Spoiler alert: They Keep Killing Suzie

Beta-ed: GlassSplinter

While Ianto was driving Suzie's body down to the morgue he thought about this long day, night, and new day. He didn't feel exhausted like he should. He felt alive. He'd never before appreciated what being alive meant, because once you step out through those gates of death, there's no turning back, not unless you're some kind of a monster, freak, or at least a thief of life.

He considered Suzie, who lay before him, and he felt no compassion for her. She was the person who couldn't love, she didn't even love herself. Ianto didn't understand why she would want to live like that, because life without love was barely liveable. He should know.

The day before began ordinarily. He thought about ways to cross his path with Jack's, but nothing seemed to fit. He was convinced that it was just daydreaming, that he wouldn't really act upon it, but then Owen asked about a cool name for the glove. He was good at that, word games, so he spoke up. The others were surprised, and so was he. But the name stuck, and he was quite pleased with that. He was heard. Then he was standing with his stopwatch in the medical bay, part of a team. Nobody asked him to fetch a coffee, and he had a task. Of course then Owen had to put him down, but his comment missed the target.

"Give Ianto a stopwatch and he's happy." Ianto smiled, that sarcasm of his was becoming something familiar.

"It's a button on the top," he replied, and a curious thought came into his mind. His mouth curved into a little smile, and his eyes touched Jack. Why not, he thought to himself.

When they went out to find out more about Suzie Costello, Ianto sat down, and started a new list. Not a list of groceries, or a list of chores, he started a list of things you can do with a stopwatch. It was fun because it took quite careful steering to get to the one thing he wanted without losing control. Because Ianto wanted control, he wasn't going to plead for anything, but wouldn't mind if he got asked, politely. He smiled to himself.

He was in a good mood when they came back so he cleaned up the kitchen, it used up his energy very successfully. But Jack was watching, and that ruined his effort to focus.

In the medical bay, in midst of the efforts of waking up Suzie, he experienced a brief moment of fear. Jack stroked Gwen's hair. No, not her, she was all wrong for Jack, she wasn't what he needed. She was messing around with Owen, which meant that she liked to be better than others. No one can be better than Jack. You have to choose between them, and she did. She chose the "I'm so bad a person" routine. Besides, she challenged him too much. That was fine at work, but he was already too much in thought, too worried, too sad, like he's old. He needed somebody to cheer him up, to brighten the mood, to take care of him. She didn't have what it takes. It seemed like Jack knew that because the moment passed, and he let go like he always does.

Ok, Ianto thought, that was over reacting, it's not like he has all that takes, all that Jack needs. But at least he has his list, a little game, something fun that would brighten him up sometime in the future.

In the office, when Jack took out the knife, everyone looked at him expectantly, it was nice. He took a moment.

"Life... knife," he said thoughtfully and Jack looked pleased.

Ianto was pleased too, it seemed like his plan was working. But then Suzie stayed awake. He was holding his stopwatch; he didn't look at the fuss that started around Gwen. Jack jumped, then Owen jumped, but Ianto wasn't watching because he waited to press the button, only her heartbeat didn't stop. That drove the attention off Gwen, but also put Jack in an alert mod. That modus operandi was completely sexless. All his efforts went to waste, and that energy that he provoked in Jack was burned into anxiety and anger. At least that's what he thought.

He was rewarded for his word games, Jack didn't forget that. When they went looking for Max, Ianto took his ear piece and went to pick up the garbage. He didn't have a special desire to be near Suzie, and even less near Suzie and Tosh together again. They never had a good relationship, not only because of Owen, but more because there was a rivalry between them. Tosh was feeling like Suzie had cheated.

Ianto was pleased that he was alone when Jack put on a show for him. He could let himself smile and imagine that moment of prancing.

"That was for Ianto," he said loudly so that everyone could hear. "Risen mitten, life knife, and a good old fashioned stun gun."

You can stun me any day sir, Ianto thought to himself. He would later find footage from Owens video and savour that moment.