. If he was, it was a success. Ianto was different than the others; Jack didn't have that kind of clean overview of Ianto. Maybe it was because of his closed up exterior, or maybe it was because Ianto was always one step ahead of him. He would only think about his coat, and Ianto would already have it in his hand, or his coffee, file, or telephone. That's why he so rarely had an opportunity to stop and look at him, to really see him.
That might be it. That and the fact that Jack didn't find Ianto, didn't have the chance to form an opinion of him before he was spotted. Ianto found him, and spinned him around until he complied to his demands. He did that in the end out of pure child like playfulness he hadn't felt in years. Let's see what would happen, he thought to himself, imagining wild sex and conquest, he surely didn't expect a Cyberwoman in the basement. Ianto came in and became an invisible part of the hub, okay, not invisible, rather an enjoyable sight for sore eyes, but just a sight. Even though he was madly efficient, Jack didn't really think of him as a part of his team. He was just an employee. After all, he only got to see the suit, and some small smiles.
Ironically, it was only after the reveal of Lisa, and her death, that Jack started to consider Ianto as part of his team. Sure it looked like betrayal, it felt like betrayal, but in fact it was a stepping stone of trust, the kind that the others have passed before joining. It was an attempt of terrorism, like the one that Toshiko did for her mother. He endangered them all, but that wasn't his intention. It was a desperate try to save someone you love, like Owen had tried for his fiancé. And in midst of it all, when he was discovered, he charged at him with a full on righteous rage, that even Gwen wouldn't easily match. Through that long and terrible day, Ianto showed himself for the first time, and all the love, compassion, and courage that Torchwood needs was there to see. He didn't like to think on the angry words that Ianto had said that night; they stirred something inside old captain Jack, desires and needs that never really get fed, not really. That's why he would've rather worked than persuade shadows that always turned into something cold and distant. That's why Jack turned away from Ianto who was stretching to reach something, and got back to action.